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Sorry but I won't be online for the next month possibly. Something happened and its a last minute moving out thing. Sorry for the inconvenience.

UPDATE 2:
Thanks for all the comments everyone. Things are going well. It was sudden I had to leave but lots of things happen. I'm finding that I will be off even longer than I thought. Something tragic happened in the family and I really don't want to talk about it as its eating me inside. Nothing can be helped but wish a full recovery.

Things sure are going downhill. I'll reply to as many comments as I can and I'll put up a new batch of pics next time I can get on. Thanks everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

UPDATE 3:
Well things are looking better. I didn't want to say anything onlin but what the problem was (after having to move out) was that my brother was in the hospital. He was in an open vehicle accident (ATV or 4x4QUAD for you some of you) and he was placed into immediate intense care. The flight to the hospital was over 90 miles away from where it happened (in the mountains) but fortunately for him my other brother found him seconds after it happened (it was not fortunate for my little brother mentally for seeing it and having to react). SO many things could have gone wrong. He could have driven off the road and dissapeared or his injury could have been just a few centimeters deeper. You see it was a head injury at or basically at the base of his skull in the direct vicinity of where the vertebrae (spinal cord) meets the skull. Any lower or any deeper would have been permanent parylisation or death.

But honestly...I just didn't react porperly. Everyone cried when they saw him lying there (thank the Lord it was only the medication they gave him because he was fighting the injury and that would have made him worse) and realised how close he was to everyone losing him. Even my hard, disciplined and composed father broke down within eye shot of him. It was awful. But I didn't even break a tear. Sure I had a disturbance in my gut (although too minor for this type of situation), but I didn't feel sad, angered, lonely, scared or any of the other emotions that one should feel seeing one of their own sibling in such a condition.

In fact I am crying right now as I type this not because of the reaction to seeing my brother like that in the hospital but because of my lack of emotion to it all. I am deeply ashamed of myself and rather disheartened at my lack of humanity in the moment where it mattered the most to my family and to myself. This gives me a thought as to how low I am and how I greatly lack in that certain quality that humans need and is in general the ony reason how humans have prevented total extinction. I lack compassion. And I lack remorse.

I am a horrible person.

But thank you all for giving me support when it mattered the most. It was not for me but for him. My brother. He is walking around now and he has only lost memory that the medication was supposed to wipe out (the parts of pain recieved during and after the accident). He'll have a full recovery and hopefully be a little wiser about wearing a safety helmet from now on without question. This of course should have been done in the first place when last time a friend of our family and everyone in town died simply because he didn't have a safety helmet. And it was of all days he DIDN'T wear one.

This has indeed changed me as well as the few but significant changes in my life that will truly live with me until the end of my days. So I thank you everyone, not as a fur, but as a human being that needs to wake up for the times reality is control.

Anyways, this journal may reveal who I am to a few people but I don't care. Its time to stop hiding bit by bit and this is just really important to me. And if anyone figured out who I am send me a note or something because it will only get on my nerves if you don't tell me you figured it out. It rallte my brain constantly.


On to business! I'll be updating some more pics now. I know a lot has happened BUT I have to do this. This makes me happy and I need to stop feeling sick and lost in myself. The stuff I draw is fun and I want to share it with you all since its wonderful to hear your comments and ideas. Although I wish you all commented and faved and be a tiny bit enthusiastic about my non-fat pics. Those are the ones I really would like to see commented on.

Thank you for reading. Its means so much to me,

Chubeko Koneko
T.T.N.

Chubeko: Fan Art by thepasswordis-123456
One other thing. This picture here done by :iconthepasswordis-123456: and I very much appreciate. This exactly shows how I feel and my response to all your recent replies, favs and comments/ideas. I can't reply to them all but I'll do my best. Thanks everyone.
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:iconsmarty452:
smarty452 Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2007   Photographer
*hugs tight* everythings gonna be fine =3
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:iconeligah:
Eligah Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2007
I still think you're a great person, as I wrote long ago. And about not having those feelings... that's happened to me before... and it does make me feel bad still. But there are times where we may have to be the ones that must be strong in a certain time. Reflect on that time, but do not hate yourself.

I'll pray for you.

God bless.
Reply
:iconangel00101:
angel00101 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007
Good luck with everthing even if i can't be there in person i just want to you to know if you need a shoulder to cry on you cry on my shoulder. Good luck and be happy.
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:icongemtherabbit-123:
gemtherabbit-123 Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Neko i just read your 3rd update and i pray for your brother at the highest manner and i hope he feels well in whatever time it takes
Reply
:iconjuliusanime:
Juliusanime Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
After reading that, I gotta say that was shocking but I'm glad your brother is alright and it dosn't make you a bad person if you didn't cried or somthing when you found out. I mean, right now you are hoping that he recovores and glad hes alright so you mayhave been worried about him deep down.
I hope your brother is alright.


