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(Holy cow! It's several months later. What is this? November? Yeah, I see one of those blow-up turkeys in that yard over there. Must be Thanksgiving.

The scene opens in Cath's car as he's driving up a highway next to a river. On the other shore can be seen the lower heights of the Washington skyline. Arco is riding beside him in the passenger seat, looking positively delighted, if not a bit cold. Cath seems less than thrilled.)

The view is a lot nicer now that we're off that crazy freeway!

Cath: Anything's better than the ass-end of a Walmart trailer.

Arco: Y'know, I've always heard DC traffic was bad, but I wasn't expecting it to be that bad.

Cath: It's usually not. Today everyone's going a solid 20 under the speed limit instead of the usual 10.

Arco: Huh. I wonder why that is.

Cath: 'Cause they're all dreading dinner with their families. -_-

Arco: Don't be like that! Not everyone feels like that about their families. (Cath grumbles and pretends to focus on driving.) I think you're being silly. Your family can't be that bad. Your cousin Tynan was nice.

Cath: Tynan's an ass.

Arco: Isn't he the main hero here? I thought you called him a goody-goody.

Cath: He can be both. They're not mutually exclusive. u_u

Arco: I guess it runs in the family, then, huh?

Cath: Now you're catching on.

(Finally Cath spots his exit and turns off the highway. In a few minutes' time they're in a quaint neighborhood with closely-spaced homes. There is a cluster of cars parked in front of a house near the end of the block, and he parks across the street along an empty field.)

Hey, make sure to leave your phone in the car.

Arco: Huh? Why?

Cath: Just trust me. Electronics are not safe around my family. (She shrugs, and they both shove their phones in the glove compartment before climbing out of the car.)

Eeew why does it smell like piss??

Cath: Welcome to the Anacostia riverfront.

Arco: How cute! You grew up across from a little park!

Cath: Heh, Grams threatened to tear it down one time if Tynan and I didn't stop shocking other kids off the slide.

Arco: You're awful! (But she grabs his hand anyway, and he leads her to the house, like a man walking to his own funeral.)

(Out on the front porch is a young woman about Cath's age, sitting on the steps and smoking a cigarette.)

Damn. Didn't expect to see you here.

Cath: Didn't expect to be here.

Woman: Shit, I don't blame you. (The lights in the house flicker briefly, and shouting is heard inside.) Halftime. New York is winning.

Cath: Shit. Is my dad watching?

Woman: Didn't you see the lights flicker just now? (She takes a long drag on her cigarette and exhales slowly.)

Cath: They playing poker later?

Woman: Duh. But they brought plastic chips this time, and Dom and Albor aren't allowed to deal. Aunt Desi and Gramma are almost ready for dinner.

Cath: Is Fuu drunk yet?

Woman: It's Aunt Fuu. Of course, she's drunk. So's Aunt Yzette, for that matter.

Cath (hopefully): Did Senka bring a husband?

Woman (flicking her cigarette irritably): No, and she "doesn't want to talk about it."

Cath: Goddammit! I had Easter next year.

Woman: I know. I had the 4th of July. Fuckin' Edi got it.

Arco: Um, got what?

Cath: How long Senka's third husband would last.

Arco: Oh.

Woman: Shame, too. I actually liked Tonn. Felt bad for him, but at least he came to his senses.

Arco: I don't understand. Is your aunt Senka--?

Cath: A bitch.

Arco: Cath!

Woman: No, he's right. She's a bitch.

Arco: ...Oh.

Woman: So, what's the deal, Cath? You bring this poor girl all the way out here and then make her stand around out in the cold?

Cath: I was hoping you would scare her into changing her mind.

Arco: I'm Arco.

Woman: Elon. So, Cath warned you, and you still wanted to come?

Arco: Of course! I'm sure it's not as bad as he keeps telling me.

Elon: We'll see. At least you'll take some of the heat off of Laac.

Cath: Who the hell is Laac?

Elon: My boyfriend, dumbass! He's been coming to these things for like three years!

Cath: How would I know? I haven't been to one of these things in three years!

Elon: Whatever. Just get in there and get it over with.

Cath: Fine. Jesus....

(He steps around Elon up to the door and leads Arco inside. There is a living room
at right where much of the family is gathered, watching football.)

