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thenineteen's avatar
By thenineteen   |   
10 20 2K (1 Today)
Mature  |  Published: March 15, 2012
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© 2012 - 2020 thenineteen
Just one hit. Just one. Don't you want just one?
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anonymous's avatar
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devante9901's avatar
Oh good God. Erich. Two "Don'ts" and a "no." Even I am terrified.

Nineteen - I am deeply disturbed by how much I love Schadenfreude. Read what I believe is the original draft in January 2013. Like a previous person said, I too walked around devoid of emotion for a week. And then I read Schadenfreude again. More slowly. And then I imagined what happened after the end. I still find myself doing that. It hurts my heart and my guts in the most beautiful way. And I can't describe it any better than that.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
That's exactly what it's supposed to do. I love that it's sitting around Gurochan like a carnivorous plant still snaring people. This pleases me immensely.

I take a certain delight in being hideous to my readers and hopefully costing them a great deal of sleep.

Welcome to DA. As much as I love/hate this place it saddens me that it seems to be slowing and dying lately. It's lovely to see a new member.
tasuki17502's avatar
Oh wow. I had no idea EXTRA content was going into this. You already had my money when I heard there was going to be a book to buy, but now I am even MORE excited to one day own this.

Best of luck as you continue to edit. I very much look forward to sitting down with the physical copy once its out. It will probably be VERY difficult for people to reach me once I get it. . . I will be too busy floating around in my mind and reading through it. I have already read the online one twice through and each time I am left at a loss for words to describe it. I feel giddy and amazed and inspired. I feel like flying.

Thank you SO much for continuing to work on it! I don't care how long the wait is. This is one work of fiction I simply will NEVER forget!
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
There's places that needed new film and places where I seemed to promise you film and not deliver any. Erich remembers this happening when he's in New York but I apparently never wrote any text to go with that. My second drafts always include more evil. I can't help myself. Nothing significant is going to change about the plot in any way.

Then fly. The stories are supposed to be contagious...
petraeus27's avatar
Ok, let me first tell you that I read Schadenfreude exactly about 1 year ago and was
literally emotionless for one week or so. I walked around like a ghost during inside
my mind the story went circled and did not let me free. It had a huge
effect on me (and later made me visit a seminar at our university about the medical
experiments of the SS in Auschwitz). And now its a bit ironic (and I do it with all
respect and admiration for you and the piece of art you wrote) that I have to
correct one name in this lovely directors cut: the name of the one, who performed
the sterilization experiments on women was Clauberg, not Claub - or do you just shortened it?

I saw you uploaded Hero´s Torch here and Iam almost (afraid) ready to read it.......

(Sorry, if there are mistakes in my english..)
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
Thank you, dear. I'm envious of your seminar. It's fairly difficult to find material about that topic without it being a new arrangement footnoting all the other material.

I think I intended to make up the name, though it's also possible I read the correct name at some point and mangled it in my head. Thank you, dear. Fixing things like that is just what I'm doing at the moment.
petraeus27's avatar
No problem at all, really!! Iam glad I could help.
I love the seminar - its every summer and unfortunately this year the last time because the female professor turns old and soon will left the university. She once made an interview with Auschwitz-doctor Hans Münch (she is a german...Iam a german..from Berlin) who was acquitted from the polish court in 1947 because he acted human and refused to participate in the selections at the "Rampe". But in the interview with her he admitted that he - of course - did selections inside the camp to "clean out" the crowded barracks for new prisoners. And gone was his humanity.
H o w e v e r (sorry...I was overwhelmed..) if you have another question please be feel free to ask...^^...
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
Well, now I have dozens of questions, many about Berlin and the rest of the country, that books and documentaries will not answer for me, but the most important one is probably: will you beta this for me when I have a third draft? I'd really rather not mangle any of the chapter headings or titles if I can help it. I do try to check everything, but it's hard to spot a misspelling in a language you don't really speak.


I'm researching what happened to Germany after the war just now, and it's some hideous stuff. When I was in school we always managed to cover the Holocaust but never so much the war surrounding it and never any detail about the aftermath.
petraeus27's avatar
Oh wow. Of course the answer is simple: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Funny thing is that in my history class we never spoke about the Holocaust (because the teacher supposed we would learn about it in "German" and Ethics) but traveled very unprepared to Buchenwald.
And yeah, History of the post war era here is a chaotic, confusing and always split one.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
That was definitely one of the questions was whether you'd been to any of the camp sites. I would love to do that one day, and to see any remaining damage from the war itself, in Berlin and Dresden especially.

