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Name of Image Restoration by CharmQuarkName of Image


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Name of Image Comfort in the Past        Comfort in the Past
        I promised myself I'd never go back to the sun-dappled clearing in the woods, just east of Larringdale.  Yet, here I was, walking towards it as if nothing had ever happened.  I wasn't nervous because the forest surrounding it was dangerous, or forbidden; it was just that my heart wasn’t ready to remember her. Being near it tore at my insides, reminding me of a past so painful and raw that it hurt to think about.  But I couldn't run from it any longer than I could the passing of time.  It was a part of who I was, a law of sorts, and I needed to accept it. That was why I'd come back here.  To remember, and finally move forward with my life.
        It had been four years since our last meeting, and every moment of our parting felt as real to me now, as it had done back then.  The image of Siara’s tear
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Name of Image Comfort in the Past by 42LyName of Image


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Name of Image Comfort Amongst The Stars by mikarose14Name of Image


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Name of Image Light and DarkThe power of a pure heart relieves sorrow and pain.
Touch the stars in the sky; live your dreams now and here.
There is nothing to achieve or to settle: everything is nothing - nothing is everything.
Forget beginning and end, age and death:
You are everything - everything is in you:
Think "happiness" and you are happy.
But hatred is a vile disease
that twists around the heart,
piercing its pulpy flesh,
inserting a cancerous growth.
Eating away all hope and love
leaving nothing behind-the great nothing that ends all.
Do not be afraid of the dark, the hatred -
Because it can be brighter than every day.
Seek your way in dark, winding depths:
Suddenly you see that the light dawns and the darkness gives way.
The truth and the light are always moving forward to enlighten you,
To reveal to you what is written at the bottom of your path.
It is said that if one finds oneself in the dark
one should keep going
but the darkness never truly goes away
It remains as a dark stain
That cannot be wash a
Name of Image

:iconh01plz::iconh02plz::iconh03plz::iconh04plz:
Name of Image Light and DarkThe power of a pure heart relieves sorrow and pain.
Touch the stars in the sky; live your dreams now and here.
There is nothing to achieve or to settle: everything is nothing - nothing is everything.
Forget beginning and end, age and death:
You are everything - everything is in you:
Think "happiness" and you are happy.
But hatred is a vile disease
that twists around the heart,
piercing its pulpy flesh,
inserting a cancerous growth.
Eating away all hope and love
leaving nothing behind-the great nothing that ends all.
Do not be afraid of the dark, the hatred -
Because it can be brighter than every day.
Seek your way in dark, winding depths:
Suddenly you see that the light dawns and the darkness gives way.
The truth and the light are always moving forward to enlighten you,
To reveal to you what is written at the bottom of your path.
It is said that if one finds oneself in the dark
one should keep going
but the darkness never truly goes away
It remains as a dark stain
That cannot be wash a
Name of Image

Featured





Name of Image
Logo designed by 007Balel
Up to four works of an artist selected weekly by the admins.

Name of ImageName of ImageName of Image

This week's feature is:
:iconlovemyscars:lovemyscars

The featured works are:
life is what you make it by lovemyscars depressionI sit and write
because I can't sleep at night;
wondering if the ghost of the past will return.
It concerns me to think I could be who I once was.
Drowning in my own tears.
Crying for help.
Take the spiral stairway for the revival of yourself.
As long as you move up, you're allowed to get dizzy.
And its easy knowing that hope beckons your name,
though from time to time you can get lost in its shadow.
Your soul can be weary,
your soul can be bleak,
but it can be hopeful,
and it can be proud.

the way I live
Even in the nights of suicidal thoughts,
my intentions are to live, not die.
To live without pain;
it's not applausable nor possible
unless you are dead.
Hearts lie around, broken.
You desperately attempt putting the pieces back,
thinking it will change the past,
thinking it's what you deserve,
unaware of the ability you have to change a life.
Take a token for the survival of the fittest.
Sometimes fitness is mental, but they don't care.
And some will never understand your trials and tribulations,
but it's your situation and it's in your hands.
You hold hope in your heart.
It goes everywhere and it's been hidden from the start
inside your prison of a body.
The light shelters itself in your rib-cage,
away from all the stress.
You believe it's nowhere to be found because you never open up.
You fear being ridiculed and mocked by a flock of angry seagulls.
You blame yourself as they fly high to avoid salt,
because you are the wide array of water,
and they fear drowning in the style of life
finding love by lovemyscars

Songs





Name of Image

Volume 2



When the Darkness Comes by Colbie Caillat
Underneath the echoes
Buried in the shadows
There you were

Drawn into your mystery
I was just beginning
To see your ghost
But you must know

I'll be here waiting
Hoping, praying that
The sky will guide you home
When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love
Hidden in the sun
For when the darkness comes

Now the door is open
The world I knew is broken
There's no return
Now my heart is not scared
Just knowing that you're out there
Watching me
So believe

I'll be here waiting
Hoping, praying that
The sky will guide you home
When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love
Hidden in the sun
For when the darkness comes

For when the darkness comes

Be here waiting
Hoping, praying that
The sky will guide you home
When you're feeling lost I'll leave my love
Hidden in the sun
For when the darkness comes

Hidden in the sun
For when the darkness comes







True Colours cover by Lucy Lawless
Different lyrics to what I'm used to, so will not post them.






The Unicorn Song by Irish Rovers
A long time ago when the earth was green,
and there was more kinds of animals than you've ever seen,
They'd run around free while the earth was being born,
But the loveliest of them all was the Unicorn.

Chorus
There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpty-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.

Now God seen some sinning and it gave Him pain,
And He says "Stand back, I'm going to make it rain."
He says "Hey brother Noah, I'll tell you what to do,
Build me a floating zoo. And take some of them...

Chorus 2
Green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpty-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
Don't you forget My Unicorn."

Old Noah was there to answer the call,
He finished up making the ark just as the rain started fallin.
He marched in the animals two by two,
And he called out as they went through, "Hey Lord, I got your..."

Chorus 3
Green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but Lord I'm so forlorn,
I just can't see no Unicorn."

Then Noah looked out through the driving rain,
Them Unicorns were hiding, playing silly games.
Kicking and splashing while the rain was pouring,
Oh them silly Unicorns.

Chorus 4
There were green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Noah cried "Close the door, cause the rain is pouring,
And we just can't wait for no Unicorn."

The ark started movin, it drifted with the tide.
Them Unicorns looked up from the rocks and they cried,
And the waters came down and sort of floated them away,
And that's why you'll never seen a Unicorn... to this very day.

Chorus 5
You'll see green alligators and long necked geese,
Some humpy-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born,
You're never gonna see no Unicorn.







Dying for You by Otto Knows ft Lindsey Stirling and Alex Aris
Somebody told me you had given up on your smile
That must mean you've been pretending now for a while
To me you don't have to keep hiding away who you are
Remember how we said together we would go far
Summer nights, side by side
Oh I know you remember how we laughed until we cried

[x2]
So when you're down and out from your troubled life
I will be dying for you, dying for you
When all you have is doubt, know that I'm around
I will be dying for you, dying for you

You kept on changing your colors to be someone else
But you know some paintings should never, ever be changed

Summer nights, side by side
Oh I know you remember how we laughed until we cried

[x2]
So when you're down and out from your troubled life
I will be dying for you, dying for you
When all you have is doubt, know that I'm around
I will be dying for you, dying for you

I will be dying for you, dying for you, dying for you
I will be dying for you, dying for you
I will be dying for you.







