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Over these past few weeks I've been dealing with a lot of Stress, Depression, and Anxiety over my perceived loss at life by having to move in with my parents. I figured I was first in Denial that it would happen, then I tried my best to Bargain by asking random people to help me afford to stay, even though that wouldn't have worked. I was Angry at my parents, my brother, others, and myself. I was finally falling into Depression, thinking my chances at a happy life were over. But, I'm ready to now accept this part of my life. It will be good for me to get away from all this. My home hasn't felt like home in years. My relationship with my brother is a difficult one, where even though I've helped him multiple times when no one else would, he still treats me poorly. My job, if you could even call it that, barely gives me any income, nowhere near an appropriate amount for survival, even with financial aid like Food Stamps. My life is filled with too much strain and negativity to keep a healthy lifestyle. Being away from so many rude people should help me center myself. Sure, I won't have much to do and I'll miss a lot of my favorite things that I can only get here in or near my hometown. I'll miss the cat rescue and I know they'll miss me, and they've told me that they appreciate all the hard work I did for them. But, this is only an indefinite change of venue. I could easily come back in a month or two thanks to some grand event or something, though it could also take longer. Still, then when I do come back I will be happier, healthier, wiser, and more stable and successful. I guess I could consider this a detox for my body, mind and soul. When I get back, I'll have my own home, my own rules, and my own life the way I want it. I bet I could easily find some way to even do the tings I've tried to do there, better than I could here. Here at my home in SoCal, my poor finances and other peoples' own agendas have whittled my spirit down, and I've allowed myself to fester. Inspiration and Progress for me are being stunted here. The open world where I'll be going to should allow me to focus better. So, in less than two weeks, I'm leaving for an indefinite vacation to help me be the stable and successful adult I need to be.

While I can't stand his guts much anymore, I do love my brother. I hope he's okay with keeping up with the stuff I normally do around the house-
*Check and refill the water softener
*Make sure the lawns are cared for and mowed
*Making sure the trash barrels are out on the curb for Garbage day
and taking care of my beloved cat, which I'm not too trusting of. If I'm there long enough, I'm sure I can eventually take Joey with me up to Utah, and work on keeping him safe. Until then, my brother and sis-in-law better be taking care of him, and if anything happens to him during that time I won't forgive them. But, I'm hoping he stays safe until I can take him away from this house as well. Plus, my brother will now have to pay for my share of the rent as well, but I hope he's happy. He's the one wanting to live alone with his wife, even though he originally wanted to live with me too. But whatever, like I said he isn't the best of siblings. I'll be better off not living with him anymore. Yeah...this started getting kinda resentful after a while, didn't it? But, this is exactly why I need to leave, and I accept it. My brother makes my life at home difficult, while my bosses make my life at work difficult. I really only feel at peace when I don't have to deal with either. With this move, I leave a place of anger, anxiety, stress, and frustration. When I come back, I'll have a place of peace, relaxation, and fairness. Anyway, I feel like I'm going off on a bit of a tangent, so I'll end it here. I'll talk again when needed. Bye for now.
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Submitted on
May 23, 2017