n
literature

not allowed

tirsden's avatar
By tirsden   |   Watch
9 22 832 (1 Today)
Published: August 10, 2007
7/31/07

It was brought up recently in a place where such conversations are safe, that in a Christian home we grew up expected to be happy. We learned to stuff our other feelings, because they were inappropriate.

I remember my father telling me to smile or not to look so moody. I spent a lot of time in other worlds, I didn't mean to look anything. It hurt when he said that. Like he had to be in control of everything about me all the time. And it's not like he ever asked if there was something wrong. Because nothing was ever wrong. (Unless I asserted some sort of independent thought.)

How was it any of his business? People cannot always smile. And they certainly cannot look like whatever someone else feels they need the person to look like at that moment. It is purely absurd to think otherwise. And abusive. If I gave any negative reaction to his order, I was in for another lecture, or at least unkind words.

Parents, do not do this to your children. Please.

Meanwhile, I continue to learn who I am without the restrictions I've had for so long. At almost thirty, perhaps others would think I am starting too late. I don't care. I feel like I have lived forever already, and I may have many more years to live still. I am starting over now, life is new, and I can be myself and see what the future holds.
Recommended Literature
T
The Aspie Girl
It was a somewhat peaceful, summer morning weekend here in the little community of Peach Creek as we zoom in on one of the neighborhoods; the Peach Creek Cul-De-Sac. And in the second house on the right of the entrance, that’s where we start this story. We see a figure in his room, sleeping in his circular-shaped bed. He was a thirteen boy that seemed to be just a smidge too short for his age and had only three, long strands of dark blue hair on his head. His name is Eddy Wendell. He was starting to wake up from his slumber, stretching a little as he did; he showed his dark, foggy blue orbs. Eddy noticed what time it was now; seven o&#1
L
Living With Aspergers
I was diagnosed with Aspergers "Hey that is not an excuse!" Hey man I hate to say it but Aspies can drive you crazy Want to tear your hair out and pound your head against the wall But I am here to say You know nothing about me at all.   You say I am rude, stubborn, and naive and that is G rated terms you said about me.   But I tell you you got it all opposite.   The people closest to me describe me friendly and passionate and not to mention intelligent.   I might not stand out and be invisible to most but those blind people don't matter all they say is "She's retarded" "and a los
N
NORMAL WHAT IS THAT?
NORMAL? WHAT IS THAT? They call me stupid… They call me dumb… I am neither, I am deaf. I can never hear a sound. I talk with my hands. I am neither stupid nor dumb, I am just ME! They call me weird… They call me dumb… They call me worthless… I am neither, I am blind. I never get to see the world. I read with my fingers, not my eyes. I am neither weird nor dumb nor worthless, I am just ME! They call me a problem… They call me an idiot… They call me dangerous… They call me a troublemaker… I am neither, I have autism. I have a handicap. I see things and people differently. I am ne
© 2007 - 2019 tirsden
This originally ended at the line that petitions parents not to make the same mistakes mine did... but I thought it needed a more positive ending. It was all written at the same time though. Those who don't know me should note that I have Asperger's Syndrome that went undiagnosed for about 25 years.


Weapons of choice: real life, random notebook of d00m, WordPad, LiveJournal's spellchecker
Recommended Literature
T
The Aspie Girl
It was a somewhat peaceful, summer morning weekend here in the little community of Peach Creek as we zoom in on one of the neighborhoods; the Peach Creek Cul-De-Sac. And in the second house on the right of the entrance, that’s where we start this story. We see a figure in his room, sleeping in his circular-shaped bed. He was a thirteen boy that seemed to be just a smidge too short for his age and had only three, long strands of dark blue hair on his head. His name is Eddy Wendell. He was starting to wake up from his slumber, stretching a little as he did; he showed his dark, foggy blue orbs. Eddy noticed what time it was now; seven o&#1
L
Living With Aspergers
I was diagnosed with Aspergers "Hey that is not an excuse!" Hey man I hate to say it but Aspies can drive you crazy Want to tear your hair out and pound your head against the wall But I am here to say You know nothing about me at all.   You say I am rude, stubborn, and naive and that is G rated terms you said about me.   But I tell you you got it all opposite.   The people closest to me describe me friendly and passionate and not to mention intelligent.   I might not stand out and be invisible to most but those blind people don't matter all they say is "She's retarded" "and a los
N
NORMAL WHAT IS THAT?
NORMAL? WHAT IS THAT? They call me stupid… They call me dumb… I am neither, I am deaf. I can never hear a sound. I talk with my hands. I am neither stupid nor dumb, I am just ME! They call me weird… They call me dumb… They call me worthless… I am neither, I am blind. I never get to see the world. I read with my fingers, not my eyes. I am neither weird nor dumb nor worthless, I am just ME! They call me a problem… They call me an idiot… They call me dangerous… They call me a troublemaker… I am neither, I have autism. I have a handicap. I see things and people differently. I am ne
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
Comments (10)
ConceptCat's avatar
ConceptCat|Professional Digital Artist
23 years here. :hug: I was always yelled at for just about everything, especially not making eye contact with my grandfather when he was talking to me or lecturing me. :( Even my teachers were abusive.
Reply  ·  
tirsden's avatar
tirsden|Hobbyist General Artist
:hug: Oh gods I hated that, "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" Yeahhhh, nobody had diagnosed that I had high-functioning autism. Eye contact. Hard. Very hard. Regardless, lectures are hard enough without further forced orders. And... the mother unit was my teacher from 4th grade through graduation. :dead:

