It's been a while since I've written a jounal entry. Hell, it's been a long time since I've been on dA at all, but I finally feel like I can get back online, I'm free, and I like to think I'm going my own ways now, with my works, that is.
Though school has started to take a lot of my time once more, I don't know if I've told you this, but I've got new classmates this year. Since so many moved to boarding schools, the teachers decided to cut the classes from 4 to 3, which meant we all had to be placed one more time into the akward situation of getting to know some new people. I must say, we all saw it coming, they do it every year, yet it's still hard and annoying as hell, to get to know a new class from scratch(well, not all scratch, we've still talked with them whenever we met on the hall, but I do think you get my point) And also, the goverment is trying to make school students smarter, by giving us more classes than the previous 9th graders(at least, as far as I know), but to be honest, I don't think it would help us that much, because of the lockout we had last year. It only helps us to catch up with what we didn't learn. Yet, the teachers are already giving us lots of homeworks(I do hope it's just a phase, though) I have around 3 bigger assignments, and I know 2 more will come in the following week, plus all the extra homework from class to class. I thought last year was the hardest, homework-wise, but maybe it's this year, after all.
I can just be happy that this is the last year of school for me, before going to the Danish high school(the Danish high school is only 3 years, Guess you can call me a Freshman) But hell, I'm nervous for the exams this summer, which is also why I want to do my best this year, even though I know I have to be effective as well.
I didn't get the job though. They actually didn't even call me, since I was too young, so I'm still on the hunt for a good job^^
Anyway, enough of my life situation...
I've lately realized that my photography is much better than my drawings(at least, that's what people tell me, and what my statics shows), which is weird, because... I'm more passionate about my drawings than my photography, I mean, I love taking photographs, I really do, but without drawing, there would be a huge hole in my world, and nothing to keep me going in life. Sure, photography is a lot "easier" because you don't have to have the same "skills", it's a lot easier to be a good photographer really quick, than it is to be a sketch artist. But to me, photography is limited, well, at least when it comes to my mind and my concepts, where you can just kind of do whatever you want with drawing, I have more freedom in it, which I love.
I like to think that in the end, it doesn't matter how good you are at drawing. That it's the motive, the concept that matters. With photography, skills are not the same kind of skills, as it is with drawing. It's about how you perceive the world around you compared to your internal world. Your opinion, your stories, you feelings, and except for some knowledge about composion and editing, in the end, it all comes down to the balance between these two things. Of course, drawing can have the same elements, but you aren't bound to the physical world in the same way as photography, at least not nescesarily.
On the same time, I don't believe that the talents of drawing or taking photos is inherited or "meant to be". I believe that we instinctively think in different ways, and that may cause some people to be better than others in a special thing. But no one is simply "born" with a talent, it's something you have to build up from the bottom. I think it's kind of respectless to say that someone like Picaso or Da Vinci was born with the talent of art. Or, maybe not respectless, but really boring and uninspiring. To say that they haven't fought at all to get to the top, that everything had just been so easy for them, when in reality they may just have been the most passionate artists of the history. If it was easy to become anything great in this world, there would be no real talent, no real honor in being one of the best. Because you haven't fought for it. It's like one of the cool kids in class, who's good at all the subjects, have lots of friends and a loving family, while another student does it just as good, but have to go though a hell of a lot more work to get there. yet, why is the perfect student a "better student" in most peoples eyes? To me, that's the key to being a talent in this world, to give all you have for the cause. That's the artist I would like to idolize. Humanity just likes the perfectionism, and the thought that fate created this artist. I'm not sure I believe in fate. I believe in some kind of fate, and I do believe that there's more in this world, but, like the meaning of life, I don't believe that it's carved in stone. I believe you have to find your own fate, your own meaning of life, your own cause, and you're never simply born with it. In this world, you have to fight to get what you want, it's not always easy, in fact, it only gets harder the higher you aim.
Gargh, I have these moments where I talk very weirdly xD What I mean is just that if you don't believe your good at drawing, don't walk around thinking it's not meant to be, like I did for a very long time. Focus on what you can become, and not how it is right now. Fight. Fight for what you want to become, and then one day you'll look back on your old drawings, and know you've decerved to be where you are I've written this so many times, but a world full of people doing what they really want, is a perfect world for me^^
For myself, I've found out that I'm not nescesarily the best at drawing, and maybe I'm better at photography, but it doesn't mean that photpgraphy is my path in life, it's something I have to feel for myself. I choose what I want to do, and sometimes, it's not always what everyone tells you you are good at