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You know how you can be aware that you're dreaming?

Don't you hate when you're stuck in a nightmare and you're about to be eaten/killed/blended/blownup/tickled-to-death by a giant chihuahua and you're trying to will yourself awake but you can't quite do it?

I've been in the same nightmare for 3 months about!  I can't bring myself to draw anymore and I can't seem to form what I need to whenever I do get a pencil to paper.  I want to wake up!  Let the artist's block END!  Where is my inspiration?

Ahhh.  That felt good to get off my chest.  But honestly, though I sound melodramatic, I am speaking from my heart.  I hate not drawing/not being able to draw.  I've been "an artist" since I was five and now...  Now I'm slowly losing my drive to create.

.....Wake up!!!!!!
  • Listening to: Mad World
  • Reading: Jane Eyre

Today I had my first painting class...ever.  Oil painting.  

It was ...weird!!!  You draw with fine charchoal and then you start painting with really bright colors.  You use yellow on the skin that's illuminated and purple on anything with shadow.  (Orange is used for black skin).  Brown (orchid, really) is used for all hair colors..  

My teacher was very scatterbrained and easily distracted.  She whipped through an example and set us off trying to get painting...

With oils you have to layer and layer from dark to light.  My teacher wasn't a very good instructor: she would come over and talk gibberish and take your brush and start painting herself.  When she was painting mine, she was talking with a lady and not even telling me what she was doing.


3 more days and we'll see how it turns out...!
  • Reading: Emma by Jane Austen
I hope I spelt that right...


Garsh...  I actually cried when I read the 7th book...  

Snapey-poo, no!

Albus Severus, put together, doesn't really roll off the tongue, though.  I found that to be rather forced...  but sweet!  Don't get me wrong...

I kinda felt the epilogue was...rushed... but...  You know.  Whatevah.
  • Reading: Silas Marner

Mischief managed: 7/21/07!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last book of the Harry Potter series COMES OUT ON SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm definitely going to the Barnes and Noble party!

I can't wait!

Who will make it through unscathed?

Is the darling Snape we know and love actually evil?

Does Crookshanks end up murdering Lord Voldemort to save Ron?

Dumblydore?  Dead?  Or will he start rolling in his grave?

Sirius?  ...well... I actually think he's dead.

And...I think Snape's......good.  Well, at least, I really really want him to be.

Poor Snivellus.  He loved Lily so much.

5th movie was pretty great.  LUNA WAS VERY WELL CAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Harry Harry Harry!!!!

On they have some really really funny T-Shirts that you guys should check out!!!!!!!!  Siriusly.

"Don't make me go all Avada Kedavra on you!!!!!!!"

Oh, by the way...  In THE PRINCE, by....Mochiovelli? (sp?) there's a guy named Severus and he's evil and turns on two generals that he made deals with...  .... ...  Half-blood PRINCE?  SEVERUS?  COINCIDENCE?  

Is Harry's scar a Horcrux?  Is Ollivander bad? (my dumb brother thinks he is)

They had Helga Hufflepuff's wand on display in Ollivander's....  is that a Horcrux?

If Harry's scar is a Horcrux, could a dementor suck out that Voldymort piece out of it without killing Harry?

Will there be a talking, even useful, portrait of Dumbledore in the Headmaster's office?

I can't WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Tell me all of your theories!!!!!!!!
  • Reading: Silas Marner
Ha!  Ha ha!

Every time I get bored this summer, I'm gonna go to the gym!!!


Gee... I wonder how long that resolution is going to....last...


  • Reading: Jane Eyre
So this really funny thing happenned that was good for everyone.

I was fighting with my dad.  He was being dumb and unreasonable and I was right and he was wrong.  (It's called denial; i AM aware of my condition).

Oh yeah.  I remember what it was about~!  I had "messed up" the good computer with a Panasonic Camcorder CD by...what was it?  right: simply using it.  i think my dad likes to blame people for things.

i had installed the camcorder.

the computer was whiny the next day.

MY fault.


