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Well, I'm still slow in some areas, but fast in others. I'm still not anywhere near being able to afford things like Photoshop on a regular basis, which is pissing me off. Most of my money is going to car payments, groceries, gas, bills, etc. Plus, work has been adding more hours, but now I have no time to even hope of drawing, as I spend 10.5 hours a day on work, and the few days off I get are focused on household chores and other things I've neglected. But, I am still losing weight, and am down to 251 pounds as of yesterday. That's about around 20 pounds lost so far. I should easily get to 240/230 by May/June. Also, as of typing this up, I'm gonna be posting a large amount of pics I've taken over the months, but never got around to posting, as a way to say sorry for promising a lot of nice art, but getting sidetracked too much by life. Anyway, still hoping that great windfall happens soon, as I'd love to start working on some of my smaller projects, like t-shirts and children books. Plus, my bro has been getting worse, and I want to be there for him any way I can, but right now all I can give him in some moral support, but hearing him lately makes me feel like he needs more.

Well, I'll keep working on my artistic future, and hope for the best. In the meantime, enjoy the pics I'm posting. C'ya, and thank you.
Hey all!

So things are going a bit slow lately on getting everything up and running, but I'm making progress. It's not easy to get everything I need when my income is at a crawl right now. Work hasn't been giving me as much hours as they did during the holiday season, so it's hard to save up money to buy everything I need. My house is also getting pieced together slowly, so that puts a hinder on things. Weight loss is going steady, and I'll be getting a long enough break from work to finally get my weight training started, which has been put aside since when I do work, I'm gone for almost half the day driving to work, working, and driving back, and then any day I have off is catching up with stuff I missed or held back because of work(living in a remote small town surrounded by other remote small towns makes finding work difficult). Weather has also been a factor, with the snow and ice not fully melted, and any that has is making TONS of mud; and it's the kind of mud you sink into when you step on it, so trying to do anything outside is messy and difficult. I'm praying and hoping that a good windfall will come my way within the next few months, making it easier to get my home, and consequently my office/studio, up and ready. I'm also concerned with my brother back in SoCal, who is having issues with his life, and it hurts to hear him call our mom and listen to her constantly try to reassure him. I really want to help him out, and praying and hoping that I can do something great for him soon too. Starting from Square 1 is taking its time, but it will be great when I reach the goal. I'll keep updating as best I can, and I'll look through my pics and art files and see if there's any old or recent stuff I can post here in the meantime. Until next time. C'ya.
Hey everyone!

Since the new year is coming up, and this will be the last day I have off before the new year, I thought it'd be fun to list my "Resolutions" for the new year. I say it like that though, because people tend to give up on resolutions, and I don't plan on giving up on these. So, here we go-

1. Lose Weight- This is a common one, but it's one I've ignored for FAR too long. I'm a good 60-70 pounds overweight, and it's affected my mood and confidence. One thing I'm doing is Output over Input; or burning more calories than I take in. At work, I average about 6 miles in walking. This helps with my Cardio. Combining that with my plans for Weight Training on my days off, and hopefully I can lose 30-40 pounds by May/June. I'm also doing 5 small meals a day, then the usual 3, as that is supposed to be better for my metabolism, keeping me from storing too many calories as fat. Finally, I'm working on calorie counting and portion control, which is not easy in the US, since our portions sizes quite big and most foods have high calorie counts. But, I know I can do it, since in the last couple weeks I lost around 5 pounds. If I work towards my goal, I should try and lose 1.5-2 pounds a week, which shouldn't be too hard.

2. Improve Hygiene- Now, I'm not saying I'm smelly and filthy(I bathe daily and use deodorant), but some habits I developed when I was trying to save what money I could have been hard to stop. I don't shave very often, since in the past razors were expensive for me; and I didn't trust the cheap ones. Even though I can now afford razors more often, I still can go weeks without shaving. As a result, my beard always looks unkempt. So, I plan to work on shaving more often, like at least once every few days, and at most once a week. I plan to try and grow a beard, once my face is less plump from my excess weight(the beard kinda makes my face look fuller), but for now, I'll work on looking less like a hobo. I also tend to forget to brush my teeth often, and I always forget to floss. On work days, I make sure to brush before work, but I forget to brush before bed, since I'm so tired from work and I don't get to bed until sometime after midnight. Plus, I also can sometimes get the munchies, and then go to bed a little bit after. Working on that as well. So, I'm gonna make sure that next year, I regularly brush and floss.