Inner Demons by Julia Brennan
They say don't let them in
Close your eyes and clear your thoughts again
When I'm all alone, they show up on their own
Cause inner demons fight their battles with fire
Inner demons don't play by the rules
They say "Just push them down, just fight them harder
Why would you give up on it so soon?"

So angels, angels please just keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
The demons they are there; they keep on fighting
Cause inner demons just won't go away
So angels please, hear my prayer
Life is pain, lifes not fair
So angels please; please stay here
Take the pain; take the fear

They say it won't be hard; they can't see the battles in my heart
But when I turn away
The demons seem to stay
Cause inner demons don't play well with angels
They cheat and lie and steal and break and bruise
Angels please protect me from these rebels
This is a battle I don't want to lose

So angels, angels please just keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
Cause the demons they are there; they keep on fighting
Cause inner demons just won't go away

Angels, angels please keep on fighting
Angels don't give up on me today
Cause the demons; they are there
They keep on fighting
Inner demons just won't go away

So angels please, hear my prayer
Life is pain; life's not fair
So angels please; please stay here
Take the pain; take the fear







Fight Song by Rachel Platten
Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep
Everybody's worried about me
In too deep
Say I'm in too deep (in too deep)
And it's been two years
I miss my home
But there's a fire burning in my bones
Still believe
Yeah, I still believe

And all those things I didn't say
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?

This is my fight song
Take back my life song
Prove I'm alright song
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

A lot of fight left in me

Like a small boat
On the ocean
Sending big waves
Into motion
Like how a single word
Can make a heart open
I might only have one match
But I can make an explosion

This is my fight song (Hey!)
Take back my life song (Hey!)
Prove I'm alright song (Hey!)
My power's turned on
Starting right now I'll be strong (I'll be strong)
I'll play my fight song
And I don't really care if nobody else believes
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me

No I've still got a lot of fight left in me







If Nobody Believed in You by Joe Nichols
Small religious part
I watched him take the two strike call"
He hadn't tried to swing at all.
I guess he'd had all that he could take,
He walked away, for goodness sake.
His father's voice was loud an' mean:
"You won't amount to anything."

That little boy quit tryin',
He just walked away.
There were teardrops on his face.
Tell me, how would you feel?
You'd probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.

That old man said: "One more try,
I know i'm not too old to drive.
I promise, son, i'll do my best,
This time, i'm gonna pass the test."
"Give me the keys, Dad, an' get in."
His father never drove again

That old man quit trying',
He just turned away.
An' there were teardrops on his face.
Tell me, how would you feel?
You'd probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.

We take His name out of the schools.
The lawyers say it breaks the rules.
Pledge of allegiance can't be read,
An' under God, should not be said.
I wonder how much He will take.
I just pray it's not too late.

What if God quit tryin',
He just turned away?
There were teardrops on his face?
Tell me, how would you feel?
You'd probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.

Tell me, how would you feel?
You'd probably give up too,
If nobody believed in you.







Heroes by Mans Zelmerlow
Don't tell the gods I left a mess
I can't undo what has been done
Let's run for cover
What if I'm the only hero left
You better fire off your gun
Once and forever
He said go dry your eyes
And live your life like there is no tomorrow, son
And tell the others
To go sing it like a hummingbird
The greatest anthem ever heard

We are the heroes of our time
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds
We are the heroes of our time
Hero-oes, O-oh
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds
Hero-oes O-oh

We are the heroes of our time
Hero-oes, O-oh
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds
Hero-oes O-oh

The crickets sing a song for you
Don't say a word, don't make a sound
It's life's creation
I make worms turn into butterflies
Wake up and turn this world around
In appreciation
He said I never left your side
When you were lost I followed right behind
Was your foundation
Now go sing it like a hummingbird
The greatest anthem ever heard
Now sing together

We are the heroes of our time
Hero-oes O-oh
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds
Hero-oes O-oh
We are the heroes

We keep dancing with the demons
You could be a hero

Now go sing it like a hummingbird
The greatest anthem ever heard
Now sing together

We are the heroes of our time
Hero-oes O-oh
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds
Hero-oes O-oh
We are the heroes of our time (You keep dancing)
Hero-oes O-oh (With the demons, you could be a hero)
But we're dancing with the demons in our minds (You keep dancing)
Hero-oes O-oh (With the demons, you could be a hero)

We are the heroes







Rise by Katy Perry
I won't just survive
Oh, you will see me thrive
Can't write my story
I'm beyond the archetype

I won't just conform
No matter how you shake my core
'Cause my roots—they run deep, oh

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in my veins
I know it, I know it
And I will not negotiate
I'll fight it, I'll fight it
I will transform

When, when the fire's at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They're whispering, "You're out of time,"
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don't be surprised
I will still rise

I must stay conscious
Through the madness and chaos
So I call on my angels
They say

Oh, ye of so little faith
Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Victory is in your veins
You know it, you know it
And you will not negotiate
Just fight it, just fight it
And be transformed

'Cause when, when the fire's at my feet again
And the vultures all start circling
They're whispering, "You're out of time,"
But still I rise

This is no mistake, no accident
When you think the final nail is in
Think again
Don't be surprised
I will still rise

Don't doubt it, don't doubt it
Oh, oh, oh, oh
You know it, you know it
Still rise
Just fight it, just fight it
Don't be surprised
I will still rise







Breathing by Majozi
Lyrics Unavailable, but clearly heard






Up
By Olly Murs featuring Demi Lovato
I drew a broken heart
Right on your window pane
Waited for your reply
Here in the pouring rain
Just breathe against the glass

Leave me some kind of sign
I know the hurt won't pass, yeah
Just tell me it's not the end of the line
Just tell me it's not the end of the line

I never meant to break your heart
Now I won't let this plane go down
I never meant to make you cry
I'll do what it takes to make this fly, oh
You gotta hold on
Hold on to what you're feeling
That feeling is the best thing
The best thing, alright
I'm gonna place my bet on us
I know this love is heading in the same direction
That's up

You drew a question mark
But you know what I want
I wanna turn the clock, yeah
Right back to where it was
So let's build a bridge, yeah
From your side to mine
I'll be the one to cross over
Just tell me it's not the end of the line
Just tell me it's not the end of the line

I never meant to break your heart
Now I won't let this plane go down
I never meant to make you cry
I'll do what it takes to make this fly, oh
You gotta hold on
Hold on to what you're feeling
That feeling is the best thing
The best thing, alright
I'm gonna place my bet on us
I know this love is heading in the same direction
That's up

Girl, I know we could climb back to where we were then
Feel it here in my heart
Put my heart in your hand
Well, I hope and I pray that you do understand
If you did, all you have to say is
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm waiting for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I never meant to break your heart
Now I won't let this plane go down (let this plane go down)
I never meant to make you cry
I'll do what it takes to make this fly, oh
You gotta hold on
Hold on to what you're feeling
That feeling is the best thing
The best thing, alright
I'm gonna place my bet on us
I know this love is heading in the same direction
That's up







Secrets by Good Charlotte
In the dark
In the darkness you will find
Dirty little secrets we all hide
Cause' we all have a darker side
A place we keep where no one else will find

Cause' everybody wants to hide their secrets away
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain
But I will stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
If you could dance with me through this rain
And we will fight, we’ll fight again, fight again