Are you free now? :o
Reply  ·  
ConceptCat's avatar
ConceptCat|Professional Digital Artist
Am I free now from all of that? Yeah, thank God. But am I free as a single person or not, no I'm married. LOL! I hope you were asking if I was free from all that. YES!!! I completely moved out of Indiana and away from everyone! I have no family here or anything in Louisiana, I absolutely love it.

Things are so much better. I'm not use to being around people though, so that raised my anxiety and depression level so now I'm on medication for that. I had to talk over and over with my husband the other night to try to explain to him about myself and how I see the world and just everything. I even had him watch "Temple Grandin - Focus on Autism and Asperger's Syndrome" to give him a better understanding.

It's very hard to explain it to someone whom is a neurotypical. Thank God for people like Temple Grandin because I couldn't get it all out in words.

What type are you? I'm a visual thinker. I'm really into art and music. I also like things such as science, medicine, biology, things of that sort. I struggle with reading, english, math, social studies, the basics lol. Science in school was hard and easy. When the math and measurements came in with the science I struggled, but everything else was easy.
Reply  ·  
tirsden's avatar
tirsden|Hobbyist General Artist
:giggle: Yay for just figuring out you're a girl. :highfive: Ya think for someone who tends to use a male alter ego's icon a lot, I'd learn not to make assumptions. :XD:

Oooh, I haven't seen this Temple Grandin work, I should look it up. :D (And I'm actually reeeeally overstressed right now and it's not going to let up until after Saturday... feels like this week just isn't going to end! :faint:) ...where was I... oh right, I desperately want to move to CA, and I know nobody in San Fran either, which is my destination of choice pending... whatever happens. I have never liked the east coast but for the moment I'm stuck here waiting on... hmm... mostly an older SSI case that I'm hoping goes through this time. It's on appeal for the... I forget how many times this is now. Ironically I do have SSI now... but from a newer application. If that makes no sense, join teh club! :dead:

I'm a visual thinker as well, but until university I did well in all subjects (though I was mostly homeschooled soo... I have in the end had to throw out most of what I learned anyways). I buried myself in books from an early age but lately been burned out... in fact that's how I tend to work, I obsess to death over something and then burn out. You prolly know the feeling, eh? At one point last year I was even reading and writing junk in a notebook about quantum physics. Haven't touched it since. :laughing:

Aaaand I can't think... I'll try and get to answering your other comments when I haz brain. :D
Reply  ·  
Saphiroko's avatar
Saphiroko|Hobbyist General Artist
I hug you too! :hug:
Reply  ·  
tirsden's avatar
tirsden|Hobbyist General Artist
Awww thankye! :heart: Hugs all around! :hug:
Reply  ·  
aumarra's avatar
aumarra|Hobbyist Writer
:hug:

Things like that are somewhat true for me... People frequently tell me that I have to smile and do all that 'happy and fun' stuff that other people do.

But that's just not who I am. I'm typically a moody, quiet person that has a short temper and smiles once every million years.

I swear, one of these days, I'm going to explode because of this.
Reply  ·  
tirsden's avatar
tirsden|Hobbyist General Artist
Yeah, when people tell you to be something you aren't, the real-you-feelings builds up inside of you if you can't let them out... :explosion:

:hug: I guess some people can't live with the thought of other people not behaving exactly like they think they should... :shakefist: ...pooh to them! :P
Reply  ·  
aumarra's avatar
aumarra|Hobbyist Writer
Some people just don't seem to get that some of us are different.
Some people are bright and happy, others are moody and :raincloud:
Reply  ·  
tirsden's avatar
tirsden|Hobbyist General Artist
Aye, especially when other people are messing with their world. :shakefist:
Reply  ·  
anonymous's avatar
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Sign In
©2019 DeviantArt
All Rights reserved