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  • Listening to: lakehouse~ of monsters and men
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yeah.....i know.... im sorry.... 

i like havnt been on here in over a month. sorry
i dont think im gonna answer any of my comments anymore... but i will read them! i promise. if you wanna reach me try notes... i might answer them... im just gonna keep deviantart as my venting place when i need it. 

sorry.
  • Listening to: Nothing
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BASIC...
Name: Kaitlyn 
Birthday: December the 6th
Height: 5' something idk really 
Weight: 89 pounds ( I'm very small and skinny) 
Eye Color: Gray blue 
Hair Color: natural is blonde but at the moment is half blonde half black
Race: Caucasian
Zodiac Sign: Stagatarious 

DO YOU...

Drink?: From time to time 
Smoke?: Nope
Use drugs: nope
Cuss?: Yep
Play Any Instruments?: Kazoo baby ;) 
Have Any Piercings?: Not yet
Have Any Tattoos?: Not yet ;) 
Like To Annoy People?: sometimes 
Like Life?: only sometimes 
Wear Make-Up?: Not offten but sometimes
Dye Your Hair?: Yep 
Scream At The top of your lungs for no reason?: yes
Get Distracted By Shiny Objects?: yes sadly....
Like Pina Coladas?: Never had one 
And Getting Caught In The Rain?: Depends 

ARE YOU...
Dependable?: I can be 
Trustworthy?: Yes 
Obsessive?: I can be
Hyper Active?: Haha I can be 
Happy?: idk 
Content?: Idk :/ 
Boring?: I like to think I'm not 
Violent?: I can be 
Hippie-Ish?: ummm I don't think so 
Shy?: sometimes 
Paranoid?: About ghosts yes very
Annoying?: I can be 
Social?: I want to be :c
Religious?: Not really 

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE...
TV Show?: at the moment it's skins 
Movie?: oh gosh so many can't name them all 
Band/Singer(s)?: Lights, of monsters and men, Bon iver, fleet foxes
Song?: Right now it's skinny love by Bon iver
Book/Story?: Hmmmmmm idk :/
Color(s)?: black white and dark blue
Shape?: Triangle 
Animal?: Wolf, dragon, horse, dog, moose, deer, snakes, sea gull
Person: I can only pick one :c
Smell?: Mango
Flower?: Baby breath 
Subject?: Art, art, art, art
Board: Cardboard
Musical: High school musical? Only one I've seen 
Sport?: Is bubbles a sport?
Word?: Soap
Quote?: can't think of one right now 
Hobby?: ART and riding horse 
Store?: Walmart 
Season?: Summer
Time Of Day?: idk the evening 
Weapon?: Bread knife

WHATS YOUR...
Worst Fear?: being alone in life with no one 
Life Goal?: to be happy 
Greatest Accomplishment?: ughhhhh......idk 

WHICH ONE...
Pepsi Or coke?: Pepsi
McDonald's Or Burger King?: mcdonalds I happen to work at that place 
Converse Or Vans?: what ever ones fit on my feet 
Dogs Or Cats?: Dogs 
AIM, YIM Or MSN Messenger?: I choose Facebook
Chicken Or Fish?: CHICKEN
Black Or White?: black
MTV Or FUSE?: Idc
MP3 player, ipod or CD player?: CD 
pants or shorts?: no pants are the best pants 

DESCRIBE YOUR PERFECT...
Day: horses all day 
Room: horse stall
Life: just throw a horse in there and I'm fine 
World: everyone has a horse
Romantic Date: horse rides

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
God?: what one?
Heaven & Hell?: kinda
Angels & Demons?: kinda
Reincarnation?: yes
Yourself?: Sure
Ghosts?: yes * terrified*
UFOs?: not really 
Big Foot?: not really 
Lockness Monster?: sure
A Thing Called Love?: man idk 

WOULD YOU EVER...
Kill Someone Else?: idk 
Kill Yourself?: I've thought of it before but I don't want to
Beg For Money?: I've done that already
Skydive: no!
Bunjee Jump?: no!
Make out in the rain?: sure why not sounds nice
Run Away From Home?: I've tried when I was like 8 it didn't work :/
Ride A Motorcycle?: rather horse but yeah sure 
Do Extreme Sports?: Nope