In the back, in the closets of your mind
Thats where skeletons and dirty secrets hide
And I'll rip out my insides
And leave them on display for you tonight

Cause' everybody wants to hide their secrets away
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain
But I will stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
If you could dance with me through this rain
And we will fight, we’ll fight again, fight again
(fight again, fight again)…

All my life I hide my secrets away,
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark
We all try to hide our secrets away,
In the dark, in the dark, in the dark

Stand up to the pain
Wake up and fight again
If you could dance with me through this rain
And we will fight, we’ll fight again, fight again
Fight again
Cause' everybody wants to hide their secrets away
And that’s ok
Nobody wants to stand up to the pain
Fight again







Fear by Pauley Perrette
Are you scared of the dark
Are you afraid they’ll break your heart
Are you afraid you’ll lose yourself
Are you afraid of your own health

Are you scared to lose
Are you afraid to choose
Are you afraid you’ll win
Are you scared of your own sin

Are you scared to forgive
Are you afraid to live
Are you afraid to die
Do you think you told a lie

Chorus:
To live
When you think you’re dying
To laugh
When you feel like crying
To stand
When you think you’re gonna fall
It’s just fear after all
It’s only fear after all

Are you afraid you’ll be alone
Are you scared to pick up the phone
Are you scared of the past
Do you think that you might crash
Do you think you’re in too deep

Are you afraid to sleep
Are you scared there’s no stability
Are you afraid of your own fragility

To live
When you think you’re dying
To laugh
When you feel like crying
To stand
When you think you’re gonna fall
It’s just fear after all
It’s only fear after all

To mend
When you’re think you’re breaking
To strength
When you know you’re shaking
To pray
When your back’s against the wall

It’s only fear after all

Are you scared of the end
Are you scared to begin
Are you scared of the start
Do you think they’ll break your heart
Do you think they’ll break your heart

To live
When you think you’re dying
To laugh
When you feel like crying
To stand
When you think you’re gonna fall
It’s just fear after all
It’s only fear after all

It’s only fear
The only fear is fear itself
The only fear is fear itself
The only fear is fear itself
It’s only fear



Though-Prayer-Wish





Name of Image

:bulletpurple: MagicalJoey
- Health problems (sugar issues, eye issues)
- Financial issues (getting better)

:bulletpurple: qwibes
- Dealing with some setbacks

:bulletpurple: DarlingAngel0565
- Health and sanity issues

:bulletpurple: 8TeamFriends8
- Severe financial issues

Letters To...





Name of Image


From: MagicalJoey

Dear Self-Destructive Ego-State

Though I talk to the “Higher Being” a lot about you I don’t talk to you, and that is purposeful; the less I mention you the more chance I have of forgetting your horrid existence. Even in prayers or desperate cries I only refer to you as ‘it’. “God what is the purpose of having ‘IT’”, “God what should I learn from ‘IT’”. IT. IT. IT, I never mention your name because I am afraid of your power.

I don’t need to mention your name when explaining our relationship to people. In that instance all I need to say is ‘this’ and show my arms where you kissed me sweetly oh so long ago. They look, some not seeing until I reiterate ‘this’ and point to a specific seduction, and nod in recognition of you. But they don’t know me. They don’t know the relationship we had, how I still miss you terribly and how I wish for just one more kiss – even if it is the accidental kiss of death. Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to murder me, I just acknowledge that there is a possibility – which is why I had to abandon you three years ago.

I met you during an extra-ordinary internal emotional dance. I was 14 and a wallflower drowned out by emotion erupting internally and scorching my heart and soul. I could not open my mouth to speak my pain and you saw that. You swept in like a dashing prince, cloak billowing behind him. I was blinded by that charm that promised peace, that offered me a voice. I accepted your open hand and we were married forthwith, no ceremony except the line of light cute upon my foot. We were officially together, forever, and I definitely never mentioned your name, even though you were my reality. I never looked beyond your kiss to the possibility of consequences, of addiction, of such utter hopelessness that I would be begging you, my saviour, to be my salvation in death. And I still could not utter your name.

I speak now to Depression, a companion for as long as I can remember. You’ve been with me, enhancing my mood with your tentacles of darkness. Whenever I tried making friends you would encircle me in a fall of feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, pathetic-ness, and, so, with my self-esteem so low it wasn’t even the size of a grain of sand, I would stand there, embarrasses, until I was the one to turn and run in fear with you following behind in utter glee, cackling like the witch of mirth. You encircled me with that wall from my earliest peer experience and eventually I gave up trying to befriend anyone other than you, but you could not be tamed as a friend. You could never be trusted – especially when you put up your own walls against yourself. You became a darkly mysterious companion, aloof yet exceptionally jealous.

You placed your hands over my eyes and I had to look through your splayed fingers at the world. Everything was jaded, tainted, and I did not know because that was what I was used to. I saw the world as a dark, scary, lonely, unhappy place from where you anointed me at birth until I realised that others did not share this view. You have been my longest companion, you you are still unpredictable and easily excited.

I refused to acknowledge your existence until I was about twenty, but by then both you and your dashing brother-in-arms ‘Self Harm’ had me firmly caught. My self-esteem was so low that I needed both of you to survive – rather survive in solitude than die alone.

Do you have any idea what you stole from me? The friends I could have had? The life I could have lived? Brave instead of always scared. Never surrounded by people yet alone, but surrounded by people and having fun. I could have had friends at school – people to talk to instead of the imaginary people from books. I could have been invited to birthdays instead of hearing about them afterwards. I was so good at keeping you a secret to myself I could have kept a friend’s secret easily, but you gave me no chance. You chained me to one spot while the other children danced and moved around me. You rendered me powerless. Unable to join them, unable to look away, always longing and yearning for a friend.

And if you did let me have one, you had made sure that, by causing my emotions to not mature at the same rate as my mind, I would do some emotionally childish thing and they would leave. I went for 19 YEARS without a friend who could stick by my side despite you FFS. I am now 26 – that is more than half my life utterly alone and dependant on you. And now I am so freaking scared of doing the wrong thing or saying the wrong thing that I sabotage the whole thing. Because of you I am so terrorfied of losing friends that I am perpetually on the outside loking at a group of people wondering ‘what if’. I can at least own up to you by name now. You are Depression. I have you as an illness. Though you still have so much control. At the moment you own me. However, no matter how many layers of Hell I have to go through, I will own you before I die naturally. You’re like a giant squid with inky tentacles everywhere in my life. You’ve had me for 26 years ffs can’t you let me go now? Oh I am working on prying you loose; medication is in my system, I have identified that you like to isolate me, I know how to change one of your thoughts into a positive. I just have to work on identifying those damn thoughts. But you can be controlled and one day I will be the one in control and not you. One. Damn. Day.

I refer back to Self-Harm, Depression’s dashing friend. From the first time I saw you at 14 you became the voice of my emotions. The voice of those things I could never utter – what depression hid behind my smile. The smile started to work via clockwork – I needed you to wind it yo or else it would fail. And so I relied on you more and more. Scars on feet let to scars on shoulders and then arms. Four times you kissed too deeply and I needed stitches. I began to realise the danger of letting you near me. I was sent for help, for your friend Depression, and would not admit that I had a problem. You laughed and kicked back for a long luxurious stay. But I foiled your plans by admitting to Depression and seeking help – from someone who then knew about you. And still I never spoke your name, I just had to show old would, or a new one with the caption, “I did ‘IT’ again”. If I say who you are it makes you real.

