100+ Victorian/Steampunk Style Insults

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100+ Victorian/Steampunk Style Insults with a Tesla vs Edison Theme

We came up with these for The Showdown At Unobtainium 2012: Tesla vs Edison!
THE SHOWDOWN IS THIS WEEKEND! NOV 10 & 11, 2012! showdownatunobtainium.com/

You sir, are a pigeon loving poor man.

You sir, are a pigeon plucking pauper.

You are a well funded, dull minded, cash carrying bit faker!

You are a scientific dollymop.

You are a blight upon this chapter of my life.

You are a flimp upon this scientific community!

You gulping fool!

I do believe your corset has been laced too tight; the thoughts flowing from your mouth best belong in your chest.

Had I ever a son like you, I would have been more prepared for such juvenile conversation.

Had I a father such as yourself, I would take it as warning that I should go simple as my years progress.

The concepts that pass my mind in simple flight would tax the capacity of your abilities.

Dim witted louse.

Uncouth ladybird.

How far have you traveled to spread such simple minded delusions?

It must be so easy to sleep without all those thoughts cluttering your mind.

You, a miracle maker? Ha! More like fact faker or treasure taker.

Come down out of the clouds you dreaming simpleton.

Doe-eyed ditch digging deviant!

A.C.? For you it stands for Absolutely Crazy!

D.C.? For you it stands for Dilapidated Creation!

You lush guzzling glock.

Why don't you stop pretending to be an
educated man of science?

What? Are you studying to be a halfwit?

Your knife's so dull it wouldn't cut hot butter.

You don't know dung from wild honey.

What are you, weak north of your ears?

Your family tree is a shrub.

You have a ten dollar hat and a five cent head.

There is nothing under your hat but hair.

You're built like a snake on stilts.

You're as slow as molasses in January.

You're so crooked, you swallow nails and spit out corkscrews.

You're lying like a rug.

Forgive me! I forgot to remove my hat in the presence of such a dainty lady.

How sad, a voice like sugar, a body like honey and a mind like molasses in January…

I do believe your gears may need a bit of oiling, I can hear the grinding from here.

Have you no time to invest your own abilities, aside from the thieving of other's creations?

I've had more compelling conversations with lab rats.

I've neither the time nor the breath to waste on you.

Good day sir, and good bye.

My day brightens with your leave.

The only audience you may hold in appreciation would be in front of a mirror you pompous and conceited fool.

If only I had the time to relish a journey through your lofty headed dreams… However, the reality of my effective profits would suffer.

I dine on fact as you starve on dreams.

I may suffer for my belief in my dreams, but all of us suffer as we follow your nightmare.

How crafty! You must enjoy the pleasures of penniless dreams.

You are a pompous brute, offering only your gluttonous consumption as a benefit to society.

Ah! Coincidence! Your mother has said as much only mere hours ago as she greased my gears.

Polish your goggles fool! Only the feeble minded dimwits fall prey to such nonsense!

A pointless gesture, offering no consolidation, instead only a calculation of the timing needed to stab one in the back. Off with you!

This is a discussion for a true gentleman, not a dainty fool. Be off!

I wish I too had the time to consider such frivolous drivel.

You seem a few gears short of functional.

Truly, are those gears just for show?

Your thoughts seem lost among the clouds and airships.

Ask me to create something and you will get 26 possible successes, ask him and you will get 100 proud failures and 1 possible manageable solution.

At what point do you come out of your deluded dreams?

Fame & Fortune: Is this all your feeble mind seeks?

Once my time-traveling machine is built, maybe then I would have time to waste my breath with you, though even that is questionable.

With manners like yours, I'd wager your mother's skirt fell only to her knees.

It is hard to determine where the brains of your operation lay, under your hat or beneath your monstrous mustache.

Surely you jest! I know my own intellect would prevent me from falling into conversation with someone who truly puts stock in such frippery.

Your words carry more hot air than a traveling balloon!

Travel for you must be easy and cheap with so much hot air in stock.

Do be sure to grab a good breakfast tomorrow, it seems you skipped today. You really need every resource to keep functioning on a human level of aptitude.

Roll up those sleeves and strap on your goggles, I've had nearly all I will listen to from you!

I honestly thought such immature dreams were beneath a man of even your stature.

Have you any worth to this society?

Make light all you will, in the end I am the one dining and dwelling in comfort.

A shame such frivolous ideals can captivate an audience with only the use of a silver tongue.

I simply rely on fact and thought for my findings, you rely on others.

Are you truly so simple?

You say I'm like a snake on stilts, but you, however, are simply a snake!

Perhaps you contributed more to this scientific community whilst you dug ditches.

Loosen your goggles; they seem to be cutting off blood flow to your brain.

Your work ethic might be admiral if you ever got anything to actually work.

Plenty of airships would love you on their crew. On a still day, you alone could power their sails.

Exasperation only begins to describe my feelings towards you and your work!

One might be impressed with this, if a 4 year old had presented it.

Aren't you supposed to be out on a date with your fowl feathered friend?

Blinded by a flash of light outside? Stop staring at the sun you fool!

Oh look! Mine's bigger!

Has this discussion already stooped to a school yard level?

If not for your faulty brain, I could see you contributing so much.

If not for your faulty personality, I could see you contributing so much!

I'm sorry, at what point did I lead you to believe you had even an ounce of my attention?

If only your brain could match the skill of your mouth.

Is it possible to have a conversation with you that does not revolved around you?

You believe you gift so much to so many, but you are blind to comprehend the struggles of the many more.

Socialist.

Capitalist.

Socially inept scientific dullard!

Plain and simple, you are a thief!

Loosen your belt a bit, before you bust something.

Looking a bit hot under the collar... All that hot air can't be good for your blood pressure.

Perhaps your goggles need new lenses, the answer is clear to see.

You best mind your words, if that alone doesn't tax your abilities.

Roll up your sleeves; that is, if you are not appalled at the idea of doing any work yourself.

I've no interest in any endeavor your tentacles slither their way on towards.

Your contraption conception reads like a children's fairy tale: full of dreams and meant only for the fancy of the dull minded.

Anytime you're ready, feel free to move towards an enlightened thought process.

There is gullible and then there is Tesla.

There is muck and then there is Edison.

You are a cold shower to the steamy environment, loosen that corset a bit!

You are no better than a thieving airship pirate!

Perhaps you are also the father of piracy!

With all your supposed intellect and skill, in the end you choose to video CATS BOXING?

At least I don't require a harem of scientists to get my work done.

It would take a day or more of washing to cleanse my hands of your unethical filth; so no, I will not shake your hand.

I traveled pretty far to arrive to such disappointment.

Are you even cognizant of your follies?

A check speaks volumes louder than lofty spoken dreams.

What a high class term for such a low class mouth.

You, sir, are an antediluvian miscreant.

Your work is equal to that of a foul gobbet of dromedary expectorant.

I have less use for your work than I would an empty eggshell.

You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Ah! Imagine that! One of such esteemed stature at a loss for his own thoughts must delve into the pop creations of others!

How quaint! Did you grab that invention from my scrap pile?
Published:
© 2012 - 2021 turnerstokens
Comments7
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Perry-Pictures's avatar
"You're so crooked, you swallow nails and spit out corkscrews." - brilliant and funny!! :D
GoodOldBaz's avatar
oh my gosh this is fantastic! faving this and using as reference because it is AWESOME! made me laugh - I'm gonna have to use those sometime!
Izixa's avatar
These are wonderful!
bear48's avatar
:rofl: and still laughing
turnerstokens's avatar
:la: Can't wait for the event this weekend! So close and so many things to do before hand! XD
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