Where research means nothing when you want to see people fight!
Two fighters! Sixty seconds! No research!
Forestry has always been a major contributor to Canada’s economy so it was one of the more noticeable things about the country. A land full of large of pine, spruce and of course, maple trees.
Inside of one of the many forests was a small house. Said house didn’t look that good, but it was serviceable enough and has a nice view. However, not everyone said that house that that way as they looked at said building.
There were a bunch of demolition workers standing in front of the house. Leading the pack was a man who looked much different from the rest of them. He was an out-of-shape man with dark hair and a matching moustache. He had on a gold monocle, green boxing gloves with yellow dollars of them and purple pants held up by yellow suspenders which had dollars bills sticking out. Yeah, he was trying WAY too hard to look rich.
The man looked at the house in disgust before speaking in a British accent. “Eww… I haven’t heard such an unsightly… House since I have been to Ally Gator’s swamp.”
He then rolled his eyes before turning to the demolition workers.
“You there, workers. You have your job. Go tear down this.. Shack.” The man commanded.
A demolition worker paused. “Um, are you sure? I don’t think the owner had gotten all of their stuff out.”
The British man just scoffed. “Well, that query is actually quite easy. He has gotten a chance to clear out his stuff.”
The demolition workers’ eyes bugged out when they heard this.
“You can’t do that!” The first worker scolded.
“Um, I can and I will.” The British man retorted, raising eyebrow. “Besides, it is not like I am going without warning. I sent the owner an eviction notice.”
“When was this?” A second worker asked.
“Three days ago while he was in America.” The British man said, matter-of-factly.
The first worker’s eyes bugged out. “Do you just expect the owner to drop everything he is doing and get on a plane back here in three days!?”
“Hey, if he was richer, he would have charted a jet plane.” The British man muttered. “That is the rule of the world. Survival of the fittest.”
A third worker looked up and down at the British man’s frame. “Then, why are YOU so rich and powerful?”
“OOOOOOOHHHHH!” The rest of the demolition workers cheered before swarming around their savage co-worker. The British man’s eyes twitched.
“SILENCE!” The British man roared, making the demolition workers simmer down. “Now you were NOT paid to ask questions and act like dudebros! In fact, you are not paid to do ANYTHING, but work, work, work!”
Everyone rolled their eyes.
“You really do live up to your name, Royal Pain.” The first man muttered.
The British man rolled his eyes. “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that, I would have… No, wait, nothing will happen at all. Now quit back-talking and…”
Everyone’s eyes bugged out before looking in the direction of the voice to see a man rushing towards the house. He was a large out-of-shape man with a bald head and a brown beard. His attire was simple and consisted of red boxing gloves, blue overalls and brown shoes. After running between the house and Royal Pain, he put his hands on his knees and panted heavily.
Royal Pain looked at the man in disgust. “I take it that you are the Bear Hugger?”
The overweight man looked up while still panting before speaking with a Canadian accent. “T-That’s right.”
“I knew that the owner of this house would be a Neanderthal and yet I am STILL disgusted.” Royal Pain muttered.
Bear Hugger stood up straight looking offended. “Well, THAT’S a fine how-do-you-do!? I take it that YOU’RE Royal Pain.”
“That I am.” The British man confirmed before getting out a piece of paper. “And I have the deed to this land. And you are trespassing.”
“Um, excuse me, but I literally just heard about this two days ago!” Bear Hugger countered. “I came here as fast I could, eh!?”
Royal Pain looked up and down at Bear Hugger. “Yes, I could see why you took so long.”
Bear Hugger’s eyes bugged out before narrowing them. “Has anyone ever told you about glass houses, eh?”
“What do YOU know about houses!? This house could hardly be called that.” Royal Pain scoffed.
“Hey, maybe not be glamorous, but it is still home to ME!” Bear Hugger insisted.
Royal Pain just rolled his eyes. “Tch. Whatever, just get out of my way.”
“Shucks no! I may not know law, but you tried to tear down my house with just a single warning letter that I had a slim chance of making it on time!” Bear Hugger snapped before getting into a boxer’s stance. “I am a hugger, not a fighter, but you have to tear down this house OVER my unconscious body!”
Royal Pain just scoffed. “I had a feeling that you would act that so that is why I brought some extra muscle.”
With that, he snapped his fingers (which should be impossible considering that he was wearing boxing gloves). This acted as a cue for one of the demolition workers to walk from the back of the group. He was a large, mountain of a man with a muscular body and a tuft of green hair on his head. He wore brown worker’s gloves, blue jeans and brown shoes. He also had a pale silhouette of a tanktop on him.
