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:icontimeboy08:TimeBoy08 posted a status
My review of "Curse of the Demon Pony', written by :iconjussonic: ...

Man this had potential but just wasn't thought out properly.

We didnt need constant reminding that the Changeling invasion happened or did nearly every sentence from Boris have to be calling earth ponies filth and meaningless...which everyone agreed with. Yeah, in the second to last chapter when Boris takes all the magic, Fluttershy, Rainbow and Rarity openly say they cant stand being earth ponies. ....We're supposed to hate Boris, right? 

Not only this, but Celestia allowing Boris to hunt down the Demon Pony makes no sense as Boris has literally no leverege over her; just because people.

Oh..but Ben. Ben Mare. Yeah, i'm sorry, i know this is a AU, but even I dont mess with already established character motivations; Twilight never had time for friends because she was busy studying, theres no established reason why Ben would be the one exception. Not to mention she was reduced to a crying moaner.

Bens transformation was predictable and if Boris really wanted to kill Ben right there, he'd have done it. Wouldnt it have been better if Ben willingly let himself be bit or strached by the Were-Hound (or whatever it was called) in way to prove to Twilight he can fight for himself, not realising the consequences? It would have made for character development, but NO. We get everything being Boris fault because apparently when he was a child he was a evil mastermind.

I won't speak about NYX because we all have different opinions on the character  but the rest if the mane six were so flanderised they came off as completely incompetent.

the writing...sigh the writing. There was a sprinkle of a good idea but just not well executed..it didn't help that others kept shoving in their own ideas of how they wanted the story to go (I admit that yeah, I had a role in this, but I didn't make it crucial to the plot, I did slow down the plot at times) and it just came off so jarring whe you can tell another author has taken over,

So yeah...this story had so much potenional but just fell flat with too many authors with different ideas helping and just comes off as a parody of beauty and the beast along side Curse of the Were-Rabbit with every character coming off as Incompetent, doughnut joe and Derpy suddenly being hoof to hoof combatants and a poorly Written OC we were supposed to root for.



2 outta five.

Devious Comments

:iconkingryhuff:
KingRyHuff Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2016
I hate to say this, but yeah. Curse of the Demon Pony did have potential. Had someone else who was more of a professional writer wrote it, it would have been something truly great. 
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:iconyamino-neko:
YamiNo-Neko Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Geez, and I thought Cartuneslover was bad; granted, I haven't sat down and read the entire story yet, but reading this review makes me curious.
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:icontimeboy08:
TimeBoy08 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2016
It's on ,fiMfiction written by ,Jussonic

somines done a dramatic reading of it to
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:iconyamino-neko:
YamiNo-Neko Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2016  Student Traditional Artist
Interesting; the only dramatic reading I know of was by AgainAFanficCritic.
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:icontimeboy08:
TimeBoy08 Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2016
Yeah that's who I mean 
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:iconsolid-sun:
Solid-Sun Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2016
The big reveal was also very obvious. JusSonic doesn't introduce any major characters besides Ben and Boris, but since Boris is walking around and has attacked the Demon Pony, the only one who could possibly be the the titular character is... well, Ben Mare. Like, really? I was in stiches when the big reveal happened because JusSonic made it out to be something important, but anyone that wasn't a complete moron figured it out a long time ago!
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:iconmagicalalchemist17:
MagicalAlchemist17 Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
well said though I would've given it one out of five stars to be honest
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