Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
(o.o) Hello-o-o good readers, you might think I don't appreciate your devotion to this series by making it this far in; you now being exactly half-way through TtR. But this simply isn't the case. In fact, every reader will receive the complimentary gift of death, enjoy because you've earned it.
The Earth, now appearing with a giant band-aid around it, holding it together while it slowly turns as yet another casual day begins with a spectacular dawn. What a lovely day, with the roosters making their curdling sounds that make you want to shoot them, and that annoying sun that shines its friggin light right in your eyes! And the racket those fucking annoying little kiddies make as they rise n' shine, and o it's all so PRETTY ISN'T IT!!? Ahem, back to the setting - it's a lovely day.
At the Supernatural Research and Resistance Agency [(o.o) or the 'SRRA' as we have established before, you dickheads!], Shroom is forced to carry in an enormous box into the office of Agent RYE, where he loses grip under the weight and allows the box to drop to the floor in relief.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING SHROOM!? THAT HELLING THING COST ME OVER $10,000,000 OF YOUR SALARY! YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH IT ISN'T WORTH TO ME!? Proceed." RYE lays back in his chair, relaxing while Shroom opens the box. [(o.o) RYE's Hell Count: 15]
The Kiss-Arse-Bitch-Assistant Agent looks inside, peering down at a giant super-duper-computer monitor that suddenly flickers on, revealing the icon of a female-gender symbol upon a pink background [(o.o) For all you feminists; yes this is designed to make you boil with anger at such sexism displayed with the connection of the female symbol and the girly colour of pink my hopes is that your rage will turn you to the darkside, so that you will serve me as your lord, and make me sandwiches ]
[ ♀ ] Hello, I am LuCy.
Shroom glares down at the screen in confusion, "Is that an acronym for something?"
[ ♀ ] I do not know Sir, but I am hoping it stands for something awesome.
The agent just continues to peer at the feminine-voiced A.I.
[ ♀ ] If you would be so kind, perhaps you could assemble me so that I can operate at 100% functional capacity.
"Oh, right, sorry." Shroom then proceeds to build the super-duper-computer as RYE falls asleep in his chair, dreaming about the time he was pleasantly gang-raped by turkeys in front of a helpless cheesecake.
-----Meanwhile at the top of Some Tower ----
A 20-year-old boy dangles his legs over the edge of the colossal skyscraper, readying himself for a long fall down to concrete and freedom.
He is suddenly startled when Timmy comes into his view - the Reaper standing on the ledge calmly while holding a blood-covered Scythe, which appears to be sleeping from exhaustion. [(o.o) Killing does make you sleepy; just ask that serial killer hiding in your backyard]
The young man says in awe, "You're
Timmy sighs, "Yes, I'm Timmy let's not make this a scene from Twilight."
"Are you here to collect my soul once I've jumped?"
"Nope, not my job this time; actually I was preparing to go back to the Wasteland when I saw you here."
The Reaper watches the blood from Scythe drip all the way down the length of the building, almost zoning out at the sight, "
Hm? Oh, yeah you'll know what I'm talking about when your soul passes through there for registry into either Limbo or Hell."
"What about Heaven? Can't I go there?" Timmy looks at the man as if he's stupid.
"You ARE aware knocking yourself off is a sin right? But don't confuse yourself, sins were created by Hell to try and call dibs on more useless souls for itself has nothing to do with Heaven; Heaven's a load of bullshit. Do you know who Jesus was? His real name was Elizabeth, and she was a transvestite. The people who wrote the bible? A bunch of drunken goblins who thought it would be funny to fuck with humans. There is no Heaven, Death is the only absolute."
With his depression rating suddenly raised a few more levels, the young man looks down below, "I see then. Hey, can you do me a favour? Tell my parents that it wasn't their fault, and that I love them." The Reaper sighs as a response and soon the man falls off the building, impacting against the ground, and becoming just a mass of blood and flesh.
Scythe reveals to be awake, yawning, "What a tragedy~ Too bad we just finished slaughtering his parents~ AHAHAHA! I'm hungry, can we get some wieners? I WANT WIENERS!"
Timmy notices a sanguisuga finally detach from the back of the suicidal idiot's corpse and disperse into black smoke.
"Alright Scythe, let's go."
To Be Disembodied
FAMILY FUN FACT! A sanguisuga (or [death] leech) is a supernatural creature that serves Mors/Death and will latch itself onto its assigned victim where it will then secretly manipulate the Named's life until circumstances cause their death. Unlike Reaper assignments, the Named of the sanguisuga take years to disembody. Also, unlike a Reaper, sanguisuga cannot be seen by mortal eyes and kill through 'natural' death - meaning they do not need to shift-scene after their Named dies to conceal their activity.