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Well, I started this one a while back, but just finished it last night. I hit the writing zone and went crazy on this one, writing over half of it in one sitting, though I was late getting to bed by the time I was done. I finished revising a few things this morning, so I'll hopefully be getting to some notes I need to respond to after work today.

This idea sprung to mind from a combination of this picture: [link] , and the Setsudankanja works of :iconyomerome:, as well as a healthy overdose of D&D at the time. I was trying to think of some way to imperil a certain monk/sorceress character in my game in a rather kinky way, so the 'demon straitjacket' idea came to mind. I figured I'd test it on some random victim first, though, so, here we are!

As always, comments are greatly appreciated and encouraged. Let me know what you think!
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© 2011 - 2021 UrbanSniper
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Gagged-Goblin's avatar
I really do like this story, though I do have some issues with it. Nothing game-breaking, as I love the characters, the dialogue and the bondage. But it isn't flawless.

For one, I agree with LithiumLoki in that the beginning really did not give me a clear first image of what was going on. You really have to quickly establish the characters and where they are. Even a passing comment near the beginning would have helped tons. But instead it feels like a good few paragraphs before we get some specifics.

Second, and this is more important, is that the payoff here is kinda lackluster. The language of both characters suggests that they'll be stick together for a while, maybe even for eternity. So the audience is expecting for them to have some kind of co-dependent relationship. But Zugeln takes a back seat while Mimiko does all the heavy lifting. She fights the cultists and she has to run away while Zugeln just comes off as a parasite. While Zug does provide some short-term energy to Mimiko and might even increase her strength, that's thrown out the window when it's revealed that Mimiko's lust isn't an infinite energy source. It would have been more satisfying if maybe they had to realize that they were stuck together and have to continually have sex to stay alive. Or hell, maybe even have the straitjacket manifest belts to use as whips in the fight scene. Anything would have been better than Zugeln just kinda being a lazy character.

I know I just ragged on this hard, but I still do love this. Maybe a sequel could be nice.
lacroixbelmont's avatar
One of the best and most creative storys I've read in this category on DA. Great job and I'd love to read more if there were possible continuations.
I can give you some constructive criticism if you'd like.

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I didn't read the whole piece (although I did favorite it to finish the story later, because I happened to get far enough into it to see that there is an intriguing situation here that I might want to read more about.  I might be motivated to draw some scenes from this scenario.

But to be frank, while the situation is intriguing, I don't see enough authoral authority here to convince me that the rest of the story will be interesting.  For one thing, it took so long to get to the point that I found intriguing that I wonder if there will be enough after that point or whether it will be more of "Oh, this is terrible!  I hate it!  This is terrible!" etc.

What you need to do is tell me what is happening as soon as you can.  Let me at least see something so I can orient my minds eye.  Adjectives should be used when they mean something.  "Dark brown" is a good adjective.  "Terrible" is usually a terrible adjective.

 Perhaps something like this would be a better way to get started.  Good luck with your writing:  

    "You're not serious, are you?"  Mikimo subvocalized this as she staggered in dark brown high heeled boots over another of the many ridges intersecting the path through the Kettleman Forest.  They were too tight, and squeezed her toes.  The boots were sewn to leather leggings connecting them with a straitjacket that held her arms tightly strapped to her chest.  The inner portion of her thighs was exposed by this garment, and her crotch was only covered by a leather strap that ran from the front of her waist to the back of her waist, buckled firmly into place.

This garment was possessed by a demon, who communicated telepathically with Mikimo:  "You honestly think that I want to be stuck like this?  No self-respecting demon would ever want to be bonded to a mortal like this; this is sooooo degrading…oh, if anyone from home finds out, I'll be the laughing stock of the Abyss!  How do you think I feel? ...
GreyRoseMistress's avatar
*worships this piece* I approve! This was sexy, compelling and hilarious! I LOVE their personalities and the way that you brought them to life. :) Great work!
UrbanSniper's avatar
Why thank you! I really appreciate the kind words, and I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much.
UrbanSniper's avatar
There is a part two to the story, here: [link] . I've not managed to write anything beyond that yet.
ShadowxScarlet109's avatar
krioss's avatar
very awesome story, i liked it

will there be more?
UrbanSniper's avatar
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it!

Yeah, I'm hoping to get more of her story done eventually; just can't say for certain when, though.
krioss's avatar
cool, well i look forward to reading it when you create it

like the image that was made to go with it ^^
A charcter without the use of their arms might slow things down a bit, but once we get around it, the idea of two completely conflicting charcters in a situation like this could go a long way. I just hope that town doesen't have any decent mages...
UrbanSniper's avatar
True, but that's also part of their fun dynamic. And yes, I'll go ahead and say that that town doesn't have any mages who could help her
yomerome's avatar
Impressive work!
tommerch's avatar
A different, yet appropriate, demon-binding-and-possession outfit. The interaction between the two is also very promising, too. I enjoyed this.

Thos. Merchant
UrbanSniper's avatar
Thanks for reading! Always a pleasure to see a happy customer, lol
Very interesting idea.
Love the idea of it. A possessed straightjacket and leather to boot, I love it.
UrbanSniper's avatar
Squeal? Or sequel? No to the first, most likely to the second.
The second is what I meant, and that is very good to hear
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