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I'm lost.
I don't know what to do.
Not like when I was young...
This is different.
This is more real.
This is like waking up from a bad dream, and realizing that the world is just as bad.
I'd put my trust in people.
I'd given them the benefit of the doubt.
And where am I now...?
I'm lost.
In pain.
In agony.
When I finally started my REAL life, everything fell apart. Reality came crushing down on me...
I've made the wrong choices.
Lived many lies.
Let myself sink into a hole.
Let myself stagnate...
I'm lost.
I have no drive.
No motivation.
All the desire in the world, but undeserving of any of it.
No skill.
No smile...
I'm lost.
A dead end.
An unwritten chapter.
An unopened door.
Something to pitied.
Something so repulsive...
I'm lost...
I just got home from the Hatsune Miku live concert in L.A.
I'll have to say that it was one of the best experiences of my adult life.
The entire show was beautiful, and I completely fangirl'd out the whole time. I also cried a lot. It was just that good...
I got a lot of (bad) pictures during the concert, and am going to go through and post some of them.
All I had was my iPhone 4, so they're not in great resolution.
But! If anyone gets the chance, watch the show (I wonder if they're gonna put it on Blu-ray...they were certainly filming).
It was, all in all, money well spent and it was SOOO much better than I'd imagined.
Normally, I set my expectations low, but for this one, I set them extremely high. And was blown away!
I came home so very satisfied.
I'm freaking there right now! Spent two hours in a line to get to the merchandise store, but ended up giving up on it.
Going to the concert tomorrow!
I was riding my bike to work yesterday morning, just like normal. Got up, showered, groomed, then out the door around 5.
A little way from home, but not quite half of the way to work, I came across a pair of small dogs on the sidewalk. 
They came right up tome, as if to say "hi". 
It made me happy, and I thought they were just adorable. I didn't stop, and went on my way. 
Not thirty seconds later, as I was crossing the road at the next light, I heard the squeel of tires, and a thud. 
I looked back to see one of the two barking and whining on the side of the road with it's companion...laying motionless against the curb in the bike lane...and a large dark SUV going along it's marry way, as if nothing had happened. 
I pancied, crying my way to work, and zombied my way through the day. 
In an instant... A life was taken. 
In an instant, my eyes were opened. 
It made me think of the difference between noticing a dead animal on the sode of the road, and actually having met that animal just before their life was taken by some person who couldn't be bothered to get out of their car to see what life they'd just ended. 
I went back to the location of the incident after work, and the body had been removed. Hopefully by someone who'd show proper respect for the life that was robbed from this world...
Lousy day.
Lost respect for humanity. Hopefully gained some, too...

Been absent form DA for a while. Summer in AZ makes me just want to sleep all the time. Too hot here. Especially when the "monsoon" hits, and not only is it 115, but there's also 90% humidity.....................................
Bleh...Climate Change sucks.
Hopefully, I'll be posting more often now.
*hugs everyone*
Was just testing something, and I discovered that one cannot upload an Mp3 to DeviantArt...
This is vexing.
There's even a section for "Songs and Lyrics", but still no ability to post a song as Art...
This is annoying.
I wonder, then, what the process might be for sharing audio-based Art on DeviantArt might be...
This is...

I just purchased some recording software, and was looking foreword to sharing what I compose with you all (provided it doesn't suck too bad), so I was making a dummy submission with a random Mp3 from my hard drive...wanted to see what category it'd let me submit it under...but alas, there is none...