MORE ABOUT YOU...
Do You Own A Car?: I do but I can't drive it cause I don't have my driving thingy that you need... 
Ever Been To Jail?: nope
Ever Gotten Kicked out?: Nope
Do You Have A Job?: McDonalds 
Do You Like Taking Surveys Like This?: sometimes

THATS ALL FOLKS...
Are You Lonely?: little bit
Are You Sitting In A BeanBag Chair Eatin' Cheetos?: Nope but I have a bean bag chair and it is amazing 
Do You Feel The Urge To Send Me A Thousand Dollars?: Yes!
Really?: nope I was playing 
Do You Know Where That Comes From?: not a clue 
How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop?: idk
Is That Your Final Answer: idk 
Are You Sure?: yes
Postitive?: Yes oh my god 
Glad That This Is Over?: sure

  • Listening to: A snow blower
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Haha so if you noticed I just made a thingy about my feels kinda... It's a little everywhere... So I decided because my page is so depressing ( which is what I'm actually trying to go for :/ ) I'm gonna make a journal about why I'm so happy at the moment. 

So yesterday I went out with a friend that I haven't talked to in a while and oh my god! It was the most fun thing I've done in a very long time! 

So this friend is 18 and has a car so first we went to Walmart :3 ( my favourite store just to add) then we spent 2 hours driving around in the dark looking for this very unpopular restaurant which when we finally found it, we found out it was closed for the season :/ great... 

After that we just drove around for another hour so just chatting really but we did stop into a gas station and bought really gross gum... 

Your probably wondering why this is so great to me.... But to be honest I really don't know it was just amazing. This friend always pops up at the most random times and I always end up very happy after spending time with them :3 

so theres a Change from my normal depressing journals... 
Bye now 
  • Listening to: Fix you
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  • Drinking: Some type of vodka idk
lately ive been getting theses really big panic attacks, they just come at random sometimes but most often when im alone or in a busy place.

when i say lately i mean like the past 7 months or so 

just  a few example of what i mean:

i woke up one night in an extream panic. i couldnt breath and my heart felt like it was onna burst out of my chest at any second. it lasted about 25 mins or so. i was cying a lot cause i was so scared, i though i was gonna die to be honest... but the it ended and i just went back to bed 

another time at work (i work at a mcresteront that serves Mcburgers. i think we all know what one im talking about ;)

i gave up on finishing my journal but I still wanna post it... 
Anyone know what might be going on?
they happen quite offten at random times... :/ 
  • Listening to: eyes on fire
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  • Drinking: milk :3
ugh...... i have a huge problem with answering comments... I'm sorry. i don't know what it is about them i just take a long time to answer for some reason, like I'm almost always on and notes i can answer just fine but comments i have to push my self to even try and answer them.... :/

also i think I'm just gonna start using my nots as a place to vent. which means ill probably be talking about personal things that you might not understand. and i probably wont answer any of the comments that are sent there. sorry. 

my art has been really slow lately to. well the art that i post here anyway. this is the place where i want o post more of my art that i spend a lot of time on. if you wanna see my 15 min arts its on my Instagram also on Instagram is my ocs that i don't post here anymore. this is more of my like..... i want to say real art but all of my art is real lol i guess its just my more skilled art? i really don't know what to call it. my Instagram is furandwings for all who might be wondering.

on one last note, i have exciting new! at the barn where i lease ares we ave a lot of goats and 4 of them are pregnant!!! I'm so excited! they are due really really soon and i just cant wait. there will be pictures! 
  • Listening to: Nothing
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  • Watching: Clinton Anderson fundamentals
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For fun... I usually don't do ones like this. Stolen from a friend


[ ] smoked
[ x] consumed alcohol
[ x] slept in the same bed with someone of the opposite sex 
[x ] slept in the same bed with someone of the same sex 
[] kissed someone of the same sex 
[x] kissed someone of the opposite sex 
[x] had someone in your room other than family
[ ] watched porn 
[ ] bought porn 
[ ] tried drugs 
TOTAL: 5

[x ] taken painkillers 
[ ] taken someone else's prescription medicine
[x] lied to your parents
[x] lied to a friend
[x] snuck out of the house
[ x] done something illegal
[x] felt hurt
[x] hurt someone 
[x] gotten into a fight 
[] wished someone to die 
[ ] seen someone die 
TOTAL: 8


