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I kinda forgot about y'all.

Sorry about that >_<.

I guess I'll catch up on a few things and start throwing some more stuff out here soon
  • Listening to: Never
  • Reading: Gonna
  • Watching: Give
  • Playing: You
  • Eating: Up
  • Drinking: ...
Sooo yeah. After the success of last Thursday's codestream, I'm proud to announce that I'll be doing it again.
Almost*. Every. Week.

So for any of you wondering what coding an app looks like, or how to hack into stuff, or what I look like when I do what I do (hint: I'm drinking beer/cider/coke and chewing gum... and I'm allll outta gum), you'll want to get your a$$ on down to www.picarto.tv/live/channel.ph… for the weekly stream on

Thursdays at 1900Z

for the record, that's
London (United Kingdom - England)                  8:00:00 PM      BST
San Francisco (U.S.A. - California)                   12:00:00 Noon  PDT
New York (U.S.A. - New York)                        3:00:00 PM       EDT
Houston (U.S.A. - Texas)                               2:00:00 PM       CDT
Tokyo (Japan)                                              4:00:00 AM       JST
Koala Lumpur (Malaysia)                                3:00:00 AM      MYT
I'll edit this journal so you guys are reminded, but I'd appreciate a follow on the actual channel, links above

Event Log:

Thursday 4th June [PLAN]:

Demonstration of how anti-spam is vitally important if, say, you run an art streaming service with one chat server and no anti-spam. Gonna be a bit of coding, gonna be a bit of exploit deployment, should be cool.

Thursday 28th May:

Streamed the creation of the Picarto App for Android. Two admins turned up and we had a friendly discussion during which I paid attention the entire time and was not sarcastic at all. Also I lied about the attention and sarcasm.

 *I say almost because I'll almost certainly have something like a doctors appointment or a problem at work some weeks
  • Listening to: Never
  • Reading: Gonna
  • Watching: Give
  • Playing: You
  • Eating: Up
  • Drinking: ...
Sorry for the delay guys; I've had the backlog of uni work, work work, and personal work to do to clear and that's left me with almost zero freetime. Thanks for your understanding :)

So yeah, we resume my journey on my last day in Slovenski Raj. I had to take a train out of there at 2200 hours, but that didn't mean I was going to skimp on the walking ;)

Day 12: Slovenski Raj, Slovakia

One of the most appealing things about Slovenski Raj for me was just how untamed the land was. In the UK, every part of the 'wild' nature is tamed, trimmed and controlled so people can't hurt themselves. In Slovakia, however, they clearly said bollocks to that, as several of the trails I took required traversing fallen trees across deep water. The second picture was taken during my rushed escape downhill when I realised that, yet again, I had outstayed my welcome on the nature front. Even in darkness that required a 5 second shutter speed at 1600ISO, though, SR still flatly refused to be anything less than stunning.


Day 13: Prague, Czech Republic

Prague is well known for it's... exotic... nightlife... around most of my peer groups. Even if that was my kind of thing, my feet were much to tired to rave all night, and at any rate, it would be difficult to be so irresponsible in such amazing architecture. I don't think there was a single building in a ten mile radius that wasn't in some way significant or interestingly designed. One interesting feature you can see here is a mirror maze. I thought stuff like that would be frivolous, but I actually have to admit, the confusion which a set of 33 ultra-clean mirrors can create, whilst scary, was also immensely funny. I spent the best part of 12 hours wandering around, tasting the local food (looks weird, tastes great!), absorbing the culture and reading up on my history. There was also a rather large and rather over-engineered clock. I couldn't understand it and it's probably better just to carry a watch with you


Day 14: Milan, Italy

Milan was more of a conveniance stop at this point, because it was quicker to change at Milan with an 8 hour stop-over than it was to go direct from Prague to my next destination. As it was, I had some *ahem* unfinished business to attend to there with a certain Italian individual whom I paid a secret visit and left a special gift. If you need to know, you'll know what I'm saying. As it was, I spent most of my time either staking that out, or sat in Milan train station treating my feet, which at this point had almost completely stained two pairs of socks almost completely blood red. I'm not really good in big cities so I didn't stray too far from comfort, but I did find a few nice parks and a huge cathedral.


Day 15: Spongepierre, France

As my trip drew to a close, I saw the second of my DA friends of the trip, a certain :iconspongepierre: spongepierre. Much to his regret, I was arriving too late to see him at his home home, but it was still awesome to chill out with him at his own little apartment dealie. Due to the French police taking my passport long story, I was also arriving later than planned, so our entertainment schedule had to be cut down a bit. We had a rather intriguing, home cooked, meal, the name of which I'm not going to embarrass myself by trying to remember. What I will say is that it was incredibly delicious and you should definately give him a visit to get the recipe. After that, we met up with Pierre's delightful mother eversobreifly, and went out for a wander around the town, market, shops, and yes, even a small bar so I could try some of the local brew. After that little walk I think both of us were ready for a rest, so we sat in the apartment and I was bewildered by how funny videogames look in french. And DragonBall. Yes okay Pierre I never watched Dragonball as a kid. Geeze XD... To top it off, Caribou! It's an in-joke. You'll have to ask. Also Pierre f**k you

Pierre, you're an a cool, chill guy who takes things one step at a time and knows what the right thing to do is. It was an absolute pleasure meeting with you and I'm gutted it wasn't for very long. Without a doubt our paths will intersect in the future again.

Day 16: Dree-da, France

I said the trip was closing, but perhaps, meeting all these people, the journey had only really just started... The next person on my agenda was, of course, :icondree-da: my pal gabbers Gabriel. Thanks to the suspiciously efficient french trains, I arrived right on time and was immidiately greeted by two (sorry) petite and very polite frenchmen: Dree and his dad. So we went for hot chocolate and croissant, which, as I learnt, I have been eating wrong for close to two decades. Eating issues aside, we went for a walk around town, we had ice cream, and then, AGAIN, I had food all ready for me when I got back; this time, it was quiche (which I had also never heard out loud until that moment. My mental voice was mindblown), which was very nicely done, I must say. Over the dinner table we chatted normal stuff; jobs, holidays, hobbies, and yes, even a bit of cross-border-banter. After that, we went bowling, this time accompanied by playa Dree's side bitch school friend, manon. The result of the bowling wasn't important: what is important was the laughs had during the game. After a quick stop at McyDees, it was time for a bit of quality hangout time, which you can see to the right. Also visible, the totally awkward and unavoidable juxtaposition of lati dick, courtesy of streetdragon95's livestream. There were ladies present Wern. French ladies. Regardless, after an hour of playing pokémon, getting totally thrashed at pokémon, and just chatting about stuff, it was time to go, and I was waved off the platform by the entire family.

Gabriel, you and your family are just about the kindest and most helpful people I have ever met. You've all made me question the way I perceive things and I honestly can't thank you enough for everything you guys did. At all.

Day 17: DELT-4, Belgium

On the way to Deltios I realized with sadness this would be my last day. Half a month is a suprisingly long time, but it still wasn't long enough. It was made longer by the f**king security guard at Brussels insisting I was homeless and kicking me out on to the street to wait for my next train, when I had planned on sleeping in the station, but ah well. I sat in a bar and had some Belgian beer whilst I waited. After 5 hours of trying not to fall asleep and get mugged, I was finally back on my way. Before I could even step off the train in Lomell, :icondelt-4: was there with a nice warm handshake and enthusiastic grin. Unfortunatley I didn't have much time here at all, but fortunately it was just enough to see the f**king bread vending machine, try out the classic Belgian cone of fries (sorry, I've forgotten the name), and talk video games and coding. I also met up with a very bubbly mother and rather excitable sister, who both were surprisingly accommodating. We went for a nice walk through the woodlands of Lomell, and before I knew it, I had to be on my way again...

Jordy, thank you so much for having me. You really are an inspiration to the people just like you, and it's heartwarming to see someone care for his own family like you do. I'll definitely take you around England at some point if possible :D

Day 18: Derby, England

I had uni.
Fuck that.
Fuck that shit right off. Nope.
Nope.
Just... Nope.