Hey there!
It's been quite some time since I've written a journal entry...(I know I promised to make more regular posts, but I've been very distracted lately, and haven't really found the time to spend here...sadly).
I like to add entries when I go through significant events in my life pertaining to my transition, and that's simply "going" at this point. There are a few significant things that I'v encountered, but they're a bit too personal for me to want to post them here, so I think I'm gonna hold off on them.
But anyway! I wanted to talk about something that's...potentially offensive. I normally keep myself out of the political landscape, and actively avoid debate (largely because I find the entire political sub-culture nauseating), but...being what I am, I don't think I can avoid all of that stuff for very long.
One group within the political arena in particular draws my ire. A group that I have been exposed to for my entire life. Christianity.
Now...before I start I want to say that this is strictly an opinion piece, and I've been doing a lot of research on the subject, as it pertains to me, and I have no issue with christians in general. I was born into a christian home, and raised as such. They are mostly good people (or at least have good intentions). 
I'm bringing this issue up due to something a christian said to me some time ago, that really stuck with me, both for the manner in which it was spoken, and the implications and controversy currently surrounding the issue in the media today. I forget the exact wording used, but the general sense of it was "I'm almost afraid of being a christian right now, because we're going to be discriminated against." The speaker have an innocent shrug, almost looking over their shoulder.
My jaw nearly dropped at the statement, and candor of it, and I was left speechless for several minutes (which caused a mild amount of discomfort, and effectively killed the conversation, which had been largely about the difficulties I was facing with my transition).
I've been churning thoughts about how I've been treated by some of the more extreme conservative christians I've met for years (I was subject to a gay bashing or three when I came out as bi in high school, more than once being referred to as "an abomination against god"...which basically taught me to be afraid of being "not regular"). This is a very real issue for me, and I've been a victim for most of my life because of it (no longer, though).
I've been discriminated against.
I've been hated.
I've been assaulted.
Not exclusively by christians, but there has been a definite majority of instances perpetrated by them.
I am taken aback by the...ignorance of the statement, and fear of being the target of discrimination by a modern christian. I still don't quite know what to say about it.
Would it be poetic justice for some of them to feel that kind of fear? The kind of fear that I've been living with since I became self-aware, at the behest of they themselves?
Should this kind of hate be administered to those whom have administered more of the same hate towards me?
Should I enjoy this "retribution"?
I'm torn. I don't want ANYONE to feel what I've felt, to be in this constant state of living hell that I've been in, always looking over my shoulder to expect physical pain due to me simply being who and what I am.
It's the worst.
Nobody should have to feel that.
...did they have it coming?
I hate when these kinds of thoughts enter my mind. They are definitely a product of the fear that I've lived in, and I firmly stand against this kind of reciprocation.
I wanted to get these thoughts out, though. I can't help but have them sometimes...

I hope that I have not offended anyone with these musings, and I apologize. I hold no ill-will towards anyone for any reason, and I love you all. 
(PS: As I'm finalizing this very entry, I'm feeling a twinge if apprehension. There are things here that I would have never said out loud several years ago, and I'm mildly fearful of the potential consequences...But! I've gained all of the confidence that I should have had growing up, so I've made my decision to stick with these consequences.)
So, I was riding my bike home today, and I was passing the new Winter Cubs stadium (I work next to the new one, and I live next to the old one...almost makes me wish I cared about baseball...almost), and I remember thinking that the new grass they had down was looking a rather sickly yellow-brown. Not very appealing to behold, especially since they only finished the place a few weeks ago. 
As I was passing along, I came across a pair of landscapers in a golf cart who were (and I shit you not) spray painting the grass so that it looked green.
I burst out laughing, and drew some stared from the two men, but I couldn't contain myself.
They were about halfway done and coming from the opposite direction that I was.
I couldn't help but think of the irony....painting the grass to look green, especially with all of the "Go Green" campaigns happening at the moment.
It made me giggle, and added some levity to an otherwise crummy day.
Just thought I'd mention it, in the hopes that someone else would find it as funny as I did. (Feel free to share thoughts. I love comments.)
I was minding my own business, the other day at work, processing a product recall on the salesfloor (as is a normal part of my job), and a customer asked me for some help. I was more than excited to help her out, and pointed her in the right direction (I don't even remember what she was looking for), but the way she asked for my help was what set things apart from a normal day.
She said, "Miss? Could you help me?" 
I was floored.
A grin quickly crept over my face, and I promptly offered her help.
Afterwards, she said, "Thank you, ma'am," despite the obvious masculinity in my voice (one of the things I detest about myself, and have not really been able to change so far).
I thought to myself that te was largely due to the skirt I was wearing, and then some politeness on her part, having seen my positive reaction from being referred to as female, but I was thrilled nonetheless.
Several days (maybe a week) later, while I was in slacks instead of my skirt (as I only have three skirts I can wear to work) a younger man (probably a student at ASU) asked me for some help in a similar manner, referring to me as "ma'am". He was mildly flirtatious, and again, I was elated with the experience.
Both of these events have served to boost my confidence, and reassure me (although I don't really need the reassurance) that I'm making the right decision in transitioning to female. That's how I was supposed to have been in the first place, and the pieces are falling into place (albeit slowly) as I progress towards my goal.


