Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
(o.o) You'll see
------In the middle of nowhere----
An old, scruffy farmer wearing a hay hat and chewing on a long piece of rye, rocks on his chair at the front porch while gazing at the tumbleweed out in the distance.
could really go for som' bay-CON rights about now
." He keeps rocking back and forth as he then takes a large bite out of the living pig sitting on his lap. It squeals while he slowly chews in delight, "Mmm-mmm, that's some good pig right thar." [ (o.o) You're probably asking yourself 'what's this got to do with anything?'
the answer: absolutely nothing]
-------At a random office in Some City -----
The over-worked insomniac, Lom van Somnus sits at his desk within his large, empty dark office, sketching a new architect design for the latest skyscraper, which appears in his tired eyes as a masterpiece, when in reality the sketch shows stick-figure sex.
He is quickly startled when shadows dart across the walls. "Wha'! Who's there!?"
Thinking it to be his mind playing tricks, Lom returns to his sketching, taking a swig from his cold, 2-week-old coffee filled with flies. He is quickly startled again by an echoic, childish voice with an impatient tone, "Can we kill him yet~?"
Lom jumps out of his seat, turning around behind him and knocking his chair over as he pants heavily, "Who's there!? Come out! I'm warning you I'm a metallic-skyblue belt in F-U-up-fist style!" Suddenly half his face is cleaved off by a scythe, as Timmy stands in front of him with a depressed look.[(o.o) hahaha! Timmy probably looks like a creepy little pale midget to this guy] Lom can only stare in shock, still in awe as to what just happened, "Is this
a new form of
Timmy responds with a light wince of confusion, "Uhhh sure, let's go with that." With a swift downward motion, the Reaper slices Lom in half down the middle, both parts thudding to the floor. Timmy's scythe screeches in excitement, covered with blood, "YAY~! His blood tastes like weasel~!!!"
Timmy responds with an uncaring tone, "That's good to know, Scythe."
The Reaper then drops a bit of the white substance from the bone bottle onto the scene, morphing it to make it appear as though Lom had had a heart attack. [(o.o) That stuff works wonders! Magical Scene-Shifter Elixir, available at your local Reaper Store for the cheap low price of just $22.50!]
With his Named now disembodied, Timmy opens a vortex to the Reaper Wasteland and steps through, quickly appearing before Mr. Killall's desk, who welcomes him with a giant, mauling grin. "Hello, Mr, Timmy, finished your Named list for the day?"
"I-" Killall quickly cuts him off, "Splendid! Lucky for you General-Director Grimsta has returned, and so can sign your list off
.," he comes close to Timmy's face, his eyes turning crimson and his razor grin wide, "
.personally." Killall quickly reverts to his normal upbeat self, relaxing back in his chair, "I trust you know your way." Killall pulls a lever beside his seat, opening a gapping abyss that sucks Timmy down, leaving Killall with a satisfied smirk, "I love my job." [(o.o) Does anyone else imagine Mr. Killall as some sort of psychotic character from a twisted Dr. Seuss book?]
The sinking abyss makes Timmy's insides feel like popping popcorn on speed, as Scythe screams out in excitement, "YAY~! I'm feelin' quezzy!" The both of them suddenly impact against the ground, appearing back at Mr. Killall's desk, who looks down at them, "Ah good-o, you survived, anywhoo, the General-Directors waiting for you over there," his long outstretched arm points to a female laying across her throne of bones, indulging herself in cheesecake. [(o.o) Yep, you are correct, there was no point to that at all]
Timmy steps over to the throned woman, watching her devour the cheesecake in seconds, her long worm-like tongue wrapping around the food, eating it whole. "Delicious! I love cheesecake! I love it more than I love killing
well no, maybe not killing
but I do love it!!" She suddenly sets her eyes upon the Reaper, "Oh
umm, what was your name again?"
He sighs, "Timmy, just Timmy." Grimsta gives an unimpressed gaze.
"Well Timmy, just Timmy; you've totally fucked things up like smoked fucks up a fish!"
[(o.o) *gasps* omg, she said the naughty "f" word
Timmy looks down at the ground with a depressed look, as the Scythe responds, "
..I've never had smoked fish
." Grimsta winces, "Don't it's disgusting! Totally not on the same level as cheesecake," she quickly turns to a skeleton servant, "WHERE IS MY CHEESECAKE!!??" She then coughs, "Ahem, as I was saying, thanks to your carelessness Timmy, you have led the repulsive, yet semi-tasty humans onto the existence of the Reaping World! And it's YOU who will have to find a way to FIX THAT!"
Timmy looks up at her and sighs, coming up with only one thing to say as a response, "
.But, won't that require effort?"
To Be Disembodied
(o.o) A message to all my lovely readers: TtR (shortened version of Timmy the Reaper for future reference
) will be published on Wednesdays. Hope you continue to like the series and keep feeling the urge to read it, thankyou,
Sincerely, the guy who wrote this thing.