Uncle 1:
Get a haircut, hippy!

Cath: Nice to see you too, Uncle Emek.

Emek: You look like a girl with that hair. Your boyfriend like that?

Aunt 1: Shut up, Emek.

Cath: Oh, yeah, long hair, must be gay. Hey, everyone! Meet my girlfriend. Her name's Arco.

Uncle 2 (shouting at TV): GODDAMN! FUCK YOU, REF!

Aunt 1 (standing to shake Arco's hand): Nice to meet you, Arco. I'm Aryn.

Arco: Nice to meet you.

Aunt 2: God, I can't believe you kids are starting to bring girlfriends and fiancées. (She also shakes Arco's hand.) Yzette. I need a smoke. Is Elon still out there?

Cath: Last I checked.

Yzette: Good. Hey, Fuu! You wanna take smoke break?

Fuu (coming out from dining room down the hall, beer in hand): Shit, yes! I need a cigarette! (She sees Cath and immediately makes a beeline for him, squealing loudly. She squeezes him tightly when she reaches him.) It's the Cathal! Where have you been? We haven't seen you in forever! Is this your girlfriend?

Arco: I'm Arco! ^-^

Fuu: Ohmigod, you're so cute! (She shakes Arco from side to side as she hugs her.) Goddamn, finally! Make some grandbabies, dammit! (She and Yzette step out onto the porch as Elon comes back in.)

Elon: There's still time, you know. You can still get out of here.

Cath: I wish.

Elon: Your funeral. Cool kids are upstairs.

Cath: Gotta make sure Mom and Dad meet her first. -_-

Elon: Hahaha, good luck. (She heads upstairs.)

Cath: Dad! ...Dad! ...Mikel!!!

Mikel: Shut up, we're in the redzone!

Cath: Fine! But don't say I didn't introduce you to my girlfriend! -_-*

Mikel (shoots a small lightning bolt at Cath, who redirects it away from Arco): Later!!!

Arco: Holy crap! Your dad can--?

Uncle 2: Fuck, Mik! You're gonna short the TV!

Girl cousin: Hey! Girlfriend! Tell your loser boyfriend he owes me thirty bucks! Hah!

Cath: Goddammit, Edi. Not now! (Edi shoots a small stream of water at him. He dodges, leading Arco down the hallway toward the dining room.) I told you this was a bad idea.

Arco: You didn't tell me the rest of your family--.

Cath: Well, now you know.

Arco: Can all of them?

A woman's voice: Cathal J. Fordon! You're late!

Cath (under his breath): Fuck~...!

Arco: Who's?

(A woman comes into the doorway and stands, hands on her hips, leering at Cath.)

Hey, Mom.

Cath's mom: Don't you "Hey, Mom" me! Why didn't you call if you were going to be late?

Cath: I was stuck in traffic. It's the Beltway. What did you expect?

Cath's mom: Don't give me that attitude! Tynan ran late, and he called! Now get in here and say hello to your grandmother! Who's this??

Cath: This is Arco, my girlfriend. Arco, this is my mom, Tikva.

Tikva: ...Girlfriend?

Arco: Nice to meet you, Mrs. Fordon.

Tikva (her demeanor does a 180): Oh my gosh! Cath's girlfriend! It's so wonderful to meet you! Oh, you're so pretty!

Arco: Thank you so much, Mrs. Fordon! ^-^

Tikva: Oh, please. Call me Tikva. Oh, I just can't get over it! (She shoots a glare at Cath while keeping her voice nice and sugary.) Why didn't you tell me you were bringing a girl?

Cath: Didn't want to make a big deal of it. -_-

Tikva: Well, I hope you know we'll expect you at all the other holidays now too, Arco.

Arco: Uh, haha. Maybe? ^_^;;

Tikva: Now, you just get in here and say hi to Cath's grandma and other aunts. Especially his aunt Serwen.

(Cath groans as Arco allows herself to be led into the dining room/kitchen and shake hands with every woman in the room. Including his grandmother and great aunt who are floating pans through the air and heating them without a stove. When finally he manages to free her from their fawning clutches, he leads her gratefully back into the hallway and up the stairs.)

Whoa, thanks. That was a bit overwhelming.

