April Fools News: BEWARE The Daughters of Aku!

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Yes, sure, all of this isn't always mine; yes, I or someone else made all of this up; and yes, this is all fake and it may or may not be lethally violent or even controversial for an April Fools news article or something like that, but believe it or not, here it is:


(Image Credit goes to: verona7881.deviantart.com)

Reports of Assassin Cult Concern World Leaders

Associated Press – New York, New York

World leaders are meeting at the United Nations today to combat what they see as a growing international issue. The assassin cult, The Daughters of Aku, have been committing more and more brazen acts of assassination across the world. Last night, it was reported that as many as 50 National Guard members were slain at the under-construction American-Mexican Border Wall near Brownsville, Texas. Experts are now saying that the group is likely responsible for this attack. Little is known about this group, but what is known has many leaders alarmed.

"It's some kind of weird [Expletive Removed] cult that worships this 'Aku'" says [Name Removed], host of the "[Title Removed]" podcast which has ran many stories on this group, "I know more about this group than almost all of the country, but what 'Aku' truly is has still eluded me and my listeners"


Others, however, want far more action taken against this group.

"We landed a man on the Moon and now we can't stop 7 women? Sad!" tweeted President Trump in response to what has appeared to be an ineffectual response to this group.

"How can we stop them? They came out of nowhere and just like that, half my unit was gone!" said Sergeant William Robert who was a witness to this attack, "All I know is that they're looking for some guy named 'Jack'. There's millions of guys named Jack, are they going to kill them all until they find their Jack?" 

A spokesman for the Department of Defense has stated that they are still investigating this attack and how these assassins managed to evade capture.

However, this event has alarmed many locals in Brownsville who are wondering how they can be safe.

"How can we trust our leaders to protect us when they can't even stop these women?" said Juan Rodriguez, owner of the Border Cantina restaurant. Many others in Brownsville and around the world have the same question.


Anyways, what do you think of this fake April Fools news article, even if it's inspired by Samurai Jack Season Five? Is it gruesome and controversial or even awesome or what?

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