Holidays and Hybridor

5 min read

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Ulta's avatar

Oh gosh, my first journal after Eclipse was released. This is probably gonna look ugly so my apologies if that ends up being the case. Let's start off with a large THANK YOU to everyone who reads this. Most likely you are a reader of Hybridor, and if you are and have been enjoying and faving it, you have been actively helping it get shared in this huge pool of images that is DA. Exposure is a blessing, and I thank you all for such. Let's get to the news part. It's been a small bit of a tradition for me to take a break after a Chapter has been completed, and even moreso a tradition for me to take a break near the holidays, as this is usually a stressful time for me. The two happened to line up this year, so lucky me XD So in simple terms... HYBRIDOR IS ON PAUSE UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

Right now I can't even draw the next chapter since it's script has not been completed. So during the holidays, I will be working on writing it and getting it done so the comic can resume. But that doesn't mean I'll be completely void of activity here! Currently on Hybridor's Patreon, people who have pledged over there are currently taking part in a exclusive QnA event that's Hybridor-themed. The results of which will be posted here on DA, so everyone will have something new to look at! But if you are interested in getting your OWN question answered via an image, you can pledge for as low as $1 a month, and then you too can participate! I plan to do more activities with my patrons to cover the downtime from the comic that they have been generously supporting for months (some even years!), so now is actually a great time to pledge and get involved. It will be awesome to see more faces over there and I do enjoy getting to talk to folks who enjoy my creation~ On to some not so pleasant news though. The stress of the holidays and a lack of a script isn't the only reason I had to put the comic on hold for now. There has been something...really bad that I've been trying to deal with in reality, and for 20 years, I was able to handle it okay. But it's gotten worse... That thing is most likely severe depression, anxiety, or a mix of both. And lately it's gotten so bad that it's begun to ruin not just myself, but those who get close to me...and no one likes being around a depressed negative person... I've hid this from the internet as much as I could, but now it's gotten so bad that I'm FINALLY going to be getting myself looked at by a doctor. The implications and money and just EVERYTHING about this is really hard for me to come to terms with so far, so I guess I feel like I need to set everything aside to try and get it under control, before it ruins anything more in my life. My appointment that marks the beginning of this road to recovery (I hope) is this coming Monday. If I see fit, I'll keep everyone up to date on how that goes. I just pray it will not impact my life so much that it'll cause further unwanted changes... It's been a scary time in my life ever since I realized I have the possibility of a severe mental condition existing in my head. I hear these sort of experiences and symptoms I've been going through are like a mid-life crisis, and I'm too YOUNG to be experiencing that yet. But the comic has been keeping me pretty well distracted most of the time, and the support it gets has helped me get through each day, even ones where I'm in a really dark thank you everyone. Just the thought that I make something others find enjoyment and entertainment from at least gives me some sense of worth, and that helps me get the will to keep going. Sorry for ending it on a dark-ish note. I don't know what's really going to happen in the future...for me, or the comic, as we are tied as one and we BOTH get affected if something happens to the other. It's been a scary time for me...but for now, I sit and pray that things will work out well in the end. I'm not a religious zealot, but I believe in God, and I know he's in control of what will happen. I just hope and pray that it'll be close to the goals I've got planned heh...and I hope I can recover from whatever plagues me in my real life. I hope everyone has a lovely day and life. Take care everyone. I'll see you all on next submission or journal. =)

© 2020 - 2021 Ulta
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BlitzWolf94's avatar
I'm sorry to hear that but glad that you have decided to get help, thus beginning the journey to a healthier you. I don't have depression or anxiety but I know that the journey will be long and at times seem tough, but don't give up! Take as much time as you need and any measures that you deem necessary. I'm sure I speak for every fan of Hybridor and most will agree with me, we will understand and support your decisions.
Ulta's avatar

Awwww thank you...I hope that at least during this road to recovery, I can at least keep making comic progress. So far it's not letting me (these meds are making me super sleepy....) but alas, it's just started, so we'll see how time plays things out

BlitzWolf94's avatar
You’re most welcome!
Yeah, drowsiness is a common side effect of many depression and anti-anxiety medications, unfortunately, but only time will tell how your journey will develop.
mjt410's avatar

I'll just make this short and sweet for you. Take all the time you need! Anyone who creates content SHOULD get all the rest that they may need or really want not just for the content but for their own well being. I do wish things turn out well for you. Also you're doing a killer job at your comic Hybridor. It's the kind of content that I look for here in DA. Have faith, everything will eventually turn out fine one way or another :hug: ;)

Ulta's avatar

Awwww thank you. Short and sweet is just as nice. =)

mjt410's avatar

You're welcome! :)

CobraToon's avatar

That's a difficult question to have to ask, so good luck. About two years ago I quit a job that was doing nothing but making me tired and depressed. I didn't feel better immediately, in fact I spent most of the next several months sleeping and doing self-help type stuff, but two years on I'm feeling a lot better, more like my old self I guess. I even got to pursue some interesting opportunities that I wouldn't have if I'd been working. More relevantly, during that time I went to a family doctor and asked them for a depression self-assessment along with some other basic tests. The assessment they gave me was mostly focused on self-harm severe depression type symptoms, not the kind of light depression I was feeling, and the doctor didn't seem concerned with my answers. So ... I don't know what kind of tests you're getting, but don't give up seeking help if the tests come back inconclusive. Therapy is great, more so if you find someone good for you, and honestly therapy should be seen as more of a regular part of life like brushing your teeth than as something only seriously ill people go to. What you describe sounds like something that should be met in a multi-faceted way, so along with these tests you're going to, also consider other concurrent approaches such as talk therapy, changing your diet, sleep schedule, self-care regimen, social media use and maybe even personal pursuits. I hope nothing would happen to the comic, but you and your life are more important than the comic. Sometimes we accept challenge and difficulty into our lives for good and important reasons, but anything we take on should be balanced against living a life worth living. Find your balance, seek your peace and never give up hope.

