C
literature

Chin Up

Daily Deviation
Underground-Rogue's avatar
By Underground-Rogue   |   Watch
144 49 3K (1 Today)
Published: April 4, 2011
And sometimes, coated and layered
with tens of scores of others' eyes
we forget the word 'lonely' -
so when it flings ashes
we blink, and are blinded.
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Winter.
As he talks,    I imagine the words are tiny icicles, falling from the awning   of a late afternoon to pluck holes in my eyes (leaving tattoos all over my retinas). "All the better to smell you with, my dear,"     I'll say to the girl he's remembered when he leads me to drink from her trough of tears; "All the better to hear how we harmonize." No black lace or lillies   stargazing from the sidewalk of her bedside,    no books enscribed in braile or the bent knees of leaving; just smoke and stale breadcrumbs, guiding her frail understudy through cold evening snow.
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Uncoordinated Longitude
When I picked up the phone she told me that she missed the trains and the way the rain smelled in the summer. I scratched a pattern in the table with my thumbnail. I stretched   the phone cord between my fingers and said I was sorry. She asked what I had to be sorry about and I told her I didn't know.   I twisted the cord into a clover shape while I remembered her laugh when we picked up the penny off of the tracks, tossing it back and forth, watching it catch the light and throw it back. She asks me where I am and I know she does not ask where so much as why.
s
snowbones
holding my hands over the kettle the skin on my fingertips peels back, like dated wallpaper, like flowers blooming. they're burning from the inside out, nails turning to varnish, turning to steam, bones click-clacking their way out; spreading like wildfire. the whistling stops, and blink and my fingers are just fingers, ink stained, bitten nails. sunlight streams across the kitchen, my fingers warm and slightly damp, i trace patterns on steamed-up windows.
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© 2011 - 2019 Underground-Rogue
It would be nice to be able to send someone tea via the internet.

Thanks :^nycterent: for the edit ^^

O_O A DD! Argh, most. Unexpected. Ever! Wow - thank you so much!
Recommended Literature
W
Winter.
As he talks,    I imagine the words are tiny icicles, falling from the awning   of a late afternoon to pluck holes in my eyes (leaving tattoos all over my retinas). "All the better to smell you with, my dear,"     I'll say to the girl he's remembered when he leads me to drink from her trough of tears; "All the better to hear how we harmonize." No black lace or lillies   stargazing from the sidewalk of her bedside,    no books enscribed in braile or the bent knees of leaving; just smoke and stale breadcrumbs, guiding her frail understudy through cold evening snow.
U
Uncoordinated Longitude
When I picked up the phone she told me that she missed the trains and the way the rain smelled in the summer. I scratched a pattern in the table with my thumbnail. I stretched   the phone cord between my fingers and said I was sorry. She asked what I had to be sorry about and I told her I didn't know.   I twisted the cord into a clover shape while I remembered her laugh when we picked up the penny off of the tracks, tossing it back and forth, watching it catch the light and throw it back. She asks me where I am and I know she does not ask where so much as why.
s
snowbones
holding my hands over the kettle the skin on my fingertips peels back, like dated wallpaper, like flowers blooming. they're burning from the inside out, nails turning to varnish, turning to steam, bones click-clacking their way out; spreading like wildfire. the whistling stops, and blink and my fingers are just fingers, ink stained, bitten nails. sunlight streams across the kitchen, my fingers warm and slightly damp, i trace patterns on steamed-up windows.
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Comments (47)
Zienneinzwol's avatar
ZienneinzwolEdited |Student Artisan Crafter
Damm...It's an amazing creation...bravo bravo bravo bravo *^¨¨* also..in my ears I felt literally Something  near a bass really cool poem. 
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nikan2's avatar
this amazing
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nikan2's avatar
awesome work
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GNUBoarder's avatar
GNUBoarder|Hobbyist Writer
All my favorite poetry makes me feel like the author put words to something I've always subconsciously known, like you're drawing on some universal well of human experience. You did this in spades here. Thank you :-)
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Angeltears4's avatar
I keep coming back to this poem and it's high time I left some form of comment! Basically, I'm really really touched. The brevity of this poem amazes me... how is it that you've said so much in so little?! :D good poetry makes me ache because it puts into words all these vague ideas no-one else has been able to clarify... you've done just that.

I love how you started with "And". It's like i've been placed right in the middle of something - like being in the middle of that crowd where you're so drowning in peple that you forget what loneliness is. coated and layered in so many people... i love that loneliness flings ashes. that's perfect too. most of all, i love this faintly naive, confused 'blink' before we are blinded. like how i finished reading this poem and paused and then it hit me.

you've gripped me in, what, 27 words? not even particularly unusual words? how did you do it?! :XD: you are an artist who has placed words in just the right order and just the right way to tug on my heartstrings. thank you very much!
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
Wow. This comment blew me away! Sorry for not replying for so long, things have been crazy!
I'm glad the brevity worked in this situation. I considered making it longer during the actual writing, but in truuth there was nothing more for me to say.
And I'm afraid I start way too many poems and sentences with the word 'and'. I excuse it with the fact that Blake did it too!
Thank you so much for your kind words. They really made my day.
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Hemophile44's avatar
...I simply don't get it. The words are beautiful, but i don't know what they mean, and I feel like it's very meaningful. someone mind explaining to me? :D (I feel stupid...)
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
It's about how loneliness suddenly comes on unexpected and sudden, and that makes it hit all the harder. But...expressing understanding of that loneliness, implying that the intended reader is not, in fact, alone.
Or that's the way it was intended, but it is open to interpretation.
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Hemophile44's avatar
truly beautiful, thanks for taking the time to explain it.
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
My pleasure; thank you for taking the time to read and enquire =)
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xxMordredtheDruid7xx's avatar
This is beautiful! :heart: And congrats on the Daily Deviation! :D
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
Thank you so much, and thanks for the fav as well! A Daily Deviation was completely unexpected, to be truthful. I've pretty much just been bouncing up and down since that point!
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xxMordredtheDruid7xx's avatar
You're very welcome! :D
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Tavoriel's avatar
Tavoriel|Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful!
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
Thank you!
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NothingHere94's avatar
Wow. This is one of the best poem DDs I've seen, I think. You create so much great imagery and meaning in those five lines. The last line is especially beautiful.
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
Your comment blew me away - thank you very much.
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NothingHere94's avatar
You're welcome!
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auauautumn's avatar
auauautumn|Student Writer
Loooove!
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
:heart: Why thank you ^^
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fourbanger's avatar
Beauty in simplicity. I like it.
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Underground-Rogue's avatar
Sometimes sparing the words is the only way to actually say them. I'm glad you like it ^^
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Lit-Twitter's avatar
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link] :)
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