In Memory of Jeysen Perez Lyons + Akira Toriyama

In Memory of Jeysen Perez Lyons (1996-2022) & Akira Toriyama (1955-2024)

This is actually quite late, but I'd like to take a minute to pour one out for a very good friend of mine who took his own life two years ago now, and a man who's creativity touched countless young lives all over the world.

Eulogy below. I'd put it under a Read More but I don't know how or this site doesn't do that. Warning, it does talk about s**c*de and if you're not going to be okay after reading about it, probably don't read it then.

I'd like to start with Toriyama-sensei (right).

Akira Toriyama captured hearts of millions every with stories of friendship, growth, and gloriously, ridiculously intense anime action since 1984. He was the man behind art of the Dragon Quest games, and most notably, Goku, the character that would inspire countless to always surpass their limits and giving their very best...or something like that.

I'll admit, I was never really a DBZ fan myself. Never did get with the hype. I'd catch it a few times on old Toonami, but it just never really captured my attention the way it did for so many others. Never even really made the discrepancy that it was anime, it was just another cartoon to me as a kid.

But the funny thing is, you don't even really have to be a DBZ fan to still be affected by it. While I never really watched the show itself, I was exposed to it by the animations by fans it inspired, specifically Super Mario Bros. Z, a fanfiction sprite animation series by one Alvin Earthworm where Sonic and Shadow team up with the Mario Bros. to fight Mecha Sonic for the chaos emeralds and prevent him from destroying any more worlds. There was that and Nazo Unleashed, which was a flash animation that used frames of the show for its fight scenes, which was the rawest shit ever to me as an adolescent. These animationss' fight scenes, which were very heavily inspired by Dragon Ball Z, are what inspired me to practice my art and work my way up towards animating.

So while there may have been a few middle men involved, but even my creative mind's been influenced by Toriyama. And for what it's worth? I'm thankful for the madness he's given me. All the AMVs and fight scenes I concoct in my head while either laying in bed unable to sleep or taking a shower. Who knows. Maybe I actually will watch the show just for some ideas on animation techniques.

While I may not have personally been as enamored with DBZ as everyone else, I knew someone very closely who was an absolute *madman* for it.

His name was Jeysen Lyons (middle), and he's probably one of the best friends I've ever had in my entire life. Hell, maybe even the best. I met Jeysen back in my very first year of middle school, along with Masatoshi and Chris, my first real friends after having spent my elementary days ostracized among the other kids to the point of suicidal thoughts.

He was a really funny kid, dirty jokes galore and could quote entire YouTube Poop videos from memory (and we had some much raunchier shit back then lmao, it really was a different time from today). It was always more fun when Jeysen was around.

After graduating middle school, I found it harder to keep in touch. I'd always get so engrossed with my own life that I could never really keep up with old friends like I'd want to. Never was good at keeping up. But there were still some summers where we could get together at his mom's apartment for his birthday, July 10. Eventually, his mom found work in another state, and they had to move to Mississippi. After that, I hadn't heard from him for a while. I don't remember how, but at some point I managed to get ahold of Jeysen's Steam account and could talk to him from there, and we friended each other on Discord. It was always so much chatting with him online, though sometimes he would some concerning memes, which wouldn't be surprising considering he lurked 4chan.

On that note, it seemed like he absorbed the sentiments regarding us queers as probably a lot of channers whould normally have, ranging from "don't be publicly visible" to "just need to be shot". Once my egg cracked, it became one of those things that were more...complicated. And thanks to that, I wasn't sure how to tell him about...well, me.

I wasn't sure how he'd react. Would he accept me while thinking me stranger tan he thought? Would he have still considered me a friend but disrespected my identity openly? Would he have completely and totally hated me, moving forward? I wanted to tell him, but I always got too nervous whenever I tried, so we'd just end up chatting, which was always still fun, but I so badly wanted to break the ice with him at some point.

Other than that, we'd even talk about each other's personal projects, like my Revolutionary Vanguard Minerva, and his Perfect Universe, which is about a high school boy that gets caught in an alien war of good and evil and attains god-like power in the midst of it, and has to try to keep it from driving him mad. I always thought it was an interesting premise. I wish I asked him more questions about it.

At some point two years ago, Jeysen contacted me sounding...exasperated. Panicked. I told him that whatever was happening, he could talk to me, and that I'd be there for him whenever he'd need me. But after I said that, he just said he'd be fine, and then left.

Fast-forward to days later, in the middle of calling my representatives about another horrendous internet bill that came back, I tried talking to Jeysen again, as I was a bit worried. I got a response, asking me if I was "M". I asked them to clarify, and they asked if I was [deadname]. I said yeah.

And they told me they were his mom, and that Jeysen had died.

I thought it was a really strange prank at first. I even got angry, told them to knock it the fuck off. But then I looked up his name, and sure enough, there he was, in an obituary.

I couldn't believe it. Jeysen really did do it. I lost my best friend.

I lost my brother.

From what his mom said, he was frantic about something involving "docksing". I'm thinking she meant doxxing. It sounded like at some point Jeysen caught the attention of somebody who knew how to get people's info, and that sent him into a panic attack while they were already trying to transfer him to different medication for bipolarism.

His demons got the best of him in a moment of emotional instability, and he was finally pushed too far, and now he's gone.

It...still doesn't feel real. It still feels like I could just reach out to him, right now, on this chat client like usual and start talking to him again. Maybe it'll never feel "real" to me. But it is. My boy is gone.

His mom assured me it's not my fault, and I know it isn't. But I keep replaying scenarios in my head, where maybe if I'd just...been the one to approach more, maybe he wouldn't have done it. If I'd taken more time to ask him about his day, ask him about Perfect Universe, to watch DBZ or other anime with him...

If I'd just gone out of my way to spend more time with him... Maybe I could've made him stay. Maybe I could've saved him. Maybe, maybe... I could go over all the "maybes" in the world, but it wouldn't change the reality that he is not here anymore. Not a day has gone by where I haven't thought of him at least once.

And this is actually why Toriyama's death hit me harder than other deaths. I actually started crying when I found out. It felt like I was losing a part of my bro, in a way. Which is probably silly, that's a whole-ass other person, another individual. It's not like DBZ is going to stop being a thing because he died. I have no doubt is probably as immortalized in Japanese and probably even worldwide culture as Astro Boy. Actually, more than Astro Boy. Atom's admittedly a little more niche...

But the worst part? I never got to tell him. I never gave him the chance to reject me, but I also never gave him the chance to accept me either. Now I'll never know. I'll never know whether our friendship was flimsy and fleeting or made of iron. I'd like to hope it was, personally, but...

Either way, I'll always miss him. Life's much duller without my brother with me. I have so much that I want to talk to him about. So many new ideas, so many new things I wanna do with my life, now that I'm finally going through my transition journey. But I guess that'll all have to wait till I'm up there with him.

He'd better be up there. 😠

Lemme tell ya, folks.

If I go up there and find out the Big Boss in the sky put him in the incinerator for "being a quitter" when he was already in inconceivable pain that caused him to take his own life?

1. He is catching these fucking hands of mine. I don't care if I'm gonna lose, it's on sight for doing mah boi like that. 👿🔪

2. I will dive down to hell and fucking claw my brother out of the lake of fire myself if I have to.

But in all seriousness, if I could go back in time, even if it meant I had to start my life completely over, I wouldn't even blink if it meant I could see my brother again. I can only hope he's in a better place right now.

...Or ol' man God and I are gonna have to have some words. 😡