No thank you.

Seriously

No.

I'll do a final conclusion later on. For now, I just wanna sleep. I will say it was an amazing 2 and a bit weeks, and that this is by no means the end. It is but the beginning of a much larger journey.

All photos are copyright Richard L.J. Sowden 2015 under Creative Commons CC-NC-ND Licence (reproduce freely, but please let me if know you do :D If it's for commercial stuff you need to ask me).
  • Listening to: Your steps sound different on different surfaces
  • Reading: ... Errr...
  • Watching: Jesus fucking christ this is beutiful
  • Playing: and winning.
  • Eating: Pizza.
  • Drinking: The water is so fresh
Well, I got back from my holiday in Europe. And I'm not going to lie to you guys. I cried tears. Manly manly tears of confusion. This trip was so amazing and posed so many questions that I literally realised that I know nothing about my future, or what I like, or what I'm going to do, or how I am as a person. But that's aside the point. That title was there just to pull you in.

So yeah. I went away from England for 18 days... I saw a lot of amazing places, things, and (most importantly) people. Let's break it down in chronological order. At least one pic per day, so sorry if it takes forever to load. None of theise are photoshopped, though quite a few are of the selfie format because I wanted proof that I was there, and that it wasn't a professionally taken photograph. If you're not going to put this in full-width then don't bother, because the immensity of the pictures can only be grasped in their maximum size.

Day 1: Pulpit Rock, Norway.

It's a rock. It's also a 600m freefall is you stand on the end of it, which you can, because there's no railing. A short 8km hike can take you from a bus-stop to this place:



Day 2: A Fjord, Somewhere in Norway:

A fjord is a mountain range where the valley has completely filled with water after the last ice age, which is a stupidly scientific and anal way of describing something this beautiful.


Day 3: A Boat, in a Fjord, Somewhere in Norway:

Because of the harsh terrain on either side of the mountains, people living on the edges have to use a boat to get them (and their sheep) around. The guy on the left literally parked his jeep on a 4x4 meter patch of land with no roads, direct from the ferry. But when the scenery looks like it does on the right, I'm not surprised.


Day 4: On various roads, in Norway:

Some Norwegians simply don't like people. So they build their hoses on purpose-built platforms (see left). On the right is a 200 meter high waterfall that I saw from the car and stopped to take a selfie under. My narcissism knows no bounds


Day 5: Bergen, Norway:

Basically, when your computer has a default wallpaper, it's most likely from Norway. Likewise, when they designed skyrim and that place from How To Train Your Dragon, they basically just copy-pasted from Nordic countries.


Day 6: :iconmizzium: Mizzium, Denmark:

No, Mizzium is not a place. Mizzium is an (in my opinion) under-appreciated artist whom I'm now officially uber buddies with since he helped me out when the Germans decided to go on strike and cancel the trains I needed, since he speaks Danish and I only speak swear, sarcasm, English and Java. That, and he also showed me what is literally the best cost-per-kg burger I have ever had in my entire life. Not to mention an interesting insight into his life, Denmark, and various other things. A truely awesome guy, I'm kinda upset we didn't have more time together to do something. Well I mean we did, but it was thoroughly unintended and spent mostly with me swearing, jumping up and down, and threatening to stab the next person who told me train travel was easy. A really awesome guy, go and give him a visit!

seriously look at that burger. It's bigger than my f**king head

Day 7: Errr... F**k knows?

Not really sure where any of theise photos are. There was a border crossing and some other stuff but it was like too dark and nobody told me where I was so... I know there was a boat and it had my name on it. And there was nobody else on it. At all.. Seriously click that link. A boat intended for 1000 people, and there was only 1. I ended up in Berlin at one point, which, due to the strikes, was ALSO completely empty. The picture to the right should have about 300 people in it, given it was rush hour on a Thursday.


Day 8: Krakow, Poland.

Krakow is an amazing place, partly for the architecture, partly for the people, and partly for how cheap everything was! I kid, but seriously, this place has a rich past and it's kinda sad I was only there for one day, since there was easily a weeks worth of stuff to do. 


Day 9: Spiska Nova Ves, Solvakia.

Unfortunatly, I arrived here at about 1200, and my feet were too destroyed to be able to do any walking in the mountains. It was being like a kid in a candy shop and being allergic to sugar. Or that feel when yo bae is so ready for it but you too drunk to perform. One thing that was funny, however, was that in England, we have strict health and safety regarding people and trains and how the two should never even have the possibility to intersect. The Solvaks don't have this concern; You had to walk across the rails to get to and from your train. High speed trains came through here about every 15 mins without warning. Some say recipie for disaster, others say natural selection.


Day 10: Slovenski Raj National Park, Solvakia.

It was raining and my feet hurt. This hasn't stopped me in the past and I'll be damned if it ever does stop me. I went and did a short-circuit around the national park to get a feel for the place, then spent the next four hours with my feet in a bath of polish vodka (£5 for a bottle) to steriolise them since I was almost certainly less than 10 bacteria from getting blood poisoning. Thanks to Lekisceon for their medical approval. Pretty sure I'd be in hospital now without that judgement call.


Day 11: Slovenski Raj National Park, Solvakia.

I went for a full circuit around Slovenski Raj, which ended abruptly when it got very dark and I had no advanced supplies (i.e. I had a medical kit, a penknife, some rope and some firestarting equipment, but no torch). As the map above shows, the park has sheer cliffs and few walking trails, as well as the opportunity for you to be 20km from help with relitive ease. Also, what maps don't tell you is that Slovenski Raj contains the predatory animal known as the lynx, a lynx can, will and does attack humans, and that when that happens you'll feel the blood chill in your veins and act purely on instinct. I did just that, threw my penknife (You know, the most important tool I had at the time) at it, shit several bricks and ran the fuck in the opposite direction for about ten minutes. I nearly died and it was the best time of my life :D


Actually, you know what? I'm actually really really tired. I'm going to split this in to two journals. I'll sort the other one tomorrow. I have like over 1000 photos to pick from and it's kinda tiring XD.

So yeah. I had a really great time, there's more to come, and until that point, goodnight and sleep well!

All photos are copyright Richard L.J. Sowden 2015 under Creative Commons CC-NC-ND Licence (reproduce freely, but please let me if know you do :D If it's for commercial stuff you need to ask me).

  • Listening to: Your steps sound different on different surfaces
  • Reading: ... Errr...
  • Watching: Jesus fucking christ this is beutiful
  • Playing: and winning.
  • Eating: Pizza.
  • Drinking: The water is so fresh
Track my progress live here.*

After 5 days, I'm - sadly - leaving Norway and - excitedly - moving on to Poland, stopping by an old friend on the way... You know who you are ;)

It's on odd feeling. Norway was a truly stunning place, with some truly flabbergasting scenery

opportunities

and memories


Without a doubt, I am sad to leave it behind; With the sheer amount and size of the mountains, fjords, valleys and overall relaxed attitude, it is definitely a place I can see myself settling in in the future.

That, and due to my mixed heritage, I'm indistinguishable from the natives and so everyone already thinks I'm Norwegian. I don't speak it, which makes conversation awkward

At the same time, I am moving on to yet another county which I have heard many stories of interesting culture and scenery. If it's even anything like the last, I will definitely not be disappointed.

So long Norway... And thanks for all the fish




* This works through my phone and so if I am away from mobile phone signal or the GPS signal is weak then the updates will halt temporarily. I will be switching it off when I sleep or when the battery is low. You are free to share that link as much as you like. There is also a 60 second delay between updates
  • Listening to: Your steps sound different on different surfaces
  • Reading: ... Errr...
  • Watching: Jesus fucking christ this is beutiful
  • Playing: and winning.
  • Eating: Pizza.
  • Drinking: The water is so fresh
I'm currently on holiday and won't be answering any questions, comments or hatemail until I return. I also haven't actually planned my holiday properly and as a result I have no valid train tickets or any method of getting anywhere, so I don't exactly know when I'll return.

I am currently stranded in Norway. As 'being stranded' goes, though...

The view is not bad at all...

