|"You know better than I. You know the way."|
They say age is only a number, that you're never too old to learn or accomplish anything...but lately I've been feeling insecure about the fact that I'm now 30 years old and don't have a whole lot to show for it.
I graduated from college, but so far I haven't been able to do much with my degree, and I still have a long way to go paying back the debts I accumulated.
I have a job, but it's not my dream job and my hours have been woefully cut, even though I try my best and haven't done anything really wrong (to my knowledge). I would have quit a long time ago, except I don't have another job to fall back on (and I didn't get this job so easily, either) and this place covers my medical insurance, so I'm not that eager to cut ties.
I'm making fairly good progress on paying back my college debts (even if my family had to chip in more than once), but I haven't got much money for anything else. So I'm left with a puny nest egg, and I'd be totally sunk if my mom wasn't nice enough to let me live with her. I don't mind living at home that much, I even like having my mom and siblings to come home to, but it still gets to me how poor I really am. I can't really go out and do anything, and I don't have many friends to do anything with.
I'm not married or dating; every guy in my vicinity is either too old, too young, or has somebody else. And I don't believe in online dating, either; I want somebody I can see up close and personal.
I'm an aunt, but due to some unfortunate family affairs, I hardly get to see my niece or nephews these days.
And I'm painfully, painfully slow with my art and writings. I've yet to publish anything officially, my talent isn't that outstanding, and a part of me wonders if I'm just wasting my time and energy. Of course, I won't stop drawing or writing, but that little voice still whispers, "Why do you even bother?"
I always tell people to hang in there, to not give up. But I could use that kind of advice myself right now.
Sometimes you have to have your own words of encouragement repeated back to you.
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