The busy season at work is tapering off! FINALLY! I’ve been beating myself up about having to work on holidays when my friends all have those days off and get to hang out.

New years in particular, bugs the tar outta me. I don’t think I’ve had a new years day off since I started working at Target. Which is bullshit, if you ask me…in my specific job, I have nothing to freaking do on holidays. No vendors show up, there’re no third-party deliveries, and everyone at HQ has the day off, so I don’t even have the chance to process a new-and-exciting product recall.

Makes me want to scratch my eyes out with boredom.

In preparation, this year, I brought my PSP, and spent the day (for as long as I could stomach sitting there) level-grinding and fighting bosses in my new-favorite RPG: BlackRock Shooter, so I wasn’t too bored…though, it was still hell sitting there, at my desk, doing nothing all day.


But! As I haven’t posted here in a while, I wanted to give an update, though brief, on my transition; everything is going spectacularly. I’m “out” to pretty much everyone, and the people who matter are supportive. My mother keeps asking me questions about it, and demands regular updates.

Physically, my breasts are still growing, and are much more noticeable now. I do require a bra, as they are very sensitive, and bounce a bit (even though they’re still small A’s), but the fact that they’re becoming obvious (unless I wear billowy-loose shirts) makes me incredibly happy and excited!


For x-mas, I got three presents (despite having told everyone I know that I didn’t want anything, due to not having the financial capability of reciprocating).

The first was a “Welcome to Night Vale; Glow Cloud” t-shirt, from my awesome roommates (…who I’m starting to consider family, at this point).

The second was a (unique) set of dice from one of my only friends from high-school. I think I’ll post a picture of them.

And finally, my mother got me a SEGA Genesis; Classic Game Console. Freaking Epic. It’s a lot smaller than the original Genesis, and the controllers that come with it are “wireless”…(infra-wireless, so you have to aim the things at the receiver on the console), but it has plugs for classic controllers. It also comes with 80 classic games built-in (most notably Sonic 1, 2, &Knuckles…but not 3…), so I plan on purchasing some classic controllers, and maybe some classic cartridges for it. My friends and I have already spent one half-drunk evening playing Sonic 2, and I look forward to enjoying the crap out of this nostalgic, 16-bit console.


I hope this is a good-enough update for the moment…I’m sure I left things out, and I’ll post as I remember, but, to everyone; Happy belated, religiously-unspecified, accepting-of-lifestyles, financially-responsible, and all around FUN, X-mas/New-Years! *hugs everyone…at the same time*