Cath: Yeah, my mom can be a bit much.

Arco: Oh, I was ready for that. I meant everyone's powers! You never told me the whole family had them! I thought it was just you and Tynan!

Cath: Really? Why would just the two of us have the same powers?

Arco: I don't know, I never really thought about it like that.

(In a spare room at the top of the stairs, all the young people are gathered. Elon is watching Tynan and three other guys playing Smash Bros. while a teenaged girl sits apart, texting.)

'Bout time you got here, loser. Hey, Arco.

Arco: Hi, Tynan!

Cath: Fuck you.

Elon (indicating man sitting right in front of her): Hey. This is Laac.

Laac: Hey, man.

Cath: What's up? Yo, this is my girlfriend, Arco.

Teenager with lip piercing: Bullshit.

Cath: Fff--.

Elon: Grow up, Melzi. Arco, that's Melzi, that's Van, and that's Nor sexting in the corner.

Nor: Am not!

Cath: Damn! When did Nor get tits?

Nor: Shut up~! :<

Mikel (from downstairs): GODDAMMIT!!! (The lights wink off for a moment, and the guys all groan as the game is reset.)

Fuckin' fuck, man!

Van: Why do we even bother?

Edi (entering): Giants won. Money on Mikel blowing up the TV if Dallas wins tonight.

Cath: I'm not taking any more bets against you.

Edi: Speaking of which, where's my money, bitch?

Cath: I'll send you a check later. I need the gas money.

Edi: Don't make me give you an ice bath, Cath. Hey, you want a white Thanksgiving, Arco?

Arco: Um, not really. I'd rather have a white Christmas.

Edi: Jeez, you guys are no fun. (to the gamers) I got next round.

Cath: Hey, where's everyone else? Una? Danit?

Edi: Air Force. Danit's out in California. They got him learning Mandarin so he can break codes and shit.

Elon: Una's downstairs running around with the little kids. Keene's on call tonight. Most of his station is. Lots of fires on Thanksgiving. Dumbasses trying to deep fry turkeys in the garage.

Van: Gino went to his fiancee's family dinner.

Cath: Lucky. (Arco smacks him lightly.)

When's dinner?

Edi: Soon.

Elon: Fat ass.

Melzi: Fuck you! (Suddenly his controller starts slipping and sliding in his hands and he can't get a grip, finally dropping it.) Goddammit, Elon!

Elon: Haha!

Arco: Sooo, you can all do that?

Elon: Nah, not all of us.

Edi: Only the cool kids.

Cath:  Me and Tynan got electromagnetism from our dads and Gramma.

Elon: Our great uncles Dom and Albor got air and wind and stuff, but Dom's son Forst missed out. Our grandma, Leilyn, got water and passed it to my mom, Hada, Uncle Emek, and Aunt Yzette, but not to Aunt Senka or Uncle Nanda.

Edi: So Senka's daughter, Una, and Nanda's daughters Arti and Sami, all missed out.

Elon: Not to mention fat ass here.

Melzi: Shut up!

Elon: As for Van and Gino's dad, Milenko, he got a little bit of the thermodynamic stuff, but Van got the bulk of it. Gino missed out, though.

Arco: Okay, I think I got it. So, what do you all do with your powers?

Elon: Do?

Arco: Yeah. Are you all heroes or stand-in heroes? Or villains? I won't tell. I'm friends with a villain, actually.

Edi: Hate to break it to you, but you're probably dating a villain.

Cath: What the hell? I'm a stand-in superhero, thank you very much!

Edi: Fine, ex-villain then, shady-man. u_u

Cath: Goddamn~! -_-

Arco: So, are you, then?

Van: Nah.

Edi: Nope.

Elon: Hell no. Overachiever here's the only one dumb enough for that shit. And your boyfriend too, I guess.

Cath: I got dragged into it.

Tynan: Did not.

Cath: You practically blackmailed me into getting my hero-ing license!

Tynan: Only because you were running around doing that shit anyway. Quit whining.

Elon: Point is, only the "Volt Cousins"--

Tynan: "Volt Brothers."

Edi: You're cousins, dumbass. Shut up.

Tynan: You shut up!

Edi: Nice comeback. Bet the villains all think you're the wittiest hero not kicking their asses.

