Blackbeard's Rugged Tampons

I am female.

I am not girly. I am desperately ungirly. I look good in pink, but I feel guilty about it. For various reasons*, I would sooner belly-crawl through broken glass than buy anything marketed "for girls!" or "for women!" And I resent the fact that feminine products have me, as it were, by the short hairs in this regard.

And so, a year or so ago, I decided that I wanted a new brand of tampon. Something that was not girly, that was not pastel, that did not have flowers, and which did not make my ovaries curl up and die of shame. I do not mind having a period--I'd rather not, but eh, goes with the territory--but I detest the marketing.

It's time for a rugged new brand. A brand no one will ever call "girly." A brand you can take to the checkout counter and meet the clerk's eye while you buy it, and if they say a word, you have 'em tied to the mast and flogged.

Blackbeard the Pirate's Rugged Tampons. A product you can trust, from a name you can't!
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You can buy prints of this for $10 and $20, plus shipping. You almost certainly won't, I realize, unless you have a penchant for bathroom decor that sends your houseguests out of the room looking slightly green, but on the off chance that you are that strange person, you can send me a note or visit [link] to order!

(Yes, yes, booty jokes, I know...)

*The fact I wasn't allowed to have a Skeletor action figure as a child being chief among them...