Okay so funny, funny story I wake up one morning, make some coffee, grab my cup, sip that shit and go to my laptop. And I go to my handy dandy nifty Instagram app while I google recipes for Mac and cheese cuz that’s what I do in my spare time. And then my friend who I watch cartoons with quite frequently (and knows how to do mean adaptations of them as well) DMs me with a screenshot from the episode Hurricane Willard of that teacher cartoon I never shut up about what’s it called again? Shut Down, Sit Up? And it was of Well Stuart on top of Sue.
Confused? I find Stuart the hardest character to ship with since all the circumstances point that any soulmate he could have that’s male can’t be with him. Ennis is straight af, the show kinda jams down your throat how straight Larry is (this hasn’t stopped me from shipping them though if we’re honest), Willard and Happy? No. Andrew, for a while, but it wasn’t as cute as Starry. Sorry Andruart people. But in the episode Hurricane Willard, Stuart spends the whole episode trying to impress Sue, giving her a microphone as a gift and even performing a puppet show in which he saves her from a wolf and calls her a princess. I hated this ship at first, because I didn’t want to make Proszackian a straight normie, but as I kept going I just COULDN’T not ship them. Both of them are kinda sociopathic (Stuart put Willard in a breaking fortune machine and kept putting coins into it so it would electrocute him, gave Happy a miscellaneous body to burn when everyone thought Willard died of a heart attack, said he got arrested 15 times and one could argue being a prison clown is not an actual career lol Sue on the other hand would fuck over her whole schoolboard with an episode dedicated to stopping her, attempting to cover up when she hit Ennis with her car and resusitating all the teachers that had heart attacks (yep there’s an episode where these characters fucking die) cuz she couldn’t afford to rehire more.
So technically speaking, I could see these two hooking up in some sort of heterosexual AU I would do for the show. Especially since he actually succeeded in impressing her and it seemed genuine from her reaction. So here’s some headcanons for this ship nobody asked for:
1. Stuart’s always late to dates because he wants to go above and beyond. Sue gets irritated sometimes when Stuart wants to impress her because he does that too much. Changing his appearance is one thing.
2. Throughout Hurricane Willard, Sue gets mad at Stuart everytime he does something Looney Tunes-esque. Like holding up signs to speak, turning his feet into a motor, trying to jump through a portal he throws at the wall, etc. She kinda still hates it to this day, but finds when Stuart does certain things cute. So if his heart beats and pumps like crazy out of his chest, it’s nothing she won’t find secretly adorable.
3. Office chair naptime. I have a personal Headcanon Sue kinda needs Stuart to get something done. Like she gets thrown off if he can’t come to work that day. It’s a little silly on her part but you kinda feel with her. I guess she needs the opposing spectrum to do something successful. So whenever she falls asleep in the office chair, Stuart will just come in casually and flop on it too.
4. Sue pondered for a while how important she made Stuart. I could imagine a scenario where Stuart is working next to Sue, cutting a piece of paper by chewing it (since he’s not allowed to use scissors) and doing tasks for Sue here or there Like getting her coffee and all that. And then he finally shakes it in her face and she takes it and it’s a love letter. Normally she wouldn’t keep the note but because he’s very dedicated, she started to wonder a lot. I mean, he’s the only guy in the show who was really ever nice to her and I think the show was actually trying to put these two together, putting on Stuart’s website profile that he’s Sue’s happy subservient and even listed Sue as “the woman he closely works for.” ... well if that isn’t obvious enough.
5. The mature content is up because of this picture. Stuart is allergic to wild parsnips, but because he’s oblivious, he’ll set off that allergy whenever. One time Sue dropped her microphone in the Bush and he saw it a friendly gesture to reach into it, getting horribly scratched by the plant and getting a bad reaction. Bloodshot red eyes, puffy body, amongst other things. Figured body horror wasn’t the best thing to show any 10 year olds who watched this show lol
6. I nailed the artstyle without tracing the screenshots this time Hahahaha