unenglishable

Well, it's not perfect, but I think it was a fair choice.  Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

I've thought about your suggestion for a while and I think I've come up with a reason why I should keep it the way it is.

That particular clause is supposed to be sort of droning and mindless to mirror the mindless intent of the ones doing the rebuilding and reclaiming.  In effect, it enhances the intended theme of doom brought about by people refusing to see the truth and blindly doing what generations before have done.

Thank you for the critique.  This poem is brief, yes, but I feel it conveys all that I intended.  As with many other poems, it will require quite a bit of interpretation and independent musing.

Could you please elaborate as to which instances of punctuation you are referring to as 'a little strange'?  I tend to blend conventional and unconventional techniques to create the effect I desire.  As such, I value artistic opinion, if you care to share yours.

Thank you for the critique.  On a side note, it is great to see that you have been able to keep up with such a large amount of work as a critic here.

I usually choose general poetry, as my work is usually neither fiction nor non-fiction, which is strange to think about at times.  This poem, however, would probably fall closer to the fiction side.  Though it contains my forecast for the future, which is based on observations of real events, it is quite fanciful.

Thank you for the critique.  I agree that in proper English, your grammatical suggestions are correct; and I do keep to them very strictly in standard context.

However, in writing poetry, I find an absolute sense of freedom.  I don't need to make damn sure I am understood and I can write about whatever I want without the judgement of people who are physically around me.  It is in this spirit of freedom that I choose how to phrase my stanzas and in what way I choose to use the tools of the trade; which include but are not limited to:  whitespace, punctuation, grammar, and even spelling.

It is in this context that I must disagree with what you deem grammatically correct or incorrect.  To allude to visual art, it is like telling a painter that paint can only be applied to a canvas through the use of a paintbrush.

Please don't get me wrong.  I'm not trying to argue my point here, I am just trying to explain my point of view.  I am all too familiar with the nuances of grammar.  In fact, I am quite proud of my abilities in this category.  To me, it is very exciting to challenge the current state of things.  Ask yourself, "Why are these the conventions?  Do they have to be like this?  What makes this the 'right' or 'wrong' way?  (Isn't it arbitrary?)  In the grand scheme of the universe, does it even matter?"

The last question is rather existential, but you get what I mean right?

Thank you for your input, I really do value your opinion (otherwise, I would not take so much care in responding).  I hope it makes more sense to you now that these are not mistakes.  If not, c'est la vie