Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
"Attack of the Apathetic Douchenossle"
(o.o) These titles do make you wonder, don't they?
The 6 o'clock news flashes onto the television, with the anchorman reporting.
"Last night, a young five-year-old boy was brutally slaughtered and eaten alive in his bedroom by what police believe to have been some kind of supernatural monster that none of us believe in. The boy's older brother
.," the anchorman squints to read the prompter, "
Thompson? Thomas? Danielle? Anyway, he had this to say."
The screen flashes to the brother with a microphone held to his mouth, "
.Ummmm, wait, I had a brother? You reckon?"
The screen flashes back to the anchorman, "More on this story as it develops. Coming up after the break, how YOU can win a pair of shoes that nobody likes."
The television then clicks off as a young depressed man, Reece Boy, sits on the lounge, throwing the TV remote to the floor as he sighs.
"Why couldn't that have been me? I want to die so bad! I mean my life is totally meaningless; I'm ugly, and fat, and useless, and fat, and my last girlfriend was a FISH, and it STILL didn't work out. My life so totally sucks dust-bunnies!"
The whiny young man is then startled by a sigh from Timmy, who is suddenly sitting beside him on the lounge, "Yeah, tell me about it. I mean, you're my 298th Named today, the 297th was an old man about a billion-years-old who kept calling me Lucy and shitting his pants."
The Reaper's scythe left leaning over his shoulder then screeches with excitement, "HE GAVE ME PEANUTS~! I like peanuts
Reece remains sitting, eyes wide, staring at the little Reaper beside him as he raises his hand to point at the being, "Y-You're him, aren't you? The one that everyone's been talking about lately; Timmy the Reaper?"
Timmy sighs, "Mhm, that's me, Timmy." [(o.o) I bet you're wondering why I haven't commented yet? Wait, shit I just did! Forget you ever saw this
.FORGET! Or so help me God, I will lick my feet!...]
Reece quickly grabs Timmy tight, shaking him violently with excitement, "I've been waiting for this moment all four-weeks of my life! I'd hope something like you existed to take away my pain; my suffering!" The Reaper just blankly stares as he is shaken more and more, with Reece's fingers digging into him, "You're here, you're really here! Finally my anguish will stop, my misery will end! Ehe..eheh
.this is great..ehehehe
..ahahahahh! FANTASTIC!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!" [(o.o) Ok, this guy's crazier than pickles]
The scythe listens to the ranting and laughter while watching Timmy being shaken like a shaky-sort-of-thing with its non-eyes, "YAY~! I think he's broken in the brain~"
Peering into the mad-Reece's bloodshot eyes, with an empty expression Timmy responds to the weapon, "
..Hmmm, Scythe, it would be nice to have a little assistance
. He's grasping me so tight I feel like a maggot-turtle being crushed by a giant ogre from the ninth level of craziness."
"OWKAY!" The scythe starts to move on its own, and with a swift strike through the air both arms of the lunatic are sent flying across the room with fountains of blood painting the walls. [(o.o) Like to see Willow Smith top that style of paint job I whip my limbs back n' forth♫]
Reece screams in agony while releasing his hold on Timmy [ß(o.o) See what I did there? Hahaha, I'm a dickhead
] as the scythe flies into the Reaper's hands. Reece's screaming soon turns into a mix of painful groans and satisfying laughter, "Ugh..ahahah
yes, yes I can feel me dying! YES! FINISH IT. FI-"Feeling a slight tingle Reece looks down, noticing the giant scythe's blade through his chest, "Ohhh, so that's what that was." Timmy rips the scythe up and through Reece's neck and head.
Watching the remains fall to the floor, the scythe can't help but to sound disappointed, "Awwwww, that wasn't much fun~"
Using the magical scene-shifter elixir, Timmy makes it appear as though Reece hanged himself with a coat-hanger - a suicide note saying, "I couldn't live without Fish."
The Reaper rests his bloody-scythe back against his shoulder, facing away from the swinging corpse as he steps into a black vortex, sighing, "C'mon Scythe, our next Named is some dodgy Asian door-salesman, who sells mutant chickens to idiots." [(o.o) Just for the record, though that dialogue just now did use racist context, I would like to make it perfectly clear to all readers that I have absolutely nothing against idiots, they are a valuable race of people within our society]
To Be Disembodied