More photos follow, if possible.
  • Listening to: Your steps sound different on different surfaces
  • Reading: ... Errr...
  • Watching: Jesus fucking christ this is beutiful
  • Playing: and winning.
  • Eating: Pizza.
  • Drinking: The water is so fresh
You know what I consider to be a rude awakening? The Tornado GR6 Fighter Jet. Whilst the great British countryside is a great British place to do wild camping, it's not a great place to try camp when the RAF are practicing (Which, for the record, occurs regularly on a Tuesday at 1000).

Honestly it's called the Tornado but it sounds like a thunderstorm, just louder.

Haven been awoken from my slumber in what can only be described as a panic, once I was assured that this was just an aeroplane and not - indeed - the end of the world, I grabbed my camera and attempted to take a picture. Attempted being to operative word. Time for a game I like to call 'Spot the harbinger of missiles and general destructive power'

I should point out, during over-land operations, the tornado is permitted to travel at over 1000ft but just below Mach 1. This means that taking a picture is exceptionally difficult due to it being so low and fast. You also can't hear it until it's over you, which makes preempting the shot very difficult.

Pause now to give a special thanks to Lekisceon for this wonderful piece of art gifted to me:
The Hunter by Lekisceon
Which, I have to admit, looks every bit as badass as I like! there's also a hunter done in the style of left 4 dead. I for one prefer my facial hair to be blood free, though :P.

Moving on from that, I have been out walking, with patchy cell service and CB radio to rely on for internet (and, truth be told, still am doing the walking bit. I've finally reached a place I can pinch someone's wifi :P), so if I've missed any of your skype, steam, or DA messages, I've not been ignoring you deliberately

Going back to my earlier topic of aeroplanes, one of the other things I stumbled upon was just that...

I stumbled upon the wreckage of a downed transport plane. I'm not sure what the exact make or model it, but it looks pretty old and the majority of it looks like it was removed for investigation a long time ago. A solitary wooden cross lies next to an engine turbine disk to mark what I presume must have been a life lost. 


I have to admit, stumbling across an aircraft wreckage is kind-of eerie. It's already incredibly quiet, but spotting something like this out of nowhere somehow makes it quieter. It was just a glint in my eyes which caught my attention but as I got closer, the wind noise died down and there was an overbearing silence. It was because all of the pieces had settled in a small dip which concealed it from the wind, but still. In the middle of nowhere, the last remains of something once great are just... well... there.

In the middle of nowhere on a mountainside.

Anyways, a few days afterwards, I reached the coast, and it left me with a really really somber gift...
This is the moon, reflected on the ocean.

I don't think that this image really conveys how awe-some the sight is. I set the shutter speed to 30 seconds, it was this bright. I set it to one tenth of a second, I got this (the one to the right).


'twas a truly amazing sight, and if you ever get to witness a blood-moon, I for one hope it's over the coast. It was just amazing and really does make me realize that, even if one has yet to find purpose, they can still find sights as amazing as this.
  • Listening to: Your steps sound different on different surfaces
  • Reading: ... Errr...
  • Watching: The scenery pass by
  • Playing: and winning.
  • Eating: Leaves, fruits, some (flavorless MREs)
  • Drinking: The water is so fresh

When someone mentions rule 34


  • Listening to: NOPE
  • Reading: NOPE
  • Watching: NOPE
  • Playing: NOPE
  • Eating: NOPE
  • Drinking: NOPE
RozziDoodles has made the critical mistake of tagging me... Oops... SARC BOMB INBOUND

Okay so this one I prized from the cold dead hands of Nenja-Black but I'm just writing out the questions cuz I don't have time to draw stuff  and I have all the drawing ability of a quadruple amputee with turrets strapped to an industrial jackhammer but I promise I'll make it at the very best mediocre without the drawings!

Okay so 
Nenja's Crack Pairing Meme
Write down the names of 12 people you can tolerate  in a random order. They can be from any show/movie/book/impending alien invasion/etc you want, hey, they don't even need to be in the same show.
(I used my brain to decide the order and f**k you if you think that ain't random)
1. RozziDoodles 
2. A particularly odd looking potato
3. David Cameron (British Prime Minister)
4. Osama Bin Laden
5. The former Yugoslavian Republic of Macedonia 
6. Nick Clegg (British Prime Minister's tea ladyboy)
7. Russian President Vladimir Putin
8. Barrack Obama
9. Hitler
10. DELT-4
11. British Tactical Armed Forces
12. Whisky
Are you done yet? Okay, let's get this started...

1) What song would describe 1 and 5's relationship best?
Mutually destructive. Legend has it 1 once actually sent someone around to 5's house with a machete and a bodybag. Luckily it was only to chop up and steal all the fruit in their fruit bowl, but 5 never forgave them and now holds 1 as it's arch nemesis.

2) 11 and 4 are playing together in a movie. What movie?
"Let me acquaint those brains with that wall"

3) 2 and 9 are a couple. How did they end up together?
An excerpt from: "50 shades of spud: 50 shades Fuhrer"
He gazed at his lover, his eyes breezing over her soft body, admiring the jacket she had chosen for just this occasion. It had a tear directly down the center exposing her soft cream goods, which ultimately his eyes were drawn to, and he shuddered. His mouth opened in amazement, saliva glistening on his teeth. He needed her, and badly.
"Mein Kartoffel..."
And the rest is history
I just checked the "write a HitlerxPotato fanfiction" item on my 'Things to do' list. I have a weird 'to do' list

4) Both 8 and 12 are fighting over 4. Who does 4 end up with?
Probably 11, but he doesn't mind, either one involves a shot.

5) Where did 3 take 6 on their first date?
The house of commons. Nick thourght it was so cool! He got to sit at the important bench whilst Dave worked. He wasn't allowed to say anything but it was still an awesome first date!

6) 1 and 6 break up. Why?
Accents.

7) What was 7 and 8's first kiss like?
... I'll just let this one write itself guys.
They have a very nuclear relationship and the kiss was explosive

8) What about 9 and 10's first night together?
I do believe 10 and 9 sympathized with each other, because everyone thinks 10 is Dutch and 9 is German, when 10 is actually Flemish and 9 is actually Austrian.

9) Threesome! 2, 3, and 8!
Not really sure what to put here since there's no direct question. Am I supposed to describe what it looks like? The reasoning behind it?
8 does not like 2. 2 Loves 3. 3 is a potato, but 8's head looks kinda like a potato, so by extension 2 kinda likes 8, but only as a sex object and nothing else, because it's abusive to his real desire, 2.

10) By accident 11 has gotten pregnant. Who is the father?
Excessive power and tactical decision making has birthed a baby made of raw military strength and agility.

11) 5 proposes to 12, what's the answer?
Probably some intagleable screaming in Scottish, before it pissed itself, fell over and broke it's thumbs.

12) So, finally 7 and 10 are getting married. Who wears the dress?
they share a dress; 7 wears the top half, 10 wears the bottom half. It's pink and frolliky.

13) And does anyone have anything to say against this?
The UN would probably have something to say. They won't say it because they might be hacked, stabbed with a radioactive umbrella, drink radioactive tea, or be shot crossing a particular bridge in st petersburg. But hey, they were made for each other.

14) And that's it! Any last words before the crack gets to your brain?
Roz, please read the terms and conditions before tagging me.
  • Listening to: click click click... click... click
  • Reading: back what I just wrote to check it made sense
  • Watching: 5 monitors and not a TV to see
  • Playing: duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Eating: dhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu
  • Drinking: Mango juice is literally heaven in a children' dri
DA! WHAT UP MAH MAN!!!! Srs, come in, lemme show ya mah crib!
Yeah, if you just... step over the jet engine blade... Careful, it's sharp...

Yeah.. Sorry about that. So yeah, over here you can see, we got the TV... The shiny thing? Oh, that's a compresser stage from a different jet engine. Sorry, the house is a bit of a mess I guess...

Why yes, that is a rocket you can see just next to that. Don't worry, it's not loaded. Yeah anyways, next to that we got the subwuffer for out 6.1 sound setup... Kiks up da bass, ya know wot I meen?

