Timmy the Reaper
Created by Tyler Gates
Warning: This written series is overly ridiculous and may cause some readers to go "wtf". Oh, it also has some nasty themes and gore n' stuff too.
"Voice of Doom (Cry Me a River, of Blood)"
(o.o) Now you say you're dying/ You bleed the long night through/ Well, you can cry me a red river/ Cry me a red river/ While I laugh over you Cry me a River, My Version
A teenage girl with majestic emerald-green eyes and soft long hair sits on the edge of her bed staring upon the floor, an expression of loneliness painted across her face [(o.o) Not literally
that's just a metaphor, what person would go around with painted expressions on their face? That's just stupid]. She glances up at her reflection in the wall mirror, and just as diamond tears start to form in the corners of her eyes [(o.o) Again, a metaphor, well not the tears, the diamond part], her rosy-lips start to form words. [(o.o) As is the function of the labium superius and labium inferius] Her voice turns into a beautiful melody as the words fold into song, "And now you say you're lonely, you cry the long night through, well, you can cry me a river, cry me a river, I cried a river over you ♪"
Listening in awe of this angelic voice, Timmy hushes Scythe while standing upside down on the room ceiling just above her. The melody dances through the air, gliding through walls and down streets.
------Meanwhile at the Reaper Wasteland-------
Mr. Killall sits behind his desk, directing reapers to General-Director Grimsta after collecting their Named count, when he then hears the teenager's beautiful voice flow through his ears. He stretches his long limb out to turn up the speaker volume of his deathcore music, using the power of Chelsea Grin to drown out the pesky girl's voice the deathcore so loud the terrain vibrates as he sits back and relaxes in comfort. [(o.o) Hey, look its jumping dirt! I can't wait to tell my friends I saw jumping dirt today
-----Back in the teenager's room, where Timmy has his rape face on [(o.o) Just kiddin']----
The Reaper whispers to himself with Scythe in hand, "
.I've never heard anything like it."
"Can we kill her now~?" Scythe asks with an eager tone.
"Shh, Scythe, or she'll-"
The teenage girl glances slightly at them above her, "So you're here to kill me, right?" The two can only stare in surprise.
Timmy drops and lands down in front of her, giving a sigh, "What's with all the people knowing who I am? I mean sure I've made some mistakes of late, but it's nothing I haven't done before in the past two-hundred years. I mean, sure people were stupider
if that's possible
but give me a break. Yes, my name is Timmy, and yes I am a reaper, and yes I am here to kill you!"
The teen-girl just stares at him,"
Actually, I just assumed since you had those robes and that scythe
The Reaper sighs, "Oh
" Scythe just giggles at the humiliation.
Trying to change the subject to cheer Timmy up, the teenager says with an enthusiastic smile, "But hey, so your name's Timmy? That's a pretty cool name. My name's Tam, short for Tammy." [(o.o) If you're Australian, and you don't see the inside joke I just made here involving their names you deserve to be beaten to death by koalas. And to the non-Australians who might not even understand it at all, well that's just too fucking bad now isn't it?]
Scythe screams in excitement, "HI TAM! WE'RE GONNA KILL YOU NOW! YAY~!"
Timmy tries to hush the weapon, but Tam merely smiles with tears starting to fall down her cheeks, "It's alright. The fact that you're hear means it's inevitable now to live, right? Well then, I'm ready."
The Reaper just looks confused, "You're taking this pretty well." Scythe adds, "IT'S NOT MAKING THIS FUN, SO STOP, AND START SCREAMING!"
"It might be because I'm a little sad right now, that's making this easier to deal with, but, anyway, I'm sure you've had a lot of people try to talk you out of killing them, and from what it sounds like you're very busy so I won't hold you up."
Timmy looks directly into her eyes, barely able to keep a grip on Scythe, almost as though the weapon weighed a tonne. He knew this girl wanted to live, but for some reason she was at peace with the fact that she wouldn't be able to. It had been decades, but he could feel a tear emerging.
"I'll make it quick," he assures her as he raises Scythe, preparing to swing.
"Thank you," Tam then closes her eyes and resumes singing.
"I'm sorry." After apologising, another thing the Reaper hadn't done in decades, Timmy swiftly slashes Scythe's blade across the air and through her neck, decapitating her with her head splattering into a wall. Her voice seems to echo throughout the room, eventually going silent.
Timmy drops Scythe, "OW! Hey~ That hurt." The Reaper almost appearing catatonic and dazed, gives no reply. The silence starts to concern Scythe, "Timmy~? Are you ok~?"
The Reaper then peers across at the headless body of his Named, his eyes now solid black with ink-like tears running down his face, and a dark aura that sweeps across the room, which starts to decay the walls and floor.
There is no response from the Reaper
To Be Disembodied
(o.o) My sincerest apologies for the overall SERIOUS tone of this chapter and the near-future chaos and death that will arise from it. To make up for the SERIOUSness, we hired a group of ballerina clowns but they took the task too SERIOUSly so they were shot which leaves us with no means of making up for the lack-of-randomness and SERIOUSness. So instead you'll just have to make do with these jokes;
A guy walks into a bar ( is the punchline -->) He is an alcoholic and it's destroying his family.
Nope not good? How about: How come the boy fell from his bike?...Because his mum threw a fridge at him
- cricket sounds-