I’ve already triggered my brain so there is no reason to stop now. Graphics warning.

I loved the way you accepted me. You were always there – a lover and a friend. I would watch your kisses open my skin and as the thin dots of blood beaded all my pain would leave. I could breathe again. The pressure beating inside was gone. My body had spoken what I could not. And as you kissed over and over again I would finally feel the pain I deserved, the pain I needed, the pain even Depression with its numbing balm refused to let me feel. Your kisses brought a smile to my face. The pain healed my heart. The blood was like dancing with life itself. And then you became dangerous.

A couple of small kisses no longer brought that painful release from pain, and I began wanting you when I was in a decent internal shape. I no longer just wanted the healing pain; I just wanted pain.

That’s when the stitches began, officially, as you had to dive deeper for the same pain as before. After trying to use your dashing face in place of the reaper’s, I put you down. Locked you away and have fought to keep you locked away ever since. I still do not speak your name.

If I speak your name it makes you real. It means that the dashing man turns into a devil. It makes you a hinder, not a help. It makes our relationship a lie. A scam. A con.

You have been my closest and dearest friend since I was 14, and the last three years, as I abandoned you, you have desperately tried to cling on, digging your claws deep into memories of the sweet, affectionate kisses. My mind can’t let go of the darker kisses and so I reject you, painful as it is. Let me now speak truthfully of you – your name as it means to me. I am a cutter. I am a burner. I do not suffer from ‘IT’, I suffer from Self-Harm. I hurt myself on purpose. I cut. I burn.

I’ve said it and made you real. Now piss off and let me live.

Me.

P.S. Stop your tricky little mind games. Every time my self-esteem tales a snail-step of courage forward you, Depression, are there with your mocking laugh and pointing fingers. You give me wishes that are toxic and thoughts that are negative. Then Self-Harm swoops in to save the day with all the answers. Seriously, piss off. Get your own life. Get a room.

Piss off out of my head.


Deviants

Affiliates

:iconmy-soul-bleeds-ink: My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink We write; it's who we are. :icondaheadcases: DAheadCases Helping with mental health :iconi-am-not-good-enough: I-Am-Not-Good-Enough :iconsuicidesupport: Suicidesupport We are here to serve you. :iconbleedingartists: BleedingArtists show us your scars :iconanothercontestgroup: AnotherContestGroup Sharing new contests every day!! :iconcollaborativeminds: CollaborativeMinds Let's Collaborate and Listen :icona-safe-haven: A-Safe-Haven :iconprojectdfc: ProjectDFC The DFC Crew :iconordinary-writing: Ordinary-Writing -The definition of Prose- :iconamateurartistarmy: AmateurArtistArmy Beginner/AmateurArtist :iconlight-and-hope: Light-and-Hope There is always hope :iconourdreamswillcome: OurDreamsWillCome Where everyone is welcome! :iconspreading-awareness: Spreading-Awareness Because the world needs to know. :iconactuallypsychotic: ActuallyPsychotic :iconscarsbybullying: ScarsByBullying Support Starts Here :iconroad-to-recovery: Road-to-Recovery Overcome <3 :iconburdenedhearts: BurdenedHearts Uniting, Supporting, Surviving :iconthelifeofwords: thelifeofwords Welcome,to,this,group,writing,do :iconpoetry-on-the-mind: Poetry-on-the-mind :iconfree2bu: Free2BU You Beautiful You :icondepression-abyss: Depression-Abyss into the Abyss. :icongetoverdepression: GetOverDepression Get Over Depression G.O.D. :iconharmed-and-healing: Harmed-and-Healing You have our support :iconchildren-at-heart: Children-at-heart Closed ♡ :iconwe-are-here-to-stay: we-are-here-to-stay take care :iconpainful-and-poetic: Painful-And-Poetic Broken~Beautiful~Getting better :iconmentalillnesssupport: MentalIllnessSupport Recovery is possible :iconliterature-world: Literature-World All Writers Welcome! :iconstop-the-suffering: Stop-the-Suffering You're not alone. We care

About the Admins





Name of Image

:iconmagicaljoey:MagicalJoey
:bulletblue: She suffers from Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Mood Disorder.
:bulletblue: She was wrongly diagnosed as Schizophrenic and given the wrong medication for over a year.
:bulletblue: She has experience with self-harm
:bulletblue: She has experience with suicidal thoughts, feelings and attempts.
:bulletblue: She has minor experience with Bulimia, Anorexia, and binge eating.
:bulletblue: She has suffered from a miscarriage.
:bulletblue: She has experience with family members with Dementia or Alzheimers.
:bulletblue: She has experience with family members with Social Phobia.
:bulletblue: She has experience with minor panic attacks.
:bulletblue: She has experience with mild OCD.
:bulletblue: She has PCOS (Poly-Cystic-Ovarian-Syndrome)
:bulletblue: She has experience with both Insomnia and Over-sleeping.
:bulletblue: You can note her if you need to talk.

:icondiluculi:Diluculi
:bulletpurple: She has managed to overcome Depression.
:bulletpurple: She befriends people suffering from severe Mental Illnesses as well as Depression.
:bulletpurple: She has personal experience with suicidal thoughts and dealing with suicidal people.
:bulletpurple: You can note her if you need to talk.

:icondarlingangel0565:DarlingAngel0565 (Currently Away)
:bulletpink: She suffers from severe Depression
:bulletpink: She has experience with physical and mental abuse.
:bulletpink: She has experience with self harm
:bulletpink: She has experience with suicidal thoughts, tendencies and attempts.
:bulletpink: She has experience with sexual assault and rape.
:bulletpink: She suffers from night terrors.
:bulletpink: She suffers from Insomnia
:bulletpink: She suffers from Anxiety and Panic attacks
:bulletpink: You can note her if you need to talk.

:iconmaggotsx: MaggotsX
:bulletorange: He suffers from Depression, Social Anxiety, and Bipolar Disorder.
:bulletorange: He suffers from paranoia, hallucinations, post-traumatic stress.
:bulletorange: He is a lapsed Catholic/Methodist who suffers spiritual doubt.
:bulletorange: He suffers from regret and low self worth.
:bulletorange: He has lost loved ones.
:bulletorange: He has experience with illicit drug abuse.
:bulletorange: He has experience with self-starvation and bodily shutdown.
:bulletorange: He has experience with mental institutions.
:bulletorange: He has experience with suicidal thoughts, helping others with them.
:bulletorange: He has experience with over-medication.
:bulletorange: You can note him if you need to talk.

:iconkiwi-damnation: kiwi-damnation

:bulletred: She suffers from Complex PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
:bulletred: She suffers from Psychogenic Seizures (Non-Epileptic Seizures)
:bulletred: She suffers from Hemiplegic Migraines
:bulletred: She has experienced narcissistic abuse, child abuse and sexual assault.
:bulletred: She has experienced homelessness.
:bulletred: She has experienced an early term miscarriage.
:bulletred: She has experience with suicidal ideation, thoughts and actions
:bulletred: She has experience with self-harm and self sabotage
:bulletred: She is here for whatever you need.