To the side of that we have a scale model of a much bigger rocket stage. Something to do with the Apollo space mission or something. This was before all of us were born or sumfink I guess.

Oh that thing? Yeah don't stand on it, it's really expensive. A micro gas turbine, yeah... Yeah, same kind of thing you see on [link] this except it's experimental and a lot more powerful... Well yeah it's in the living room. Where else would I put it?

This is... a THING! It's actually broken in half, so it's no longer worth the £3,000 it would have cost. It's called an NGV bruv, or Noggle Gizzle Vane. Learn up on your thermo and fluid dynamics dude. Wait wait wait bruv careful of the

seaslug cruise missile rocket motor. Yeah, that's that thing in the center. Don't worry, there's no fuel in it. It's, like, 50 years old. Still awesome we managed to get 3,000lbs impulse of 180 seconds tho... WAIT WAIT BRAH I GOT SOME MOAR NUMBERS FOR YOU AND YO HOMIES...

Oh okay, you're leaving... You haven't even see the other rooms, but sure thing. We've got a really cool selection of wea- ooh. Okay you're leaving... well Bai.



Okay realtalk here for a second guys


All the stuff you see above is real, from the rocket to the cruise missile engine to the jet engine parts. All have been in service at some point and were residing in my living room yesterday (not anymore, Its not really wise to tell the world when your house is filled with expensive tech so I waited until it was moved to tell you guys). This stuff actually happens kinda often, but only really attracted attention yesterday on an artstream.
Why?
In short, it's because my job is f**king awesome. In slightly longer terms, we use things like this to get kids attention when we go into schools and do STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering & Maths) activities. One time we did one, oh man we built this air cannon and blew holes in shi- but I digress. The point is we get this stuff to show off to peeps, which is why I'm showing it you guys too. If you've got any questions about the awesomeness on your screen right now or how one gets a job like this, pop them in the comments and I'll get back to you

If you have any requests to conduct STEM activities at your local school (doesn't matter if you're not in England, we do have some people overseas), send me a note and I'll see what I can do.
  • Listening to: click click click... click... click
  • Reading: back what I just wrote to check it made sense
  • Watching: 5 monitors and not a TV to see
  • Playing: duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Eating: dhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu
  • Drinking: Mango juice is literally heaven in a children' dri

I like lasers



For the record, the above laser is a British Armed Forces issue 5mw 535nm 500m Dot Laser. You normally find them on the top of assault rifles. I do not own an assault rifle, or indeed a rifle of any kind. I do, however, own a bow. It turns out that bows and rifles don't have compatible sight mounts, for the obvious reason that a gun doesn't originate from the stone-age. The laser, it turns out, would not fit.

I'm not the kind of guy who takes "it won't fit" for an answer (insert whatever gross innuendo you wish there (no, THAT was not an innuendo for inserting something. Jezus christ guys, maturity much?)), so I set about making my own damn mount.

I used a vernier micrometer to measure up the connector on my bow, then set about making my own. The existing sight mount on the target bow has a rail which a sight attaches to and can slide backwards and forwards on to calibrate. The laser comes with it's own compensation and configuration circuits and adjusters, so a slider isn't required. You can see, above, that I've done away with the rail and just added in two M6 bolt holes, with a countersink on the inside so the mount self-centers to horizontal.

For anyone's reference, the bolts are M06, spaced at 0 degrees to the vertical, 32.5 apart with a 45 degree csink of depth 1 up to near enough 44.4 diameter. Bolt protrusion should be about 3-4. Units are metric.


Next up, I rendered it, dropping in a model of the hunting bow I made a few years ago. It's going on my target archery bow I use for competitions, so the objective here isn't to be camouflage or not to snag on stuff. It just needs to look sleek and intimidating. For this I took inspiration from the F-117 Stealth Bomber. Originally designed to never deflect radar back at the sender, the design is angular, sleek and modernistic, so perfect for intimidating a group of people using stone-age weapons. And of course it has to be black.

On the left, the F-117 NightHawk. On the right, my 3D printed sight mount.
I chose black ABS, ordered from i.materialise in Belgium for a total of 20 quid, the majority of which was shipping so next time I'll get lots of parts before I get just one of them shipped over.
The hole in the center was made to be 25.2 diameter in order to have a .1 interference fit with the laser (which has a 25.4 diameter) so it'd be nice and snug and not move. I'd added the extra 0.1mm assuming that the 3D printer wouldn't be that accurate and I'd need material left over. It turns out that the printer was accurate to 0.01mm, and I had 0.1mm of excess to file away


See that slot down the middle? That's this mount's hidden weapon. In order for the laser to fit in, the hole has to be slightly larger than it's interference fit. It then needs to return to it's interference fit once it's attached to the bow. To do this, I added the slot down the middle, then spaced the mount holes 0.1 too close together, then on the model, stretched the hole vertically by 0.1mm. When the bolts are fitted to the sight and screwed in, the slot is made narrower, and the deformed circle becomes un-deformed, clamping the laser. If you're confused, picture trying to fit an AA battery into a party balloon. It won't help you picture the situation, but it'll be suitably bizarre that you won't ask me any questions for fear I say something worse


Pictures of the attached sight. In these two shots I'd messed up the calibration arrows so they were at 45 degrees to the actual calibration planes.


And here's what it looks like with the laser on


Most of this was done whilst my hand was kaput, so I've not had a chance to fire it yet. I've made a unit which only activates the laser once the bowman has pulled back to 90% of max draw, but fitting it is proving complex to do without it looking like s**t. Once I've done that, you'll get some shots of it in action.
  • Listening to: click click click... click... click
  • Reading: back what I just wrote to check it made sense
  • Watching: 5 monitors and not a TV to see
  • Playing: duuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh
  • Eating: dhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu
  • Drinking: Mango juice is literally heaven in a children' dri
To mark the 5th occurance of someone sending me THIS video:

I thought I'd do a little mythbusting of my own. Brace youselves, because I'm about to drop some heavy science here.

Make no mistake, a lot of the video is genuine and true; It is indeed better to shoot from the outside of the bow, you can fire with multiple arrows in your firing hand, and a back quiver is indeed irritating (hence why even I don't actually use one). That said, a lot of the video is also fake, for the reasons I'm about to explain.

Myth 1 - Mid-air split


In this clip here, we see lars split an arrow in mid air. Which would be undeniably cool, if it were possible. Unfortunately, it's not. Why?

Arrows are bendy

The bows in this shot are longbows, which gives them quite a high draw strength (+50lbs). The arrows, on the other hand, appear to be a composite like fibreglass, or, more likely, carbon fibre (wood would be a lighter color). This is important because it shows we're putting more than 22kg of force on a hollow stick 5mm in diameter and just expecting it to stay dead straight. But they don't.

For the first 0.5 milliseconds after letting go, the back of the arrow is pushed forwards about 8 centimeters, but the front stays where it is, the momentum not 100% transferred at this point. The arrow ends up 'wobbling' by about a tenth of it's length, at a rate of 250hz. Even if the tip of the arrow did collide with the rest of the other one, at the angle that he is shooting at, it would have both wiggled 2mm to the side and advanced forwards by another 1 mm for every 1mm lars' arrow moved forward. Except it would have also moved upwards, instead of being split, because both the arrows have identical momentum and so both will have their vectors added to produce a new vector with reduced velocity.

To split an arrow, you NEED to hit it head on otherwise you'll fail to separate the fibre structure, and just send it and your arrow scattered across the room, as you can see in the video above and to the right.

Myth 2 - You can catch and return an arrow


You can't. Human reaction time from noticing an object, to figuring it's vector, to motor function to intercept it, is around 60ms if you're really quick. In contrast, an arrow flies at 60 meters every second. In the video, the two archers are approximately 15 meters from each other, which means the time taken for the arrow to traverse the gap is approximately 250 milliseconds. Lars would have had to move his arm into position at a painful acceleration and deceleration to complete the maneuver ACCURATELY in 190 milliseconds. Even then, as the arrow is approximately 0.5 meters long (minus fletchings), he has a window of just EIGHT milliseconds in order to close his hand. I filmed mine just now on a hi-speed, and it took 36ms, and this isn't the kind of thing you can train to increase the speed of.

