Shop Forum More Submit  Join Login
Gilded Zinc

Sitting at the table where your girlfriend
drinks her coffee every morning, you iron out
the lines in your forehead with calloused
fingertips, purse your lips and tell me, Right now,
this is
safe, but you’re one of those monumental women.

I remember first grade, how I listened
to metal chiming against metal against
my grandfather’s rough skin as I dumped
my change. I frowned while he sorted,
held the dullest, said, This one is special.

After 1983, they replaced bronze and
copper with zinc, copper-plated—more
beautiful to look at, longer-lasting. You can
hear the difference.
He dropped a ’76
and a ’92 onto the kitchen table.

Real copper sings.
Last of 5 final drafts submitted in my first portfolio for Poetry Workshop.
Add a Comment:
orion-mk3 Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007
I agree..."real copper sings" is a terrific line. Lots of imagry and potential interpretation mixed in with just those three words.

This final piece is back to the modern setting that defined the first two, and retains their strong flow and structure. It takes those strengths and melds it with some fine language and a clear cenral thrust. In many ways, this makes it the most compelling of the five.

I hope your instructor enjoyed your work; I've certainly enjoyed reading them.
tragiccomedy Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2007
Aww yay, I've enjoyed reading your comments! :]

This piece was very personal for me, and I tried very hard to give it the same passion as the others, but also not to get too caught up in the metaphor... yeah, anyway, I'm very pleased to see that you appreciated it.

I get my portfolio back tomorrow, so I'll find out then how he felt about them. ^_^
Rushy Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2007
Now there's a line to conjure with :D

Real copper sings.

tragiccomedy Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2007
Hehe thanks very much. :D
Add a Comment:

:icontragiccomedy: More from tragiccomedy

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
February 25, 2007
File Size
926 bytes


1 (who?)