3. Work On Art- I've been on a Depression and Anxiety induced hiatus from my art for WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too long. As a result, by the time I could get enough peace of mind to start up again, I had no proper work station or tools. So, once everything is finally set up at my new house(it's getting close), I'm gonna get myself up to speed on programs like Photoshop, and make some amazing art. I'll also be studying traditional artistic methods, and some great pieces with a brush or pastels. My cooking/baking skills need to be de-rusted, and my photography will improve too. I also plan on making stuff for literature, games, t-shirts, sculptures, and even get back to learning how to compose music.

4. Expand Horizons- This kinda goes along with the last one, but it also means trying to get out more and experience things I didn't before. I've been an anxious Introvert for too long, and I want to see more of this world. I know I won't be able to get too far for now, but by 2020, I want to go out and do plenty of things more for and by myself.

5. Find Love- I'm 30 years old, and I haven't had a girlfriend or been on a date since I was 14(and even then, we didn't do much). I really want someone to be with, and raise a family. So, as I improve myself, I want to find someone to share my improved life. I don't expect it to happen in one year, but I never tried for years, because I don't consider myself attractive enough. With my plans to fix that, I'm hoping I'll find someone.

6. Peace Of Mind- A big reason for my Depression and Anxiety, is the fact that I have Monophobia; a fear of being alone. Even though with my Aspergers I prefer having my alone time, I don't like being alone forever. My parents have been a huge safety net for me, and I'm too scared by the idea of losing them. I want to feel safe and secure, knowing that even when they're gone, I can still keep going. I want to feel that everything is going to be alright, and I need that peace of mind to do it.

So, that's pretty much my "Resolutions" for the new year. I may not get to all of them in the new year, but I'm gonna make sure it happens. I hope you all also get your resolutions done for the new year. Have a good 2019, everyone.
Merry Christmas all!

Just thought I'd give a heads up on my situation. Well, the internet is finally up in my new house, but it's only 1 mbps. So yeah... my new house has crappy wifi. But, there is a way to fix this, by doing a direct link of some kind with my parents' place, it should raise the mbps to about 15 for both houses, making it much easier to use. It's not gonna be cheap, but it will help. So, I'm not fully moved yet anyways, so I have time to work this out with my folks. Got some nice gifts this year for Christmas. The best gift I got is a Taz mug that looks just like the one from one of my favorite Christmas movies, Christmas Vacation. My mom said it took a long time to even find one in the good condition it was in, since they don't make those mugs anymore, and it wasn't cheap. I'm really gonna treasure it. Plus, it's been snowing on and off all day today, so I got to have a white Christmas.

Not much more to say after that, since the last update was 2 months ago. Not much happens here. But trust me when I say, when I finally get all things squared away in my new house, every little idea I've cooked up in my noggin is gonna pop up here, and any other place I can put 'em. So anyway, have a Merry Chrsitmas, Happy Holidays, and a Happy New Year.
Hey everyone!

Well, it's been almost a year since I really said anything, so I thought I'd say what has been happening to me this past 11 months. Pretty much I'm still struggling with my Anxiety and Depression, but I think I'm managing it fine. Got fired from my job at the town Gas Station earlier this year, but that's fine because I got a job at a Walmart in a nearby town. Pays better, better hours(even though I work until 11 at night and sometimes don't get home until almost midnight), and the job keeps me busy. Been there for almost 6 months now. As you can see from the photos in my gallery, I got a new Kitty. Teddy has been a lot of fun to have, but lately he wants to go outside more often, so we set up a leash system that allows him to explore outside around the front porch. Also, as a Siamese mix, he has gotten WAY more talkative. It's cute sometimes, but others it's annoying. Speaking of photos, I've gotten a bit more into Photography, and plan to make it more a part of my artistic endeavors. As for other artistic ambitions, the house I'm going to be living in while here is almost done(only took almost 1 1/2 years XD), so soon I'll have a place to work on my stuff. I plan to do more traditional pieces, like painting and pastels, and also digital works. Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I finally got a Wacom Cintiq like I always wanted. Once my Studio/Office is ready, I can start using it. Plus, with the money I'm making now, I can afford to get things like Photoshop.

