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In what can be seen either as a tribute to Katie Couric or a challenge for superiority, people voting worldwide have chosen Barbie's latest career: news anchor. Yes. In addition to being a fairy, princess, and fairy princess, Barbie can now be found in the make-believe world of unbiased network reporting. With a proclaimed "flair for journalism – and power pink!" Barbie seems cut out more for interviewing "The Situation" than being on The Situation Room, but maybe I should reserve judgment until we see Wolf Blitzer in a knee-high skirt. However, Barbie does possess one quality any real news anchor would die for: perfect, immovable hair

The ecosystem of language is relatively stable, with few of its creatures ever facing the threat of extinction. One exception, of course, is the Interrobang, an obviously detrimental mutation that should serve as an example of the horrors of punctuational incest. However, when a purer character begins to fade, it is all the more important for conservationists to step in and ensure not only its survival, but the precious balance of keyboard habitats everywhere. A more recent story of conservational success revolves around the Long-tailed a. The Long-tailed a looks much like its more plentiful cousin, the Giant a, but are instantly differenti

NEW ORLEANS - With newfound soaring popularity, it's a great time to be a vampire - unless, that is, you're out of the times. Luckily, groups of old-fashioned blood-sucking guys can receive a crash course in luring modern-day victims. The gatherings, nicknamed  "sparkle parties" by women of their kind, are specifically tuned to educate the male vampire on what a young human female expects - and practically demands - of vampires nowadays. "It has never been easier to feed," said vampire and course creator Vlad "Vincent" DelRoque. "There are young women - and some slightly older, particularly older librarians - willing to throw themselves in

ATLANTA, Ga.–As parents struggle to maintain as festive a germ-free bubble as possible around their children this holiday flu season, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) warn of a particularly high area of Christmas contagion: Santa laps. Officials from the CDC tested several hundred Santa laps this season, ranging from the standard mall Santa to the guy who pulled the short straw at the office Christmas party. Results were said to be quite surprising. "We found high levels of bacterial and viral contaminants on almost every Santa, specifically centered around the lap region," said Roger Levenstein, director of pathology. "Perhaps th

"This is it," she said. "The place where all the magic is supposed to happen." Half of a chuckle escaped his throat; the rest firmly held in place by nerves. "I guess it makes sense," he said, turning back toward the sweeping vista of the island and out to the sparkling ocean beyond. His peripheral vision, however, caught the tips of her long, dark hair, riding upon the warm breezes, and he could not help but follow the flowing trails back to her smooth, bright face. "So it's really true?" she asked. "You've never…" "I haven't," he said, giving a dismissive shrug. "And this is your first time–" "Yeah…" She shifted her weigh

Worldwide techno-hunt has many finds in area By TIM LATSHAW OBSERVER Staff Writer There is treasure hidden everywhere. It lies off rarely-beaten paths in the wilderness and in the middle of the city. You might pass by it every day and have never known it was there. It is small. It is large. It might even be completely intangible. And you're more than welcome to find it. All you need is a GPS unit, an online connection and a desire to explore. It's called “geocaching” and since its beginnings in 2000, the hobby/sport has spread throughout the world, subsequently gathering a local following and attracting other seekers to visit

By TIM LATSHAW OBSERVER Assistant News Editor GOWANDA — Three weeks following the flooding of Cattaraugus Creek and its tributaries through Gowanda, the village continues a lengthy recovery process. All main roads are now open into the village and a sustainable supply of usable water has been maintained. Most of the piles of refuse that lined the curbsides outside flooded homes have since been  picked up. The school year is quickly approaching, scheduled to begin on time. Many people, however, are still faced with the challenges of repairing extensive damages to their homes and recuperating their losses — an impossible task, in

CAPE CANAVERAL, Fla. — One small step for man; one giant fine for mankind. Forty years following man's first landing on the moon, NASA has finally revealed why one of history's greatest feats has not been repeated since 1972: parking tickets. “It is with sincere shame and apology we tell the world today that yes, not only is there a race of humanoid beings that exist on the moon, but that they also have a traffic ordinance,” NASA spokesperson Bruce Buckingham told a stunned-to-silence press corps Monday. According to Buckingham, it turns out that the now famous “Sea of Tranquility” site where the Apollo 11 lunar mo

Bargain Row [Scene: A local big-box store; the electronics department. An associate picks up a lone copy of Mass Effect from the glass cases and carries it off.] MASS EFFECT: Deployment, at last! I dare say this day has been too long in coming. It feels like eons I have remained in stasis as my brethren before me left to the void, one by one. Who has chosen me, madam? A true scholar of the genre? Or perhaps a shooter fan I shall have the pleasure of educating on the finer points of tactical space adventure? I dutifully await my orders! [The associate sets the game down in a bin filled with other assorted games and walks away.] MASS EFFECT

Being a man, and a single one at that, I have remained under a certain level of ignorance regarding women's rights. I have known that it seems to be ongoing, but I was never quite sure why — that is, until I learned just how many separate battles are being waged on one front. Or maybe it's how many fronts have been engaged in one battle... The British have recently earned a victory in the name of large bosoms. Now, large bosoms, to me, have never seemed like objects in need of any form of defense. Like other ignorant males, I had just come to respect the seemingly enigmatic power and influence they have possessed over the world, &#