“So you are the treehugger I was told about.” The muscular man spoke in a Canadian accent.
Bear Hugger just narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, so I love nature.”
The muscular man just returned the gesture. “Ugh, I can’t stand you activistists always getting into the way of us hardworking lumberjacks!”
“Hey, I take offense to that!” Bear Hugger frowned.
The muscular man just scoffed. “Eh?”
“Yeah, I’M a lumberjack!” Bear Hugger snapped, pointing to himself.
The muscular man’s eyes widened at this. “What?”
“Yeah, I actually cut down trees! You know! For FIREWOOD!” Bear Hugger muttered.
The muscular man looked in awe. “Woah, that is never heard of. All of the treehuggers just settle for fallen branches.”
“Hey, if they don’t want to hurt the trees, that’s fine! But a guy gotta stay warm, eh?” Bear Hugger shrugged.
“Exactly! That is not that we cut down trees just to be jackasses, eh?” The muscular man nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, you can fight for nature without forcing the ENTIRE nature to conform to your actions.” Bear Hugger agreed with a grin.
As the two Canadian started to talk with each other, Royal Pain and the other demolition workers looked on in disbelief. Royal Pain then growled with his moustache slowly turning into a handlebar one.
“Um, excuse me!?” Royal Pain snapped, getting the two’s attention. “Tiny, you weren’t paid to make friendly talk! You are paid as my muscle!”
“Well, since you asked OH so nicely.” The muscular man muttered, rolling his eyes before looking at his opponent. “Nothing personal, pal, but I got paid to fight.”
Bear Hugger paused before narrowing his eyes. “Well, I will not hold any grudges, but I am still going to make you wish you never crossed me, eh?”
Tiny just smirked. “Wouldn’t have it any other way, eh.”
IT’S ABOOT TO GO DOWN, EH!?
The two Canadians slowly circled around each other, waiting for the other person to make the first move. Then, Bear Hugger had decided to draw first blood by rushing over to Tiny and punched a jab forward. Tiny had quickly blocked the blow before punishing Bear Hugger for his mistake and punching him in the face. The overweight man staggered back before recovering.
Bear Hugger then walked over to Tiny and did a large hook. However, the muscular man had just ducked underneath the attack and then did an uppercut to Bear Hugger’s stomach. The latter grunted in pain before Tiny did another body blow. However, Bear Hugger had quickly blocked this punch. Tiny was not expecting this and took a hard punch to the face.
As Tiny staggered back, Bear Hugger ran over and did a series of punches to his opponent’s stomach. Tiny grunted in pain before raising an arm to block the next punch. Bear Hugger just made up for the blocked attack by punching his fist out at Tiny’s face. However, the muscular man saw the attack coming and punched his own fist. The two punches collided with each other, causing a large shockwave that had sent Royal Pain and the other demolition workers on their rears.
“Ugh, this is why I pay other people to do the heavy lifting for me…” Royal Pain muttered.
After the exchange of punches, the two had tried to get into a power struggle with each other. However, it was still that Tiny was the physically-stronger one as he was winning the fight. Bear Hugger realized this and instead of putting his strength into the power struggle, he merely focused on using his weight to stop Tiny. This had actually proved effective as they both looked down in terms of movement.
Seeing that the power struggle was a stalemate, both Canadian had broke away from each other. Bear Hugger then punched his fist out, only for Tiny to raise a bulky arm to block the attack. The muscular man then returned the favour by backhanding Bear Hugger in the chest and sending him skidding on his back. Tiny just dusted his hands while the demolition workers cheered him on.
However, Bear Hugger had groaned while sitting up. When he saw Tiny walking over, Bear Hugger narrowed his eyes before getting up and rushing forward like a mad bull and headbutting Tiny in the stomach. As the muscular man’s eyes widened in pain, Bear Hugger continued rushing into his stomach. However, Tiny gritted his teeth before grinding his feet into the ground to slow down Bear Hugger before throwing the overweight man over him and making him land on his back.
Tiny glared down at Bear Hugger while gripping his stomach. “Well, as those kids said, that was very cash money of you, eh?”
Bear Hugger sat up and glared at Tiny. “Excuse me for not playing fair when my HOUSE is on the line.”