Three New Songs

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 26, 2018, 6:22 PM


Name of Image

:tighthug: Our "Creed" :tighthug:

Hello, you've reached a quiet place, a place where you can bare your heart or simply share your soul. We are all like you - problems and pain haunt and hurt us as they do you. We don't all have the same things that consume us, but still we understand your ghosts and the trouble you face daily hurt you deeply, as ours do to us. We know pain. We try help you face it. If you remember one thing about this place, remember this: No matter what you are living or have lived through, you are accepted.
YOU. ARE. ACCEPTED



:star::bulletblue::star: We need to save to upgrade to a super group again, as I have just upgraded us. Check the bottom of this journal for donation information. Please consider donating if you can - we can do so much more as a super group. :star::bulletblue::star:

Due to the front page being laggy I have moved some of the custom boxes containing the songs. The 'songs from members' and 'songs highlighting a cause' are on the 'About Us' page and the 'songs from admins' are on the 'Favourites' page. The 'songs lost but found' Volume One are on the 'Gallery' page due to us reaching our custom widget size limit.

:star::bulletred::star: Claires' Corner :star::bulletred::star:

Claires' Corner is a life skills based initiative. It is there to teach you things, remind you of things, help you with things.  

If you have any suggestions for life skills that can be addressed in Claires' Corner please note the group.


The previous Claires' Corner articles can be found on the 'About Us' page.

:star::bulletred::star: You-R Heard :star::bulletred::star:

"You-R Heard" is the latest journal series started by this group. It aims to be a randomly updated journal highlighting a deviant's struggle with a particular disorder, in a way that informs the rest of us what that disorder is, how it is usually 'handled', what the deviant is going through, how they are handling it and what has/can/will be done. So far we have only had Farand 's, PoetryOD 's and kiwi-damnation 's stories and I am working on mine. If you have struggled with a particular 'disorder' or illness that you would like to educate people on - maybe so they can help you, maybe so they themselves won't be afraid to go for help - please note the group with the topic/disorder you would like to write about. I will have a series of questions for you to answer, in an interview-like manner, if you are unable or unsure of writing something yourself. If you have something yourself, you don't have to stick to the questions I have. It's free and open to members and non members to share, so if you know of someone who might want to share their story consider telling them.

:star::bulletred::star: Letters To... :star::bulletred::star:

Letters To... is a box on the front page. The exact nature of the box is to place letters to our emotions, our negative thoughts, things that get us down. The example that will be in there shortly is a letter I wrote to my destructive ego-state, the part of my brain that contains my negative thought cycle. I know that our admin Diluculi wrote a letter to wrath. If you have a letter you wish placed there, please note the group. It can be anonymous or not, the choice is yours.

Please consider using this box to post letters to your emotions (or lack thereof), your idealistic side, your negative side. It works, the writing, it's cathartic...but the sharing works too - shows people they are not alone.



:star::star: Support Systems :star::star:
Please do use us - sometimes just having the knowledge that someone is thinking of you can help greatly.

:bulletred::star::bulletred: 1) A Thought-Hand-Prayer list where you can be listed if you need help in any way or just a thought. You can disclose why your name is on there or not. Please note either myself [MagicalJoey] or the group and let us know that you would like your name on the list, and if you want to why as well. Also send a note if you are doing better so we can update the list in an even more positive and supportive way.

:bulletred::star::bulletred: 2) An "Agony Aunt" where you can send a question/complaint/issue (group/personal related only) and one or more of the admins will answer as best they can. The admins will all be Aunt Dev so you cannot tell who has answered. You can choose to remain anon or share your dev name. If you have anything for this please note UnderstoodAdmin (our admin account which will be responsible for this particular part of the group) or fill in this form: Agony Aunt Form

So far we have had nobody using this particular support system. Please consider using us if you have any questions about any disorders, about emotional issues/emotions...about anything really. We would love to help you!



:music::music: Song Suggestions :music::music:

I do hope that these songs are helping in some way.
WIN; WIN; WIN
I challenge you, the members, to note the group with song suggestions that uplift, inspire, console, comfort, or that highlight a particular issue.
You could win
:bulletblue: A custom poem written on a topic of your choice.
:bulletblue: A feature.
:bulletpurple: Both.
So...Suggest. Suggest. Suggest.

:music::star::music: Lyrics Quotes :music::star::music:

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I’m only human, yeah


From: Human by Christina Perri






Wild Hearts Can't be Broken by P!ink
I will have to die for this I fear
There's rage and terror and there's sickness here
I fight because I have to
I fight for us to know the truth

There's not enough rope to tie me down
There's not enough tape to shut this mouth
The stones you throw can make me bleed
But I won't stop until we're free
Wild hearts can't be broken
No, wild hearts can't be broken

This is my rally cry
I know it's hard, we have to try
This is a battle I must win
To want my share is not a sin

There's not enough rope to tie me down
There's not enough tape to shut this mouth
The stones you throw can make me bleed
But I won't stop until we're free
Wild hearts can't be broken
No, wild hearts can't be broken

You beat me, betray me
You're losing, we're winning
My spirit above me
You cannot deny me
My freedom is burning
This broken world keeps turning
I'll never surrender
There's nothing, but a victory

There's not enough rope to tie me down
There's not enough tape to shut this mouth
The stones you throw can make me bleed
But I won't stop until we're free
Wild hearts can't be broken
Wild hearts can't be broken
This wild heart can't be broken





Highlights a Cause: Divorce



Perfect Story by Idina Menzel
Jack and Jill went up the hill, a bucket full of dreams
When the morning came, they carved their names into the cherry tree
But the hill was built on quicksand and it all came tumblin' down
So they held onto the only thing they couldn't live without

And here you are the best of us
With a bigger heart than the rest of us

I'm so sorry
I couldn't give you the perfect story
A textbook happy ending
Where nobody here gets hurt
But don't you worry
Your daddy and your mommy
May be a little broken
But not our love for you
Oh our love for you
Can move the earth
Ooh ooh ooh

When London bridge came falling down, I saw you through the flames
And for a second I convinced myself, it's better if I stay
But what would you have thought of love If you've been watched us burn
Would you grow up and think a bridge on fire is what you deserve

And here you are the best of us
With a bigger heart than the rest of us

I'm so sorry
I couldn't give you the perfect story
A textbook happy ending
Where nobody here gets hurt
But don't you worry
Your daddy and your mommy
May be a little broken
But not our love for you
Oh our love for you
Can move the earth
Oh the earth

And I never had to wonder
I don't regret what we've been through
Don't have to look no further
The answer's here it's you





Member suggestion by betwixtthepages



Human by Christina Perri
can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that’s what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I’m only human, yeah

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that’s what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
'Cause I’m only human, yeah

I’m only human
I’m only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
Until I’ve had enough

‘Cause I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human, yeah





Feel free to invite any friends you have who may need this group, or suggest works by people from other groups you are in who may then join us.

The more stories that are shared the more we can come to realise that maybe 'I' went through 'this' to help 'them' along their journey, and so on and so forth. Let's help each other. We are, after all, a community and a family; one of the good type.

This group is for people suffering in all ways anything where someone might need a poetic vent or a willing ear to listen. So spread the word about the group. Help us help others.




A quote from an email a friend sent me. If it could help someone you know please share.
"The simplest way I can describe it is... I obliterated my body with Anorexia and by pushing myself into the world to be normal, it never was able to recover. I would regularly crash and spend weeks in bed recovering, only to get back out as soon as i could and repeat the process  My whole body has basically crashed and the systems don't work, but are unable to repair themselves properly anymore. In addition, I'm constantly in the stress response, which stops the creation of normal ATP (energy chemical). No one really knows why and what and how about M.E."
M.E. is another name for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome




In this group we aim to support you through what you are going through, mainly through the writing of poetry.
Many people write poems because of how they are feeling or because they suffer from a particular disorder and cannot speak about it - so they write to vent their feelings. Here is where you can submit pieces that do that.