0___0;;;;!!!! So i argued.  And got mad at him.  he yelled... i kinda did...but i couldn't really or else i'd get slapped i bet.


i was shaking, angry, blah blah blah, and my eyes fell onto my water bottle.  i had the insane urge to wrench it open and douse my father with its freezing contents so i grabbed it, tore off the lid, and shrieked out my devilish war cry.  he froze, staring at me with shock as i poured all that water all over...myself.

all over me head, belly, shoulders....wet.

we all burst out laughing.
  • Reading: Farewell to Arms
  • Watching: THE OFFICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • Drinking: essence of buddha
  • Listening to: the hum of the modem.
  • Reading: meh. i dunno.
  • Watching: death note. friggin awesome.
  • Playing: no, working.
  • Eating: enuff to live. maybe a little more.
  • Drinking: -breathes in- oxygen and airborne diseases.

ACT, year....



Reclusive tendencies....

;_; Vikki made fun of my drawing!

What's happenning to me...

...i'm diminishing.  my friends are avoiding me...  or maybe i'm avoiding them?

i'd always hoped i'd be somewhere higher than here at this point.

i have so many promises to keep.

i'm in creative writing, fiddling with a little children's story about identity and self-awareness.  

it only applies to cats, however, and so i'm questioning the work's collective value.  

heh heh heh.

i need to finish my comic.  it's due today.

i'm not even getting PAID FOR IT!



i don't really care/mind who reads this.  i'm writing for myself, really:

so josh, my homecoming date from last month.

he avoids me.

i avoid him.

it's really weird!!!

i saw him today at school (a rare occurance).  he'd seen me too, standing about 30 feet away.  i shy-ed away.  he kinda shrugged me off too.

shtrange, huh?

we're both too shy i guess.




things to do.........

-To Do List-
Physics test tomorrow: Look over notes for the first time ever
Orchestra: Learn the impossible songs
English: Oral presentation on Euthanasia
Art: Durrer project
u.s. history: vocabulary
creative writing: project
precalculus: tons and tons and tons of homework.

piano piano piano

and clean my room.

both of them

(i've taken over rees')


  • Listening to: The chatter of classmates
  • Reading: ....words
  • Watching: the blaring computer screen
  • Playing: with the idea that life has meaning
  • Eating: ...actually, for lunch i had chicken and salad
  • Drinking: ...i'm tired.... -_-zZZz
I got a commemorative award (whatever that means) for my Lightly Toasted Husky deviation that is currently my featured deviation!!  I even submitted it to the contest with that name and it didn't daunt them in the least!  (hopefully)  I can't wait for Culture Shapers this FALL!  I've got to send in a good piece.... the grand prize is $1000 cash I think.
'Twas located on me lower back...  Weird shape...  

I got it whilst I was outside painting the redone fence that .....I'd...burnt down... (see previous journal for details).  I got this burn cause I was sittin' for a good amount of the time on a stool...  me shirt was huuuge (old, beat up, paint stained trash shirt: perfect for the job) so I tied it in the back, giving it a little tail thingy.  ...The shirt came above me pants in the back....  ...the tags of me pants were....obviously flipped up because two little squares of white interrupted the painful red-skin at the end of the day.  And the little 'shirt taily' thingy divided this sunburn into two lopsided, crimson shapes...  ow...

I think it's gone now...but..  I'm soooo going to get skin cancer when I'm old and gray.



Dang, I never know how to spell that.

I probably owe my parents $1000 dollars now...

-smacks self in the head-

Yeah, I already posted a journal with this same entry, but you know me, I can get high without the help of drugs, and when I posted that journal last night, I was a little loopy.


Just tired....let's say.

Alright.  So I almost killed my family and burned down my house.  Almost.  See...  Well....

-takes a deep breath-

I like fire.  I'm a pyro...  pyra?  Pyressss...   yeah, anyways, so I wanted to burn some pages in my book to make them know, that cool singe-effect thang, so I took ze book, a notebook, a lighter, and I went outside on my driveway to start alighting some papers.

'Twas windyish outside, kinda hard to get a flame goin' but I managed.  Again, I'm a pyro.  I understand fire.  Kinda.  ....

<_<;; maybe I can't say that, after what happenned...

Anyways, that was a pretty unlucky day for me.  It was the 13th and  ^__^  I lit the whole spiral notebook on fire, watched the pages curl in fascination, and then I decided I wanted the fire to stop.  So I grabbed the hose which was lying not too far away and I sprinkled the leftover water in it on ze book, too lazy to actually turn it on.

It was still smoking when I tossed it into the trees/bushes/lot-next-to-me-house, and I went inside, thinking to myself, "those plants are so green....  they'll never catch, even if the embers didn't all burn out."