Been a month since I posted last...
I work retail...during the holiday season...
Yeah. It's just that.
Bed Bugs.
The little fuckers've been feasting on me for more than a month, and I didn't even know it.
Turns out that about half of the people who are being munched on by bed bugs...don't even know it.
Often, the bites don't even show up...
Just felt like a normal itch, only more frequent. 
I should've guessed, and taken precautions. A married couple, who're friends of mine, were over about a month ago complaining about their bed bug problem, and brandishing some serious-looking bite marks. I figured that, since I didn't display any of the marks, that they hadn't made their way to my house...then I saw one of the little vampires crawling across my comforter last night when I was writing my fanfic, and i started panicking...I thought it was a cockroach at first, but I'm really not THAT much of a slob...bed bugs, though...they apparently spread like the swine flu, and are creepy enough to hide in the most invisible spots possible, and wait till you're in a deep sleep to munch on you (they apparently know when you're at your deepest sleep cycle...friggin' creepy).
SO! I spent all day, since getting home from work, spraying, spraying with other chemical, and spraying with other chemical...and running EVERYTHING CLOTH that I own through the dryer (they die at 115 f, and the hot setting on the dryer for about ten minutes will do the job)...and I'm Sooooo tired...
I'm dizzy from the large amounts of rubbing alcohol that I've been breathing in, mixed with the physical exertion from my work day (I get up at 4, to bike 7 miles and be at work by 6, then bike home) and the overhaul I did on my bedroom, tossing EVERYTHING, and washing everything...feels like I've run a decathlon...
Think I'm gonna puke...
I want nothing more than to fall asleep right now, but I can' bed is outside, leaning up against a wall (didn't quite have the energy to wash that off...), and the carpet in my room is covered in harsh chemicals still...
I would sleep on the couch, but my roommates are having a D&D game tonight, so I can see and hear everything that's going on...Can't get a moment of respite...
My (former) hernia is acting up, making it feel like my abdomen is going to rip itself apart...
I wanna scratch my eyes out.
I've been trying to chat with people on skype, but...They'll begin to make it seem like they actually wanna talk, but then...they just stop responding. THAT IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING EVER! At least tell me that you're busy, so I know you'll be late with responses!
I dunno whether I'm gonna explode into rage, or tears...
My speech (and typing) is slurred, and I'm unable to use the correct words for some things...(It's taking me, on average, one-and-a-half times to write each sentence here...)

On top of all that...

I found something...

...that scares the HELL out of me...

I'm not gonna say what it is until I have a doctor look at it...but it freaks me out like nothing ever has before.

I feel sick.

I wanna sleep.

I can't.

I just...

*takes several deep breaths*
Okay...Things in my life are still going pretty well, and I'm still happy...but, today just sucks. A lot.
And there's an ogre in the other room with holes in him that shouldn't be there...(Quote from roommates' D&D game...make a will save.) pockets hurt.
Mebbeh I'll feel better after the Apocalypse.
I'm gonna be awkward, and try sleeping on the couch with my roommates' friends able to hear me snore. *sinister grin*

*PS: this is the least coherent, and probably worst composed post I think I've ever made...but that's just how I feel. Disjunctioned.* 

So! National coming out day has come and gone, and I am becoming more and more comfortable with...well, everything.
Perhaps a little too comfortable...
The other day, I almost found myself calling my mother and laying everything on her (something that I am MOST CERTAINLY not ready for).
A little bit of a background on that is that she and my stepfather (I suppose my father as well, but he passed away when I was 8), are and always have been heavily religious. I don't really know what sub-branch of christianity they belong to...honestly, even though I attended most of the churches they attended until I was about sixteen, or so, but...There're soooooo many different little branches that consider themselves independent, that it makes my head spin...AND, we probably attended several different kinds of them while I was growing up, so, meh. 
But anyway...that ^ is a horribly structured paragraph...
Oh well, not gonna fix it.
Where was I...? Okay, so my parents are very bible-ey, which I personally don't really have issue with. I definitely see the need for religion among the masses, and generally, christians are decent people...but...the religion is SO vehemently against my existence, that I feel intimidated in it's presence, losing most of my confidence (even before I decided to go through with the SRS).

I say that I'm a little too comfortable, because, I don't think they would react well. Or even civilly.
I had my phone open to my recent texts, and had selected the photo of myself in my skirt at work and was about to send it to her.
I paused, and shuddered.
I became emotionally...unwell, and cried with my face buried in either my pillow or my dog for more than an hour.

