Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login

Mature Content

This content is intended for mature audiences.


or, enter your birth date.*


Month

Day

Year*
Please enter a valid date format (mm-dd-yyyy)
Please confirm you have reviewed DeviantArt's Terms of Service below.
* We do not retain your date-of-birth information.
Intermission

With our backs pushed to the wall, we can feel
I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ pounding from the gay
bar upstairs, and above that, Freakscene,
where all of Cork City goes to thrash to heavy

drums, synth, and screaming. Sandra sways
while cupping a flame between her palms,
sucking light into her cigarette to the techno
beat of rainfall on awning. I draw some pilfered heat

from her fag into my lungs; she wraps
her arms around my waist, slurs, Melody, you can’t
go home. Did I tell you how much I love you?

I laugh, leaning my head against stone. Don’t look

now, lads, but we’ve got a visitor.
The gypsy
is already too close, heavy skirts choking
her ankles, wilted roses and leopard-print
cowboy hats outstretched, thick accent pleading

with the rain. Sandra steals her cigarette back, tries
to whisper, Does anyone actually buy that shit, like?
First of 5 final drafts of poems submitted in my first portfolio for Poetry Workshop.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconismisekate:
IsMiseKate Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2007
Long live Freakscene.

I like this, it has a good atmosphere, I feel like I'm there.
I like the stream of consciousness likd of flow.
Reply
:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2007
I miss it so much now that I'm back in America! :[
I was always a really big fan of going downstairs to Danascene, too, just cos I liked the music a little better, and the atmosphere was great in both places.

I'm so glad you liked this!
Reply
:iconorion-mk3:
orion-mk3 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007
I like the rhythm of this piece; the interruptions and changes in speaker seem to mirror the thumping bass beats described in the opening. Incidentally, there's an interesting interplay between the "gay bar upstairs" and the word "fag" for a cigarette. Was that intentional?

The subject matter's a bit beyond my pale, but the craft is excellent. Good job!
Reply
:icontragiccomedy:
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007
The interplay between "gay bar" and "fag" was half intentional... it is a colloquial term, and I thought it would fit in well considering the scenery.

Glad you enjoyed!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:icontragiccomedy: More from tragiccomedy


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 25, 2007
File Size
1.1 KB
Mature Content
Yes
Thumb

Stats

Views
35
Favourites
0
Comments
4
×