I was raised in a religious family, but I came to understand that their particular flavor of religion was not mine. It made me very unhappy to be a self proclaimed black sheep, and the weight of the world pushed me down into the dirt. I looked for ways to pick myself up. For many years, drugs made me think I was happy. I kept trying to push my troubles away, until my destructive lifestyle brought me to a mental breakdown. This was three years ago. I plummeted into a deep depression and psychosis. I felt like a completely different person. I had new values, beliefs and philosophies whirring around in my mind and absolutely no way of stopping the momentum. I started hearing voices that told me what to do and where to go, leading me on a chase for the sun to stop time. I ended up in the psychiatric ward, to cool off.
When I came home again, a month later, I no longer saw Minecraft as a game, but started playing it as a form of therapy. My world had changed in a big way, and somehow, I felt like I could reflect that in Minecraft. I found that I was getting my confidence back, small blocks at a time. I was eased into “normality” by the game’s symmetry and simplicity. I started taking on big projects in the game, while I felt handicapped in real life due to anxiety and paranoia. I had finally found an outlet for my creativity, and a way to express this new me.
Fast forward to today. I still have many fears, and I still hear a voice in my head, but I am happier than I have ever been. I have a girlfriend who supports and understands me. I am blessed with a gorgeous beard and a flawless sense of humor. I am lucky to be alive, and I don’t want to waste it anymore. Life is good.