Any judgement by any other member or by any admin will result in a warning and then a ban for that particular person, as we are here to support each other.

If you need help, ask for it. Many of us have been through the same things you are going through and can help, even if it's just a virtual hug or some encouraging words.

The admins are here to help you. On our front page you will find a list of the admins and some of the things they have been through/experienced in their life. If you have a specific problem you are more than welcome to note that admin for help.

Enjoy your time with us.

Jo

P.S If you have work that you don't think fits into any folder we currently have, note us with a query and a link to the deviation and we may be able to make a new folder.

:star::star: In Need Of Points :star::star:

I currently have 100 points in this group's fund after upgrading.  
I am begging you to donate, get your friends to donate, get your mother's best friends intelligent cat to donate more with cat-like-typing.
Or, considering sponsoring the group by donating all 5000 points. You will get a mention in every journal along the lines of: This journal made possible by <deviant>
All points can be donated directly to UnderstoodAdmin , please with a note saying they are for super group status, otherwise I just get blindsided and don't know where anything goes in my filing system.
:star: What does supergroup status allow us to do?
- Have more widgets so that we can keep up the songs in their boxes and Claires' Corner in its box. It allows me to fit more into each custom box. It gives the option of a poll to vote. It allows me to make journals sticky, so that the most important ones are always visible on the page. It allows for our custom journal skin. Basically, without it, the group will lose its unique look and its unique way of helping people through music and life skills.

Believe me, any amount - even just one point - can make the difference.

Claires' Corner #18

Journal Entry: Thu Feb 1, 2018, 4:54 PM


Name of Image
A LITTLE BIT OF LIFE SKILLS

Welcome to Claires’ Corner.
Please come just as you are to our couch, and maybe learn a little.

For the next few weeks we will be looking at:

Making Your New Year's Resolutions Stick
**Notes taken from www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolut…


It can be daunting when your list of New Year’s Resolutions is as long as your holiday shopping list. In addition to the post-holiday slump, not being able to keep your resolutions by February, March or even late January may increase your anxiety. When your holiday decorations are packed up and stored away, the frustration of an unused gym membership or other reminders of failed resolutions can make the later winter months feel hopeless.

However, it is important to remember that the New Year isn’t meant to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. It is a time for people to reflect on their past year’s behavior and promise to make positive lifestyle changes. “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”

By making your resolutions realistic, there is a greater chance that you will keep them throughout the year, incorporating healthy behavior into your everyday life. Here are some tips to help you.

Start small


Make resolutions that you think you can keep. If, for example, your aim is to exercise more frequently, schedule three or four days a week at the gym instead of seven. If you would like to eat healthier, try replacing dessert with something else you enjoy, like fruit or yogurt, instead of seeing your diet as a form of punishment.

Change one behavior at a time


Unhealthy behaviors develop over the course of time. Thus, replacing unhealthy behaviors with healthy ones requires time. Don’t get overwhelmed and think that you have to reassess everything in your life. Instead, work toward changing one thing at a time.

Talk about it


Share your experiences with family and friends. Consider joining a support group to reach your goals, such as a workout class at your gym or a group of coworkers quitting smoking. Having someone to share your struggles and successes with makes your journey to a healthier lifestyle that much easier and less intimidating.

Don’t beat yourself up


Perfection is unattainable. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. Don’t give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs; resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track.

Ask for support


Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen strengthens your resilience and ability to manage stress caused by your resolution. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking professional help. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviors and address emotional issues.




:bulletyellow: Hopefully, some of this was helpful.




:bulletorange: Please feel free to leave comments, questions, queries.
:bulletred: Any suggestions for future topics are to be noted to the group.

You-R Heard - Volume #3

Journal Entry: Thu Mar 2, 2017, 10:10 AM


Name of Image

:tighthug: Our "Creed" :tighthug:

Hello, you've reached a quiet place, a place where you can bare your heart or simply share your soul. We are all like you - problems and pain haunt and hurt us as they do you. We don't all have the same things that consume us, but still we understand your ghosts and the trouble you face daily hurt you deeply, as ours do to us. We know pain. We try help you face it. If you remember one thing about this place, remember this: No matter what you are living or have lived through, you are accepted.
YOU. ARE. ACCEPTED


I have long since wanted a platform for you to tell your stories - what illnesses do you face daily? How do you cope? How do you feel? Do you feel? (I often don't). This is a platform for such stories. If you wish to share your journey with any mental, or even physical illness, note the group and give us a brief summary of what you have to share. We will get back to you, probably make a roster of sorts. But without further ado, here's the second in a (randomly updated) series for 'You-R Heard'.

The first two interviews/stories can be found on our favourites page underneath the songs from admins



From kiwi-damnation

I have long since wanted to get an interview/story from my Kowalie. She is a constant source of inspiration, as she battles with so many things yet still finds time and energy to do things on here such as the famous December Forms Challenge (via ProjectDFC ) and numerous other poetry and prose prompts/contests (ProjectDFC for poetry and Prose-ject for prose). This has been in the pipeline for months, and she finally got around to tweaking it and submitting it here, all while battling with seizures and other nasty things that leave her exhausted and utterly drained. I salute your bravery Kowalie, and do hope all the best for you in the future.

Kowalie is a master of rhyming and traditional form poetry, and writes such exquisite pieces as the following:

DonationThe droplets fell upon her form
A raging, thrashing, clashing swarm
A tempest that has smashed and torn
Through every scrap that kept her warm
Yet in her arms, a tiny life
That she had carried far from strife
She trembled as she held the knife
Slicing cord, the night was rife
With shadows that would claim her soul
And if they won that lofty goal
No one would find this sunken shoal
Nor hear the haunting bells that toll.
The wind ripped caverns in her mind
No solace from its wailing, find
The little baby shook in kind
As in her blood, his fate was signed
She paused to knock on oaken door
And as the footsteps crossed the floor
She stepped away and watched them pour
Their hopes upon her small amour.
The droplets gathered in her hair,
As she with nothing but despair
Left this world of fan and fair,
For peace from every worry, care,
Her son would have a better time
Not fret about the pennies, dimes,
Nor covered in a pauper’s grime,
He would be safe from her.
    Fortuitous?Fortuitous, they often said
That she had found his arm
For he had been alone for years
Then she of graceless charm,
Swept through his life and changed it all
And they all watched him stop, and fall
For one who stood no greater threat
Than make a man live all regrets.
What luck, that she would make him smile
While taking more than he could see
As she would conjure and beguile
So he could not see properly
And over time that curse took hold
Left him bitter, angry – cold
Cause when the heart is sucked away
The colours fade to dirty greys.
    Aurora BorealisI always wanted to watch the Lights. Greens and golds, blues and purples storming, shimmering – dancing across the night like nymphs chasing butterflies. A decadent canvas of light and wonder peering down at me as I gaze into infinity, the eternal beauty of a universe billions of years old and greater than my poor mind could ever contemplate. As they sashay their way across the midnight sky, colours bouncing off the snow like tiny mirrors throwing rainbows across the room; all I can think about is how simple everything is. If you stand still for a moment, you can observe as the entire world moves around you: a chorus of raucous chaos and cacophony that breathes life into every dark space. You can see that as life is made more and more intricate, it is not in fact complex. We just make it that way. We hide ourselves in our fortresses of solitude, behind masks and medications and vices, and we pretend to be whatever we think we are meant to be. And the people who decide what others     The WretchWhat hope could life provide the wretch,
Whose breath upon the world – too much!
The figure that contorted - stretched
To fill a mould none ever clutched
What joy could meet this humbled one?
Whose desperate fingers reach for sun
What joy could meet?
What joy could meet?
And silence pain upon his tongue.