Don't just take it from me though. The real mythbusters did this and proved it impossible too:


Myth 3 - Archers fought close-up in battle too


He's quick. In the video he goes from drinking a can of coke, to having shot a dummy in the face in 1.97 seconds. The problem with this is that, for close range combat, 2 seconds is a long time. I tested, and with by left hand I was able to draw a knife and stab a can of coke in just under 1.5 seconds, and I'm no expert. Your novice foot soldier could therefore have no problem is either dodging or neutralizing the short-range archer before they themselves were killed.

Myth 4 - Splitting an arrow with a knife blade


Here's a cool thing for you to try. Take a normal knife. Now get a ballpoint pen, and stab the sharp edge with the pen. It slipped past and you cut your hand, didn't you?
Now remove the pointy bit of the pen and try again. Your pen got wedged on the blade this time, didn't it?

You can't split a normal arrow with a knife blade, even with supreme accuracy, because they're pointed and just deflect right off. Due to the wobble we mentioned earlier, even if it was dead-on to within MICRONS, it'd still slip/wobble off. The shot in this video was done by removing the arrow tip, or, in other words, cheating because a blunt arrow is literally pointless.

Myth 5 - 'Ancient forgotten methods learnt from the past'


Unfortunately, not so much. Whilst he claims to have found out these methods from looking at old tapestries and the suchlike, keep the following thing in mind: Artists don't know the ins and outs of archery. Said ancient tapestries are just as likely to get minor details wrong as they are get them right. Especially if they're being drawn from PTSD riddled accounts from warriors recanting infront of an artist.

Also, the methods aren't forgotten. Firing from the inside of the bow is better for target archery, which is why you see it in films where people are aiming at stationary targets. We know and have known that the outside is good for hunting for ages, but most people don't use a bow to hunt and so most will use the inside. It's not forgotten, it's just not efficient for most people.

Myth 6 - You can shoot in mid-air whilst jumping


Probably. But unless your target is less than 3 meters away and your arrow is magnetically attached to your arrow rest (or you've been falling long enough to reach terminal velocity), don't bother. The downwards acceleration of your fall lifts the arrow up in relation to the bow and instead of being fired like this [Applied force]> ------> It'll be fired like this [APPLIED FORCE]> / and it'll just summersault to the ground. Even then, the arrows resulting vector will be a product of your own momentum and the one you're giving the arrow. Instead of gracefully splitting the air at the tip, it'll tear through the air underneath it (Water and air are both - mechanically speaking - fluids. Think belly-flopping into a pool as opposed to diving through it), making it unstable and ineffective against anything but perhaps a sponge.

Myth 7 - 'New techniques allow him to penetrate chain-mail armor'


It's times like this I wish my hand wasn't broken. Because if it wasn't, I'd film and show you a clip of a normal bow with a normal arrow and a normal technique, totally decimating a mobile phone (which is much more stab resistant than chainmail armor). Point is, even with low power bows, an archer can still quite happily penetrate solid aluminium.

Video Errors


On several shots, the film was speeded up by about 10%. It's not noticeable unless you're playing frame by frame, whereby the normal footage has one duplicated frame out of 120 to account for a 29fps up to 29.9fps, and the speeded up has no such duplication.
The voice is modulated, hinting that this is Lars talking about himself in 1st person. And TheModerator doesn't trust people who talk in 1st person.

Personal Note


Don't get me wrong, the video IS impressive. The archer, not so much. Whilst some of these things are pretty cool, they're either fake, or inherently useless. Most of the targets he is aiming at are less than 10 or so meters away. He rarely uses full-draw, which is the most efficient method of doing things as it allows for maximum power and therefore distance, which is - lets not forget - why the bow and arrow is a high power long range weapon in the first place.
So, as a few of you may know, a few years back, I had an idea to make a Latios-esque flying robot. It was a quadcopter, about a year before quadcopters/drones became cool, not to sound hipster. Three years down the line, and no robot has yet to materialize. I hate disappointing people, so I'm going to say: DON'T WORRY GUYS! IT'S STILL ON! But it's going to take more time than I thought. Why?

Time


Protip guys: if you think you're going to sustain a family, a job, one degree in manufacturing engineering and another one in mechanical engineering with time for projects like this on the side, I just want to remind you; you're not.

Priorities


Given I don't have much time, my priorities are kinda erratic. Building a fire-breathing flying dragon IN THEORY is at the top of that list, but then there's also small things like looking after the website, looking after you guys, getting distracted by you guys, getting jealous of you gu- you get the idea.

Technology


Part of the problem is that technology is moving too fast. That sounds stupid, but it's not. In the space of 1 year, IMUs have gotten more accurate, the cost of MicroPCs has plummeted, EDF engines have gotten 10% more efficient, and the less said about wireless communication, the better.

I'll perfect a design optimized for a specific fan driven by a specific motor, only to find that it's been superseded by a fan and motor combo with are 20% more efficient just before the mount is sent to be 3D printed. So the whole process is started over, only to repeat again just before it's finalized again.

Weight


The robot needs to carry 2kg worth of mass ON TOP OF it's flight systems. The flight systems themselves weigh 2kg, so that's an efficiency of 2:1 at minimum (each motor needs to lift double the weight of the stuff used to drive it. The additional weight is for:
  • Non-loadbearing superstructure (the points of wings, the rear, the neck)
  • Covers: At the moment, it looks like a skeleton. It's going to have a felt flight cover in order to actually fly, but felt is HEAVY.
  • Telemetric sensors: Think cameras, IR cameras, ground-sensing basic radar, GSM and WiFi modules, GPS modules, humidity and temp sensors, windspeed sensors... the list goes on and gets heavier and heavier
  • A flame thrower. Because f**k munitions laws.
All this weight means every single aspect needs close attention to design so it not only looks good, but that it's at it's most optimal for flight.

Money


Setting yourself a final-project bugdet of £200 is reasonable. However, that doesn't include research and development, of which there is kinda a lot of. To give you an example, a 3D printed motor mount costs £7, the engine itself costs about £20, the batteries cost about £15, the ESCs for said engines cost £10, and there are 4 main lift engines. Each design iteration costs roughly £120. Reality check guys: I don't have parents or friends or a government that will give me money. In fact, I loose about £200 to them every month already. I have rent, transport and various other fees to pay because I'm not dependant on anyone anymore. It's a nice feeling but it's not without it's drawbacks.

Motivation


Oh boy I am SO motivated for this project. I absolutely LOVE the idea of building this bot. It's going to be amazing, I'm going to take it on tours and shit and... well... Once I've built it, then what?
I do this because I enjoy it. I don't do it for the attention or the money (as explained). I do it because the idea of being in control of a 4KG flying fire breathing autonomous dragon is one which sets my inner five year old giggling madly. But once it's finished, I'm not going to get that buzz. The appeal of showing something off in front of a crowd is nothing compared to the one of watching it take off in a literal sense. When I finish building it, the joy will be gone, lost amid the joy of whoever goes and exhibits it infront of what I imagine will be some people just as excited to see it as I was to build it.

I'm taking my time with this to enjoy it as long as possible.

Progress Report



"So, that said, TheModerator, what state is it in at the moment?"

Oh boy oh boy... Okay so...

It flies! Okay it's more of a 'hop', but the right wing system is assembled from balsa and duct tape and it's able to hover in the air independently for about 3 minutes. The next step is to transfer it over to carbon fiber and 3D printed mounts. After that, the aim will be to manufacture the other wing, then the wing 'box', which is the thing which moves the wings up and down, as well as housing flight-critical hardware. Finally, the 'Latios' exterior is added on to that and bobs your uncle.

Feature List


  • Core Flight Kernel Base: Arduino Mega
  • Flight controller: Raspberry Pi 2 
  • Balance Hardware: Four (YES, FOUR) 10DOF Inertial Motion Units
  • Both wings equipped for movement on the front-back axis to allow paired thrust vectoring
  • Motherfucking flamethrower
  • Design is set for ex/retractable claws and movable neck
  • I debated a speaker to make lati noises, but the EDF engines are about as loud as a lawnmower and the audio is not too audible.
  • Control interface composed of manual, xbox controller, and a 'vest' which can mimic the wearers motions on the robot.
  • Autonomous pathfinding and owner tracking is now in the works.