[ ] missed curfew
[ ] stayed out all night 
[x] eaten a carton of ice cream by yourself
[ x] been to a therapist 
[ ] received a ticket
[ ] been to rehab 
[x ] dyed your hair
[ ] been in an accident
[ ] been to a club 
[x ] been to a bar
TOTAL: 4

[ ] been to a wild party.
[ ] drank more than three alcoholic beverages in a night
[ ] had a spring break in Florida 
[ ] sniffed anything 
[ x] wore black nail polish 
[x] wore arm bands
[ x] wore t-shirts with band names
[x] listened to rap 
[ ] owned a 50 Cent CD
TOTAL: 4

[x] dressed gothic  
[ ] dressed lolita
[x ] dressed girly
[ x] dressed punk 
[ ] dressed grunge
[x] stolen something 
[ ] been too drunk to remember anything
[x] blacked out
[x ] fainted ( so many times) 
[x] laughed at someone's pain
[ ] had a crush on a neighbour
TOTAL: 7

[x] had a crush on a friend
[ ] been to a concert. 
[ ] dry-humped someone 
[X] been called a slut  
[x ] called someone a slut ( I kinda call a lot of people a slut :/  in my head)
[ ] installed speakers in your car 
[x ] broken a mirror 
[ ] showered at someone of the opposites sex's house
[ ] brushed your teeth with someone else's toothbrush. 
TOTAL: 4

[ ] considered Ludacris your favorite rapper
[x] seen an R-rated movie in theater 
[ ] cruised on mail
[x ] skipped school
[x ] had surgery  ( a very small one) 
[x] had an injury 
[ ] gone to court 
[ ] walked out of a restaurant without paying/tipping
[x ] caught something on fire 
[x] lied about your age ( to get into the mcdonalds okay house thing )
TOTAL: 6

[ ] owned/rented an apartment/house 
[ ] broke the law in the police's presence 
[ x] made out with someone who had a gf/bf 
[ ] got in trouble with the police
[x] talked to a stranger 
[ x] hugged a stranger 
[ ] licked a stranger 
[x] been verbally harassed
[x ] been physically harassed ( someone through a shoe at me) 
TOTAL: 5


[ ] met face-to-face with someone you met online 
[x] stayed online for 5+ hours straight 
[ ] talked on the phone for more than 4 hours straight
[x] watched TV for 5 hours straight
[x] been to a fair 
[x] been called a bad influence 
[ ] drank and drove
[x ] prank-called someone
[x] laid on a couch with someone of the opposite sex
[x ] cheated on a test
TOTAL: 7

GRAND: exactly 50

If You Have Less Than 10...Write [I'm a goody goody]

If You Have More Than 10...Write [I'm average]

If You Have More Than 20...Write [I'm a bad kid] 

If You Have More Than 30...Write [I'm a bad influence]  

If You Have More Than 40...Write [I'm a horrible person] this one I think because it's not more than 50 it is 50

If You Have More Than 50...Write [I should be in jail]

If you have More Than 60...Write [I should be shot]

If You Have More Than 70...Write [I should be dead] 

  • Listening to: Nothing
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so in the course of my like there was 3 times i wanted to end my life.... i thought that there was no other way to fix y situations that i was in....but i never did do suicide, i managed to find things that gave me some hope that i will get out of the situations... so thought i would share them with you..

1. so the first thing is cry. 
when you feel so bad that suicide is an answer your thinking of, you should be able to cry very easly. and really crying makes you feel so much betterthere was this one time i cried for over 3 hours and after a while i just stoped i couldnt cry no more. and after i was done i wasnt thinking of killing my self at all, i felt a lot better, still sad but better.

2. list.
i do this thing where i make 2 lists every month.
the first is a list of things that i have done that im proud of, for example some of my best art peices, the time i cleaned my whole house for no reason, the time i gave this little boy a dollar to get on this little kid ride thing in the mall. it just makes me feel really good to remember all the good things i was after doing in my life, do i really want to end with only those good things when i can do and make so much more?
the second list is a list of things i look forward to, it can be something small or something big. like for me i want to go to collage in Alberta and do some horse related courses, i want to finish my art project in my art class and i want to get a tattoo really soon. do you really want to end your life without doing these things? i dont.