I've got a lot of ideas stored on my laptop, ready to get started on when I get the chance. T-shirts, OC's and FC's, foods and sweets, games, movie ideas, just a whole bunch. I'm also still working on learning how to compose music, so I should hopefully have some music out too. I turned 30 this year, and it isn't so bad, but it isn't great either. I was really hoping that this point in my life would be better for me. I really wanted to already have a lot of work and experience under my belt by now, and maybe even have a special someone to call my girlfriend/fiancée/wife. I really hope that being 30 and just now getting things going doesn't affect me to bad, as it's been a strong source of my Anxiety and Depression. But anyway, something else I've been working on is a fakedex. I've been coming up with some new Fakemon ideas, and doing my best to try and put them in a competent style dex. It hasn't been easy, since I'm trying to make sure to balance things like dex size, type amounts, single and double typing levels, evolution stage amounts, etc. The region is supposed to be based of my home state of California, but I'm also adding in stuff from other Western states as well. I'd say it's almost halfway done by now. A few of my old designs and plenty of new ones will be added.

Well, that's pretty much all I can say about the last almost full year. I've had my ups and downs, and it's been hard not getting a chance to be creative like I want. Still, I'm glad things are going a bit better for me, and hopefully very soon I'll have the life I've wanted for a while. If you want to ask any specific questions, have any well wishing to give, or something like that, just say it down in the comments. Thanks to everyone who still watches me being patient, and all those who have started to watch me in hopes of seeing something new and good from me. Until next time, C'ya. =3
Well, I'm glad to say my Depression and Anxiety have gone down decently enough that I can feel like a regular human being again. I'm still having bouts when trying to move myself towards getting back into my artistic ambitions, but one step at a time. I can at least get through the day without feeling like a stain on existence. Still, I see the world around me and wonder what the hell is going on. It feels like things are getting worse and worse, and others are ruining it for those of us who want to enjoy this world and our lives. It's times like these that I wish that this was some kind of false reality, and that I'd wake up and I'd be back in my childhood home, I'm a little kid again, and that this reality and all my memories of it quickly fade from ever being. In this true reality, the world is better, the future is better, and even though there is still the usual suffering and difficulties of life, they're not as bad. Sorta like the false reality was the darker version. I would love that reality, and I will make sure to continue to wish and pray for that reality.
I don't know what do to with my life anymore.

I had so much time and potential these last few years, and they feel like a waste. I just wish I could have gotten the money I needed to buy the supplies I wanted. I really want to relive the last few years of my life and fix my mistakes, so that even if I'm stuck living in a small town in the middle of nowhere with my parents, I could still feel like I achieved something. I'm almost 30 and I feel like I can't do anything anymore, especially when I see everyone else at my age and younger already having things go good for them. They seem to be able to afford nice things like tablets and software, at the same time almost everything I made had to go to gas and food. I did buy lottery tickets quite a bit, but even if I didn't play, that money would have gone to gas and food too. Not to mention that blasted Bank of America stealing $12 from me every month for years. I could've had around $700 extra by now if I got that money back. Almost everything I own is either used, hand-me-downs, or just very old. I just want my life back.

I love my parents and the people in this town are nice, but I didn't want to be here in the first place. I was hoping by now in my life I had at least a year or two of success under my belt, got to meet and hang out with cool people, made new friends, and that I wasn't so afraid of everything, like I am now. I fear the loss of my future, my parents death coming closer, being alone, my own death and how uncertain at what will happen when it comes and if I'll even like it, and more. I've lost my confidence, my self esteem. Pretty much anytime I try and feel like I can still be successful, I end up having my Depression and Anxiety flare up, and I fall right back into the bottomless pit I've been stuck in for who knows how long. I wanted this point in my life to be where I started working on my big projects after gaining popularity and stuff, have the confidence boost I needed to get myself pumped up for a great future. I also really wish I could've met someone nice and possibly even be married by now. But, the lack of money, plus my already low self esteem and Aspergers made that hard. I mean, I've been at least 50-60 lbs. overweight, my social skills aren't the best, and I get utterly nervous having to deal with random strangers in person.

I thought that maybe I could've been able to get passed all that if I had some income to afford a gym membership, and afford to buy anxiety medication to help me feel more confident, so I could meet that special someone. But now, I feel stuck trying to cling to the comfort of my loving parents, which won't be around forever, and every time I think about them being gone I start to tear up, because right now they are the only people who make me feel like I matter at all. I just don't know anymore about anything, and I just want to feel like my life is worth more than just being a person who just makes other people's futures better, while I never get to do anything I've wanted. I like being helpful, but I wanted to do it in my own way, not how everyone else wants it. Since I've been here I've noticed that it's usually around dusk and nighttime that I feel a bit more at peace, as if the twilight and calm darkness soothe me. I don't know what that means, but in a way it's bittersweet, since that calmness and peace will be cut short by sleep, which then leads to morning, which leads me to another day of feelings of inadequacy and fear.

