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Dead Store Page 1 by TheMysteriousVampire Dead Store Page 1 by TheMysteriousVampire
Every pages is getting mature content. This is your choice read this.
I don't want to be in trouble for having too much blood in it.
I will take down the mature content if demanded.

Until I get a better title, it will be called Dead store for now.

Folder:
themysteriousvampire.deviantar…

Page Two Dead Store Page 2
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:iconangel-ofjustice:
Critique by Angel-ofJustice Aug 13, 2016, 11:19:14 PM
First off, I love how the story sets a mood by the dialogue and the atmosphere.
The character is quite believable and we are placed in his shoes and about to experience whatever he is about to face.

You have and excellent understanding of lighting and shading. Textures on the ground i really enjoy, good job on that. His expression suits each pane and the dialogue given.

Its intriguing for a start page and is sure to have readers hooked to find out more about the plot and this character. Great job and I look forward to reading more of this!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
5 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconarlinnxaugust:
The font choice for this comic is incredibly fitting. The colors blend quite well, and the shading is pretty good. The bottom frame requires a bit of time to decipher, but it's nothing to be picky about.

From a writing standpoint, the story starts out incredibly abruptly, and the start is a bit underwhelming because of it. The dialogue flows well, but in the second panel, the grammar is a bit off, and should be changed from: "He wakes up in a store that doesn't look familiar to any store we went into." to something like "He woke up in a store, that looked unlike any store he had ever been to previously." or something. Again, that just flew off the top of my head, so my example may not appeal to some people.

The character design is VERY appealing, and definitely original. I haven't seen an artist with your art style, either, so 'props' to you.




Nit Picking:


-The shapes of the teeth keep changing.
-The different perspectives don't give me a good idea of the shape of the room, but this might just be me.
-The character's blue highlights appear to be missing in the 3rd frame.



The rating system isn't quite ideal for my overall opinion on the comic, so I'll tell you that *The Way It Is At The Time Of Posting* deserves a B-.


Disclaimer: The Above Review is for Page #1 ONLY.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
3 out of 3 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconripealmond:
ripealmond Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the drawings, and the story, mysterious
Reply
:iconlu-chanokami:
Lu-chanOkami Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2018
I like your artstyle. it isn't to much, but is still very expressive. good job. :)
Reply
:iconartsygirl7:
ArtsyGirl7 Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is a fantastic start! I love how you drew the boy (he's adorable!). This has fantastic colors and excellent shading, good job!
Reply
:iconanaveragegamerda:
AnAverageGamerDA Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2018  Student Digital Artist
bam
Reply
:icondokukaku:
dokukaku Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
  I really like the textures and color choices. The shading is overall well done and the beginning gives the reader a feel of slight unease. You also captured the character's emotions really well. Nice job!
Reply
:iconmymydraws3:
MyMyDraws3 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2018  Student General Artist
I Would Hate TO Be In There
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
B) It would be one heck of an experience. 
Reply
:iconmymydraws3:
MyMyDraws3 Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2018  Student General Artist
Yes
Reply
:iconchaoscrossing:
ChaosCrossing Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Poor dude. Must be confused as to where he is.
Reply
:iconkreatiivfox:
KreatiivFox Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I like the coloring in this!
Reply
:iconaribraxas:
Aribraxas Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017
When you've woken up and realized that someone has kidnapped you. And it's an abandoned looking store. Was someone trying to sell this character?
Reply
:iconrevy-husley:
Revy-Husley Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2017  Student Digital Artist
Wonder how he got here time to find out
Reply
:iconbeckykidus:
BeckyKidus Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really like the colors you have used on this! And you draw expressions well :-)
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
Ok... Uhm thanks?
What about the story? Did you read them?
Reply
:iconbeckykidus:
BeckyKidus Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have read the pages you had on this story, yes :-) But I saw no need to comment the same on them all. Very interesting story, however :-)
Reply
:iconshadounei:
Shadounei Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2016  Student General Artist
This looks amazing ! I especially like how you shaded the overall image //The tone of colours used adds a lot to the mood ! Your art style looks lovely as well. Great job !
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
TheMysteriousVampire Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2016
Thank you~!
Reply
:iconshadounei:
Shadounei Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2016  Student General Artist
You're welcome !
Reply
:iconcaptainlopunny:
CaptainLopunny Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Looks pretty good! I like the simplistic style and the colors of the comic.
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
TheMysteriousVampire Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2016
Thank you.
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
TheMysteriousVampire Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016
Thank you very much, I'm glad you like my style.
Reply
:iconthemysteriousvampire:
TheMysteriousVampire Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016
Thank you, I personally don't like stuff that is too dark.
I want to keep things for the title. If the comic will be funny, I use lighter colors and if dark, I make sure it's not too gloomy.
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:iconthemysteriousvampire:
TheMysteriousVampire Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2016
I do keep it simple. Too complicated is not my stuff.
Reply
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Submitted on
August 6, 2016
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