This may have been a bit of an overreaction...but it really made me think about things, thus far.
While I have received some...hate, for lack of a better term, and an abundance of confused looks from afar with virtually zero's been good. I've gotten quite a bit of hate and ignorance for a large portion of my life (I was a goth at my high school), so I'm pretty numb to the intolerance. But...
My mother? Can I really drop this on her so soon? Is this "so soon"? I mean, I've known I wasn't the correct physical gender for...ever, basically, but I only made the (wonderful, and so very correct) choice to make it happen recently. And very recently, at that.
This train of thought got me on a tangent...I rehearsed my coming-out to them several times on my head (having decided that a text wasn't the best approach). 
How do I tell them? 
What do I tell them?
Do I take the blunt approach (which I actually find rather amusing, in a morbid way), and say "I'm gettin' mah balls chopped off."?
Do I try to take the utmost serious rout, and lay everything on them? 
The fact that they really had two daughters, and not just the one; the fact that I've been...almost seeing a guy, recently? (My best friend and I have been flirting pretty heavily since I came out to him, and, well...that flirting has graduated, slightly...)
How will they handle it? I mean, my mother...worries too much about me.
I was always the freak of the family. I liked different things than my such a degree that some people wouldn't be able to tell we were related. I think she thinks I'm going to do something stupid, like kill myself. And she DEFINITELY still thinks of me as a child. As a boy. (Sometimes she still calls me her baby boy...And, until now I'd never realized how much it hurts to hear her say that...while at the same time, appreciating the affection that she's giving me...)

I had a really big breakdown about the whole thing...
I suppose that, when I attached my name to my "National Coming Out Day" photo here, I secretly hoped that she would find it somehow, and I wouldn't have a choice but to tell them about it, after seeing my page...(maybe I'll add it to more things, and take that choice to not tell them away from me entirely...kinda like that idea)

Hm...This post seems to have changed from my original idea dramatically, as I've been writing it. That's okay, though. I'm happy with where it's going.
Basically...I love my mother, and appreciate her concern for me...but I think, once it comes out, her concern will be even more misplaced than it is right now. I'm expecting the "Have you tried not being trans?" talk from her...To which I will respond, "Yes...for almost thirty years. It's not really working out for me anymore."
I have no real way of...'assuming' how my stepfather will react. I dunno...

I...think that I'm gonna use one of the upcoming holidays to tell them.
I'll prepare myself as much as I can...though, If I come out at their house, and they give me the boot...then it'll be a ling walk home. (It's an hour drive, on the highway, between our houses...)
Wish me luck! (If there's even anyone reading this)

Oh...and, P.S., my boobs have noticeably begun to grow...and are ever so sensitive, right now. Which I'm SUPER EXCITED about. :D
(Again, wondering wht the first two lined are in a different size...silly Deviantart)

This one might turn into a rant, if I'm not too careful.
I'm including it with some of the pictures of me in a skirt that I just uploaded...I feel they fit with the point that (hopefully) I'll make least to myself.
I was watching an internet critic review an anime series (that I enjoyed) the other day, and...she made a comment that stuck with me. Felt a bit fierce, and a little...uncomfortable.
It was just an off-handed comment about "Moe" in the anime world, and...well, the opinion she has of it, kind of made me feel...dirty.
It got me thinking about Moe, and how it'd never bugged me before, and how I'd even appreciated it in many cases (particularly the costuming, as that is a style I would like to showcase myself), and I then began to think on a tangent about how it impacted femininity, and the like.
-This post will deal more heavily with femininity than masculinity, so I'll try to do a decent job of articulating my point.-
I am, always have been, and always will be, an advocate of gender equality.
While I identify as feminine, I enjoy masculinity as well.
Bigotry towards either makes me feel ill. 
Something I've certainly noticed about "feminism", is that there are a large number of hypocrites out there when it comes to such matters.
Sometimes a feminist can be just as much of a bigot as a chauvinist, and often times, when they claim to be doing good, they're hurting the "cause", in my eyes. I lichen this thought to the critic's review (which I still enjoyed, and I genuinely like the critic herself), because of the off-handed attitude towards a character in the series being moe. She seemed offended by the very concept that anyone could ever enjoy moe, and villainized the very concept of Moe: girly childish cuteness.  
While I EXTREMELY promote feminine empowerment, too much of it (like too much of anything else) is a bad thing.
A number (albeit a small number) of the self-proclaimed feminists that I've met, interacted with, or viewed in media have attached this same stigma to...basically most feminine things, and ultimately, attempting to destroy everything that is feminine in the first place.
I'm not about to say that many (or even a measurable fraction) of feminists feel this way, in all truth, but the way she said it...just grated on my nerves.
Personally, I greatly enjoy feminine things. I like wearing dresses and skirts, I like thigh-high stocking with frilly-lace tops, and I like feeling like I'm "cute".
Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I've been raised as the wrong gender, always being told to "be a man", or "cowboy up", and maybe my likes have a hint of spite towards those bigots in them, but...I like Moe.
I like cute things. I like frilly "girly" things. A lot.
I want to wear nothing but dresses and skirts for as long as I live.
Moe, in my opinion, is something to enjoy when viewing a fictional representation of the world (that has NO real bearing on reality), and perhaps as something to dress up as when you feel like being adorable. I know I like being adorable, and it has nothing to do with how other people (both women and men) see me.
Moe, for me, is how I'd want to see myself
Is it wrong to want to feel like I look good?
Is it wrong to attempt to be cute and girly?
Is it wrong to wear all the things that make Moe Moe?
Is it okay to be Moe?
It is for me. 
If you're reading this, and are one of the people who's offended by things being "too closely associated with a male-dominant society", then, I ask you to take a look into yourself and find out what you want, instead of going against (or with) the flow, just cause it's the thing to do.
It is NEVER okay to impose your beliefs on other people.
(Though, it's wonderful to find others who share the same beliefs as you. :D)

