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Thoroughly Modern

I don’t miss you in sweeping waves
of anguish like the boys with cheap guitars
and dyed black hair that we ridiculed. I miss you minutely;

the minor changes in routine are mental splinters:
driving home after an eight-hour shift, aching

feet and fudge-smeared arms, I should
be calling you, rambling ridiculously and ending
with, Well, anyway, I love you. And I’ve

been taking melatonin ever since the last
time the LCD flickered, Good night, beautiful.
It is the little things...
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:iconorion-mk3:
orion-mk3 Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2006
This seems fairly lyrical for a free verse piece (at least I think it's free verse, since I counted syllables and came up with nothing). I think that the cadence might be improved in place with a little trimming or rearranging, particularly in the lengthy third line. The impressionistic parts--the last lines of the last two stanzas in particular--stand out. Very relevant in today's IM society.
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:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2006
Yeah, it's a free verse piece, and I wasn't considering the lyrical cadence of it at the time, I'll admit. I'll give that third line another look, see what can be done about it. Thanks for your critique! Glad you enjoyed? :)
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:iconsillentkil:
sillentkil Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
its beautiful :+favlove:
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:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner May 10, 2006
Oh gosh *blush* thank you so very much!

Thank you for the fav, as well. :)
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:iconsillentkil:
sillentkil Featured By Owner May 11, 2006
:)
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:iconrushy:
Rushy Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
Another really insightful piece :+favlove:
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:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
Awww thanks! :)
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:icontheidandthesuperego:
theidandthesuperego Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
Both your poetry and prose really are some of the best I've stumbled apon here at dA. I love this. ^.^
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:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
oh goodness!! that's such an amazing compliment.

wow, i'm speechless. thank you soo much.
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:iconrushy:
Rushy Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
It's true though.....
I get lost in some of your work really easily.
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:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner May 9, 2006
no! really?

oh i just have no words. :P you're all too good to me.
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