Tynan: I kick plenty of ass, thank you.

Elon: Both of you shut up. Look, I don't know about the rest of you, but I just have other interests non-pursuant to the field of superhero-ing, get it? Granted, my power does come in handy sometimes in my line of work, but that's not why I chose it.

Nor: I might do it once I go to college.

Edi: You're going to college in Baltimore, darlin'.

Nor: So? They could totally use a superhero!

Van: Nor, white girl would get shot if she tried to stop anything in Baltimore.

Melzi: And they don't have any supervillains anyway.

Nor: Well, maybe I should be a supervillain, then! =D

Tynan: Please don't. I'd really rather not fly across the Beltway to lock up my own cousin.

Nor: Second cousin.

Edi: Third. 9_9

Elon: You understand, though, Arco?

Arco: Yeah, I guess it makes sense.

(A girl about 8 years old comes in at that moment.)

What's up, Sami?

Sami: Gramma says to come tell you all dinner's ready and to give a hug to Cathal's new girlfriend. (She looks over at Arco and then gives her a tiny adorable hug. Arco looks about ready to explode as she hugs back.)

Uh, Arco?

Arco: Too. Much. Cute! XD

(The family then gathers for dinner, says their grace, and sits down to eat. Though Cath rolls his eyes constantly at what he perceives to be his family's obnoxious behavior, Arco is endlessly amused by their antics. When they're all done, Cath's great uncle Milenko disappears for a minute only to return with a football.)

You've got to be joking.

Emek: Milenko, are you goddamn retarded?

Milenko: What? It's been years since we played a little Thanksgiving football!

Nanda: Yeah, for good reason.

Milenko: Oh, come on! The kids have all grown up and gotten control of their powers now. What's the worst that can happen?

Mikel: He has a point. What do you say, son?

Cath: I'd rather take a dive into the Anacostia and never come up. 9_9

Maksim: Hah! Y'know when we were your age, we used to canoe across and sneak into the stadium! Come on, Tynan. Put on your coat, we're playing.

Tynan: Ah, jeez. -_-

(A few minutes later, they're all gathered in the field across the street and dividing into teams. Most of the non-superpowered relatives are standing along the edge, planning to watch, Arco among them. Melzi, Nanda, Forst, Fuu, Laac, and Elon's dad, Ogden, though, are being divvied up.)

I hope this goes better than last time.

Arco: What happened last time?

Aryn: The kids weren't totally in control of their powers last time. Hada's son, Keene, flooded the field, and then Tynan shocked everyone and knocked out power for the entire neighborhood.

Arco: o_o Is this a good idea, then?

Aryn: Probably not.

(For touch football, it is a really intense game. People are blowing the ball back and forth across the field, turning the ground to mud or ice under foot, bending the goal post to block field goals, and super-heating the ball until its fumbled from someone's burning hands.

At one point, in the huddle, Edi says something to Tynan and Van, and the three of them start walking off the field.)

Hey! Where are you going! We're not done!

Tynan: I... I can't do it, man. Edi just ruined it for me.

Elon: Edi, what did you do?

Edi: I just noticed that this is too much like that baseball game in Twilight. I can't do it.

Melzi, Elon, & Cath: ...Goddammit. (They, too, start walking off the field.)

(After a few minutes arguing, finally the older folks agree to end the game, Milenko's team winning and most ungraciously at that. Everyone reconvenes inside, and pretty much go back to their pre-dinner activities. It is getting late when, sitting upstairs taking turns at the game with everyone else, Arco smiles over at Cath.)


Arco: Thank you for bringing me.

Cath: Seriously?

Arco: Yeah! I'm having a great time! You're family's totally cool! ^-^

Cath: You must be insane. (He smiles and puts his arm around her anyway.)

Ooh, looks like I'm not the only one getting' her turkey stuffed tonight. ^_~

Arco: o_o;; Buh?

Cath: Haha, you gonna butter that roll tonight, Laac?

Laac: Oh, yeah, I'm gonna put my pie in that oven.

Tynan: Haha, I dunno. It's kinda dry, you sure you wanna eat that?

Elon: Fuck you!

Cath: Seriously, Tynan. Just 'cause you're gonna be lickin' your own gravy tonight.

