Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
(o.o) Who knew a pan could die?
A calming melody of heavy death metal music soothes it's way across a wasteland; filled with piles of bones and hordes of flies, with the sky black and forever stormy over the barren terrain. [(o.o) I know, sounds like paradise] The source of the music coming from one displaced desk, set at the centre of the deserted world, with a slim being relaxing behind it within his black leather chair and business suit. Almost drifting to sleep, the figure is startled by a vortex as it rips open, with Timmy the Reaper stepping out of it. The Reaper approaches the desk causing the figure to quickly sit upright in his chair, giving an unnatural wide grin of razor-teeth, "Good to see you back Mr. Timmy, and looking just as
gloomy as ever?"
Timmy sighs, his scythe still resting over his shoulder. Dripping with blood the weapon decides to respond; "Oh-nooooo, I'm starting to dry Timmy, I'M STARTING TO DRY, WE NEED MORE BLOOD! HURRY!!". The scythe then notices the figure; "oh, look its Mr. Killall, HI!"
Mr. Killall gives no notice to the scythe as he turns up the death metal, drowning out the noise of tortured souls out in the distance, with one voice screaming for ice cream. [(o.o) I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream?] Mr. Killall then appears with a cup of blood, stirring it with a random finger-bone. He takes a sip of it, "Hmmm, needs more iron. Anywhooo, your Named has been disembodied, so that takes your tally up to
.uh yes, twenty-billion-eighteen-hundred-million-four-thousand-three-hundred-and-thirty-point-three; counting that time with the reindeer."
Timmy sighs, "I've disembodied all the Named on my list for today, so if you don't mind I'm off to relax in a nice pool of moose-spit". The Reaper then starts to walk off, but is stopped by Mr. Killall's voice, "Okeedoo, but I have to tell you first that Grimsta isn't here to sign off on the list at this moment in time, something about a 'mass-genocide-rampage', but I guess I can sign it, so long as you're 100% sure you covered all tracks of your existence so those
.disgusting humans don't get wind of what's really going on in their pathetic lives."
Timmy nods hesitantly, "Uh yeah, covered up all my tracks, mhmm, absolutely did that, yep."
------ meanwhile at Lylah's bathroom ------
Crime scene photographers flash their cameras while forensic teams scatter around the house. The bathroom door is suddenly kicked down and sent crashing onto a photographer as a man in a black suit with sunglasses, accompanied by a much scrawnier man enters the room, stepping on the door and crushing the photographer further as they show their badges to the nearby detective. [(o.o) nope, they're not the men-in-black, we couldn't afford their payroll to appear in this series] The confused detective stares upon the men, reading the badge, "The SRRA? Never heard of 'em." Suddenly he is thrown out of the bathroom window as the larger of the two introduces himself.
"I'm Agent RYE, and this is my kiss-arse-bitch-assistant-Agent Shroom, and I'm head of the Supernatural Research and Resistance Agency." One forensics expert responds with a look of confusion, "Supernatural? But evidence suggests this was a murder staged as an accident." The expert is soon thrown out of the window too, as Agent RYE picks up a piece of evidence, a note saying 'Timmy the Reaper did this, 2011'. Agent Shroom then appears at his side, reading the note, "Agent RYE, is this 'Timmy' the one who the SRRA has been investigating in the Reaper Case?"
Agent RYE then uncaringly drops the note onto the ground and turns to walk back out of the bathroom (again stepping on the photographer under the door), "Who gives a shit? I don't care about this crap, I just wanted to make a scene and steal some cheesecake out of this dead bitch's fridge." With Agent RYE gone, Shroom curiously picks the note back up, following his superior out. [(o.o) that photographer probably should be rushed to hospital]
------- Back at the Reaper Wasteland ------
Timmy relaxes in a pool of moose-spit. [(o.o) I know, awesome ending right?]
To be Disembodied
(o.o) so, apparently 'deadpan' has nothing to do with an actual dead pan, I know right!? Like wtf, that's so confusing! Apparently it means "to speak or do something in a deliberately expressionless or impassive way" I mean who knew?