Before I start, know that I'm currently unmedicated, and will be so for the next seven days as a result of the personal incompetence I'm going to address here, so this might be my depression talking on my behalf. Nevertheless, I have to get this out. If you're sick of this, keep reading anyway. You'll have better reason to leave. I'm socially inept. Maybe it's my sheltered upbringing, my hobbies, or the Autistic Spectrum. Maybe it's the constant bullying I endured as a child. Maybe I'm just a fucking retard who needs to be isolated from you all. Whatever you want to blame it on, the fact remains that - whether online or off - I just cannot normally interact with other people. And I never will. I can't form normal relationships no matter what I do. I want friends too badly. I expect too much from the ones I actually have. I fall in love too easily. I'm too quick to trust others. I assume I can establish some kind of rapport that I have not earned and in many cases will not be able to earn, ever. And perhaps worst of all, I assume that what I say and/or do is clear enough to be understood by those I interact with, regardless of my intentions. As a result, I'm absolutely destroyed each and every single time I am proven utterly and completely wrong. I lose friends. I ruin romantic relationships before they are even close to being established. Colleagues and peers are alienated. Bridges are burned. Complete strangers find reason to keep their distance. Business opportunities are rendered impossible. All because of me saying/doing/posting/thinking the wrong thing, intentionally or otherwise. This is why I'm a 34 year old unkissed and unemployed virgin under his mother's roof with no social life, prospects, or success to speak of. I ruin every interaction I make merely by being me. On a related note, I also cannot function intellectually compared to most. My room is often a mess and I often lose things. I have to keep my vital documents in the exact same place just to keep them safe. And, even though it's CRUCIAL to my day-to-day life, I often run out of my medication and have to wait for refills I could've already had, all because I'm too careless to stay on top of these things. I always make the same mistakes over and over and over again. I used to think that I needed someone to catch me when I fall, to have my back when I inevitably and repeatedly screw up. But that's just plain selfishness on my part. What right do I have to burden others with my pathetic existence? I'm sure at least one of you reading this is sick of my whining and would rather I either grow up and deal with myself or blow my brains out now, get it over with. That's your prerogative and I really don't blame you. I don't deserve your pity or compassion. I don't deserve anyone's. I don't deserve friends because lose them. I don't deserve family because I embarrass them. I don't deserve love because I don't love myself. I don't deserve housing or employment because I can keep neither. I don't deserve success because I am not good enough to get it. Most of all, I don't deserve life because I can't live it as well as everyone else. I'm not rich enough, attractive enough, godly enough, black enough, supportive enough, skilled enough, worldly enough, cool enough, smart enough, thin enough, queer enough, sporty enough, strong enough, political enough, alternative enough, man enough, independent enough, funny enough, mean enough, healthy enough, brave enough, tough enough, logical enough, warm enough, cold enough, expressive enough, normal enough, weird enough, young enough, old enough, or even important enough to be in this world. I am NEVER going be good enough for anyone, especially for myself. I never should have been born. I am an utter and complete waste of space. I am the very definition of a deficient screw-up. And if you are reading this, you are better off not knowing me, as there is no conceivable way I can enrich your life. I never have and at this rate I never will. I'm a 34-year-old nobody with no hope, no health, and no future. Don't waste your time caring about me. Use it on you and the ones deserving of your love and attention. The ones closest to you that still bring you joy. Losers like me are good for one thing and one thing only...cautionary tales on how NOT to live one's life. When I inevitably die, it won't be a huge loss. Few will mourn me. MANY will be glad I'm dead. The majority will not care either way. But whatever the case, the world will keep spinning, with or without my presence. Heck, my absence will probably make this planet a better place. In a way, me dying would enrich the world. And that, I believe, would be the best thing I could possibly do for you.