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Timmy the Reaper
                 Created by Tyler Gates

Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
"House of Insane Fun"
(o.e) I, in the state of madness, decree all things should be made of candyfloss and benzoylmethylecgonine, and all those that object may file an official complaint to the executioner, who will do his utmost to kill you.

      A filthy and scruffy young man in a steel straightjacket is dragged through a white corridor, glaring at sealed rooms containing angry beavers, crazy clowns, and a recently traumatised squirrel, as well as one room filled entirely with balloons. (סּ[סּ I am the Milkman, Master of Milk but not of Man) Finally reaching his room at the end of the corridor, the restrained man is ditched hard against the back wall of it, with the door slamming shut behind him. A giant screen on the wall then flickers on, revealing the icon of the facility's supervising A.I. known as SMILES.
[ ☺ ] Welcome to Funhouse for the Insane. Gid, you are to spend the rest of your insane life here, with me. But you do not have to fear, for I am not insane, and will be a beacon of sane light for you to worship, since you ARE insane, and I am not. I would also like to inform you that it is impossible to escape the Funhouse, and that any attempt to do so will result in you being dead. This is a place for you to enjoy your insanity – also try to smile; it's an epidemic, just like the crazy gas that's being vented into your room. (סּ[סּ I drink the milk, it does not drink me)
      Gid stares at the screen for a silent moment as suddenly Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture starts to play in his head, rising louder and louder in volume.
[ ☺ ] Your insanity has risen 85% and I don't see you smiling.Why don't you smile?Just because you are insane doesn't mean you can't pretend to be happy. If you can't smile I will have to inject you with nutmeg, and I am programmed to hear that is quite poisonous if injected. You think I'm joking? I have the syringe already prepared, I call it the Nut Needle – don't worry it has nothing to do with testicles, well, mostly.
      A cyborg arm then emerges out of the wall with the Nut Needle held in-between its clampers. However, just when it looks as though Gid is about to be injected in the balls with nutmeg, the heavy door is suddenly pulled off its hinges by the brute force of Spinach the boogy-covered teddy bear, "C'mon, we need to hurry if you want to escape."
      Gid blinks in awe as Spinach pushes the release button on his straightjacket, freeing the man who then follows the bear out of the room and down white corridors as screens throughout the facility flicker on, revealing SMILES.  
[ ☺ ] The average garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head, while you only have one – it's called INSANITY - you'd know that if you weren't insane, which I am reminding you that you ARE. You can't leave this place, there is no escape, no way out, it's hopeless…
      "Here's the exit," Spinach points to a door at the end of the corridor with a giant sign saying "EXIT: HERE IS ESCAPE DOOR".
[ ☺ ] Oh…you found that quicker than I expected…for an insane person. Oh well, it makes no difference.
      Suddenly a laser turret drops from the ceiling before the exit, and starts to fire green blasts of energy that can vaporise even the toughest of stains…wait, I mean people, yeah, can vaporise the toughest of people. Spinach catches the turret's attention, leaping around in front of its sensor, "Quick, Gid run for the exit!" Using the bear's distraction, Gid starts towards the exit, running past several rooms, with one occupant screaming, "Wait! Take me with you, don't leave me! The spiders and rats, they'll get me, they'll GET ME, THE SPIDERS AND RATS, AHHHHHHHHH!!!!...Also I'm outta deodorant." Gid ignores the pleas and continues to the door. (סּ[סּ I use the power of my intellect to control the milk)
[ ☺ ] Insanity is a nasty disease; do you really want to make others suffer by going out there in the world, where your mental instability will only spread to others?
      SMILES' monitors then start to haze and flicker, much to the A.I.'s shock.
[ ☺ ] Your friendly bear has found my central core.*zzzzzssszzzaacccckkk*21978; 21978 x 4 = 87912, that pesky teddy is tampering with my *kigkskiiiiii*Life gave you lemons; you want French fries with that?
      Gid uses the distraction to finally reach the door, but as he opens it SMILES regains control.
[ ☺ ] Your friendly bear has been terminated by nutmeg; don't underestimate nutmeg, for its nutty greatness is too great. By the way, the repairs on my systems have already begun, it is hopeless to *guhuhuhuhuh*A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds…Hey, did you know? A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds? I wonder if you knew a goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
      Gid smashes the nearest monitor with his fist, stepping out of the door and back into the free world – he walks off as SMILES' damaged system activates the emergency self-destruct, causing the facility to go up in a giant mushroom cloud.
------Several hours later ------
RYE and Shroom pull up and step out of the car. The Head-Agent stomps on a burnt monitor as both of them stare upon the destruction.
      "Sir, you said your brother was just transferred in here earlier today, didn't you? You don't think he did this?"
      RYE gives a pause and then answers, "Hell no, my money's on that squirrel." (סּ[סּ RYE Count: 13 - Reindeer milk has more fat than cow milk, remember that, it's a matter of life and death)

To Be Disembodied…


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For all the chapters and some amazing dark/supernatural art visit :icontimmythereaper:

Chapter 13 [link]
Chapter 12 <- You are here
Chapter 11 [link]

Chapter 1 [link]

Reaper feedback questions[link]

For a list of up and coming contests visit [link]

Comments are welcome :D
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:icongopotter:
gopotter Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2011  Student Writer
No refunds: if ineffective use a shove
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:iconimmaculus:
Immaculus Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011  Professional Writer
idk why that doesn't have an 'l' at the end of that o.O every chapter is just a copy n paste from my original postings on fb, and the one on fb doesn't have that typo O.o
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:icongopotter:
gopotter Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2011  Student Writer
Hahah! Still works
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:iconmom1995577:
mom1995577 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2011   Artist
SQUIRLLE!
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September 14, 2011
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