The plan so far



This is from my 'wider plan' notepad. It's a direct copy of the notes.
  • Build the robot
  • Dress the robot
  • Autonomous mode; 'Air Selfie' demonstration?
  • Make sure it's not going to kill someone by accident
  • Show off the robot on youtube
  • Use YT ad revenue to get a table at the next appropriately themed convention at the NEC in Birmingham.
  • Robot and sister in Bianca cosplay walk around in character whilst robot has full batteries, controlled by operator slightly behind (CAA regs on operators permitted?)
  • Punch david cameron in the face Flamethrower probably should be switched off during events...
  • Why? YOU HAVE A FLAME THROWER ATTACHED TO A DRONE! If anyone has an objection, set them on fire.
  • Answer questions whilst batteries charge. Sister can have a bottle of water if she's lucky. Fanta if I'm feeling generous.
  • How does one even GET a convention table?
  • Wait are there rules against UAVs in- Actually I hate Birmingham.
  • ???
  • Profit
  • Listening to: Dude imagine if we could see noise
  • Reading: HOLY SHIP THERS'SNAKES IN MY ANORACK!
  • Watching: Dude candles are f**king intense
  • Playing: My feet are REALLY far away
  • Eating: but do not taste nice
  • Drinking: Is my ear bleeding? No. I'm just dead
This is simple. Pick Some Friends (there's no limit). Tag them here (tag backs allowed). In just three words: explain that person.
Not exactly difficult; just for fun. Continuing is optional - no pressure guys!

Let's get rolling:


NO PARTICULAR ORDER!
1) :iconstreetdragon95: streetdragon95Way Too Modest
2) :icondelt-4: DELT-4 - Learns Very Quickly
3) :iconrozzidoodles: RozziDoodles - Ponies Ponies Ponies!
4) :iconspongepierre: Spongepierre - Stereotypical French Guy / Very Much Huggable
5) :iconlatrion: LatrionVery Talented Guy
5) :icondeactivated-125874: deactivated-125874  - Sketchy... Scottish... Single? Super!
6) :icondree-da: Dree-da - Otters and Pasta
7) :iconmangarrow: mangarrow - Really F**king Annoying. Just kidding. Just Slightly Annoying.
8) :iconivan-typhlosion: Ivan-TyphlosionOwns A Ferret.
9) :icondraken-krypto: Draken-KryptoNeeds More Bacon.
10) :icondawnwisker: Dawnwisker - Somewhat under appreciated.
11) :iconzolistlugia: Zolistlugia - Disturbing Lugia Obsession
12) :iconseledrex: Seledrex - Dragons. Dragons? Dragons!
13) :iconvisionaryserpent: VisionarySerpent - SO MANY SNAKES!
14) :iconthathinchtownfan: ThatHinchtownFan - Four Seconds Forward

It's not hard. What about yours? What about mine?

Okay seriously speaking in three words hurts my brain. I can now only think in three letter sentences. OH GOD NOOOOOO!!! MAKE IT STOP!
For real now, you don't have to respond to this but I think it'd be cool. You can tag deviants who have already been tagged, but they don't have to respond to it. I know how I'm normally critical about this but I want to try the whole making-a-game thing, as well as the fact that tagged people are not expected to carry it on. That said, I would like to see what some people put for me. Something between OUR SUPREME OVERLORD and INSIGNIFICANT RETARDED PEASANT. 
But yeah. It's just a laugh

Off you go!

Peace out guys!
  • Listening to: Dude imagine if we could see noise
  • Reading: HOLY SHIP THERS'SNAKES IN MY ANORACK!
  • Watching: Dude candles are f**king intense
  • Playing: My feet are REALLY far away
  • Eating: but do not taste nice
  • Drinking: Is my ear bleeding? No. I'm just dead
Recently there has been an influx of Steam and Skype spambots requesting that you click on a link, which in turn downloads a file to your PC and - next thing you know - all your Chrome/Firefox/IE passwords are uploaded to the net for some hacker in Albania to use. Normally, they're not an issue because you're human, they're robots, and humans are pretty good at telling the two apart.
Until Now

For the record, I am an ex-blackhat who turned to the light side, which is why I know what I'm about to tell you. I've worked on human-impersonation, grammar trees, systems penetration testing and flaw exploitation (in most cases, the 'flaw' is that squishy thing sat in a chair using the computer), all of which are involved in the creation of the bots. You have literally no reason to trust me other than my word that I'm genuinely trying to help. If you find this guide useful, please copy it down or save, like, upvote, favorite or share it or whatever you can do to help.

Background


I'm not going to reveal my sources (because doing so could open me to prosecution), but recently a new AI kit came out which works along the same principles as cleverbot, which pits users against users to create very realistic (but still very dumb) conversation chains from real people. The result is that the new generation of spambots which can in some cases actually pass the Turing Test. This makes it very difficult for humans to tell if they're talking to human. The establishment of a rapport (which is what the current hackers are working on) to display similar interests and opinions will only make this worse as it will convince the human it has a genuine connection with the bot, thus building trust and causing them to click the link

A bias is then injected into the AI to try and work in a situation whereby you might want to click an external link: This is where it's vulnerability lies. It's not very good at working the link in without it looking forced or awkward.

How to detect a bot


They're convincing, but not infallible. Here are my top-tips for spotting them

You can't type if you don't have hands


The first indicator is that the user never appears to type.

Bots which use the Steam API don't have the ability to send the user typing UDP and so you won't receive the notification telling you they're typing. Someone who writes without typing is generally not using the official steam apps, and you should be very wary of them from that point on. Keep in mind that some bots can fake the user typing UDP and so it shouldn't be relied upon as a sole indicator 

Always online


You have a friend request and accept the next morning. Almost immidiately, they're online and talking to you! What a coincidence!
Spammers want to maximize the amount of links in the minimum amount of time, and therefore programming the bots to wait is wasteful. If you accept a request a significant amount of time from when it was sent and the guy is already online and starts chatting in seconds, be wary.

It's a woman


You know the saying. "Welcome to the internet: Where the men are men, the women are men and the kids are undercover cops". I'm not debating that the internet DOES have women, but lets look at steam's gender infographic:

This is the data I collected from a gender-neutral Steam bot which redirected users to a youtube video. Note that more than 90% of the viewers (and thus clickers) were male. Making a female chatbot thus further increases clickrate and thus bot efficiency, which, remember, is what the hackers want.

Sex Sells


We've all seen them. These bots attempt to entice the user (male or female) with lewd pictures, videos or romantic/erotic chat. This kind is particularly nasty because it's a proven fact that an aroused human's IQ drops alarmingly, thus stinting it's ability to detect a bot. This isn't helped further by the limited amount of language used in erotica and so the amount of factors which aid in detection (emotional confusion, word variance etc..) are minimal because pretty much all known responses are known (thanks to computer friendly keyword-based categorization systems on pornographic websites), thus making the bot more easily programmable to appear 'genuine'. Being asexual (and thus unable to experience the effects first hand) I can't really offer any advice here other than stop being a f**king drooling idiot.

