Friday I was a bit depressed. I had just learned I was going to essentially lose my job at SOE. Maybe I'd be doing some contract work, but the regular 20 hours a week was going to go away since essentially SOE was going to take a different direction with Free Realms and the work I'd been doing for them.
Over the weekend its given me time to think. While I enjoyed the work, I wasn't really challenged by the majority of it except in ways to figure out how I could do it more efficiently or better. And while yes, that is challenging in itself -- I knew there would come a point where the improvements would be minimal and efficiency was maximized. I got really good at being rather efficient in photoshop and while this is not a bad thing it has given me the opportunity to really reflect on what I want and think about what I need to do in order to get there.
I had two career ideas that I wanted to do when I left school and both were somewhat discouraged by those around me for the reason of: "The competition in this area is fierce" and yeah instead of believing in myself, I hesitated.
I took a different path that I thought I could live with and was encouraged to pursue. And while I can live with it and maybe even enjoy it, I don't think that I can really achieve it and it doesn't make me as passionate or as enthusiastic. If I am going to pursue a path -- it should be the one I want to achieve. The last path I chose to pursue took me a while -- but I did it. I became an internet professional with no schooling (back in 1999) and now that I have schooling I should be able to go for the niche work in that field that I would enjoy the most.
Maybe I won't get there right now -- but the goal I know is achievable and if I'm in it for the long haul... I know that eventually -- I will make it. After all I can do anything I set my mind to, I just have to believe.
As one of my dear friends described me: half and half. I'm half bold, half afraid. And did she nail it on the head. Well, I am tired of being afraid. It is time for me to do what that Henry David Thoreau quote that I kept on my desk for so many years (starting at the time I owned my bookstore) that said: "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."Stuff I do...
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