Tiny just shrugged before getting back into a stance while Bear Hugger had gotten back up to his feet. Tiny then rushed over to Bear Hugger and did a hard uppercut. However, the overweight man had seen it coming and prepared himself so when the punch connects with his stomach, it didn’t do anything. Tiny’s eyes bugged out as the Bear Hugger blew a raspberry at him.
Bear Hugger then did a hard hook to Tiny’s face, sending the muscular man staggering to the side. Bear Hugger then rushed over and did his own uppercut to Tiny’s stomach before picking him up and throwing him up onto his back. Tiny groaned before looking up, only for his eyes to bug out when he saw that Bear Hugger had leapt up into the air to do a body slam.
Tiny quickly rolled out of the way, just in time to dodge the body slam. However, he was unable the shockwave that had sent Tiny (along with everyone else) flying high in the air before falling onto the ground. Tiny groaned as he sat up while holding his head. He then growled before getting up and rushing over while Bear Hugger was recovering from his own attack before doing an elbow drop onto the overweight man’s back.
Bear Hugger cried out in pain before rolling to the side and getting up to his feet. However, Tiny had quickly punched him in the stomach before wrapping his arms around his opponent. He then started to apply a hard bearhug while the demolition workers cheered him on. However, despite wincing in pain, Bear Hugger was actually taking it much better than Tiny thought.
“Decent… Grip, but not… Secure tightly.” Bear Hugger grimaced through the pain. “You are… Strong, but that’s… It?”
“And I suppose YOU can do better, eh!?” Tiny challenged, looking both confused and offended.
Bear Hugger gave a weak smirk. “Gladly…”
With that, he swung his head forward, headbutting Tiny in the forehead. The muscular man grunted in pain before letting go of Bear Hugger. That was when the overweight man does what he does best. Delivering a bearhug. Tiny’s eyes bugged out as he cried out in pain and shock. He was much taller and physically stronger than Bear Hugger (which is impressive because the latter was pretty tall and strong himself) and yet he was taking in such an iron grip was unheard of.
“Now THIS is how you do a bearhug!” Bear Hugger grinned, proudly.
Tiny continued to scream in pain before realizing that he had to do something or else this fight would be over. He then slapped both of his hands over Bear Hugger’s head. The overweight man cried out in and he stepped back while holding his now-ringing head. Tiny on the other hand hand propped onto his back in pain while panting heavily while rubbing his shoulder.
Bear Hugger shook his head to get rid of the stars before glaring at his downed opponent before stomping over to him. However, Tiny weakly up to see his opponent coming. With his eyes bugging out, he quickly punched the ground which had created a tremor that had shook Bear Hugger. Acting quickly and ignoring the pain, Tiny ran over and punched Bear Hugger hard in the face.
As Bear Hugger staggered back, Tiny took the time feel his back in an attempt to ease the pain. Bear Hugger recovered to see Tiny stopping in his place. Acting quickly, he ran over to do a punch forward. However, Tiny just raised an arm to block the punch. He then used his other hand to punch forward only for Bear Hugger to block with his other hand. The overweight then sent his large stomach forward, this time making a direct hit.
Tiny was sent skidding back on his back, but while that hurt, he still found the strength to get up to his feet, just in time as Bear Hugger was advancing on him. The overweight man threw a punch forward, but Tiny had quickly grabbed his fist before pulling his opponent forward and putting his arm around Bear Hugger’s head before he proceeded to do a series of punches of Bear Hugger’s stomach.
Bear Hugger kept crying out in pain with each body blow. Realizing that he can’t go on like that, he tried to shove his weight towards Tiny. This actually turned out to be smart as this had actually taken the muscular man off-guard as he was sent crashing on his back with Bear Hugger pinning him down and knocking the wind out of him.
Bear Hugger sat up on Tiny’s stomach as he rubbed his own. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have that fifth jug of maple syrup…”
Bear Hugger then proceeded to do a series of punches to Tiny’s face. The muscular man grunted in pain before sending both of his fists out and striking Bear Hugger in the chest, knocking him off. The two Canadians then weakly got up onto their feet. Bear Hugger then narrowed his eyes before rushing over like a bull again. However, this time, Tiny saw the attack and grabbed his head as he was sent skidding on his feet.
Unfortunately for Tiny, there was a tree behind him and he had crashed into with Bear Hugger slamming his body into him. As Tiny got the wind knocked out of him, Bear Hugger did a series of punches to his opponent’s stomach, not giving a chance to punch back. However, Tiny was still able to swing his head forward, headbutting Bear Hugger in the forehead.
