I can't believe I'm really 30 years old now! Man do I feel like an old fart... but then again I haven't found any grey hairs yet so I can't be that old, right?
I do fully intend to continue with my artwork and I must apologise once again for the lack of updates. My cousin's wedding went off without a hitch and we all had a great day (thank goodness I didn't wear my high heels otherwise my feet would've fallen off!) And I can't believe my youngest nephew's one year old already! Time's just flown by and he's growing sooo fast! It seems only yesterday that we got the call that he'd been born and he was so tiny. I'm not usually one to brag but he's the most gorgeous little tyke you'll ever lay eyes on and I love him to bits!
Makes me wish I had kids of my own but knowing me I'd probably be a lousy mum. Kids and I don't seem to get along very well and I'm not the most patient person in the world, after all.
Which leads me to my current dilemma. I've not been home from Townsville for a fortnight and I already have to have to make an emergency dash back there because my brother in law's going to be working late shifts for two weeks and my sister needs help with the kids. This isn't usually a problem but now I'm beginning to wonder if this is what I'm going to be doing for the rest of my life. I mean, is this how it's always going to be? Putting my life on hold at the drop of a hat to play nanny because my sister's husband can't man up and admit that he's a lousy husband and an even lousier father? It's bad enough that he doesn't give my sister any emotional or financial support, but he gets home at the end of the day and bitches about how he hates the army and yet he won't leave because he likes the pay. And then there's my sister, ten years ago she wouldn't take crap from anybody and now she's just letting this asshole walk all over her. What gives?! I know her marriage issues aren't her fault and I don't blame her in any way, shape or form for any of this, but I'm starting to get really tired of it. Surely she knows that I can't keep dropping everything to run halfway across the country and bail her out when she needs a childminder/housekeeper. I'm trying get my own life into some sort of order here. I'm supposed to be trying to get a job so I can take my cake decorating studies further, maybe even start my own business, but how can I do that when I'm constantly being called away? I don't know what to do anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love my sister, I adore her kids and I'd step in front of a train for them, but I can't keep doing this. I want to live my own life. I want to have a career, I want to learn to drive a car, I want to make a home for myself, I want to get married and have a family of my own. Am I asking too much for those opportunities? Is it selfish of me to want such things? I'm so screwed up and confused running around in circles I don't even know where to start. What am I going to do? Create your own visitor map!