Published: October 26, 2011
Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
"The Way We Die
I Mean Lie"
(o.o) Hello dear reader, you probably haven't noticed my unusually dark eyes so I've brought it up for you to notice. You see since the destruction of the Funhouse I've been forced to wander the streets without a home. No cosy cushioned rooms, no insanity gas, no sleep what's a crazy person meant to do in this world besides get bashed by crazier clowns? Isn't life just so complicated?
A fat bald guy screams in agony while lying across his kitchen floor, staring at his dismembered arms and legs while he wriggles in a pool of his own blood. Timmy stares down at him while standing near the man's head, resting Scythe across his shoulder as he sighs.
"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?" The man screams as he keeps wriggling like a retarded worm.
Timmy simply glances at him with an empty expression, simply replying, "It's my job. "
"Yeah, your name appears on my list and then I go kill you, that is kinda what a reaper does. "
"SO THEN WHY CUT OFF MY ARMS AND LEGS!? WHY NOT JUST KILL ME!?"
Because that'd be boring. "
"Mhmm~! BOR-ING!" Scythe adds.
The man then falls calm after hearing the explanation, "Oh, well that's acceptable I guess." The man smiles happily as Timmy finishes him off by planting Scythe's blade into the top of his skull, leaving Scythe to quiver in sensation.
"YAY~! I could feel his brain spasm~" [(o.o) But little did they know that, that fat bald guy was actually a super hero, and his death would lead to several unsaved kittens and the destruction of Mars
------Meanwhile at the SRRA------
Agent Shroom re-enters the office with RYE's coffee while the Head-Agent is smashing the almost-constructed super-duper-computer, LuCy.
"What the hell Shroom! This hellin' thing can't even play Rage Against the Machine!" The Head-Agent hits the monitor. [(o.o) RYE's Hell Count: 17]
[ ♀ ] Apologies, but my core design was created for the sole functionality of supernatural algorithmic simulation and probability calculation. Music was classed as irrelevant.
Shroom looks on helplessly as an aggravated RYE pulls out his handgun, aiming it directly at the monitor as the weapon folds out and transforms into a rocket launcher of similar design to a Men in Black weapon.
"Bullshit! It's because you've got some 'machine pride' or something isn't it!? Well I'll give you some RAGE AGAINST A CERTAIN MACHINE!" [(o.o) Children, this is a classic example of why you don't feed a dog raw meat
[ ♀ ] Eep!
RYE fires the launcher, but the rocket entirely misses the computer and instead curves in and through corridors and out of the building, rising up into the atmosphere.
-----Meanwhile out in Earth's orbit on the Obesian mothership-----
Farmer Joe and his gigantic slug-alien wife and child relax on the ship's command bridge while mapping out an alliance treaty with Earth. An alert alarm then goes off as Joe notices a stray rocket head straight towards them from the planet. On impact the mothership explodes, creating a mass explosion in space that engulfs and destroys the moon. [(o.o) It's cool guys, it's not like we really needed it.]
-----Back at the SRRA----
RYE is asleep on his office desk while Shroom finally completes the construction of LuCy.
[ ♀ ] Good work Sir, I am now at 100% functionality. What is it that you wish for me to calculate?
Shroom smirks in triumph, "Using all the Reaper Case documents in your files, predict the next list of victims set for Timmy the Reaper."
[ ♀ ] Request confirmed. Calculating
The Agent's eyes shine with excitement, "Good, how long until calculations are completed?" he asks with an eager tone.
[ ♀ ] Time till completion:
Until the information becomes convenient in a later chapter of the series.
Shroom's smile slowly fades, "
To Be Disembodied