Top Ten Worst Halloween Treats

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This is a heads up for those of you who will be handing out treats this Halloween.

I know there's a big health nut craze going around, and indeed if you want to give all the urban moms a scare you could dress up as a carbohydrate molecule, but I believe that Halloween is a time for children to be free of all that. Every other day of the year, they're expected to be miniature adults, miniature adults who have to put up with henpecking and worry-warting and 24-hour surveillance and healthy, unswappable food. Halloween is the night they get to break the rules - stay up late, dress up weird and demand candy from people.

Now I grew up in a one-horse town and folks got it into their heads that to prevent children from becoming drunk with power on this night of mystery they would put them in their place by giving them sub-par treats. Well, I know this tactic inside and out.

If you want to support the spirit of Halloween, and also avoid a vicious egging, here's what NOT to give.

1. Apples. Not only do parents freak out about razorblades, kids can get apples any time they want! Parents give kids apples in their lunchboxes every day! Apples are a lame treat, even if you do cover them in caramel.
2. Bible verses. In my hometown, this always served the self-righteous pontiff with at least two cartons of Grade A Farm Fresh.
3. Chocolate-covered peanuts. These almost never taste good unless you buy a really good brand. Besides, Halloween can mean a lot of sweaty running around, and those things will melt everywhere.
4. Cookies you baked yourself. Might as well pre-crumble them before handing them out, because they are done for once they get tossed in the sack. Plus, baking cookies en masse means uneven baking and burned bits. Yuck.
5. Those caramels wrapped in orange wax paper. Does ANYBODY like those?
6. Dried fruit of any kind. You're not making a pity visit to the rest home. Dried fruit is an instant TP'ing.
7. Coupons. Probably the most disappointing thing ever to get in your plastic pumpkin.
8. Novelty Halloween candy wrapped in foil. This stuff tastes like wax. It may cost 20c per truckload but you'll be paying more to clean off the front of your house.
9. Mints. Unless there's some kind of chocolate on that mint, you're in big trouble. Kids hate mints because they remind them of toothpaste. If you MUST freshen their breath, try Andes mints or Peppermint Patties.
10. Popcorn balls. Stale, tasteless and crappy.

May your Halloween be filled with happiness and joy - and may your pumpkins remain unsmashed throughout the night!
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© 2007 - 2021 thundercake
Comments24
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Madame-Macy's avatar
I know an old lady who gave out chips and ran out....She gave out the little dried up things called raisens.
She got her singing pumpkin stolen.
KatzSketch's avatar
The carmels in the orange paper?
haha I like them xD

does that make me a loser?
MaruHatesGravity's avatar
Oddly enough, I have never gotten Bible verses in my bag on Halloween.

My favorite things to get were always Butterfingers, SweeTarts and Dum Dums. And don't forget Chupa Chups. :boogie:
Seiara-eevee's avatar
Some friends of mine egged a house last year because the owners were handing out keychains with the star of david on them.
KnightGun0's avatar
i agree with u all the way!
jeriweaver's avatar
"7. Coupons. Probably the most disappointing thing ever to get in your plastic pumpkin. "

Thats just too cute and funny =D

i like popcorn balls D=
mateuseven's avatar
I like apples and caramels... i'm boring ;D
indigorodent's avatar
5. Those caramels wrapped in orange wax paper. Does ANYBODY like those?

My grama does, so I don't mind getting them to give them to her =D

On this one block I went down one year, there must've been a dentist or something, because he gave out toothbrushes. Lamer.

thee blue rat.
Shadow-whisper's avatar
:lol: The general population needs to read this. Though I am particularly fond of those mints.

Whenever I go trick or treating, I sort through my candy at the end, and end up getting rid of about half of it. If I wanted healthy candy or the cheap nasty stuff, I'd go buy someone. This is the chance for free, good junk food and these folks ruin it. :(

I guess beggars can't be choosers, though.
mngamojemo's avatar
I liek chocolate peanuts. I'll eat all of yours.
danielmulanovich's avatar
lol
Totaly agree with EVERYTHING!:D
kingpig666's avatar
Hated the religious pamphlets. I mean, come on!! Well... I guess Halloween is a time to be scared, and nothing is as scary as J. Witness and Baptist little craptastic comic books. To be catholic on Halloween in the Bible Crotch of America is a sad, scary thing to be...
Nikki0417's avatar
haha, I got a packet of instant oatmeal one year. would that one make the top 20 worst treats? although it did taste pretty good the next morning. XD reese's & smarties are my 2 fav treats. aww, I miss trick or treating. *sniffs*
Meeleena's avatar
I LIKE THOSE CARAMELS.

No, seriously, I do. :l'
Jackie-the-druid's avatar
The Fruit flavored Tootsie rolls are the best (& not the banana ones either :bleh: )
My sister & I would just about have death matches over those things.:fight:

The worst - Fireballs. I just hate super hot candy!
SukiGata's avatar
kenzie-riann's avatar
Popcorn balls! Gasp! I kill for those!

Not sure why. I just love 'em.

There used to be a guy down the street who gave away 12 packs of Soda. AHA. I loved him. Then he got sick and had to move. ;_;
Forgot about candy corn~
thenumber42's avatar
Andes candies for the win.

'Sometimes they have that little white bag twisted on the top... you know that's gonna be some crap candy. Doesn't have the official Halloween markings on it.
"Hold it, lady. Wait a second. What is this? The orange marshmallow shaped like a peanut? Do me a favor, you keep that one. We have all the doorstops we need already, thank you. We're going for name candy only this year."'
paellamagi's avatar
They should give out cheesecake.
XSunbeamX's avatar
Every house should either give out Snickers or Reeses :drool:
BrokenEver's avatar
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