3. shower, sleep.
you ever want to end your life, go to seep. cant sleep take a shower. they are good places to relax and just think things through, usually when you think of suicide its because you are panicking and you dont know what else to do. 


i know it wont help much but i mean hey, might as well try. it might help someone out there which s just as good as helping a million people. i probably wont answer any of the comments on this journal but feel free if you want to. 
  • Listening to: Nothing
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Happy people make me happy. 
I really don't know why... 
Is that weird?
does that happen to any of you? 
Like I just see happy people or people with a happy expression and it just makes me happy.
i mean it don't effect my life at all but it still makes me happy.

this journal was made just because I wanted to make one, but I didn't know what to make it about.... Oh well enjoy. 
  • Listening to: white
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  • Drinking: lemonade
RULES:
1. You must post these rules.
2. Answer the ten questions the person who tagged you made up, then make up your own 10 questions for the people you tagged to answer.
3. Choose ten people and put their icons on this journal.
4. Nothing like 'you are tagged if you read this'.
5. Everyone that has been TAGGED must make a journal entry.

questions for me :) :
1: What is your opinion on Fursuits/Furries?
i think that they are pretty darn cool. the amount of work and thought into creating fursuits must be a lot. also they look soooooo soft. :squee:

2: Do you have/have you had a pet?
oh dear....
i have a bearded dragon named comet
a golden doodle puppy named Mia 
another old mutt dog named daisy
a plant named carl (plants are pets to)
i lease a horse named ares (to me he's a pet)
i had a poodle named Meeko 
i had 2 bunnies named clover and mimzy 
i had 5 birds named chucky, snow flake, Tweetie, budgie and tiger 
i had 3 hamsters named speedy, nibbles and glassy
i had  a lot of fish but the ones i remember where named, swimmer, redy, and monster
i had a cat named sandy
i had plant named Steve.


3: Do you drink a lot of water? 
not really.....but i should.

4: What is your favorite candy?
anything chocolate.

5: Did you participate in the ALS ice bucket challenge?
i was nominated 2 times but i didn't do it :/

6: Big or small dogs?
big dogs for sure! so much more to hug!

7: Your least favorite country?
America, sorry americans who visit this, its nothing personal i just don't like it.
 
8: What time is your morning alarm set on?
oh... you mean my mother? she wakes me up at 7

9: Did your eyecolor change as a kid?
my eyes use to be bright blue but now there more of a greyish color.

10: What hairstyle?
not sure if you mean the one i have or the ones i like... i have a simple hairstyle nothing special about it really i just part it to the side, also my hair is half black half blonde. i love hairstyles with long hair that had like a short side bang its perf :3.


my questions:
1. dog person or cat person?
2.do you dress for style or comfort?
3. do you have ant bad habits?  
4. favourite song?
5. would you rather be a zombie, werewolf, or vampire?
6. got any stories about swimming pools?
7. how did you discover deviantart?
8. how long do you sleep for on average every night?
9. any stories about old people?
10. on a scale from 1 to 10 how badly do you need a hug. (there is no 0 because no one doesn't need a hug) 

i tag who ever wishes to do this fun thingy. i don't care about the rules.... I'm a rule breaker 
  • Listening to: the funeral
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  • Eating: Chocolate
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dear, you know who you are.

i just want to say that i am sorry our friendship had to end this way...well i guess it really didnt have to there was a choice you had but i guess you chose what was more mportant to you. i am really disapointed that you chose some guy you knew for only 3 months over our our friendship which had lasted over 4 years. we had some fun times in the run of our friendship, we had a lot of inside jokes, a lot of laughs, and we didnt really fight very much. i guess i am happy that you chose the more important person to you, and i guess i hope that you are happy. i cant believe that you would disrespect me like this, but then again i guess every one has there down side. i kinda thought you would think about my feelings in this situations but when it comes to you and a guy i guess you really dont care about anyone else. i hope he was worth our friendship being distroyed, and if you guys ever happen to part ways, dont expect me to be here waiting for our friendship to continue, by then you could be replaced. 

from: kaitlyn
  • Listening to: jingles bells
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  • Eating: Chocolate
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happy holidays to everyone! 
im at my aunts house for christmas (thats what i celebrate) she lives 3 hours away from my house :/
it was fun anyway
just a few things that i got if you were interested.
i got a keyboard for my ipad (using it right now)
i got the sims 4! hell yes
i got some clothes :)
i got prismacolor markers i cant wit to try them  
i got a lot of chocolate 
i got shoes

thats only part A of my christmas because when my uncle gets home we will have part B (he's a pilot and had to work this morning) and then when i go to my dads i get part C of my christmas and the its all done. 

