Money Tree Seed_gag-gift

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time-warrior's avatar

Literature Text

*Use this picture (or make your own ) to glue on the front of an envelope, this will serve as the “seed packet” (fill with approx. 10 dollars worth of quarters). I suggest an invitation size envelope:
43/8” x 53/4”.
You will, also need a small flower pot large enough to fit the “seed packet” and letter into. Ta-da---your gag gift is ready to hand deliver to whomever you desire.

Now for the Letter:

Dear fellow Gardener,

The question has been asked in recent days “Who wants to be a millionaire?”. Well, quite frankly, I ask. . . who doesn’t? With that said, I have a rare discovery to share with you from our remote location here at THE FUNNY FARM laboratories---WE HAVE FOUND THE MONEY TREE!!! That’s right Friend, the fabled tree of fortune, but alas, there is a minor flaw in our otherwise wondrous find---there is only one tree and no known way to propagate it.

So, here’s the deal, through our contacts at the Amerakin Family Publishers (where do you think they get all of their money---selling magazines---ha-ha-ha!) we have selected a small number of individuals (randomly of course) to participate in the contests of all contests.

Yes Sir-ree-bub, you are one of the chosen. We would like to share our good fortune with you. What do you have to do, you ask? I would like to say absolutely nothing, but that would be a lie. So here goes: all you have to do is accept the attached packet of what we believe to be “Money Tree Seed” and agree to have a monitoring devise surgically implanted in your brain, a tap put on you phone, be fingered printed, have a retinal scan, name or rename your first born child “Morris Betterman” (adoption is also an option), give us the key to your house, your car, safety deposit box and have all of your banking accounts, credit cards and life insurance policy numbers reported to us in writing with power of attorney. We will, also, need a journal of the Who, What, When, Where and How’s of every single thing you do every second, second of your waking hours and at night a sound activated tape recorder will do. And lastly, you must sign a contract stating that you will not try to patent, sell or otherwise profit from our generosity (this is only a precautionary measure, just in case you are the first one to learn the secret of the “Money Tree Seed” germination). If you agree to these terms (and who wouldn't) and are the first fortunate enough to find the illusive procedure that produces “Money Tree” seedlings, we will give you an all expense paid trip for you and your entire family (as well as, all of your closest friends and casual acquaintances) to “ THE FUNNY FARM”, each room has a view of more money than you have ever seen in your whole life and you will each get a personal attendant 24 hours a day who will fulfill your every whim and whimper for the rest of your lives. I ask you now, DOESN‘T THAT SOUND GREAT! Enter now! Hurry! Only a few openings left.
To enter the contest call: 1-800-AMI-RICH and within 10 business days we will send you the official “Green Thumb” conversion kit and all doctor’s appointments will have been scheduled. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

If for some reason you DO NOT want to enter our contest, you may keep the free packet of seed (and the flower pot of coarse) as our gift, but be warned---without the “Green Thumb” conversion kit the content is just about worthless and no better than their wild cousins (usually found where  pocket lint grows or deep in the recesses of some old sofa).
BUT IT’S YOUR CALL--the seed can be used as legal tender for the amount printed on each seed or just throw them in the pot with as many of their wild cousins as you can manage to hunt down and someday you might have a buck or two or three. . . .or ten.

Hope to hear from YOU soon---contest ends: 00/00/00.

The Folks from
“THE FUNNY FARM” Laboratories, Inc.
This a Gag-gift I made one Christmas. . .I don't know why, geez. I thought you might think it mildly funny. :)
© 2007 - 2021 time-warrior
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Ellyevans679's avatar
This is hilarious :lmao: Well done
:heart: Elle
time-warrior's avatar
:D Thank you! It was fun to do. :nod:
blessed-saen's avatar
Oh My Dear....This is insanely funny. Reminds of something you would get from the church of the sub genius. well executed!!!!
time-warrior's avatar
:D I'm very happy you enjoyed it. It was a fun gag gift to make and give.

Speaking of the church of the sub-genius ... Hi bob! :giggle:

Thank you for commenting. :hug:
blessed-saen's avatar
you're welcome, Bob says....I'm sleeping. meow.
Slothgal's avatar
Hey, why did he get :spam:........:cry:
time-warrior's avatar
Here ya go: :spam: :spam: :spam: (cause you whined in just the right pitch). :lmao:
Slothgal's avatar
Well, geez, with "whine" you should offer :cheese: too =P
time-warrior's avatar
You are thinking about wine---;)

Slothgal's avatar
No YOU said I w-h-i-n-e.....and :cheese: goes with homonyms HA!
Slothgal's avatar
Well OK...good, I have christmas presents now....:lmao:
time-warrior's avatar
:nod: :thumbsup: I want the spam! :D
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Slothgal's avatar
You're welcome. Maybe I should give those as gag gifts...I hate christmas shopping ;P However, I should give something weird like hot dogs, not coins. I have to keep them guessing right?...:crazy:
time-warrior's avatar
OMG, you found the hot dog tree? :excited:

Slothgal's avatar
Nah, hot dogs that make money trees that just looks like hot dogs :XD:
Twin-Kamon's avatar
:lmao: That's priceless! It would certainly make for a great gag gift. :D

It actually reminds me of some of the spam I get too. =P
time-warrior's avatar
I'm glad you thought it was funny, that's great. :D I gave these as quick gifts one Christmas, but only two people wanted to participate in the contest and "they" didn't show up for their doctor's appointments---Geez! =P

Thanks! for actually reading this and commenting you get a can of :spam: :rofl:
Twin-Kamon's avatar
Ooh! Spam! I love the stuff! :w00t:
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