-I hope that wasn't too...over-the-top, and I hope nobody gets offended...but, I'm already prepared to have some people offended by my very existence, so...meh. I still love you. No matter who you are. You're a person, and that makes you worth it.-

So, I've been on my feminization hormone regiment for almost three months now, and I feel...fantastic.
I've noticed a few (changes?), though I'm not quite sure if that's the right word to describe them, but they've lead me to a conclusion of sorts that I'm both terrified of and ecstatic about. 

I started dieting, and exercising more heavily than I had in...almost a decade, and I've been pleased with the results so far. while re-measuring myself over the past several months, I've noticed a critical difference: I've dropped nearly two shirt sizes, but, my breasts have not lost any size. I've measured them several times over the past week or so, to keep an eye on their "development", and I'm...scared and exhilarated by the results.
When I noticed the difference, it really dawned on me that my efforts have not been in vain. I'm changing, and I couldn't be more happy, but I'm also terrified because the change is so real now. It's like having a groundbreaking epiphany, and hard to describe.

I've also noticed that my...attractions have altered, somewhat.
It's not that they've changed, but...They're more apparent to me now than they've ever been.
I've always considered myself bi-sexual, but, my attraction to girls has always been the forerunner of my sexual identity.
That's no longer the strict case.
I'm not any less attracted to the female form (or the feminine personality), but my attraction towards things masculine has...dramatically increased.
There's a huge difference in the way I'm attracted to the two, though.
Classically, my attraction towards things feminine has almost always been "I need to be that way", or "I wish I looked like her".
This mindset largely lead me to refer to myself casually as a lesbian in a man's body.
I've changed my internal view of myself since the last time I thought of me that way, gradually, over the past several years (long before I started the hormones, but, ultimately, coming to fruition more recently...though this may only be due to the fact that I'm much more open about it, and willing to admit to more of my true feelings now, and is likely more based on the actual choice than the associated pills). I now think of myself as more of a girl than ever before, and, more than ever before, I want...A man.
Like...(please don't take this as too "Twilight-ey"), I want to be held by a guy who's taller than me, and stronger than me, and I want him to treat me delicately. I mean, I don't want to be dominated, or anything like that, I just want to feel that warmth of...(this is where I'm out of words to describe it...hope you get the point).

There's a lot more to the point I was going for when I started this post, but, I've either run out of things to say, or words to elicit the meanings that I want. I will, however, end on a strong thought that I recently came up with: I'm entering a "second puberty", effectively, and, at times my thoughts and feelings are a torrent of...indescribable, and at other times are logical and precise. I have begun to internalize on these concepts, and have decided that I can tell the difference between my thoughts and my feelings. They're two distinctly different entities, and often clash with eachother creating indescribability in my brain that's frustrating, but wonderful.

