It's been awhile since I touched this account, but I've really had a hankering for some RP and while I've had some abysmal RPs on Deviant Art...I've also had some genuinely good ones too (including my current SO, who I met here a couple years ago and after a couple years of RPing now live with her). So I just thought I would update my top journal to at least show that I'm present and up-to-date again, even if I probably won't update much else with any regularity. At least this way people will know I've been here :-P
You can probably tell what I'm about by just sort of perusing my journal entries (particularly the ones that are related to RPing), but a few things have changed. The biggest thing is that I've come to the realization that I'm transgender. I've always treated TG transformations in my RPs with more respect than a lot of people, almost reverence. I tried not to use it as a "punishment" and it always felt kind of...uncomfortable to do so.
I've always had it in the back of my mind that TG was more than just a fetish or a kink to me. It was a fantasy. It was a wish, a desire. And as I got older and older and more disgruntled with who I was, it became clear that I loathed the person I was, and a big part of that was my gender. I never felt comfortable as a male. But transgender? I grew up in a very conservative area, a very conservative life...transitioning from one gender to the next always seemed so extreme and, moreso, incomplete.
But my girlfriend has helped me understand that part of myself much better over the past few years...and RPing, both past and present, has allowed for an outlet for those ideas, those themes. I began my hormone treatment last year and while I'm not pleased with my progress...I continue ahead, doing the best I can. I'm hoping to present female by the end of the year...we'll see if that's realistic.
But all of that is whatever. You don't know me and I don't know you. Chances are, if you're here, you're interested in one thing: roleplaying. So how does this affect my RPing?
Honestly, not a whole lot. I'm still an experienced, long-time RPer and writer, and I still use my RPs to work through a lot of issues related to my gender and my sense of self. But since my identity is so tied up in those themes, I've started to view them with somewhat more reverence in my RPs. They've become much more of a chance to express and explore myself. I've gotten less enjoyment out of pure smut and I've really started to enjoy more introspective, emotional portrayals of gender change and, something I've been RPing a lot more over the past year or so, what it means to be transgender.
So if you're looking for an RP, welcome! I look forward to working with you!