literature

My eyes hurt

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By trinityrenee
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Literature Text

My eyes hurt. I've spent the last few days thinking and everything that I try to keep inside of me keeps boiling over. I question everything: my past, my present, my future. Will I live my dream again? Will I ever be out of this darkness? Will I make people proud once more or am I destined to be a complete and utter failure at everything I do?

Failure.

That word looms over my head and I feel the tears well up again. I feel as though every task I take on in life ends in a fiery mess of chaos and pain. Every time I pull myself up to my feet to trudge on with life, chaos comes to knock me back down. I fight with myself every day to keep going. I smile for everyone around me, I take on as much pain and burden so that those around me can feel better. But I can never ask someone to return the favor. When I cry, I'm scolded for doing so, being told that I live the better life.

My eyes water again.

My eyes hurt. It's a constant circle that I can't seem to pull myself out of. The darkness consumes me just a bit more, throwing thoughts and words into my head that I don't want to hear, nor do I want to believe. I know half of the things the darkness tells me isn't true, and yet I can't help but believe them. Failure gets yelled into my ears, worthless, alone, useless, forgettable. I don't believe them and yet I can't stop it. Isn't there a way to make it all go away? Isn't there a way to silence them? I want to scream for help, beg someone, anyone to pull me out of this darkness, to show me that there's still good out there and that I'm not what chaos yells at me. But the more I beg, the more I fall into the darkness, consuming my mind, consuming my soul.

My eyes water again...

My eyes hurt...
I can't stop them...
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© 2012 - 2021 trinityrenee
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