Ulta's avatar

Yeah quite frankly, there could also be a bit of PTSD stuck in my head too (hence going to the Doctor, I wanna figure out WHAT is even causing this), so THAT I already suspected would need some sort of physiological therapy.

Find my inner balance...sounds great heh. Thanks for the long thoughtful comment ^^

Seelenlicht's avatar

I wish you all the best for the way ahead! Depression and anxiety suck, but I'm very sure you'll get better, too. It's good that you decided to get help and I really hope they can help you :). That's another big step on the road!

Don't stress yourself too much with things. Getting better takes time and stress doesn't help - altough being distracted definitly can :).

In my experience, medication can help, especially at the beginnign it gave me the energy to even do things again. But further help like therapy is very important. Whatever you way is and what you decide to do, I wish you all the best for it!

And I just want to say:

Your comic is great and you do so much great work for others on here. You are a great person, keep going!

Ulta's avatar

Thank you so much! I am not afraid of meds really. My depression doesn't make me wanna sleep all the time, mine is much triggers out of nowhere and makes me so emotional that I spiral into a negative vortex that no one can pull me out of. Like some sort of shadow monster takes ahold of me and I can't escape from it until it 'wears off' in time. It really sucks...

thank you for the kind words though of course! Hopefully things will look up soon.

thebigeasy66's avatar

I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with your mental health! It's been a very challenging year for me too.

I don't know the details of the depression/anxiety that you're facing, but one thing I do know is that there are several paths to recovery. Doctors will usually prescribe medication and that's fine, but they may recommend seeing a psychologist as well which can help even more than medication IMO. The important thing during this time is getting to understand how your mind works in terms of it's negative thought patterns and etc. One thing that's made a world of difference for me is actually meditation. Literally just practicing perceiving your thoughts and emotions from an "outside perspective", without any judgement. Once you can see those patterns operating within yourself, it becomes so much easier to start better habits and drop bad ones. It's actually one of the most useful skills to cultivate, because you can actually raise your baseline of happiness (the average feeling of contentment that one eventually returns to after a huge positive or negative life event)!

It might sound like a huge claim, but in order to believe it you simply have to try it out for yourself. I've been meditating for 2 and a half years using an app called Headspace. It has a bunch of great guided meditations that clear up most common misconceptions. You can also find a ton of guided meditations on YouTube as well of course.

One thing I've learned this year is that it's possible that one or many aspects of your lifestyle may be affecting your mental health, such as spending too much time on social media or youtube, or not getting enough sleep (sleep is extremely important! A sleep-deprived brain has a harder time regulating emotions).

That went on longer than I thought, but I just want to help out! Just remember to be patient because this is a constant learning process. I really like the comic and the positive messages you're sending out with it. Keep up the great work!

Ulta's avatar

I actually probably get TOO MUCH sleep XD My depression isn't why I sleep a lot though, that's just me loving sleep lol. Nah...whatever is affecting me I think is a PTSD sort of depression that when triggered (sometimes for no reason, I just wake up in this state), I get SUPER negative, sad, defensive, and then I say things I don't mean and...I become super unpleasant to be's affecting my relationships with near everyone who is even remotely close to me personally, and I'm sick of being such an awful person to be around when I'm in that dark place...not ot mention I have low self-esteem too, so that doesn't help.

Therapy and meditation sound like something I'll probably end up doing. Whatever it will take...the visit will at least hopefully tell me my options.

Thanks for the long thoughtful comment =) You're awesome.

thebigeasy66's avatar

That's so great that you are trying to change for the better. Depression/anxiety often likes to trick people into thinking they can't get better, which is false because if you can get worse you can also get better.

Recently I found this amazing gratitude meditation that's been transforming my perception of the world. Fair warning though, it's likely your negative thought patterns will try to resist it if you listen to it. That's normal.

Also, if you do want to go to a psychologist I can refer you to mine (I will have to ask her permission first). She's amazing and has helped me out so much through the hard times these past few years.

Ulta's avatar

Heh thank you but for now I'll wait until my appointment. IF they suggest a psychologist, maybe I'll hit you up. But wouldn't distance be a problem? Unless they do sessions online or something, that could be a thing.

thebigeasy66's avatar

She's been doing zoom sessions since quarantine started.

AshleyWolf259's avatar

If it is going to be a christmas this year.

(Not from where I live and heard anyway. =P)

Ulta's avatar

I'd be fine with no Xmas too. Too much pressure!

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