My only comfort when I can have it being things like YouTube to watch funny videos to try and lift my spirits. It helps, but only a little. I pray, beg, and plead with God so many nights to please take the pain away. I want to feel like I can still live my life, that I can get to do what I wanted and not feel like I lost precious time, that I don't have to be afraid of anything, anymore. Well, I think I've said enough. I just wanted to get that off my chest, even though I don't think many people are going to read this thing all the way through, or even see it. But, I wanted to vent. I hope any one of my prayers will be answered, whether to be allowed to relive the last few years of my life to allow myself to fix it, or to be able to go on and live the rest of it feeling MUCH better than I already do, and not being afraid anymore. I just hope it comes soon, I can't stand much more of this.
Well, one birthday and 4th of July later, I'm feeling better, but I still miss home and I'm still getting moments of Depression. They're easier to control now, but I wish my mind would stop going to thoughts I don't want to think. I really wish I could go back home, and get started on the stuff I've wanted to do for the last 5 years. I feel like I'm missing out on so much in my life, and it's all stuff I wanted to be done by the time I'm 30, and I doubt God will let me go back a few years to let me fix that. Still, I'm trying my best to keep positive and make the most of what I have. The job is doing good, and I've been saving up a good amount of money, and even though the nearest places for entertainment and stuff are at least a 30 minute drive away, I've got my computer to help me stay entertained. Anyway, I'll be doing my best to update on how my time here is going. So, see ya next time.
Well, my first week here is over and I'm still not feeling in high spirits. I've grown more accustomed to everything, and I even started working at the gas station job my mom set up, which is good, but I still feel homesick. I wish and pray so many times that I can go home. I wish that I could go back in time and fix whatever I did wrong to lead me here and get out of this. I feel like I'm never going to see my home in California again. I just want to be happy, and I'm trying to accept this place, but this was supposed to be my Parents' home, not mine. Every morning since I got here I have trouble keeping food down, and I feel like I'm gonna throw up if I don't eat the moment I get up, so I just drink a glass or two of milk, or a glass of milk and some soda, and that's breakfast. Every night I keep having weird dreams and having trouble staying asleep, and the sunlight that beams in forces me up. Everything is too unfamiliar for this to be my home. Back home, I could easily get up after a good, long sleep and eat something, if I felt hungry, and my appetite was good. Now, I barely feel like eating, and when I do eat, I usually don't get my appetite back until around dinner time.

