TrashChameleon

Sydnee Tayler
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Artist // Student // Other
  • Jan 24
  • Deviant for 3 years
  • She / Her
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Comments

Modern themes such as homosexuality and ASD would never be explored so directly in ancient poetry, but nonetheless, this poem feels much older than it is. This is mostly in the flare of its presentation: the repeated mention of the chorus, the invocation of Aengus, the exclamations, the general construction of phrases. I am not certain if the creation of this impression was your intention, but I do recognize that you could have taken heavy inspiration from older Gaelic poems you've read, or at least the culture. Intentional or otherwise, I believe that this illusion of age I am perceiving is to the poem's benefit. Although the struggles the poem literally depicts are deeply personal and modern, the interweaving of older and more traditional devices implores the reader to look beyond and see the underlying universality of it all. This poem concerns much more than one man's search for love; it concerns the battle we all face against isolation and insecurity, internal and external, with the hope that someday our suffering will earn us what we desire. If you would wish to intensify this feeling or strengthen the poem in general, I would suggest removing words such as "flabby." I see the intention to create alliteration, but it detracts from the seriousness of the phrase and the word "flawed" that follows it should suffice. I know that sounds awfully nitpicky of me; I am not as practiced with critiquing poetry, but I hope that it helps. Lastly, I know the "music" you refer to in the poem is literal, but before discovering that, I assumed that you were being metaphorical. I thought that "music" referred to the lifestyle that every gay man aside from you (seemingly) was willing to abide by. You have a hidden talent for creating metaphors, and although I believe that your wording in this poem being upfront is for the best, perhaps you could explore that in future poems.


Now, since I have blathered on for a while, I will keep this brief. You and I share many personal similarities: I have ASD, I am also not straight, and I dabble in poetry to cope with emotional turmoil. I have been in a relationship for two years, and although I would still consider myself wildly inexperienced, I do have two pieces of advice to offer you. Firstly, having romantic aspirations is great, but do not allow them to consume you. It is safer to put yourself and your own self-improvement before finding a partner in terms of your priorities; after all, it is much easier to devote yourself to someone else if you love yourself. And second, as a person with ASD, I understand how isolating it can be. But please, never forget that there are people who are willing to exert the effort it takes to understand and love you--if I can find one, so can you. Never give up, my friend. It gets better.


And also, keep writing. I loved this.

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You're welcome!

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You're welcome, and thank you!

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You're welcome!