Amnesia


Most bots handle about 200 conversations at once and don't have any concept of continuity between them. If you think someone's a bot, tell them something interesting, wait five seconds, then ask them what the interesting thing was. They're getting smart; don't go for the olde "What's my name.", they're programmed to remeber keywords like 'Name'. Instead, tell it your favorite animal, color or number, ask it about it's favorite animal, color, or number, then ask it what you said yours was. For example:
TheModerator: "My favorite animal is a Sheltie" (note how I avoided common words like 'dog', which it can pick up on. Sheltie is also not a common breed)
PussyDestroyer69: "Ah cool, mine's a horse" (SUSPECT - most humans, when presented with a breed, will respond with a breed, such as "shetland". This one has picked up on the word 'Animal' and responded accordingly)
TheModerator: "Nice. Not a horse fan myself... I prefer... I forgot, what did I say my favorite cat is again?" (A sheltie is not a cat. Most people will pick up on this, or ask what a sheltie is)
PussyDestroyer69: "Ahhhh I dunno. Let's talk about something else" (MOST LIKELY A BOT - I asked a simple question, and it gave up)

Unable to correctly comprehend an individual whom utilizes higher grades of linguistic intellect than the norm

 
Lo, when I deploy language from which most struggle to derive my intent, the immediate distinctive characteristics of a non-human conversational partner become intensely apparent!
Most of you most likely understood what that sentence meant. It means that when I use uncommon words, most people will get a rough idea of what I'm saying, whereas a bot will just throw out some random sentence and from there you can just work with it.

Generic Links

 
  • If it ends in .exe don't click it
  • I don't care if you've known them for like a week, if it ends in .exe, don't click it.
  • FFS if it asks you to enter ANY login details, DON'T DO IT.
  • Even if you've known them for a month. Give it two before opening any external links.
  • WHO THE ACTUAL F**K WOULD ENTER THEIR CARD DETAILS!? EVER!? I'd tell you not to, but frankly, if you do it, you deserve everything you get (which will be 'an empty bank account'), I guarantee you.
  • If they're sending you a picture, make sure it ends with .jpg, .png, .bmp.
  • Files that end with .rar or .zip most likely contain somekind of executable (a file ending in .exe). Feel free to open it, but don't click the .exe. It's a virus. It might not be, but 99% of the time, it IS, and no, this ISN'T the 1% where it's not, EVER.

It will insist it's not a bot

 

The moment you mention the word 'bot', a bot will flip out and insist it's not a bot. A human will too, unfortunately, which is why you should never ask it or even mention the word bot, because whatever it is, the answer will always go along the lines of "lol nope", "Hahaha, no", "What? No I'm not" etc...

What to do when you find one

This one is pretty simple. Report it. Both skype and Steam both have bot-reporting facilities which can be accessed via the Report or Block function. For Skype, right click on the contact name and click 'report'. For Steam, click on the users' profile and click the report button.

It's that simple guys.

Final Word


I'm aware this is a painfully long wall of text, and we've not even scratched the surface. If you have any questions or want someone to be investigated, don't hesitate to hit me up in the comments.
Stay safe and have fun!
- :iconthemoderator: TheModerator
  • Listening to: glitchxcity
  • Reading: Mitutoyo Handbooks
  • Playing: Visual Studio Professional Edition. AI sucks.
  • Eating: Chocolate Orange
  • Drinking: I got a total of 15 various ciders for chrimbo
Not many of you are aware, but I actually have two bows.
I have this classy trusty wooden one:

and I have this cool blue aluminium one:

My question to you guys is: Which looks more badassVote on your favorite on mah poll!.

The reason I ask is recently I have heard the word bad-ass associated with my user. Yes, I know. I would consider that blowing my own trumpet except for the fact that anybodies who's definition of 'Badass' amounts to "an underweight, weak, uncoordinated, gangly gentleman with a normal 9-5 job and mental problems" PROBABLY doesn't actually understand what badass means. Or, they do, and I don't. BACK TO THE POINT I want to know how to make my pictures look MORE BAD-ASS so I can at least live up to this attribution.

Some people asked for background, so here you go:
I got the wooden one when I was 10 and used it for target shooting until I was 14, when I got the blue one as part of a sponsorship.
The blue one has a cacophony of bells and whistles, including a stabilizer, dot sight, stringing tool, magnetic rest and clicker. The wooden one has an arrow rest.
I now use the blue one for target shooting and the wooden one for hunting.
The blue one is more powerful, with a draw strength of ~60lb. The wooden one is less so, with a draw strength of ~40lb.
The wooden one is lighter, with the riser weighing in at about 0.5kg, whereas the blue one weighs in at 1.3kg

I'm also attaching a motherf**king ex-military laser sight to either one of them. Let me know which one you think it should go on in the comments below!
(It looks like this if you need help visualizing it. Yes I attached it to a nerf gun. Shut up it's awesome)



So yeah people! Get voting!
I know approximately who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for badass, I can tell you I don't have the ability. But what I do have are a very particular set of pictures. Pictures I have made over a very short time. Pictures that make me a nightmare for artists like you. If you vote now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will politely request that you vote, for a second time.
  • Listening to: glitchxcity
  • Reading: Mitutoyo Handbooks
  • Playing: Visual Studio Professional Edition. AI sucks.
  • Eating: Chocolate Orange
  • Drinking: I got a total of 15 various ciders for chrimbo
(This journal contains images of human blood - but not open wounds - which some viewers may find distressing. Wusses.)

Good news!


I got my bow back!




Shit news!


I fucked up my fucking hand!




Apologies for the potato image quality. My laptop is pretty much the only camera I can operate right now. My hand is fine, if not somewhat temporarily out of action. Also sorry that I'm not wearing a shirt. Dressing one-handed is deceptively difficult.


That is all. bai for now
  • Listening to: glitchxcity
  • Reading: Mitutoyo Handbooks
  • Playing: Visual Studio Professional Edition. AI sucks.
  • Eating: Chocolate Orange
  • Drinking: I got a total of 15 various ciders for chrimbo

Episode 2: You're still all retards.






Such Romance.


What's the worst that could happen?

AWWWW NOOOO IT HAPPENED :/

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT



If you type like this, I will be under your bed when you go to sleep tonight. That is all


You're right. A bulgy crouch is suspicious...


Well, if you can't take the heat...

This isn't a fail of a comment. This person just has too much spare time:






Wait... What?


I... I dunno how a beard can be a terrorist. Generally, the guy it's attached to will be the terrorist. Either way, I'm now picturing a beard with a stick of dynamite in it.


Well that was a beerilliant story


Think about it guys. Just think about that for a second.

and finally...

No... I think we have other reasons to hate america too.
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Deviantart. Home to the weird, wonderful, and - frankly - sometimes scary. As I was trawling through a DB of your comments, I hit across these nuggets of pure bizzareness:





I have LITERALLY no idea what you're trying to say?


Grammar on the internet is... Well, not good. I appreciate that the majority aren't speaking English as a native language, but really?

Errr? Something to do with a dinosaur? Fotag?

Waffles


For some reason, the DA community is not only able to have a riveting discussion about why waffles are better than pancakes:

Listen, if your life is such that you can actually have this kind of conversation, PLEASE RE-EVALUATE YOUR PRIORITIES
But also seems to think that loss of waffles is worse than death. Which may very well happen if you eat the poison ones:

Yes. Of course. Not waffles because I am onion.

Misguided. Or just plain incorrect.



I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't ever in the bible.


History lessons courtesy of svesamikreteni

Errrrr...




Well. That escalated quickly.


Please for the love of all that is holy... PRIORITIES


Riveting storytelling right here.


Shark. Your knife must be as shark as possible.


thebluefire is definitely on to something here.


You should probably get that checked out, dude...


I may be judging too quickly here, but most modern washing machines don't explode because you overfilled them. 

There are some much better comments to come; I'm just spreading them out in the meantime.
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So, today I received a bit of a blast from the past. I've told a few other people this story before, and they seem to have liked it, so what better time than now to tell the rest of you. It's a bit long, but pull up a chair, grab a beverage, and sit back as TheModerator tells you all about the time he was arrested.


In accordance with the DPA, I've had to cover up the administrative fields.

It dates back to (according to the form) a cold day in December 2011, which is 3 years ago to the day, almost. Which made me just turned 16 (though this form was completed a few weeks after the main incident). I was in my last year at comprehensive school (or, for our international readers, high-school). It wasn't snowing, but I wish it was because this would have made the story just that little bit more epic.

It started with me telling the IT people at school that they'd left the CCTV images exposed to anybody on the school's WiFi or Ethernet connections because the NAS they were using to send the CCTV images to an external contractor for monitoring was not correctly protected by the school's internal NAT. In addition, this also meant that anybody could gain read-only access to the staff accounts, register systems and a bunch of other things. They said "you can't do that", so I went ahead and did it. Turned out when they said 'can't' they meant 'not allowed', not 'not able to'.