I forgot all about that little notebook...  Sat back down at the computer, resumed whatever I was doing.. and...

This guy sprinted to my door, pounded on it frantically, and started yelling, "HELLO?  ANYONE THERE?  THERE'S A FIRE OUT HERE!"


A huge, twelve foot fire was roaring in the foresty lot next to our house, in the upper corner where i had ...deposited said notebook....  so...carelessly...  SO BIG!  ARGHHH~!   Smoke....a couple of neighbors were there, spraying it with a hose in vain...   the fire department came very very quickly...  but then, it's pretty dang close..  luckily.

Basically, the captain firefighter glared at me, asked how old i was with a disgusted sneer (once it got out that i had started the fire) and i...  like a baby, ran inside crying, dramatically...  the lady diagonal from us, whose fence (about 20 feet of it) got fried, yelled at me when i went over to apologize.  she wanted to strangle me, she said.  how nice, right?  


don't play with fire.

gay ending but hey...  you know what?

Going to Califooooorniaaaa!  w00t! (whatever that means)

I'm going to be gone for 10 days!  Going to visit my gram and grampah in SAN DIEGO!!!  YAYYYY!   Finally!  Cool weather!  Texas is killing me recently... plus, our thermostat was up to 86 today!!!  I was about to cry because I had to pack for a long time in this heat.


READ   Death Note   !!!!

It is the single best manga series I've ever had the pleasure to slip down my optic nerve!

(if that made sense, you're narcotic)


Ahh, yes, well, I hate to type this much at once...  people might think i'm trying to do something constructive with my life...  keeping a personal account and such...

I'll miss you guyzz!!!  T_____________T

And that means you, AujeanNeko!  And you, Kajineiko!  And, o' course, Cronos591 and Wolfaphrodite!  And then there is that nonartist among you, Measuring-Bandit who I must say is cool beyond belief.

I'm about to go live in a small house with 20 people in it for 10 days.

G-d help me!
This summer is gonna be awesome.


I have much to...put off.  ^_____^  I have 20 portraits to draw, 3 comics to pick up, 2 short stories to right, and a few children's books to try and finish.  Also, I have to write down my piano composition somehow, using that crazy Sibelius program which doesn't want to cooperate with me!  >_<;;;;;  CURSE YOU PINAEPPLE SPRITE OF INADAQUECY!!!


I'm calm.  I'm calm.  Basically, if you're reading this...  know that you SHOULD get confused, because it's not addressed to you and is about (for most of you) some strange, distant girl's insignificant life schedule.  

I'm sad that do you spell it?  Phenylynticlorics (whatever) isn't going to be on dA much over the summer 'cause he's my sarcasm bud!  ;_;  'Twill be sad with no scatterbrain like him to spew forth upper-level-nonsensical words with.  -sighs-

Summer summer summer!  I got out of school on the 2...uh...6th? of May. was a Thursday, I know that...  Hmmm....  I'm going to work really hard on my drawing skillz...  I'm going to be in Art Drawing AP next year!!!  Anyways...

Today's my bro's b-day.  the big 1 8 !!!

I hope that person knocking on my door right now isn't him..because that would mean that he and my dad are back from their camping trip and that dad would be noticing his...laptop...missing.


   T S Y R I S
I don't think people read journals anymore.  

T___________T  my tablet died!  -panics-


Would anyone like me to draw them something?
I got tagged.  Evidently I have to relate to you all just about 20 interesting things about me.

Here's 20 things, not necessarily interesting.

I'm the only one with red hair in my family
I have the unusual combination of red hair and brown eyes
Many little details of my life reflect a theme of cats:  My name (meaning lioness), my sign, Leo (lol…that reminds me of some more things…), I have catlike balance (gymnastics) and cats are just cool.  ^^ Kitties.
I am left handed
Yet I throw with my right hand, kick with my left, use right handed scissors.
I humbly admit that I'm vain
I make up ideas for novels in the shower
I can't take compliments well
I can't speak well in front of people, yet I fight to get up there
Six kids in the family, yet I remain sane
I first started to compose music at the age of seven
I don't think I ever really believed in Santa
I definitely never believed in the tooth fairy
Never had a cavity my whole life, then at the age of 13, bam, 4 in a row
Never gotten stitches or broken any bones
I laugh at my own jokes
And always at the wrong time (Jackie told me her brother's knee got all the tendons ripped during the football game and needed surgery and I couldn't stop laughing…)
Despite this, I rather nice to people
When they are nice to me…
I once punched my best friend in the stomach because she told me she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to play with me (2nd grade)
I played fairies in 6th grade…..  It was pretty sad
I can do an aerial!  That's meh name! ARIEL!
The first time I successfully did a back layout (flip) was with really tight jeans on
^^  yeah…
I feel like talking to people, but no one's online.

