Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
"The End is Just the Beginning, I Hope"
(o.o) Oh, hello there. I'm glad to see you've made it all the way here. It's kinda admirable that you read to the last chapter. Admittedly, I'm just as surprised that I managed to finish this series. Sure, there were some unexpected issues like the restrictive straightjackets they force me to wear, and the endless screams in my head, but we made it in the end, y'know? Well, anyway I won't hold you up any further; proceed to the End, dear reader
At the Reaper Wasteland, Mr Killall sits behind his desk in constant frustration at the late crowds of disembodied souls filling the place at random times.
"FOR CRYING OUT-LOUD
!" His expression burns red with black veins webbing across his face, "Can't these reapers pick up the slack? All these souls are days late! Night was skilled, but she was only ONE reaper, so why is it taking so long just to make up for one-less colleague?!" [(o.o) You ever think maybe the reason why he's such a prick, is maybe because he hasn't been laid in like, a thousand years?]
The Supervisor then mellows his fury by outstretching his long limb in order to increase the volume of Drowning Pool's "Bodies", the music so loud that the terrain starts to crack from the vibrations.
A skeletal servant approaches soon after. "Uh, Supervisor, sir, some of the reapers are beginning to complain about the volume of your music."
Killall's eyelids lower with an uncaring expression. "Oh
The servant abruptly ignites with black flames. "AHHHHHHH!!!"
now, I'm sure they'll know better next time."
Out in the distance, upon her bone-throne, Grimsta chews on a cheesecake while shouting towards Killall, "It sounds like we're gettin' a new reaper!"
The Supervisor glances across at the Director-General. "A
new reaper? Well, about time!"
Grimsta's worm-tongue licks around her lips. "Apparently, this one is gonna be better than Night, and might even surpass Timmy!"
Killall's eyes widen as he smiles in intrigue to the news. "Oh, really?"
The heavy downpour of rain continues as the drenched Jazz runs through barren streets of Some City in a panic. Turning into an alleyway, the girl leans against a dead end, catching her breath. [(o.o) They always turn into alleyways, like, are they honestly that stupid?]
The girl's eyes reflect pure terror as the demonic figure of Irk appears at the alleyway's opening. Jazz's breaths become heavy, and in a blink of an eye the demon stands right before her with its serpentine tongue licking across the child's tasty face.
Irk gives a mauling grin. "Mmm, you taste like dust of the sunshine variety." [(o.o) Hint: that's a reference] Jazz whimpers in both disgust and fear, but mainly fear. However, to both of their surprise, a black vortex rips open between the two, knocking Jazz backwards against the wall and sending Irk crashing near the alleyway's opening. Timmy then appears; the portal vanishing while he glances at the demon, watching as it climbs back to its feet.
Irk snarls. "Argh, you're getting in my way! Wait, YOU?! I know you! You're a reaper now?"
Scythe proceeds to sigh, beating his wielder to it. "Whatta dumb bitch~"
Timmy raises Scythe, preparing for a battle with his known killer. "You know my name, so this once I won't repeat it, and you know what I do, so I won't repeat that either. As for getting in your way; the girl, who seems to be unconscious behind me, is my Named, which means you can't kill her, Irkalacifera."
The demon readies its battle stance. "I can't, can I?"
"We JUST fuckin' said that~"
After an abrupt charge of speed unseen even by Timmy's eyes, the Reaper finds his left arm has been clawed off by Irk.
Irk widens her jaws to chomp into the Reaper, but a quick response from Timmy allows him to intercept the attack by using the wooden body of Scythe to block. The demon - irritated at its inability to close its mouth thanks to the snath held in-between its maw - shrieks in anger before summoning the bulk of its strength. Using its newfound might, Irk clamps its jaws upon the length of the wooden shaft, snapping it in half. [(o.o) No matter how you look at it, that sentence will always sound kinda dirty] Scythe shouts out in alarming agony as it falls to the ground in broken halves.
Assuming Timmy to be defenceless with his Scythe now disabled, Irk moves to attack, but is repelled by a sudden eruption of the Reaper's Death Cloak. Timmy channels a continuous flow of his Cloak's energy against the demon, using all efforts to keep her at bay. However, the Cloak's need to recover from its last use causes its strength to dwindle against the great power of Irk, and the Reaper prepares for the worst.
