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By Thrythlind   |   
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© 2012 - 2020 Thrythlind
New Seeds Index:
New seeds IndexCharacters Shinken Hayanagi - Japanese Cyber-Oni Charisma Stanyder - Texan Marilith Gamemaster Corrina Hase - German Historian Otávia Ribeiro - Brazilian Adventuress Raisa Derevokrysy - Russian Martial Artist Dezba Archer - Navajo-Australian Miko Stories Netting a Wild Dog Casting a Snake into the Abyss Drawing a Honey Bee from the Hive A Fish out of Arcadia


The first of the New Seeds Stories dealing with Shinken Hayanagi.

Who Attacks Japan Poll:

The Net - 10 votes
The Abyss - 7 votes
The Arcadians - 4 votes
The Host - 3 votes
The Hive - 2 votes
The Shroud - 2 votes

Accounting for one person who changed their vote to demons.

In recognition of the very close battle, Yanagi is a Cyber-Oni Ninja girl.

TF circumstances:

TFed directly by the Architect Duchess - 6 votes
TFed by converted friend - 2 votes
TFed by a minion maker - 1 votes
TFed by a lieutenant - 0 votes
TFed by a device - 0 votes
TFed spontaneously - 0 votes

Escape World:

Alternate Earth - Hundreds of Years Past - 2 Votes
Asian Fantasy World - 2 Votes
Alternate Earth - Recent Centuries - 1 Vote
Alternate Earth - 20th Century to 22nd Century - 1 Vote
Tolkienesque World - 1 Vote
African/Middle-Eastern Fantasy World - 1 Vote
Wilderness World - 1 Vote
Nordic World - 1 Vote
Space-Opera Setting - 0 Votes
Desert World - 0 Votes

World Magic Poll

If this option is second or first, the top two styles of magic exist - 3 Votes
If this option is second or first, the top style of magic is largely unknown or misunderstood to the public - 2 Votes
Martial Arts Magic - 2 Votes
No Magic - 1 Vote
Ritual Magic - 1 Vote
Asian Style Magic - 1 Vote
Mad Science - 1 Vote
Tolkien Style Magic - 0 Votes
Comic Book Super Powers - 0 Votes
Psychic Abilities - 0 Votes

There was a tiebreaker poll that resulted in Asian style magic winning....said poll is still getting votes despite being closed

World Inhabitants Poll

If this option is first or second, there's one dominate race and one or more secret races - 3 Votes
Standard Fantasy Pack - 2 Votes
Winged People - 2 Votes
Humans only - 1 Vote
Furry People (note, I like human faces, so won't be fully anthro, and by anthro, I mean what the furry fans call anthro...I once made the mistake of assuming anthro meant more human than animal with them...never again) - 1 Vote
Reptile people - 1 Vote
The world is an interdimensional passing point with many races present - 1 Vote
One Fantasy race, no humans - 0 Votes
Faerie - 0 Votes
If this option is first or second, both the top two choices are included (standard fantasy or one fantasy race not included) - 0 Votes

So, the world is populated by winged people but there is an interdimensional throughfare somewhere....

Remember, if you want more votes.

$1 = +5 votes
$5 = +30 votes
$10 = +60 votes and you get to hear my plans for each option first...

paypal: thrythlind@gmail.com

paying for votes is not necessary to participate, no one's done it yet.
Comments6
anonymous's avatar
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RoadstoDeath's avatar
RoadstoDeathProfessional Digital Artist
I love the intro to catch the reader which is does very well :)
I do have a question, is this translated into English from another language?  Don't get me wrong, i don't mean anything mean about anything i say, i just was confused by some of your phrasing and the way it was written looks like phrasing from another language.   

"One of the men with her stupid up and walked over to look past her shoulder with a grimace."
"In addition to the pulsing blue circuitry trails, black lines crossed the woman's body that appeared to be tiny crevices her the surface of her body"
"The robot woman stepped forward and all thought of fleeing or striking out at this being spiked briefly but futilely as she cupped Takeda's chin in wonderfully soft, cool and smooth metal fingers."

There are some more in other parts but i don't want to just make a list and give no real feedback :)


I noticed in the 3rd section/chapter that you move from one perspective to another within paragraphs of each other and back again.  I've had readers tell me this is very confusing and frustrating to read; you feel you're following one person and without warning you get another person's eye which throws the reader off and out of the immersion of the story.
You do a really really good job of expressing the main character's, Yanagi's, personality with dialog and a few actions.  However during the conversation with the Architect i really wanted Yanagi to become a mindless, unimportant droid; she is portrayed as being unrealistically superior to her fellow cadets so it doesn't make her an overly likable character at that point but her actions later give her a more likable personality again.  I'm excited to see the other humans who can withstand the Architect as well and see their personalities :) I was also curious with her acrobatics in the beginning and would have loved more info on if this was normal for everyone.  
I really liked the fact she can create like the Architect but i was disappointed, so far, that she can't synthesis her differences and put them into other characters; the idea of her making an army like herself is really appealing.  

Your descriptions were great and very nicely put into the story; they didn't derail the story for me at all but flowed with the current situations.
I'll be happily reading the rest of your entries!!  Thank you for giving me the opportunity, i love finding writers i haven't read before.
Thrythlind's avatar
ThrythlindProfessional Writer
No. Just poorly edited due to not being for profit. My pre-readers and I didn't put the effort we'd put into one of my full novels.

As to the other. Enslavement disturbs me more than appeals to me. And reduction of a vibrant person to a drone is horrifying. I do it just enough in these five stories to establish the invader as evil and psychotic. (Need to actually write the sixth sometime).

Basically the six characters, whose personalities were decided indirectly by poll, (I took Chinese and Greek zodiac info) become basically the same sort of entity as the head invader of each arm (cyborgs, fae, insectile, demons, angels, ghostly/undead-ish) capable of starting their own competing group. So all six get kicked to the multiverse where the plan was to start a serious of misadventures of them slowly creating more followers by accident or willing volunteer as they seek to get back home.
RoadstoDeath's avatar
RoadstoDeathProfessional Digital Artist
It sounds like an interesting plot. I am concerned by you saying everything was done by random votes; this is your story I'm not interested in your voters but in YOUR ideas; what YOU want to say.

I like your style and after your comment I can understand why the characters seems so Mary Sueish. I hope to see them grow, :) but I also hope to see them develop from YOU not random voters.

It's true the reader is a big part of a writer but you can't completely give away your world; one you've worked so hard on, to be picked apart. The core of the story will be weakened and what you want to say, your dream, lost.
Thrythlind's avatar
ThrythlindProfessional Writer
Deliberate self-challenge to write something with some details set by vote.

Part of the reason that there are only five stories done is my novels and RPGs took precedence combined with a lack of participation and thus the anticipated challenge was lacking. Plus erotica isn't normally to my taste.
soulbreath1's avatar
soulbreath1Student General Artist

continue


 

Thrythlind's avatar
ThrythlindProfessional Writer
next story is the undead invasion of Australia
anonymous's avatar
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