We learned a very strange and piecemeal Holocaust narrative what seemed like every year in school here in America. Or I did, anyway. Lots of Anne Frank and Schindler's List and no discussion whatsoever of WW1 or the Treaty of Versailles or what the countries around Germany were doing at the time or anything else that would've put what we were learning in any kind of larger context. I'm still trying to piece it together.

There's a six-hour PBS documentary called Auschwitz: Inside the Nazi State that I watched very recently that I completely recommend to you or anyone else interested in this subject. It's more about the camps in general than the doctors specifically, but the Nazi they interview really...shows you what he is a few times, and it's frightening. It adds a monumental depth of understanding to see an officer in addition to survivors speaking about his experiences.

It also covers how Auschwitz was essentially a falling-down barracks when Höss arrived, and he had to scavenge and improvise and organize this place to accept prisoners within a ridiculously small amount of time. It's a perspective on what that entire situation must've been like on the ground that was new to me and very impressive. And the recreations are beautiful, with the actors speaking in German and kind of an audio-dub of spoken English instead of subtitles. Much more immersive.
jimmythebrave's avatar
jimmythebraveHobbyist General Artist
I’ve wanted to say something about schadenfreude since I first read it.
But every time I try I can seem to find the words.

It’s beautiful and terrible all at the same time. It makes me shiver and feel physically sick on occasion, but all that can be forgiven because this little piece of literature, schadenfreude, it truly beautiful.
The same goes for anything you write, when my teachers ask me to write about my favourite books there’s no way i could write about lady stardust or fade, but they always come to mind first, so thank you.

I hope I got what I was trying to say across, please never stop writing.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
Thank you, dear. That's lovely of you. And yes, I don't think your teachers would dig that particularly. Mine nearly had a litter of kittens when she found out I wrote on A Clockwork Orange for my AP test.

After awhile there'll be a few you could probably get away with writing on, but I don't think Psychomotor is ever going to be one.

Don't worry. I will not be stopped.
jimmythebrave's avatar
jimmythebraveHobbyist General Artist
Oh teachers.

I painted your beautiful lady stardust for an art class once. Nobody has been able to look at me the same since. My teacher thought he was gorgeous but now everybody reckons there's something wrong with me.

Oh well.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
Fuck everybody and fuck what everybody thinks.

There's nothing wrong with you, dear. Or your teacher. They simply fear something they lack.

Mourning Gloria was a real band, and I have the case to their demo still, though some bastard has lost or stolen the completely irreplaceable tape.

I'm bizarrely proud that you did that. It must've been satisfying having a secret about it none of them could see.
jimmythebrave's avatar
jimmythebraveHobbyist General Artist
Thanks for saying that, it makes me feel better.

My parents may think I’m a serial killer; my collection of dead bugs scares the shit out of them, but I’m pretty okay really, somewhere in there.

I’m sorry about your tape. At least they’re still in your head though, right?

You don’t know how wonderful that secret was.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
I have a baby bird skeleton, and a few other bones. The baby bird is perfectly flat and perfectly dried, and it is a beautiful marvel. It's like holding a dinosaur skeleton. I kept it because it was beautiful, and because a baby bird had to die to make that beautiful thing.

How do you preserve the bugs? I would think they'd be too fragile if just dried.
jimmythebrave's avatar
jimmythebraveHobbyist General Artist
My bugs are in jars, they’re just dried but surprisingly they're not fragile. It’s probably because I’ve not really touched them since they went in.

Eventually I want to cover them in clear resin but that could take a while.
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
My beloved has a beetle he kept because she was the most beautiful peacock blue-green when you tilted her right. Very scarab-like. But she faded. She's still very pretty, but she looks like an antique now.

We had a nymph preying mantis on our back deck. Gods, she was gorgeous. She was so articulate, and so evolved. She would turn her head and look at me and him with those alien eyes. She made me think of the Giger xenomorphs. We took film of her, and pictures. I longed to pet her, but I didn't want to hurt or scare her.

You would probably like to have a toebiter (giant water bug? locally known as a "lubber") but you can bloody well catch your own. Those things are creepy in an ungood Lovecraft way. (shudder)
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Cheshire-Shadow's avatar
You know, by the time I reached the end, I immediately felt like that wasn't enough. But I can wait. I hope wherever it is you're going with these finishes one day; I'd love to see.

Gripping as ever; there's something about your prose that freezes me in place and I only realized I wasn't breathing when I gasped near the end. XD
thenineteen's avatar
thenineteenProfessional Writer
Don't worry. That's not where that scene ends.

This is one of the ones that was referenced in flashback that I didn't realize I hadn't actually done. That's how I'm winding up with more evil.
anonymous's avatar
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