I feel Depressed until it gets around dinner time, go to bed, then when I wake up, I have about 5 seconds before my Depression comes back and reminds me of things I want to ignore, like the fact I'll be here when every one of my loved ones here, parents and pets, dies, and then I'll be all alone. I feel so defeated. I just want it all to stop. I just want this to be some very vivid dream, so I can wake up and be back home with enough time to fix things, or a bad premonition of my future, if I don't change my ways. I'm just so tired of it all. God please, just help me out of this.
I am not happy here. I figured maybe I'd feel better after a few days, but I'm not. My Depression is worse, I haven't been able to sleep or eat all that great lately, and I don't like the house my parents are expecting me to move in to. I hate my life, I want so bad to go back in time a few years and make better choices, so I can prevent this from happening. I pray to God every night to just let my time here be short, so I can finally go back home. If that happens, then I can just come and visit my parents when I want. I'd be able to find a place of my own that I want, and I can try and properly take care of my mental health. I want to go back to California so badly. I beg and plead to God to let me go back home. I miss my home, I miss my life. Even if it wasn't great, I was at least able to get comfortable and relax. I still can't do that here. I'm sorry for wasting my life, I wanna fix that. I wanna go back home. Sorry if this is whiney, but I can't help it. I feel so miserable, so stressed. I really wish I was just on vacation right now instead of what's going on now.
Welp, I'm now in my new home with my parents, and while the trip up was good and easy, Depression likes to hit like a boulder. I didn't know this, but there's a thing called Post Relocation Depression, and adding that with my already existing Depression...yeah. I really felt like shit, hating myself and wishing I didn't even exist. I wanted so bad to be 24 again, back when my parents first left, so I could make better decisions. I miss my home, my room, my bed, even the wall that my bed was up against. But, I will make this work. I have to. I'm gonna have to figure out what to do in the mean time while I'm here, and eventually get myself back home to SoCal. At least then I can be sure I'll be in control of my life. Plus, I'll be able to visit my mom and dad whenever I want, and I'm sure I'll be able to have friends to hang out with. I hope this move will only last a few months, and something great will happen for me. But, for now, I have to get used to the idea of living here.
Over these past few weeks I've been dealing with a lot of Stress, Depression, and Anxiety over my perceived loss at life by having to move in with my parents. I figured I was first in Denial that it would happen, then I tried my best to Bargain by asking random people to help me afford to stay, even though that wouldn't have worked. I was Angry at my parents, my brother, others, and myself. I was finally falling into Depression, thinking my chances at a happy life were over. But, I'm ready to now accept this part of my life. It will be good for me to get away from all this. My home hasn't felt like home in years. My relationship with my brother is a difficult one, where even though I've helped him multiple times when no one else would, he still treats me poorly. My job, if you could even call it that, barely gives me any income, nowhere near an appropriate amount for survival, even with financial aid like Food Stamps. My life is filled with too much strain and negativity to keep a healthy lifestyle. Being away from so many rude people should help me center myself. Sure, I won't have much to do and I'll miss a lot of my favorite things that I can only get here in or near my hometown. I'll miss the cat rescue and I know they'll miss me, and they've told me that they appreciate all the hard work I did for them. But, this is only an indefinite change of venue. I could easily come back in a month or two thanks to some grand event or something, though it could also take longer. Still, then when I do come back I will be happier, healthier, wiser, and more stable and successful. I guess I could consider this a detox for my body, mind and soul. When I get back, I'll have my own home, my own rules, and my own life the way I want it. I bet I could easily find some way to even do the tings I've tried to do there, better than I could here. Here at my home in SoCal, my poor finances and other peoples' own agendas have whittled my spirit down, and I've allowed myself to fester. Inspiration and Progress for me are being stunted here. The open world where I'll be going to should allow me to focus better. So, in less than two weeks, I'm leaving for an indefinite vacation to help me be the stable and successful adult I need to be.

While I can't stand his guts much anymore, I do love my brother. I hope he's okay with keeping up with the stuff I normally do around the house-
*Check and refill the water softener
*Make sure the lawns are cared for and mowed
*Making sure the trash barrels are out on the curb for Garbage day
and taking care of my beloved cat, which I'm not too trusting of. If I'm there long enough, I'm sure I can eventually take Joey with me up to Utah, and work on keeping him safe. Until then, my brother and sis-in-law better be taking care of him, and if anything happens to him during that time I won't forgive them. But, I'm hoping he stays safe until I can take him away from this house as well. Plus, my brother will now have to pay for my share of the rent as well, but I hope he's happy. He's the one wanting to live alone with his wife, even though he originally wanted to live with me too. But whatever, like I said he isn't the best of siblings. I'll be better off not living with him anymore. Yeah...this started getting kinda resentful after a while, didn't it? But, this is exactly why I need to leave, and I accept it. My brother makes my life at home difficult, while my bosses make my life at work difficult. I really only feel at peace when I don't have to deal with either. With this move, I leave a place of anger, anxiety, stress, and frustration. When I come back, I'll have a place of peace, relaxation, and fairness. Anyway, I feel like I'm going off on a bit of a tangent, so I'll end it here. I'll talk again when needed. Bye for now.
Hello to those who stop to read this.

I've been dealing with a lot of stress and depression lately thanks to my now inevitable move to MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, Utah. Seeing as how this whole thing is against my will, caused by my jerk of a brother, my crappy job and asshole employers, and things that are completely out of my control, it's understandable. I just hate myself and my life. I'm almost 30 with nothing to show for my life, I have no real social life because my Aspergers gives me Social Anxiety, and I also have no girlfriend to hopefully become my wife. I'm 70 pounds overweight, I constantly feel like shit and feel like I look like shit, and I feel worse seeing others who are younger than me already finding themselves successful for the last 5-10 years. So many times I just want to shoot myself, yet I don't want to die. I wonder so many times why my life got this way. What did I do wrong? What mistake(s) did I make? If it wasn't for the fact I hate the aftertaste of alcohol, I'd probably be an alcoholic right now.