tell me things you did for the holidays and what you got :) i wanna know 
  • Listening to: nothing
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  • Watching: If I stay
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  • Eating: Chocolate
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Yeah.. So like everyone else.... I want to meet someone who likes me for who I am, who likes me for me. I want my friends to like me for who I am. I want my family to be okay with who I am and like who I am and love me for who I am. I wanna like my self for who I am. I don't want to spend forever being someone I'm not. I don't want to spend forever hiding who I am. I don't want to spend forever pretending to be something that I'm not. Like everyone else, I want to be myself. 

But see there's one HUGE problem with this... I don't know who I am... I don't know how to be myself. 

Bigger problem.... I don't know how to figure out who I am. I don't know how to find myself. 

Now i heard of soul searching. And I guess I could do that but again... I don't know how to soul search... 

I kind of feel like an empty circle. I have no color, I have no pattern, I have no size or place on the paper. I'm just a empty circle that doesn't know what to do with itself. All it knows it's that it's a circle. 
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I don't really know what I'm suppose to put in journals to be honest with you... I mean I could talk about my life but that's not overly interesting and I'm not overly active enough to do that so that's out of the picture. I can't write so I can't make poems or stories in the journals.... I don't know what to write about in these journals.., I really don't. Help? I would love ideas thanks <3
  • Listening to: nothing
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going to try and remake my account completely. im getting rid of some art and journals and what not.
yup. that's it enjoy...
  • Listening to: nothing
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  • Watching: wolfsong
  • Playing: nothing
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  • Drinking: nothing

www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJvh4…   

this is soooo sad! it made me cry.

its a must watch.

  • Listening to: silhouettes
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let me tell you a story..... about a wolf... a lone wolf... well he wasnt alone at first...

this wolf, he had an amazing childhood. he lived with his pack and he had wonderful loving parents. he would play with all the other pups and was truly happy. as he got older he found himself a mate, she was beautiful and kind to. but he was spending WAY to much time with this girl and he lost all of his friends, but that wasnt so bad.. he still had her right? wrong. long after losing all his friends he found his mate with another male, a stonger one... he knew he could beat this male to get her back. and with this thought he faught, he faught and he faught, as hard as he could! he got cuts and scratches and bruses all over him....and... he lost... he lost his mate he lost his friends and he lost his pride. already the whole pack disliked him, gave him dirty looks, called him names and back talked him. he went to the only 2 wolves he knew still cared, his parents. but when he got there he found out that his father had passed away to a alpha male who was trash talking his son. the wolf couldn't believe it. his father is gone now to. the one looked up apon the one who was his hero. his mother? oh right.. she was disapointed in her son, she thought he could have done better, she thought that he was worth something, and with that thought she turned on him. her eyes full of anger and disapointment... he couldnt fight his mother... he couldn't stand being disliked by everyone, he couldn't watch his mate love another male......so he did the only thing he could do... he ran! he ran far, far away! away from everyone away from the pack away from the wolves that only hated him. he ran until he couldn't run no more. with tears running down his face and his paws sore from runnung, he found a huge tree, and he layed under it as it began to rain. alone, lost, cold, wet, hurt and sad he did not sleep he layed there and remembered the look oh his mothers face when she was lunging at him. the night passed and he was finaly out of tears to cry. he got up and stared walking through the woods he didnt hunt, he didnt play and he didnt trun back, thats when he became the lone wolf. he just kept on walking, he walked though the woods and when he was out of that, he walked through a dessert and when he was out of that he walked through a city and when he was out of that he came to another forest. he found another tree and layed down. this time would be the last time. he hasnt eaten in a week and he was to depressed to hunt he never spoke and he never looked up. he closed his eyes and prepared to end, when then he heard foot steps comming toward him, then a thud, he opened his eyes and when he did he seen a dead rabit half eaten, and 4 small paws. he looked up seen a female wolf looking down at him smiling. at first he didn't know what to think, but after relizing she probably seen him there alone and hungry and stoped to give him food. the he looked back up at her and smiled back for the first time in 2 years.

 

the rest? well... i guess you have to picture that for yourself...