I am going to comment on your art/pics but I'll do that later on (gotta go to bed early for shots) and I may add alittle tips and so.
Reply
:iconsonicrailin:
Sonicrailin Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Well that certainly explains a "ton".

I pray for all my friends, both near and far, and especially for all my friends around the world on the internet. Since I can't be there for them in person, I can still ask my Heavenly Father to watch over them.


Also Neko, I understand how you felt. I've lost two Grand Parents in the past two years. First was my Mema, my Mom's mother, who past on just before Christmas in 2005; and the other was my GrandPa, my Dad's dad, this past Spring. And both times, while everyone else were upset and all kinds of torn up about everything both times . . . I felt as cold and steady as the Rock of Jebralter. I've never witnessed Death's handy work first hand, and I did feel that life would never be the same because of the loss and the lack of having them there, but I never saw much purpose in all the fuss.

They were no longer bound by their limiting, aging, worthless flesh husks. Free of the pains of having to live in a human society. And going on to a far greater adventure than this worthless world could ever offer. I say that last part because I know they were both good people and great grandparents, and deserved nothing less than to go on to Heaven.


I don't know whether the lack of feeling makes me a bad person; shows my understanding of life and how it works in the big picture; or if I just haven't been hit hard enough yet. I just know that deep down that I'll miss every one of them and I'll be greatful for them now being able to watch over the rest of us along side Father as he protects and cares for us.


{cuddles up to her and gives her as warm a hug as possible as well as cheek rubs and kisses}

Best wishes and prayers and I hope things get better for you and yours.
Reply
:iconhavencaser:
Havencaser Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Hey Cubeko, remember m'lady could always be worse, look at me, I'm heartless 24/7. but gewd to see your back, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger, rember that.
Reply
:iconcnidarian-s5:
Cnidarian-S5 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
It's not a matter of being strong or being weak. Some people have said it already, coping with a crisis or loss comes differently for each person. Not being able to shed tears is still a reaction in itself and it certainly doesn't mean that you are inhuman. There are two things which you've said that prove that you are indeed human. First, you felt something deep inside even though you weren't able to express it outwardly; and second, your questioning your actions show that you care for your brother. While your thoughts right now may be self centered, I believe that you truly wanted to show your brother that you love him. A truly emotionless person would not give a second thought about any of this.

I've lost three grandparents, a close aunt, a mentor, and a childhood best friend over the course of time since I was in 6th grade; and in each case, I could not cry at their funerals. The only time I truly cried was when I had to put my five year old dog to sleep this past New Year's Eve. Naturally, I questioned my own humanity, too; but while I still do not fully understand why I'm the way I am, I know that I loved these people (and dog) because I often find myself crying in my sleep from a dream I had of them.

For you, though, your brother is still alive; it truly was a miracle that he survived. Even though you couldn't cry for him then, you can still be there for him now. I don't now how close you are with your brother, but you may want to talk to him about all this as well. Tell him that you do love him.
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:iconkaos-storm:
Kaos-Storm Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
You were also being strong. When I was at my grandpa's funeral I didn't cry, but inside I felt upset that he was gone. Im usually the strong one and you were just being strong and there's nothing wrong with that and plus you really do care about them and him.
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:iconkaos-storm:
Kaos-Storm Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Sorry for your bro, but at least he's ok and you won't lose him. People react to things in different ways maybe you just had a delayed reaction or something. Your not a horrible person cause you really do care and are glad he's ok and he won't die. I hope everything else will be alright and that you feel better soon.
Reply
:iconleviamicky:
Leviamicky Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
You know what...? I'm the same way when dealing with the loss of family..... Does that make me bad?
Reply
:icontwo-ton-neko:
Two-Ton-Neko Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
The thing is I love my brothers.
Reply
:iconleviamicky:
Leviamicky Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Well yeah... its hard for me to grieve for people who dont like me, heh....

Still, I dont really think that you should beat yourself up over this. We all deal with sadness and grief in our own ways - it sounds to me like you were somehow instinctively putting on a brave face or something, and dealing with the sadness later, in private. Doesnt that make a little sense to you? It sure makes more sense than believing you're a bad person, hon.
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:icontombfyre:
Tombfyre Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Re: update 3.