Anyway: Minna, Suki-desu. (I love you all, even if you're not even bothering to read this.)

[PS: I'm not entirely sure that I'm gonna be able to save the cash I need for SRS. Donations would be appreciated. Just email me if you're generous. :D]
Okay, I'm gonna rant about an anime that I just finished, and have been watching since it was being released.
(Totally different than what I'd normally post here, but...I just wanna get this one out because it elicited a torrent of emotions in me)
Title: Ore no Imouto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai ( "My Little Sister can't be this cute" )
Genre: Comedy, Ecchi, Harem, School Life, etc...

Now, before I begin; I've only watched the anime. Haven't read the manga, or any other forms of media it may exist on, so this rant is entirely based on the anime itself, and the "twist ending" that pissed me off to no end.

The premise is, Kyosuke (main character) stumbles upon his little sister's "otaku" lifestyle, after having drifted apart from her over the past several years. Their sibling relationship slowly develops over the next two seasons of the show (15 episodes in s.1, 16 episodes in s.2), as do their respective relationships with the rest of the characters in their lives.
The show has a very good sense of humor (for the most part), and all of the characters are lovable, with unique personalities and interactions between themselves, and the main two. The animation is wonderful, the voice-acting is spot on, and the dialogue is good.
Throughout the show, there's a running "sub-text" of an incestuous relationship. The show very well establishes that this is not at all the case, and is meant as comedy rather than anything to be taken seriously. (...That is....until the last three (or four) episodes of the second season.)
Over the two seasons, Kyosuke develops a romantic relationship with one of his sister's otaku friends, but they're unable to really solidify their relationship (though they do end up being 'together' for a time in the second season, and she even introduces him to her siblings).

Here's where the show destoyed itself (the first of two times) for me: The ending act of the second season. There's a beautifully done scene where Kyosuke meets up with Ruri (the romantic interest...I'd even have considered her the main romantic interest before this horrid ending), and tells her that he can't go out with her. Clever editing leaves the audience unaware of his reason until the following episodes, and she (being one of my absolute favorite characters portrayed in anime) loses it, and cries her brains out, albiet briefly, and under the guise of her otaku persona. The voice actress and the animators really captured her torment perfectly, and I cried my eyes out as well (after some amount of shock).
I didn't think that there was sufficient buildup for him to 'break up' with her, and was rather disappointed with the turn in the story, thinking that there wasn't really somewhere else the story could go (but hoping nonetheless that they'd patch things up within the remaining episodes).
The show destroys itself a second time with the reveal of why Kyosuke dumped Ruri: He's in love with his little sister.
Yeah. After plainly establishing that the incest subtext was just a means of comedy, they destroyed that illusion.
So, he confesses to her (in another well acted, well directed, and well animated scene), asking her to marry him, and not caring what society thinks of them (he does this in public with many bystanders bearing witness). At first, she yells at him a bunch, pointing out all of the things that are wrong with it, but says 'yes' after he makes himself absolutely clear that he's sincere. So, they start dating (mostly not in secret, except to the characters who aren't really in the show, so we don't care about them anyway), and I become slightly willing to watch this ending play out. 
I'm resigned that my favorite character got the shaft, and want to see the end (despite the bad plot twist, it's still a wonderful show; acting, animation, direction, mood...)
A WTF!?!?! fakeout ending.
{I must have smacked my head against my desk a hundred, and uttered enough obscenities to make a sailor blush.}
In the scene just after the confession and proposal, she  whispers something in his ear, that we as the audience are unaware of until the end of ep.16. "Let's just date until we graduate from school, and then go back to being normal siblings, k?" (to paraphrase).
Keep in mind, this is after he dumps the best character in the show, and after he confesses to her, and she accepts his proposal for marriage. She explains (to him, and before she whispers in his ear), that she was planning on making the same confession to him that very evening, thusly establishing that they both sincerely love eachother, and want to get married (as incestuous as it is).
Three episodes of us believing that they're going through with it, and grudgingly accepting that this will be the outcome...and they...F-ing pull a Fakeout!
**** *** ******* ** *** ***** ********* ***********************!!!!!!!
{catches breath}
You Mother F-***********!!!!
How could you F-******!
{catches breath again, taking a sip of wine, and calming down}