Tiny then did a hard uppercut to Bear Hugger’s chin and actually sent the overweight man flipping back until he had landed on his stomach hard. Tiny smirked before punching the ground hard and sending the overweight man up into the air. Tiny then ran forward and caught Bear Hugger in the form of an Argentine Backbreaker. Bear Hugger yelled in agony before Tiny threw him to the ground.
While hitting the ground hard, Bear Hugger growled before finding the strength to spring to life and wrap his arms around Tiny’s legs before getting up while taking the muscular man with him and throwing him on the ground. However, Bear Hugger wasn’t done as he stomped over to Tiny and grabbed by the head with both hands before lifting him to his feet. Bear Hugger then pulled his arms back to do another bearhug. Tiny’s eyes bugged out.
Acting quickly, Tiny threw himself to the ground to avoid said bearhug. Bear Hugger wasn’t expecting the quick duck as he stumbled forward. Tiny then quickly jumped back to his feet.
Tiny did a hard uppercut to Bear Hugger’s stomach.
Tiny then slammed his fist onto Bear Hugger’s head.
Tiny then did an uppercut, sending Bear Hugger staggering back.
As Bear Hugger staggered back, Tiny ran forward while pulling his head back.
Tiny had done an upwards headbutt, striking Bear Hugger’s own forehead and sending the latter flying around until he landed on his stomach with he lay unmoving.
The demolition workers all cheered on Tiny as he panted heavily. He then smirked before he started to flex his muscles.
“I guess abs beats flab once again.” Tiny taunted.
As opposed to the demolition workers, Royal Pain just smirked as he crossed his arms.
“Heh, I knew that I made the right choice and I hired you for this job.” Royal Pain gloated while walking over. “Now with this barbarian down for the count, go and tear down his house.”
Tiny’s smirk vanished as he paused in thought.
Royal Pain’s smirk vanished as well. “Come again?”
“I am going to be blunt. I only came here so I could have a little fun.” Tiny admitted. “And I actually did so WITHOUT destroying the house, eh?”
“I-Is this some kind of sick joke?” Royal Pain asked in disbelief. “I had paid you to do this!”
“Um, yes and no.” Tiny pointed out. “You paid me upfront to ACCEPT the job. And then you will pay me after I do the job.”
“S-So?” Royal Pain queried, not liking where this was going.
“So I still got money out of this.” Tiny shrugged.
“T-That’s treachery!” Royal Pain roared.
“No, that is survival of the fittest.” Tiny countered, giving a smirk.
Royal Pain growled as he walked over to the unconscious Bear Hugger and picked him up by putting his arm around him standing up, making the overweight man stand up as well.
“Real talk, though. This guy gave me more fun than I would have expected than if I tore down his house.” Tiny explained. “Plus, he seems like a decent guy out of the ring so it is the least I could do for showing me such a good time, eh?”
“Of all the idiotic…” Royal Pain snarled. “Fine! I don’t need you! I got an entire demolition crew!”
With that, he turned to them who looked unsure.
“Well, you heard me! Go and tear down that house!” Royal Pain snapped.
“Um, yeah, sorry, but we quit.” The first worker admitted as everyone else nodded.
Royal Pain’s pupils shrank. “WHAT!?”
“Yeah, we only accepted this job because Tiny was going to be there.” The first worker shrugged. “If he doesn’t want to do it, we don’t want to do it.”
Royal Pain gripped his head, not believing this was happening. “B-B-But you can’t do that! I paid each and every one of you upfront!”
“Yeahhhh, considering that we don’t even like you, we don’t care.” The third worker explained, matter-of-factly.
Hearing this, Tiny smirked. “Thanks, guys! Now what do you say we go and drink to my success!”
The demolition workers all cheered before they along with Tiny while helping Bear Hugger walked off, leaving Royal Pain.
“B-B-But you can’t do this! You must be breaking at least five union rules!” Royal Pain pleaded. He then growled. “Bah, fine! If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself!”
With that, he had stomped over to the house. Or at least he would before he felt a tap on his shoulder.
With a growl, Royal Pain whirled around. “What? Can’t you see that I’m…”
However, that was all he got up before realizing that he was standing in front of a bear who had his arms crossed and did not look pleased. On his shoulders was a squirrel who was just as unamused. Royal Pain’s moustache drooped.
“...Am I to assume that you are friends with the bearded fellow?” Royal Pain asked.
The bear and squirrel both nodded their heads. The former then raised his paw over him, preparing to slam it down onto Royal Pain’s head. All the British man could do was look in horror.
This melee’s winner is…