Soon I'll post something amusing for you guys to read.

Not now.
Do you wear black eyeliner?: nope
Do you own any black clothing?: Yep
Do you think about death often?: not really, no
Do you want to die?: let me see... no!
Are you a social outcast?: myeh.  not like some people.
Are you pale?: actually, i have a nice tan
Do you like Hot Topic?: no, been there once....kinda scary
Total YES: 1

--Skater Punk--
Can you skateboard?: Yeah right.
Do you wear Van's: I wish!
Do you do stupid stuff with your friends?: ...yes.
Do you get in trouble?: sometimes
Do you have any piercings? earrings
Total YES: 3

Do you say the word "like": sadly yes.  i use it instead of "said"
Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: noope.
Are the A&F models hot?: they bug me sometimes.
Rock music is bad, right?: hard rock=annoying.  altrock= happy
Do you want to be in a sorority/fraternity?: no, cause i don't know what those are (really)
Into jocks/popular guys/girls?: no!  i hate preps!
Are/were you a cheerleader?: i was going to try out actually... Kajineiko forbade such endeavors.
Total YES: 1


Is your hair long?: Medium-long.  Not longer than Tayyer's tho Y_Y
Are you a vegetarian?: No, but I don't like meat as much as some people might
Do you own a tye dye shirt?: YES, OKAY?  But I don't wear it to school or anything.  It's very neck-nigh and uncomfy anyways.
Do you want peace?: SURE!
Do you want to save the animals: Sure...
Is war bad?: Is war good?
Total YES: 5...   Oh, that's sad.

Are you from the ghetto?: HECK NO!
Do you own "bling bling"?: HECK NO!
Do you like do-rags?: HECK NO!
How about hip-hop?: NO!
What do you think about afros?: -smirks-
Have you ever said 'fo shizzle'?: no, i couldn't pull that off
Total YES: BIG FAT 0

Do you cry alot?: nope
Do you have an ex?: ......nope. -starts crying- lol
Do you have an acoustic guitar?: YES! I DOOOO!  I need to name it...
Are you emotional?: mediumish.  Tho I did cry while watching The Iron Giant.
Do you like soft music?: Dependsa.
Do people understand you?: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME!  (jk!  i guess people do.  i bet lotsa people do)
Do you write your own songs?: YES!  I want to be a composer when I grow up. ^_^ tee hee
Is your hair dyed?: nope, i have the ultimate hair color naturally.
Do you cut?: AAAHHH!!!!  ewww grosssthat's so bad and groosa and sick and i hate you!  ^_^
Total YES: 5!!!  What's an emo?

Do you play any sports?: HECK YES!  I loooove sports!
How important are they to you?: SOO FUN!
Do you pick on the geeky kids?: Lol, only Tyler Vanpatten and Ashley.
What do you think about football?: Boring to watch, the guys don't let me play.
Were you considered a bully by anyone?: pssssshhhhhno.
Total YES: 3

Do you wear glasses?: 20/20!
Do you get good grades?: Yup, and if this qualifies one for being a geek, I really couldn't care less because when I grow up I'll be richer than the jocks and the goths (well, they'll be dead) and all the other people.  Except rich preps that are heir to inheritances.
Are you smart?: To say this without bragging...  Yes.  I consider myself to be smart.  Is that so bad?
Do you use an inhaler?: Lol!  Nope.
Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets: ...noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!  that's retarded.
Does your mom buy your clothes?: when she does i don't end up ever wearing them.
How often are you on the computer?: uh....I HAVE A LIFE!  but yes, i'm here often
Do you ever get picked on?: by Lauren! v-v
Total YES: 4...  not bad., I guess I'm mostly a.... hippie-emo.  Emohippie.  Hippeemo.  Yeah.

Try this it's fun!