Tynan: Hey!!!

Elon: C'mon, dude, didn't Aunt Serwen teach you not to play with your food.

Tynan: Fuck. You. All~!!!

(Suddenly from downstairs they all hear a loud "FFFUUUUUUCK!!!!!" and a loud boom as the lights flicker. There is a very faint scent of smoke.)

Aryn (downstairs):
Goddammit, Mik!

Emek (downstairs): Don't worry, I got this.

Milenko (downstairs): Emek, don't--!

(Another loud boom, and this time the power goes out completely and throughout the neighborhood. The house is filling with smoke, and the alarm goes off.)

Yzette (downstairs):
Dammit, Emek, that's an electrical fire!

Dom (downstairs): Everyone out of the house NOW!!!

(Pretty soon the entire family is gathered on the sidewalk across the street from the house, which is pouring out smoke. A few minutes later, the fire trucks show up and take care of the issue. When they're done, a big guy in boots and hat walks over to the family.)

I take it Dallas won? Jeeze, you guys really couldn't stand not to see me for one holiday?

Milenko: What's the damage, Keene?

Keene: You're goddamn lucky we were close. Living room's a mess, but otherwise you're pretty okay. Nothin' you guys can't take care of, I'm sure.

(While Keene talks shop with a few of them, Cath, Arco, and the rest of the family stand apart, watching the scene unfold. Tikva and Tynan's mom, Serwen, chat them up for a while as Cath looks for an opportunity to escape this madness.)

I hope you're not too put off now, Arco. A house fire is not quite how we wanted to end the evening.

Arco: Oh, things happen. I understand. ^^

Tikva: I'm so glad you came and spent the holiday with us, Arco. You're just a treasure.

Arco: Aw, thank you, Mrs. For-- I mean, Tikva. ^_^;

Cath: Well, fun as it's been, I'm tired of standing in the cold. You ready to go, Arco?

Arco: Yeah, I think I've got everything.

Tikva: Now you make sure Cath brings you to all these holidays now, you hear? I don't want him leaving you behind.

Cath: Mom.

Serwen: I'm so glad you found such a nice young lady, Cath. It's nice to see all you kids pairing off. (Tynan is standing nearby, and she turns and smacks him.) I wish my son would bring someone home.

Tynan: Ow! Mom!

Cath (smirking at Tynan): Oh, really?

Serwen: Honestly, he's such an accomplished young man, I don't know why he can't hold down a girlfriend. At this rate, he'll die an old bachelor, and then where will I be, I ask you?

Tynan: Mom! Jeeze!

Serwen: Anyway, I'm so happy for you, Cathal. I wish you two the very best.

Cath (positively grinning over at his cousin): Thank you so much, Aunt Serwen. That's so kind of you.

(They say their goodbyes, and Cath hears Serwen berating Tynan about when he'll bring home a nice girl. They find the car, climb in, and start it.)

That was so much fun! I absolutely love your family!

(They hear a beeping noise from the glove compartment and open it to find Cath has a few text messages. The most recent is from Tynan, and it reads simply: Fuck you ):< Cath smiles at the text, leans over, and kisses Arco.)

Best. Thanksgiving. Ever.
This is my entry for :iconselanpike:'s Evil FTW! fanfic contest. Featuring Cath, Arco, Tynan, and their whole family that I just made up!

Anyway, I hope I haven't taken too much liberty with this. I just thought it might be fun to explore what Cath and Tynan might have grown up with. And it was!

I tried to stay pretty true to the style and formatting in which Evil FTW is written. Hope I succeeded!

So, uh, wish me luck and stuff!

PS: Please ignore the picture of my avatar chilling at the top. I didn't have time to draw something decent. ._.

Edit: I won! Woohoo! Go me!

Edit 2: So the prize was that Selan would draw a scene from the winning fic. And here it is! ~>[link]
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SchlossRitter Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011
Hope you win.
ThuhJesheekuh Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
SelanPike Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Professional Digital Artist
Aaaa this is so awesome. I never really put this much thought into Cath's family's dynamics, but this is so how it'd be XD
Thanks so much for writing this =D
ThuhJesheekuh Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
You're absolutely welcome! I love those Fordon cousins, so I just had to write about them. I'm glad you approve! =D
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