|I love ocean life creatures~|
I really love visiting zoo's, aquariums and simple walks in the park!~
Fully licensed adult!
How do I look?:
Where do I live?:
Do I have pets?:
Favorite tv shows / cartoons?:
Things I Love:
Those Things I Hate/ AntiSupport:
This is part of a series I am free-writing on just to let my feelings out and to seek out any possible help or advice I receive from people who may have experienced the same or similar things.
This story is about the time a friend had started cutting themselves, and another friend who had changed genders.
There are only a few friends in my group so as as a key there's this:
H - My 'bestie' My most closest and long-time friend who was like a sister too me.
D - A newer friend that I knew the same time as I met friend C. We were close.
E - A friend who was once close to me in high school but stopped all contact with me in college. Which was bizarre as we still hung out in college and sat on the same bench in the common room. We were close but became strangers to each other during college. I later found out the possible reason why this friend had cut me off, and I shall explain in this post.
S - A new friend that was in the same high school as me but we didn't hang out until we were in college. I thought she was a nice close friend but this incident may explain why 'E' had cut off contact with me.
I - Not really my friend but was a nice girl. She was friends with 'S' as they were classmates but 'I' and myself had none of the same interests. Still, she was a very nice girl.
K - A classmate of 'D'. Again a nice girl but had none of the same interests as I did and didn't seem to want to be friends with me. From the start she seemed uncomfortable talking or sitting next to me. I found out later that it was because I was asian. (I am the only asian in the group.)
EL - A girl who I knew for only a short while but left a huge impact in my life in a negative way. Truly one of the worst people I have had the displeasure to meet in my life.
V - They are a person who became close to me later on. Older than the rest of us in the group by a year. We shared none of the same classes but spoke to each other online and in person during school breaks. To this day they are the only person I speak to from my past.
(I have bolded the ones included in this particular story.)
So in short, this story is about the time where I was targeted for being a transphobic person and for being a person who picked on a person who wanted to commit suicide. Both of which are false. Here is what happened.
This was a time where ‘E’ was still finding themselves and was going through the steps of becoming more confident with themselves. ‘E’ was changing to become more comfortable in themself, this included changing their appearance, name and gender. For the sake of continuity of these posts ‘E’ shall remain ‘E’.
‘E’ had never told me outright what was going on. I guess they never felt comfortable enough to tell me. (Everyone else in our group knew.) That’s fine. It’s something that I can never understand because I have always had the comfort of being comfortable with my gender. I feel happy that ‘E’ had found a way to be comfortable with their gender too. Them not telling me does not impact me. If ‘E’ decided not to tell me, that was their decision. We still remained on good terms. We still hung out. Just not the same as we used to.
‘E’ had stopped texting me. Stopped sharing memes on our phones in class. Stopped talking much at lunch. That was alright. ‘E’ had/has been going through a lot, and so long as we all kept respectful, and comfortable with each other as we always had been, it was fine.
‘E’ had been a close friend in high school, but that changed in college. I had thought it was because we had different classes and that everyone starts to change slightly at that age in life.
The truth however...was much more sad and horrifying then I could imagine.
First I need to say about 3 other people in our group. ‘I’ ‘S’ ‘K’. These three hung out closer together than they hung out with the rest of us. Partly because they had classes in the same side of the building and similar interests. I actually got along fine with them.
I found out later that ‘S’. The girl who I thought to be closer to than the other two girls. Was spreading rumours about me behind my back while being friendly to me face.
I found out after I left college that the reason ‘E’ had stopped talking to me was because they had thought I had spread gossip and disgusting transphobic comments about them. (Such as, not wanting to use the college toilets because they were mixed toilets and ‘E’ could have gone in either of them.) I of course didn’t say anything like this, and it’s sad that ‘E’ would have thought this was the case.
Because ‘E’ and I had just drifted off, I didn’t want to open old wounds by starting to message them again so I never attempted to chat with them. I did ask ‘D’ and ‘H’ who still had regular contact with them if ‘E’ was doing well and I was always told they were doing fine. I’m happy that ‘E’ is content with where they are today and hope they only have memories of our happy childhood times together.
I would like for 'E' to reach out and contact me again. I know they are very active on Deviantart and Tumblr. Though I suppose after so long there would be nothing the two of us would want to talk about. It's been so long that I guess they just simply didn't care much about our friendship in the first place.
This next part is about ‘K’ and how I was somehow perceived as a person who made fun of suicidal people.
‘S’ would have my laptop for an hour at college as she didn’t carry hers everyday and I would let her plug her USB and work on her essay when I was in a class that didn’t require my laptop. I had the latest version of Microsoft Word on my laptop at the time and she found it easy to use than the outdated library computers. This also included free use of whatever was on my laptop. I had trusted her with it. I thought she wouldn’t download anything bad or do anything bad to it because there was always more of my friends (most of the time either ‘D’ or ‘H’) at the table with her. However, as mentioned before in my birthday post, there was a time where they progressively got worse and glued to their screens. It was at this time where ‘S’ had taken advantage of me and pretended to be me in a instant messaging service to another friend.
For one of our classes, it’s required for students to have a Pinterest account. I had, had one previously and already made a few boards. ‘S’ ‘K’ & ‘’I’ had one for their class needs. ‘K’ had made a board and pinned a few posts about tattoos about suicide awareness and mentioned in a comment that she admired one tattoo in particular and wanted to get that one.
‘K’ was a very shy girl and was afraid to try new things. She was a gentle, sensitive girl who could never say a bad thing about anything. She was however, cutting herself on the wrists. She had a bad relationship with her mother and was using cutting as a method to help relieve herself. At one point it got very bad to a point where she wanted to kill herself.
‘K’ had wrote about this on her Pinterest board. ‘S’, pretending to be me was commenting on her boards about how stupid and ridiculous it was and that there was no way ‘K’ would go onto to get a tattoo when she was too scared to kill herself. (And other things, such as trying a slushie for the first time or going to McDonalds or feeding her pet hamster.)
Unknownst to me ‘K’ had stopped coming to school because of me. I had thought she was ill or had no classes that day. I had no reason to believe I was at fault.
‘S’ had kept this up for a while and used my Facebook messaging app still pretending to be me, and picked on her ‘cowardice’ of not coming to school.
‘E’ had heard about this, and was convinced by ‘S’ that I was the one doing it. ‘S’ and ‘E’ were neighbours since childhood so ‘E’ believed her because she knew her longer than she knew me.
I had only found out when I was tagged in a facebook post. (At the time the facebook app didn’t notify you of messages just tagged posts and when you updated a status) and saw notifications from my messaging inbox. I also logged into Pinterest and saw the comments. Of course it was too late. This had gone on for a while and it was too late for me to say my side of the story.
I was told that it wasn’t that they thought I was transphobic or anything at first, but that they believed it because I was the ‘tough, rebellious’ one of the group and was apparently most likely to say controversial things than anyone else.
Mostly because of these incidents only ‘H’ ‘D’ and ‘V’ had kept in touch with me after college. I'm not sure if they know about this time though...because it wasn't brought up by anyone in our group. (I didn't speak about this to 'H', 'D' or 'V').
I do hope that everyone else in the group are content with where they are now though. I hope they have become better people and encourage others to better people too.
Looking back, I’m glad that this incident happened, it taught me to not let others take advantage of me. To not care about what others think of me. To not become too close to people because in the end, friends hurt you. To not let myself have another friend again.