The only good thing I can think of right now is something that happened on Sunday. I was heading home from Grocery shopping after I was done with my cat rescue work, when I see crossing the street a tiny little kitten. She is a medium hair Russian Blue mix, looks to be around 4 weeks old, and she's also a Polydactyl, meaning she has extra toes. Every time I'd put her down, she cry and walk towards me. I named her Polly since she is so small, she can fit in my pocket X3. I unfortunately had to give her to another volunteer at my rescue to care for, since I don't have the stuff necessary to house her, because my Sis-in-law's allergies make it so my own cat has to stay outside. I'd love to take her with me and take care of her, but since my own cat has to be stuck here while I move to Utah, I'm sure my mom won't let me adopt her.

On the subject of my mother, I actually managed to get a job interview for a Target today, and when I told her, she said "Well what do you want me to say?" I figured she'd be happy at the chance for me to possibly make enough money to pay rent, but that's not the problem anymore. Now I have no choice but to live with them because my brother wants to have a place to live alone with his wife. He originally wanted to live with me, but now I'm too annoying. This coming from the same guy who just the other night rudely asked me if I plan to pay this month's electric bill when I accidently left my bathroom light on, told me to turn it off myself, and yet I see he left the kitchen light on. I turned off both lights, because I'm a sensible adult who knows that being whiney over stuff like that is rude and pointless. I know I'm not the perfect roommate, but I can at least act like an adult and turn off a simple light and not be an asshole about it.

I wish I could go back in time, fix things so I could have my life be better, but make sure to be around for certain events, like getting my dog, and saving Polly. I just want my life to be good again. I don't want to wake up dreading the day because I constantly feel like a failure. I want to feel good about myself, about my future. I want to silence the darkness in my head. I want it to go away. Anyway, I'm gonna call it a night for now, hope you all have fun. I talk again if necessary. Bye.
I had a long and difficult talk with my mom. She says it isn't just the fridge or the money, it's the fact that it's been 5 years and I haven't shown any effort to try and get my life better. That I'm always annoying the others in the house. Says that there are people out there who have it worse than I do, but fight harder. Says my computer is like cocaine and I'm addicted to it. Told me when I mentioned the idea of GoFundMe that she hopes I like the idea of living out of my car because she wouldn't help me if I did it. Like I said, she said it was begging and only people on the street beg. She says I'm lazy, I don't try, that I'm too complacent. Says I'm lucky that she and my dad are even helping me, and I'm being ungrateful. Says they have to turn their lives around to accommodate me. A lot of hurtful things, and I'm sure there is some truth to this.

It isn't the end though. She and my dad will work with me to try and make it so I can turn my life around. That will work on getting me back to where I want to be, but I guess it's over for here in this house I grew up in. But fine, my brother is too difficult to live with, my bosses are assholes, and even though I have to give the cat rescue for a indefinite amount of time, it will be okay I guess. I pray to God, though, I better be able to get things working quick. I don't want to be stuck in Utah for years. Then, I'm gonna prove to all of them that they were wrong. That things were just unfortunate for me.

I took down the GoFundMe page. No one was bothering to help, so I guess I'll just help myself. If life is gonna be cold to me, I'll still be warm to it, but I'm not taking crap anymore. So, it's done. I'm done. See you all in Middle of Nowhere, Utah. And look, I'm not trying to sound spiteful or whiney. I was trying to make good on what I was planning. But I guess if it means staying in this house, it's not gonna work or worth it. C'ya again next time.
Okay, so I figured all the money I'll need to start these art projects I can sell for some extra money, and hopefully save up enough to get myself in a better financial situation. Figuring cost for making molds, casts, paints, etc., and with a decent buffer/padding the total comes to around $2,800. In the next couple days I'll be working on setting up a GoFundMe page, or maybe a Patreon or Kickstarter if possible, to get the capital I need to start my projects. I would have that number be smaller and add some of my own money, but unfortunately with what little I make I have to ask for the whole thing. Still, getting enough money to let me stay here in California and not have to move to Utah, if it happens, would make me much happier. But, that's another plan for now.
This will be short and sweet. Would appreciate some feedback and/or critiques. Okay, so I've said before how I have little to no money and blah-blah-blah, whine-whine-whine, yadda-yadda-yadda, and so on. So, here are my plans for how to get myself some more money(while still buying lottery tickets and playing PCH in hopes for the big win X3)