I am generally left astounded by her ability to rhyme, even in the direst of circumstances she manages to write exquisite things.

Without further ado, here is her story: (Which can also be found at this link: Post-Traumatic Stress DisorderPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of you may know of it in regards to soldiers returning from war. Flashbacks, overwhelming emotions – the whole lot, but this is just scratching the surface of this condition. I know, because I live with C-PTSD, a different but common form of PTSD.
 
PTSD is like living in an alternate dimension. You can see the world you lived in before, but it all looks different. Things that were innocuous before seem dangerous, and people, places and things that you once loved can often trigger you, causing you to live in seclusion as much as you can. You live in a state of hypervigilance, a hyper arousal state not dissimilar from when you have way too much coffee or guarana. Your whole body is alert, every fibre of your being is poised to fight or run from any threat that comes your way. Sudden noises, unexpected visitors, certain smells or images – these can all trigger the PTSD sufferer into a state of frightful delusion and leave them exhaust
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Some of you may know of it in regards to soldiers returning from war. Flashbacks, overwhelming emotions – the whole lot, but this is just scratching the surface of this condition. I know, because I live with C-PTSD, a different but common form of PTSD.

PTSD is like living in an alternate dimension. You can see the world you lived in before, but it all looks different. Things that were innocuous before seem dangerous, and people, places and things that you once loved can often trigger you, causing you to live in seclusion as much as you can. You live in a state of hypervigilance, a hyper arousal state not dissimilar from when you have way too much coffee or guarana. Your whole body is alert, every fibre of your being is poised to fight or run from any threat that comes your way. Sudden noises, unexpected visitors, certain smells or images – these can all trigger the PTSD sufferer into a state of frightful delusion and leave them exhausted and terrified for hours, days and even weeks afterwards. Imagine for a moment that you are wearing a Virtual Reality Helmet and that everything you see and hear is distorted by the helmet. You can’t help but feel frightened, upset or overwhelmed when everyday things are terrifying. That’s what life is like for a PTSD sufferer.

With Complex or C-PTSD, it is slightly different again. Regular PTSD occurs from a single event, or a few events over a short period. Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a condition that occurs when multiple sustained traumas occur over weeks, months or years. This can be created by an abusive friendship or relationship, from a bad workplace, schoolyard bullying and most commonly, it is caused by childhood abuse. Repeated traumatic events not only scar the psyche, but in cases of childhood abuse, they distort the way the mind develops, creating distorted perceptions and a high likelihood of C-PTSD in later life. If you learn to fear constantly, then your body becomes accustomed to fear and anxiety. When you step away from the environment that caused the fear, the habit of fear will remain. Then when stress becomes too much, the mind can overload as its tolerance for stress and fear is lowered by that constant state of anxiety. Eventually, in most cases, the mind will endeavour to purge itself of the traumatic memories by distancing itself from them (dissociation), erasing them, or making the victim face them head-on (intrusive thoughts and flashbacks).

Throughout my journey with C-PTSD, I have likened my trauma to a warehouse full of boxes. Each box contains files with pictures and DVDs and written testimony of thoughts and feelings. Each box is a jumbled mess of many different events and recollections, and so it’s up to me to sort through each box and to file them away in giant filing cabinets. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that I just dig for memories or force myself to confront things I am not ready for. Often, a box is opened for me, and I must then deal with its contents. This process also does not remove or erase trauma and traumatic memories. It simply files them in an orderly fashion so that if I must revisit them, they can be found without upending a box full of pain and misery.

This process is similar to what physically happens in the brain. When the brain receives sensory input (visual, auditory etc), it comes into the hippocampus (the emotional centre) as raw data. In that state, it is almost indecipherable and therefore must be processed and sent elsewhere to be stored as complete memories. The processing is key to healing, as it allows for the complete memory to be placed and filed, instead of remaining as raw sensory data. When a traumatised person is re-traumatised, this process can halt, or the data can be kept in a raw state and not filed or processed because that person’s mind isn’t ready for it to be normalised. This is where PTSD becomes a problem, because while that experience is raw sensory data, it is close to the surface and becomes an obstacle of emotional turmoil that seems to have no reason behind it. That is because the data hasn’t been processed and given a complete picture, so that person is reacting to the sensory stimuli not unlike a body reacting to an allergen. Though the allergen itself is harmless, the reaction is not, and this creates problems.

These problems include:

- Flashbacks (flashes of visual memory of an event)
- Nightmares
- Insomnia (not wanting to sleep + anxiety)
- Panic attacks
- Emotional outbursts (tears, rage, violence)
- Hallucinations (everyday events are distorted by the sensory data)
- Emotional numbness (exhausted from too much emotion)
- Depression (from too much sensory overload)
- OCD & Phobias (from too much fear sensory data)
- Nausea (from too much emotional turmoil)
- Fatigue (Do I really need to go there?)

As well as:

- Auto-immune disorders
- Digestive disorders
- Endocrine disorders
- Neurological disorders

Why? Because when the body is living in a state of constant reaction, it will divert its energy away from areas of less need (digestive, endocrine) and it will redirect them to the areas that demand it. This means that the mind gets consistently overloaded, resulting in neurological issues and the digestive and endocrine systems become unbalanced. If the body is feeling attacked, it is naturally going to ramp up the immune response which then creates the beginning of auto-immune disorders. The mind and body are not separate, and they affect each other more than many physicians will care to discuss.

Now in cases of complex trauma, there can be years of sensory data are sitting in the mind waiting to be processed. This can create reactions of epic proportions, and often it is only after a nervous breakdown or physical illness that this all comes to light. Therefore, it takes a lot of time as well as  careful consideration and self-awareness that this processing can be done, gently, over time, alleviating their issues and freeing them from the turmoil that their body has become accustomed to.

That’s not to say that any of this is easy. It takes immense patience, diligence and work to live with a condition like this, and to chip away at the trauma that is causing its intense presence in your life. It is a daily struggle and there are many times when the whole situation seems insurmountable; that our strength and resources are just not enough. Chronic fatigue as well as physical illnesses that plague us, tend to erode conviction and stamina. Some days it can feel like there is no point to anything, and that we will never be free. On these days, PTSD sufferers and survivors must hold onto the idea that there is an end point, that there will be freedom eventually. It is this idea that keeps many with us, even when some succumb to the desolation and seek peace in death. It is an unfortunate reality that being in a sustained state of pain, anxiety and isolation, can lead a person to seek solace in oblivion. Over time, the condition can lessen and be less of a menacing cloud over a person’s life, but until that time, there is a dangerous likelihood of self-harm, drug abuse and suicide.
                                                                                                                             
So if you, or someone you know has this condition, take heart. It is an abyss but it isn’t bottomless. There are people who can help you climb out of this pit, there are many who are climbing along with you, and there is no shortage of amazing people who are standing at the top, waiting to congratulate you for your endurance. You can beat this, you can be free, and it will come much sooner than you’d think.

Please don’t give up.

I promise that I won’t.