You're not a horrible person. People react in different ways to troubles such as accidents and injury, if not death itself. A lot of folks don't get very upset at all. I for one don't. Its not a "lack of humanity" in my opinion, its simply realizing that crying, screaming, and generally falling over yourself isn't going to accomplish anything. If anything, it just makes you feel worse.

You probably realized that your brother was ok. He survived, he made it to the hospital, he's under the care of doctors. Now all he needs is time to recover. :)

Sorry you've had to go through emotional turmoil, but things will improve. Don't beat yourself up over it.
Reply
:iconthefeeder:
TheFeeder Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Ah, I thought someone in your family died. I'm glad my imagination was wrong on this one, though... ^^; It's nice to know that everything is fine, now!

If you were such an horrible person and lacked remorse, I don't think the fact that you didn't cried would bother you so much!
Reply
:icondrachenlupe:
Drachenlupe Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
You are not a horrible person...you were most likely in shock.
Reply
:iconsnilloc42290:
snilloc42290 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
hey i just read about what happened, and im glad your brother is ok.
i dont think that your lack of a reaction when you saw your brother is less human or low or anything like that. i dont know u personaly but i thank it was probably just the shock of it. i know that when my little 3rd grade brother got bit by a dog, although it wasn't life thretining, thats how i felt, it was like my brain was having trouble accepting it and my body just felt numb. so i don't think how u reacted was wrong, its not like u didn't care. u shouldn't be upset with your self.
anyway im glad he's ok and good luck with the move.
Reply
:iconloggyj:
loggyj Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007   Photographer
Well, good luck for the future abd I'm glad your brother's O.K.
Reply
:iconsatsumalord:
SatsumaLord Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist Digital Artist
It's good to hear that your brother is going to be alright. Also, not being able to show emotion doesn't make you a horrible person. Finally, good luck and stay safe while you move.
Reply
:iconcrazystef:
crazystef Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Your not a horrible person!!

Everyone processes something like that in its own manner. I did when my grandma died. Everyone was crying. I was as well but i put my feelings in a computergame.

This maybe isn't the same situation though.. but ... well i just hope your brother will be alright. As well as you. :cling:
Reply
:icondragonriderjess:
DragonRiderJess Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Student General Artist
Dont worry Koneko, You probably on some level knew he would be alright ):
Reply
:iconmanji-luo:
manji-luo Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
wow...that's pretty rough =/
you aren't an emotionless bitch, hun. i've had a similar situation in my life, only someone actually DID die >.>;;

when my grandfather died from Parkinson's-disease-related illnesses, everyone was torn apart by it. i wanted to cry, but my body just wouldn't let me. When it finally came time for his funaeral, however, i cried the hardest out of everyone there.

just because you don't cry doesn't necessarilly mean you're emotionless. i'm not sure what exactly it means, but i know it doesn't mean you don't care or don't show emotion. you've already proved that you do just by talking to us about this whole mess and explaining it to us like you did.

i'll keep my prayers with you and your brother, in any case =3



also: some people don't think that you can die from Parkinson's disease, but you actually can (to an extent). my grandfather's immune system was weakened severely by the disease, and he died of other diseases that were easily caught BECAUSE his immune system was weakened. it still hurts me to see him how he was the last time i saw him before he died >_<
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:iconjawmax:
jawmax Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
I'm glad your brother is ok. I have a twin brother and I don't know what I would do if anything happened to him.
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:iconthe-reploidst:
The-Reploidst Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
In times of great disturbance and and emotional and mental stress, sometimes we fail to react. I should know. I have been to a funeral, I remained without emotion. Then it came out later in another way.

My emotions are almost always locked up. I am almost always emotionless....until something breaks the thin shell. Whenever I get angry and go into a angry rage, I almost always have an emotional breakdown where I start crying. So yeah. I know how you feel in that regard. My grandpa on my mom's side needed to have surgery to get an artery unclogged. There was a chance he could die. I didn't react. So it is the same thing. When you go through a lot of hardships, you tend to lock up your emotions after awhile.

...so yeah. Know how you feel Chub.
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:iconfirefox02002:
FireFox02002 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
What am I trying to figure out?
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:icontwo-ton-neko:
Two-Ton-Neko Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Thats for the people who know who I am in real life. =P Its not that important.
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:iconfirefox02002:
FireFox02002 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Ooooh...
Reply
:iconwolfheartv:
wolfheartV Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007   Photographer
actually i felt the same way when my mother was in the hospital after a major car crash, but i think it was cause i had a feeling she was gonna make it, and she did
Reply
:iconkakuepsilon:
KakuEpsilon Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
IT doesn't make you a horrible person for not reacting at the moment. It's called being so scared and worried that your emotions lock up and now that the worst is over, your emotions are once again free to react.