I have been volunteering with a cat rescue for almost 5 years. The internet loves animals, especially cats. I am an artist, and while I can not afford a high tech tablet with a new desktop computer and desk, I can afford simple, basic traditional supplies. So my conclusion- MAKE ANIMAL ART AND STUFF AND SELL TO THE MASSES!!!(Shocking I know B)) I will need to figure out what I will need to buy and how to go about this process, but I know I can do it. What type of Animal art I plan to make, you may ask? Mostly kitty stuff, but dogs and others will be there too. What mediums? I will first make unique molds for my first idea, gummy candies. These things will be neat flavors and will be custom designed by me. Next, Minimalist oil paintings(at least the idea seems Minimalist to me). I've had this idea knocking around in my noggin for a while, and it may be a good way to give animal lovers neat art for their homes. Plus, I may even do personalized pieces. Lastly, sculptures. This part will require some work as well. I figure make custom clay sculptures, make molds of some, and make more plaster sculptures of those designs. Then paint them in nice ways, whether by my choice or request.

That is all for now, I will update you on more in the next couple weeks.
EDIT: I almost forgot. I finally got a smart phone. My brother was tired of his old phone, so whether he thought of it or my mom told him to, he got a new model and I got his old one. It is fun to use, and makes things so much easier with texts and stuff now that I don't have my 10 year old flip phone.

A little late this month, but I'm still here to say hi.

Not really much else I can say, other than a few things. I finally "got" an interview at my local PetSmart for a job. I say "got", since the lady who is handling my interview has been delaying a reschedule for my interview for weeks now. She seems to constantly keep getting sidetracked and forgets to call me. Now, I can understand, and am being patient, but if she's purposely just stringing me along then I'm gonna be really pissed, as it's both rude and unprofessional. As with my current job, my bosses are still being an idiot and an asshole. My store manager was having his boss come over to the store, and every time this happens he gets so much more annoying, just to make himself look good for him. I swear, I'm surprised my boss doesn't smell shit 24/7 with all the brown nosing he does for his superiors.

As for money difficulties, I've got a couple ideas for extra money. One is to make home made candies in custom molds and sell them, the other is to make simple paintings to sell. Of course, both ideas are gonna need start up money to get supplies and tools, so I may have to use something like GoFundMe or something to ask for some. They may do great, they may do poorly, only way to know is to get started. Anyway, see you all next month, and have a happy St. Patrick's day on Friday. C'ya! =3
First monthly review journal for 2017. And I have to say, it was sad at times, but it had its good moments. The sad parts are mainly with the cat rescue and my father and other family. We had two cats pass away these last few weeks. Both were very sweet and friendly, but for some odd reason they just got really sick, and while one had to be put down, the other was just found dead at his foster home while he was being cared for. We've also had people return cats they adopted from us for the dumbest reasons, mainly just not bothering to listen to the procedures to introducing their new cat to their home. We always tell people that cats need to be eased in to things, and to take a month before the cat should be comfortable enough in their new environment. But still, people just shove their cats into this new situation, and then get upset when things go bad. We had one guy who adopted two cats from us return them after a couple months because they weren't "friendly" enough. Now, we've cared for these cats and played with them for a couple months before adoption, and they are most certainly friendly. We were iffy on the guy in the first place, and now our suspicions were proven true.

As usual, I'm still looking for more work, but it's been hard. I'm really tired of my boss, as even today at work while stocking he accused me of breaking merchandise packaging and throwing merchandise around, even though the wrapping was already broken, and it fell apart when I took it out of the box. Why would I purposely make more work and stress for me at a job I already hate? I'm looking into hopefully getting a job at PetSmart still, or working at a movie theater. I'm tired of retail jobs at places that I'm only there for a paycheck. At PetSmart, at least I'd have knowledge and interest in the stuff we'd be selling, and a movie theater doesn't sell merchandise, unless you work at the snack bar, but even that is a very limited and easy to handle thing.

