Published: December 10, 2011
Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
(o.o) Lost Sum: a play on the Latin word 'sum', meaning 'I am', indicating a dim-wittedly stated phrase, "Lost, I am". Lost Sum is also a play on a similar sounding, 'lonesome'. This title actually has no real relation to the content of this chapter, but it sounded cool at the time. Now that I have enlightened you, let us proceed.
In the current world, an exceptionally ugly, evil, and vile race riddles the planet with their filth and less-than-average intellect. [(o.o) Shamefully, the 'average intellect' isn't setting the bar very high] They possess no rights; no rights to marriage, or children, or freedom of speech, and are most of all forbidden to swim at any beaches amongst the sight of those who despise their superficial shades. They are Carrot-skins.
The couple, Casey and Kevin, two of the most obvious Carrot-skins in all of Some City, take a seat on a park bench, and start to hold hands while watching a mob of spew-gnomes
uh, children play hide n' go kill. [(o.o) Don't worry, I promise this story gets more dreadful]
They move to kiss, but find their lips intercepted by the feel of cold metal. Both open their eyes to the sight of Scythe's blade between them. [(o.o) Told you]
"HI~!!!!" Scythe screams with childish enthusiasm.
The couple glance behind them, peering upon Timmy the Reaper behind the bench. They scream as Timmy raises and swings Scythe back down through the middle of the bench and their joint hands slicing off some fingers.
Consumed in terror, Casey runs off into the park, leaving Kevin paralysed in fear. [(o.o) I guarantee this will have a happy ending] Sighing, Timmy effortlessly slices off the man's head, and leaves it for the children to play kickball with while he pursues Casey further into the park. In an uncanny instant, Timmy appears in front of the running Carrot-skin, who in surprise and horror then turns and runs the other direction.
"I'm not in the mood."
To the joy of Scythe, Timmy ditches the weapon in a manner similar to a frisbee - watching it spin towards Casey, and slice through her body, separating the Carrot-skin in half. Her upper torso flings off her waist with a beautiful fountain of blood that any observer would give a 9.5 for. With Scythe then flying back into his hand, the Reaper starts to clean up after himself.
A little boy in the park is made very happy when a stranger suddenly hands him candy, offering the boy much more if he only step into his Rape Me van which he complies to.
[(o.o) See? Told you this had a happy ending. Look how cheerful that boy is]
To Be Disembodied