Hi. Let me reintroduce myself. I'm Turtlesaur and I'm a disaster.
//wheezes I haven't made like. A legit journal with legit information without any interaction really and just wow! So let's talk about the good parts before we get into the bad because BOY HOWDY DOES IT GET BAD.
So like the only part anyone will probably stick around for and actually care about: Toxiraptors!
I'm redoing the breed entirely, making a whole new sheet and everything. That's part of the reason why I'm doing Dinovember, a lot of the drawings are going to be used in the sheet. Everything is completely revamped, except for the same basic look and stuff. The lore has changed a lot and a lot of the written stuff is redone. So it'll be better than ever so yeah. One day that'll happen. Will it happen before 2019? Honestly? Who knows!
Okay, now lets get into real life garbage and why I've been hella inactive.
TLDR; The end of 2017 and the whole of 2018 basically sucked.
So! Let's start at Christmas of 2017!
My grandma, Ma, went to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well. They found tumors in her ovaries. My mom and her siblings found out on Christmas. I found out when I went to the bathroom at work. Feels bad mates.
Let's talk about work. January, I got promoted! To assistant manager! I was excited! Well, I got promoted because the GM at the time was garbage and ran the restaurant to the ground soooo that sucked. I was working six days a week because he didn't work and when he was there. He still didn't work.
So he got fired and I got promoted! The reason why I didn't take the general manager position was one. My grandma. And two. Being a GM sucks. So I said I'd be AM because its a lot less work.
I was lied to.
I ended up working 7 days a week, I was depressed (more than I already am), and I was doing all the things of GM which pissed me off.
So back to my grandma (sorry this is all over the place and wild and if you get that far, you'll understand why), after a bunch of tests, the doctors decided it was not cancerous. So she was set up to get her ovaries taken out. Fast forward to March, my mom's at Disneyland, I'm still being over worked and doing too much at work, and my grandma goes into surgery.
My mom calls me while I'm at work three hours early putting away the stock when she tells me my grandma has cancer. I'm a mess at work but I have to stay because no one else would come in.
A week later I step down from assistant manager (or general manager. I still don't know what I was in that time to this day.) so I can focus less on work and more on family. I'm not longer at 7 days a week. But I'm 6. Still working over 40 hours, half of that in the two weekend days I work. Also, I can't do anything on Sunday's because I live at home with my parents and the rule is I have to go to church so with that being my only day off, I fell behind on a lot of things. Sleep, my car was and is falling apart (it was 2000 miles over due on an oil change), and I haven't cut my hair since November of 2016. Also, I wasn't drawing! At all! I was too depressed and over worked to even do that!
So in surgery, they removed her ovaries, appendix, and parts of her... intestine? I think? Anyway, the determined it was appendix cancer, which was most likely from back in WW2 era when they were testing the atomic bombs because guess what, my grandma was in the radiation zone. Even though it was removed, it would come back. When, no one was sure. But it would. And my grandma didn't want to do chemo because, think of the whole picture. She's old and the chemo she would have to do would have ended up killing her. So she decided not to do.
So fast forward to May. May was hella good. I went to Disneyland and comic con! I cosplayed 3 of the 4 days, Squiggy cosplaying two of them.
I love comic con and cosplaying. Basically, the time I wasn't drawing which was basically all of 2017 and most of 2018, I was and am working on cosplay. I post about mainly on my instagram, so if you want more of that, follow me @ turtlesaur on Instagram.
So May was good. The next few months were average, I just worked and stuff. My grandma kept trying to get to doctors to find out what was going on with her cancer and got the turn around a lot, but we all stayed positive.
Then September hit. My grandma was hospitalized for a blockage which turned out to be the cancer coming back. And it was aggressive. Everyone found out on September 23rd.
A month prior, I was finally given another day off during the week along with Sunday. So work has been less stressful, still stressful but not as bad. I gave them the heads up that things are about to get bad and work was prepared.
Until they fired two shift leads. The fired the two that were to pick up any slack because I had my personal problems, one of the other shift leads is on crutches, and the other was out at the time because her tonsils were taken out. October 13th I went to visit my grandma. She was walking around, albiet she was tired, but we went over there as we had been before.
October 15th, they fired the second shift lead and I went to my district manager asking what they were going to do when I had to leave for my grandma.
October 17th my grandma was moved to hospice. If you don't know what that is, its where one goes when its time to go.
I saw my grandma for the last time on October 19th. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
On October 21st my grandma passed away.
It's been 2 weeks and I still don't think she's gone. Her ashes and death certificate are in the my house and I'm still expecting a comment on my Halloween post. A comment on my art. A phone call about Donald Trump. And they aren't coming. They won't come anymore.
Like, that isn't even the only bad thing that happened this year, this was going on along with a whole slew of other things. And I just feel like. I've let a lot of a people down. I don't talk about my problems a lot, I usually try to help other people and like this year. I've tried really hard. But I still think I've let a lot of people down and I'm still breaking down and I don't know what to do.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I'm going to try to be more active, but like I said. A lot has been going down. But I'm going to try and be better. Can't make any promises, but I'm going to try.