Anyway, on the plus side, I'm still going strong and working on getting my life in order. It's still a slow process, but I'm doing the best I can. I keep writing down my ideas, looking at ways to make some extra cash so I can buy a desk, desktop computer, tablet, etc., and just all around trying to stay positive. I really want to already be started by my next birthday in June, so I've got some time left. Anyone out there got any ideas? I figured maybe if anyone knows how to use Patreon or something, even when you don't have much to offer in rewards or incentives, it would be useful. Well that's all for now, so I will give another update next month. C'ya next time, and have a Happy Valentine's next week. <3 =D
Finally, a new year and new fresh start full of promise, promise that this year better keep with me that is. I went back and looked at my last new year journal, and while I never accomplished the vast majority of anything I planned to have done by this time, that doesn't mean I won't work towards it now. I've decided to have a more positive approach to things I want; holding back doubt and worry, feeling maybe I was somehow subconsciously sabotaging my success by giving off an air of failure. I want and need to make sure that this new year starts off with greatness. Besides, I have good reason to push harder.

As I've said before, my brother is going to be taking a test this month to see if he can go back to school to get a Masters degree in Business. When he does pass, which I know he will, he will apply to a few schools. He plans to apply to USC, Seattle, and Texas. Now, I originally thought that if he got to any school, he would move out, but if he gets USC, he and my sis-in-law will be staying, and it's what they want, since while they did like Seattle, moving so far away from everything they know would be difficult for them. Now, there are two things-

1. If my brother gets accepted to USC, I will still be living with my bro and sis-in-law. That means difficulties in that my plans for an future as an entertainer will be hindered, with trying to work on conflicting schedules, noise problems, and other things like that. While I love my bro and sis-in-law, what I have planned for my future feels like it will be too hard to compromise(since I'm always the one that has to compromise my side).

2. If my brother gets accepted out-of-state, and they move in September, my parents will sell the house and I move to Utah with them. This is the worse option, as I want to stay in California, since all the stuff I want to do with my life is here in California. While my parents are willing to find ways to make moving to Utah easier, it's still not what I want.

This is why this year NEEDS to be BETTER. I need enough money to find my own place, even if it means living the only home I've ever known. I would like to stay close to my home area, but first I need the money to leave, and find a house for sale(I'm not getting an apartment or townhouse, as that just will be the same problem I have now, but with random strangers). It will be hard, but if I can get enough now, and work on keeping what I get afterwards, I will be golden. I actually crunched the numbers, and what I can figure is that I would need to make $1,300 a week to live in my new ideal situation. Of course, in the time I could take to get there, I'm sure I could get that in Patreon, art sales, YouTube videos, etc.

So, on the first day of the new year, I swear to God, the universe, and myself, that 2017 WILL BE MY GOLDEN YEAR. This will be the year I start my new chapter of my new life. I may have difficulties now and later, but I WILL overcome them. So come on 2017, be my friend and not my enemy. Make it so you're the year my fresh new start begins! =3
Hey everyone. Just another update journal on how things are going for me. Not much has changed since last time in terms of finding better work, but considering that it's the holiday season and I want to spend the holidays with family and not the rude general public, I'll just wait after New Years. But, a new situation for next year has popped up. Now, I've been living with my brother and sis-in-law for the last 6 months, and my brother is studying to take a test in January to see about going back to college to get a Master's degree in Business. He's already looked into going to schools in L.A., Seattle, and Texas. I hope for the best for him, and hope he gets to go to the school of choice, which seems to be in Seattle, and they both were hoping to move out of state, at least for a while.

With this in mind, this does mean he and my sis-in-law would be moving out in September. I also hope this happens, because while I love my brother, he has been a big pain to live with, and has kind of taken over the house and left me very little space to call my own. Now, if he does move out, one of two things will happen if my current situation doesn't change. The first is that my parents will have to find new tenants to live here with me, and while only one of my former roommates was fun, I'm tired of having to always share everything for so long with other random people. The second, and worse option, is that my parents sell the house, and I move up to Utah with them, in their small little town in the middle of nowhere, where the nearest big town is a 1/2 hour drive. I love my parents, but where they live is better for people who, like them, are retired, not someone like me, whose not even 30 yet.

This is why I pray and wish for better things for me before the year is up, and early in the new year. New things that will allow me to live here by myself, and let me be myself. I figure with rent, utilities, food, and other essentials, with a good buffer for fun and unknowns, around $4,000 a month will help. But, I can't do it with even a full time retail job. I just hope something will come to help me, whether a great success, a big lottery win, or even a big win in Publisher's Clearing House(yes I play). I just want to live my life the way I want now. For too long I've had to deal with other people's noise, messes, and other difficulties. So, here's to hoping the rest of this year and the beginning of next year will bring me great fortunes, and with those great fortunes I give to the rest of the world. See you all next time.