Irk reveals a menacing grin, though the immediate expression of confidence radiating from Timmy's face soon leaves it baffled. A roaring sound explodes from behind the demon just before the SRRA's armoured vehicle crashes into its back at full speed, splattering Irk across its front windshield. [(o.o) So, its weakness was a 45 ton armoured vehicle moving at 60 km/h all along, who knew
?] RYE shouts from within the vehicle, "Was that another mule? What the hell, is this their mating season or something?" [(o.o)
ok, just ignore my last comment then]
Agent Shroom hastily exits from the passenger side, raising his handgun to the Reaper, whose Death Cloak has dispersed from exhaustion. The young Jazz finally regains consciousness, though finds herself more confused than what she was. "Umm, what's going on?"
Paying no attention to the girl, Shroom keeps his eyes fixated upon Timmy. "Put your
eh, hand in the air, Timmy. It's all over everything finishes here."
Tired, and with not many other options left to him, the Reaper complies and soon raises his remaining right arm, sighing in the process. Shroom smirks in triumph, though forgets one thing
The Head-Agent barges out the vehicle and recklessly fires his handgun in aim of the surrendering Reaper. In that slight moment, Timmy calls the bladed half of Scythe into his hand, and rapidly uses it to deflect the speeding bullets, with one intentionally re-directed into Jazz's skull killing her instantly. RYE ceases fire.
Everyone stands frozen in silence while sirens grow closer. In moments, squad cars screech to a halt outside the alleyway, and in another bunch of moments Shroom watches as RYE is bitch handled into a police wagon as the prime suspect for Jazz's killing the police totally ignoring the Reaper just standing at the scene.
As RYE is driven away, Shroom turns back to gaze at Timmy, though finds the Reaper and Scythe have disappeared, leaving Jazz's corpse for police to clean up.
The agent sighs. "Typical
I'm not going to win, am I?" Shroom then leaves the scene as swarms of forensics experts arrive.
------Two Months Later------
While on the phone, Shroom rests his feet upon his Head-Agent office table in the SRRA, which once belonged to his former superior.
"Yeah, that's good news. We can start organising the wedding when you get out of hospital next week then. Oh, hold that thought I'm getting another call."
He puts Jacqueline on hold as RYE's voice screams through the phone at him. "Shroom! Get me the hell outta here! Do you know what this place is? It's Some Prison I'm going to get raped if I stay in here! Shroom?!"
Shroom feels it building up and forcing itself free until finally. "RYE! SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP!" The agent then takes Jacqueline off hold. "Sorry about that, it was just a wrong number
----At the Reaper Wasteland-----
A black vortex opens in front of Mr Killall's desk as a figure shrouded in reaper robes steps out, causing the Supervisor to form a welcoming grin. "Ah, it has been sometime. How have you been progressing since that confrontation with that terrible Irkalacifera?"
Before he can be answered however, Grimsta makes her approach to the desk. "Killall, I hear this one has come in just after Timmy that's a pretty good track record considering they're new to the Wasteland." The Director-General turns to the new reaper.
"What was your name again?"
The figure looks up at Grimsta, revealing her face. "My name's Jazz."
(o.o) You have read 25,009 words worth of story and comments
Witnessed the gruesome deaths of 21 Named, plus an array of extra victims
Have heard 31 of RYE's hells
Seen the word 'cheesecake' 34 times
Exposed to 5 cameos and 1 special appearance
Seen RYE bitch-handled - that was epic
Been alluded to the following songs and bands:
Blue Oyster Cult (Don't Fear) the Reaper
Cry me a River N/A
Mama Cass Dream a Little Dream of Me
Sweet Dreams N/A
The Sky is Broken Moby
Chelsea Grin (Deathcore band)
Tchaikovsky - 1812 Overture
Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth
Rage Against the Machine
Cypress Hill - Insane in the Brain
Nirvana Rape Me
Europe The Final Countdown
Skylar Grey - Dance Without You
Drowning Pool - Bodies
And have had 30 chapters of Timmy the Reaper l stamped into your brain one-by-one.
But I have one last surprise for you
You continue to read as Scythe's blade swiftly slices through your neck, leaving your head thudding to the floor
(o.o) You didn't honestly think you'd be allowed to get away alive, did you? See you in the Wasteland