A horrible person is the person who would have stood there and laughed at him for being an idiot. You were there for him physically when you mentally couldn't be. That makes you a pretty damn good sister if you ask me.
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:iconpotash:
Potash Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007   Digital Artist
wow... That was SO close to paralyzation... But I don't know why you didn't cry. Maybe you tried not to cry, and managed? But on the other hand, why would crying help? That you didn't cry did NOT show that you're a horrible heartless person. If you felt GOOD and "avenged" or anything, then you could drop what I just said. Elsewise, you're just the good person that you are!

The best thing is that your brother will recover fully. My prayers have not gone in vein.

Plus, I am enthusiastic about all your pictures. I'm not a "if this is fat i fav, if not i don't" kind of person. =P
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:iconrl-182:
RL-182 Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
No...you don't lack emotion...not to cry while he was in the hospital bed was showing you were being strong for him. You didn't shed a tear becuase you stood your ground and knew he was going to get better and pull though....

Some say not to cry is to show you don't care, but there wrong you do care and you showed it by standing tall and letting your brother know that you believed in him....

I hope I've helped no matter how small, and I do hope he makes a full recovery :)
Reply
:iconhungryjackal:
hungryjackal Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
You know I will be praying for his full recovery.

And don't look down on yourself too hard. Just because you did not feel remorse does not make you a horrible person. Perhaps deep down you knew he would be fine, thats why you remained rather calm.

Everyone reacts differently to a tragic occurrences. For some it takes a while before they come to grips with what has happened and react, others they react right away. This doesn't mean you are a horrible person.

Best wishes to you and your family.
Reply
:iconbam-lau:
Bam-Lau Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2007
Here's to the full recovery.
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:iconjimmydimples:
JimmyDimples Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
Whut Potash said. You're in my thoughts and prayers, too, Chubeko-tan. :hug:
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:iconpotash:
Potash Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2007   Digital Artist
D: Oh crap. Family problems. I'm not going to ask, as you would rather keep it confidential, and I respect that. I cannot help with anything but simply being there for you; Being yet another person who thinks that you're simply a fully admirable person :3

And, I can hope and pray for the better situations for you. I will every night. Even though I don't even know your name. :lol:
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:icongemtherabbit-123:
gemtherabbit-123 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
good luck remember you've got everyones support here on DA
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:icondragonriderjess:
DragonRiderJess Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Student General Artist
I hope youll be ok ):
Reply
:iconviper7745:
Viper7745 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
good luck i need to go take renaton,krystal,nala,and ninetails
Reply
:iconthepasswordis-123456:
thepasswordis-123456 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist Digital Artist
[link]

You have my best wishes, and I wish you the best of luck.
Reply
:iconfann:
FANN Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
I wish you the best. (But I also wish I knew exactly what I was wishing for...)
Reply
:iconcnidarian-s5:
Cnidarian-S5 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
Really don't worry about trying to post any art under these circumstances. Take care of yourself and your family first. I hope that there's someone in real life who can really listen to you, so it doesn't continue to eat at you inside.
Reply
:iconkaos-storm:
Kaos-Storm Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
Sorry about the tragic stuff that happend. I hope everything will be ok and you will have a full recovery and feel better.
Reply
:iconmanji-luo:
manji-luo Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
i hope things turn out well for you. =( random stuff like this really is a downer ^^;

in the meantime, stay safe and try not to let the troubles present in your life overwhelm you.
Reply
:iconhungryjackal:
hungryjackal Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007
Sounds pretty serious. Don't worry about posting and stuff like that, your things come first rather than OnLine stuff. I will be hoping for a full recovery for what ever happened.
Reply
:iconthefeeder:
TheFeeder Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hurgh, it definatly sucks for you... Whatever happened, I seriously hope for you to "heal" from this, and come back as cheerful as usually!

Good luck!
Reply
:iconalanes:
AlanES Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry for the tragic occurrence. I hope things look up soon.
Reply
:icondwarfpriest:
dwarfpriest Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Good luck :( I hope things get better.
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:iconshikashi18:
Shikashi18 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2007  Hobbyist Artist
One of thoes times, huh?
Reply
:iconsmarty452:
smarty452 Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2007   Photographer
ok good luck Chubeko ^^
Reply
:icontorokoprower:
torokoprower Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2007
Good luck with the move sister. And I love the new avvie.
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