If you would like to answer some questions about your own problems or tell us your story, even if you have the same ones as have been mentioned by someone else, please note the group. If you know of someone who you think might like to share, ask them to note the group. If you think this can help someone, pass it on.




Dear Members of My-Soul-Bleeds-Ink , Understood-Accepted , ProjectDFC and Prose-ject ,

I regret to inform you all that our beloved founder/cofounder/affiliate/friend/inspiration MagicalJoey has tragically left us. Her mother posted a Facebook post on the 7th of September, announcing that our beautiful Jo passed away during the night and will no longer grace us with her awesome.

I only found out about this a few hours ago and I am still reeling from shock. I want you to know that there will be some sort of memoriam event on here, once I and others have gathered ourselves and made arrangements.

As many will know, Joey suffered from a lot of internal anguish, and though I don't know how she's come to pass over, I do know that her beautiful soul can at least find some peace. Please join me in honouring our friend and colleague, Jo, by reading her work and talking about her life. She was very special to many of us, and touched hundreds of lives. 

I will miss you so much my friend. You were a light and we are dimmer for having lost you.

:heart: Sammy


I'm a Writer
I'm a Writer
17-02-11
I'm a writer who wraps words around her hands,
Transcribing them onto pieces of paper paler
Than the skin holding the words.
I catch words in my fishing nets,
And they slither and slide slimy and skittish.
Each one is gently grabbed and washed
Until they are slithery skittish words waiting to be devoured;
No more slime or grime, it's time to write.
Each word is taken from its tank
And placed upon the page with careful thought.
Sometimes they are rearranged,
Short words become hidden behind long eels
And so sentences need restructuring.
Some words aren't used and are thrown back.
Maybe next time they are caught they will be needed.
I'm a writer who wraps slimy, slithering, skittish words
Around the pieces of paper where they belong;
Creating poems and stories where there were none,
And loving every minute of it, even if the smell of the words
Sometimes brings tears cascading from my eyes
To stain my shirt.
      Waiting
Waiting
8-02-11
I locked up my heart in a cage of safekeeping,
Because all it was doing was wailing and weeping.
It hurt all the time because of people like you,
But I thought you were different, I thought you were true.
I gave you the key that unlocked the cage
Where my heart lay broken and withered with age.
Gently you removed it, and love was born,
Then you put it back because it was battered and torn.
Now I'm scared to trust anyone else,
Scared to remove my heart from the shelf.
It hangs in its cage like keys on a chain,
Waiting for someone to hold it again.
     The Silent Cry
The Silent Cry
27-01-11
Sometimes, although no words are uttered,
If you listen, really listen,
You can hear someone's heart crying out for help.
It's hurting, they're hurting, even though they won't say a word.
They won't admit the feelings burning inside like acid reflux,
Or to the emotions drowning them in ammonia.
Only a keen observer can see a crying heart;
Expressions become blanked out – once starry
Eyes are dull and bleak.
Emotions disappear – they feel
Nothing...a few levels below numb.
And all this can happen subconsciously in defence,
Because they could simply be afraid that you would hurt them.
If you can't ask for help and are silently begging for it,
Try not to push away those who can read between the lies
And see behind your eyes into the parts of you where the hurt sits.
They will prop you up if you let them,
Until you are able to walk with confidence again
      Thank You Friends
Thank You Friends
23-01-11
She's tired of being alone;
Of not having that someone
Who loves her despite the scars,
Loves her despite her past,
Loves her beyond the outside, the cover.
She's tired of not getting flowers
From someone who loves her enough
To buy them, even if there is no 'occasion' to celebrate.

She's tired of having no money;
Of always having to beg
Despite her parents' embarrassment.
She wants to be able to buy her dog a bed,
Buy herself groceries,
But her family cannot afford it
And neither can she – unless
She sells cushions
Or someone needs proofreading.

She's tired of having to beg
Her online friends
From other countries,
But she needs to.
Do you know how that hurts her pride?
K.O – her pride lies on the floor,
Probably dead not just knocked to the ground.

She's tired of being the family problem.
But she has a dog depending on her survival
So she will not leave this world
Until it is her time.
She will not listen to th
More Journal Entries

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:icontheburningprincess:
TheBurningPrincess Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2019  Student Traditional Artist
This group is so sweet. Crowning Moment of Heartwarming indeed
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:icondrfink09:
drfink09 Featured By Owner May 7, 2019  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I decided to design enamel pins with my art on them and they are live!

This is something really exciting that I have wanted for a long, long time and they are now available for you to purchase. I will post the link below for the "Alien Blood" enamel pins that I had made through WizardPins. They turned out really well, so don't fret about the quality of them. They are 1" hard enamel pins with a rubber clasp backing. Pins are iron/zinc alloy and are the perfect accessory for jackets, bags, hats, lanyards, or whatever else you might want. 
Shipping is included in the price, so you don't have to worry about all of that either. The first 20 orders get a free sticker! Every order comes with a handwritten note as well as 10% of every sale being donated to The Trevor Project. Enjoy! 

Check out the link here!

www.ebay.com/itm/Alien-Blood-A…
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:iconchampionx91:
Championx91 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2019
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I will try write a journal featuring it on the weekend. Note the group with all the details and I'll make a note to do the feature.
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:iconyuukon:
Yuukon Featured By Owner May 1, 2018   Writer
Thank you :heart:
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner May 1, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Pleasure :)
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:iconlovemyscars:
lovemyscars Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2018  Hobbyist Photographer
Great group! I'm happy to be here.
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:iconmagicaljoey:
MagicalJoey Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome :hug:
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:iconmaggotsx:
MaggotsX Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2017
Thank you for acceptance into the group! I normally do not post an introduction to DevArt groups I join, but feel for one such as this it is necessary and may be appreciated. Seems a group like this should not just be a place to post your 'art', but a place to discuss it and what may lie behind it with others sharing similar 'art'. This 'art' does not seek a thumbs up. It seeks communion.

So here is the intro I posted in my request to join the group. A little bit about me as a person, which I have rarely shared directly on DevArt over the decade-more that I have been here. DevArt has brought solace to me over the years by giving me a place to get myself outside of myself, so I don't fester within myself. I have taken a lot from the community over the years. I feel now that I should try to give more back. So here's a start to it. Below my intro...

Hello, John here. I am a stable (15 years), for the most part, highly functional, medicated Bipolar. I have had experience with near-death inducing mania (though not through intentional self-harm) and severe depression, both cyclic illness-based and self-imposed while coming to grips with my diagnosis and accommodating myself to a new life. While I still experience my highs & lows, with the minimal medication I have chosen to seek for stability and more importantly the self-work I have done to start living life again, I have reached a place of most-days contentment. I write Bipolar & mental illness related poetry, from time to time, and I have thoughts and feelings, tips & tricks, that I would love to share with others of like life challenges. I would also like to have a community of support to draw on when my current coping strategies may be insufficient to meet new challenges, as I know they come. In my times of quiet, it would be also be nice to have a home to lurk in and listen to voices expressing pains that may mirror my own, and shouting triumphs that may act as catalyst to spark me out of entropy. Basically, I'd like to join to give and get.

P.S. I may spam the group with old mental illness poetry at first, in case any may offer anything of value. Then will be more sporadic as not all my writing is of my ills. And also due to a busy life my time for writing is rather limited. But when I do write I like to share. Especially if there is an audience willing to share and discuss ideas and personal thoughts/feelings of resonating life experiences. I love telling stories. I love hearing stories.
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