Okay...So, in short, I was very disappointed with this ending (and in fairness, ep.16 just came out, so there still could be a follow-up, though not likely), but the rest of the anime was wonderful. Good comedy (if a bit racy), great characters, great animation, and a feel-good mood.
Just...a...rub-sand-paper-on-your-eyes ending.
(Ps: If you're watching the show and haven't finished....uhm...spoilers.)

So, today i'm gonna post about love. (Forgive spelling and grammar errors; i'm posting from my phone). 
There are several people whom i love, deeply, in this world, and i wanted to give them some credit here. I don't use my name, so i won't be using any of their names either. 
 First, and foremost: my wife. Even though we're separated, and living in different states, she's still one of my two best friends, and (probably) the person i trust most in this world. It's been no secret, to her, that i'm transgender, and she supports me fully (we're separated for various reasons, and this is most certainly not one of them). 

Second, is my dog. She's the best companion i could ever hope for, and her love is unconditional. She has a unique personality, and i consider her a person, and a member of my family. 

Next is my best friend. He's devilishly intelligent, and a bit of a sociopath, but i love him nonetheless. (There have been times when i'd considered...confessing more affection towards him than i think he'd appreciate, being the straight man that he is...but, these feelings come and go, as do my affectionate feelings for anyone else they might be focused on). 
I'm happy to have him as such a close friend. Of all of the people i've come out to, i was nervous about him the most. I'm not exactly sure why, but i think it's that i hold him to a higher standard. His intelligence and logic are fierce at times, and i often feel insignificant compared to his learnedness. I've met few people who rival his intellect...and i don't think i even come close. 

My sister. Even though we haven't been in a great deal of contact for some time, i recently began talking to her about my decision to transition. She's offered more advice and support than i would have expected from any of my family (i'm in Az, and my family largely falls in with the "Arizona Ignorant" crowd). She's a blessing, and i cherish her. (She asked, sarcastically, when she should start cracking jokes about always wanting a little sister). 

Musing on those i've mentioned, i've decided that "pure love", (like the story book kind) is either impossible, or only lasts for fleeting moments. 
The kind of love i have for them is a more sincere, and respectful love than i'd imagined love to be growing up. 
I don't know if there is that one person who's perfect for someone else, but my experience gives me little hope. Still, i'd like to be proven wrong in my doubts about the fabled "true love". 
For now, i'll keep my affections where they are (and as misplaced as they are), unless somethibg changes. 

(Ps: I also don't know why the crap my first paragraph in this post has that line next to it, or why the very first line is a different size, but...whatever. This website isn't very smartphone friendly.)
Tranny. Trap. Ladyboy. Transexual. Transgender. 
Thinking of these words, growing up, always gave me a sense of...foreshadowing...(foreboding, perhaps)?
When I first came into my sexual "awakening", during puberty, I knew what I wanted to be...but that didn't quite match up with what everyone else wanted.
I was shy and uncomfortable about my sexual identity for a large portion of my time in middle school, and early high school (though I quickly found a good support network, and was able to become more comfortable with myself).
I've pretty much "always known" that I was a female at heart, and recently, I came to a liberating decision: I'm gonna go through with it. 
I'm only starting now, but it's something that had NOT come as any kind of surprise to any of my closest friends (My best friend even finished my sentence for me, when I was coming out to him...).
I've got a very long road ahead of me, and am planning on largely documenting it with photos, journal entries, and the like, here.

I'm not that great with keeping up with posts on websites, so I won't make promises that I can't keep, but, I'm going to try to make at least one journal post each week (whether or not anyone reads it is irrelevant) and keep it updated on my progress. 
I'll post whatever comes to mind at the moment, so they won't be in any particular order of relevance.
Thanks, and I hope to see you at the end of my journey.