The school had been doing a fundraiser for Children In Need, and so, for a measly £1, students - me included - were allowed to wear non-uniform. I wore the only set of jeans that fitted me and a black top with the logo of some climbing club on it or something. Our school wasn't great. In fact, it was one of the worst in the UK (it shall remain nameless here because some of the staff were actually OK and I don't want to taint their record). I'm sure some of you are thinking "My school was worse", but let me clear something up with you: Ours had 24 hour CCTV monitoring by a security company, a 8-ft-high-gated and patrolled perimeter, and a f**king police station INSIDE THE GROUNDS. I mean, all these defenses were a bit crap: The CCTV monitoring could be defeated with a paper cup over the lenses, the gates could be removed with a screwdriver, and the police only actually responded to calls if someone had a weapon (and even then, not during 1200-1300, which was their lunch break). But still. Always as with an area where the teenage pregnancy rate was 30%, the protective measures put in place - whilst extensive - were inadequate. The village had only about 10,000 residents, but the school served a cachement area of about 20 miles, which also meant the large town nearby was included in our intake, bringing the student count to roughly 1500. 1500 of some of the UKs worst behaved, morally-lacking, underdog students.

I was in Spanish class. We were learning about how to talk about different drugs, a topic which our class actually didn't mind because the teacher was alright and new his target audience well. We were discussing the price of heroin in Spanish (which some struggled to remember needed to be exchanged with euros), me, second row from the front, next to the window. It was 5 minutes to lunch and the activity was started as a wind-down exercise, so I wasn't really paying attention. I certainly wasn't expecting what happened next.

Two men knocked on the door and opened it. They were wearing fluorescent jackets and black police uniform. Both had batons and pepper-spray on-the-belt, the first one in the room also had a taser. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence: the government were trialing a scheme in our area to see if they could improve things, which was why the police and other measures were so prevalent. I had assumed they were coming to fetch Brad (who it was rumoured had shanked someone the week before and was surprising he had even attended Spanish in the first place, given that he was horrendously racist). It was odd, however, that they had arrived just before lunch. They also weren't the normal police that was based in the school, because I certainly didn't recognize them. I was too busy working over that that when I heard them say my name, I almost missed it.

I didn't, though, and it certainly surprised me. Not thinking anything but how livid my mum would be if I had to be picked up from the police station, I made a run for it. The room only had one official exit; which the police were obstructing. This didn't include, however, the windows, which had a lock on them which prohibited them being opened more than 30cm. I remember seeing the first policeman jolt forward as he realized my plan, but the room was already crowded with students and tables and chairs, so I'm guessing he made poor progress. At the time I was - again, according to the form - 5ft 10 inches, and just a few grams under 43kg, so fitting through the window made for a good short-term escape plan if only because I was one of the few students who would be able to make it through; grown adult humans would not stand a chance. We were on the ground floor, which I suppose was a bonus.

I do recall two people shouting as I wriggled my way out of the window. The first was one of my classmates, who appeared to be shouting my last name in encouragement. The second was me, and it was something along the cliché lines of "Not today". Because let's face it, when was I ever going to be able to say that again in that context?

Out of the window, I made a few mistakes. The first of these was running for the exit to the school, which was - as I said before - guarded and fenced. I'd tried climbing the fence once before, but it'd been designed to be teenager-proof so it didn't go well, which meant getting out of it relied on finding an open gate, an existing hole, or using a monkey wrench to manually remove the bolts which held the security bolts in place (the latter of which did not occur to me, in my rush). When I reached the main exit, I had to double-back because it had our most intimidating maths teacher guarding it (I say intimidating: he was a real hard-case who we knew from experience wasn't afraid of restraining students who were almost the same size as him.)

I have a feeling that I had lost my head-start during the main-gate escapade. The school grounds were quite big, and there where another 3 exits, one deliveries behind the science block, and 2 at the rear: The PE one (which was used to take students out on to the farmer's fields, not a good choice as it would probably have a PE teacher near it to chase and catch up with me) or the Drama one. The latter was quite secluded behind a set of portable Drama classrooms, wasn't overlooked and wasn't guarded, but to get out you needed to know the 8 digit code - which I didn't - which got typed in to a steel keypad next to it (which would then unlock the gate and open it). But with chances of escape running dry, I ran to it anyway. It was still locked, and I'd never figured out the code. I tried a few times to use the parts of the locking mechanism as a foothold, but they were all designed with curved edges and - with damp school shoes on - I couldn't find any grip and fell off almost instantly each time.

I remember the bell ringing at this point, which meant it had been about 5 minutes since I had started running. It also meant lunch time. Whilst I debated escape via the PE gate which would now definitely be open because people would be returning from PE, I had a second idea: To hide an apple, use an orchid. Therein, to hide a student, use a school. Our lunches weren't staggered or anything like that, so it would mean that - in order to find me - whoever was looking would have to manually wade through a crowd of 13-18 year-olds, looking for the one individual that they wanted. It wouldn't last forever since lunch was only half an hour long, but my reasoning at the time was that I'd have chance to think about what to do next.

I just caught the back-end of the kids coming out of the Drama block, and tried my best to blend in whilst we all headed to the main hang-out area outside the two cafeterias. On my way, walking along the pavement alongside the deliveries road, I noticed an escape route; The various parts of the school were joined up by overhead covered walkways which only the teachers had access to. The science block was three stories high, but it's walkway was on the second floor. A maintenance door was visible on the third floor, which emerged directly out on to the roof of the walkway. By my reckoning, I had assumed that the door would be accessible from the lab technicians room which (whilst locked) the tech would normally open for you if you asked to get something for next period. The walkway which I'd end up on top of ran within a meter of the outer fence, which on the other side was lined with trees, the branches of which extended over the fence and tantalizingly close to the walkway roof.

I separated from the group to try this method; at the end of the day, if I didn't I'd have been arrested, if I failed, I'd have been arrested, and if I succeeded... Well, TBH, I was so caught in the escape plan I hadn't considered the simple fact that they could just pay my house a visit later on. Your mind does crazy things when your surprised.

I'd been maintaining a walking pace in order to blend in (which was harder than it seems), but when I heard a car door slam surprisingly close, instead of running, I turned to look at it. What I saw was a policeman getting out of the passenger side door of his police car, no more than 3 meters directly behind me. They'd seen me and tried to get the jump, but I'd seen them now, and I can remember him pointing at me and shouting "STOP".

As you no doubt have gathered, I grew up in an area where teenage crime was a common occurrence. The people surrounding me had no idea that it was me they were after, and about 5 other people somehow managed to start running before I did. I did my best to keep up, but unfortunately, the kids the people ahead had pushed out of the way ended up under my feet. With more than a few swears, I ended up tumbling head-over-heels, and the last few meters of my failed escape were done on my face.



From there on, it was game over. blah blah blah booked, cuffed, and in the rough. I couldn't check my watch on account of the fact that my hands were behind my back, but the one in the car said that it was 1207; my run had lasted just 12 minutes and I didn't even know why, to start off with. A friend asked me to a smile as they took a photo, and another one tried to climb in the back of the car with me to see if they'd notice (they did). Interesting fact, BTW: In England, the police cars have special molded seats that account for people wearing cuffs behind their backs. Still wasn't comfortable, but it's the thought that counts.

As it was, they only wanted to ask me a few questions about the earlier hacking incident; it turns out that an arrest wasn't actually supposed to be part of the proceedings. But once you run, apparently, they have to book you, regardless. I had the accusations of resisting arrest and obstructing a police investigation dropped on account of the fact I was barely even 16, though as for the hacking ones... Well, that's another tale all together.


You know, most people just have baby photos

Skip forward to the present day, and it looks like some piece of cartilage in admin got their s**t together and actually sent me a copy of the fingerprints they got from me in the follow-up, about 2 years after I'd requested them. I'd have thought that they'd have used them to, I dunno, dust the prints on the PC, but again, it's actually just a formality: anyone and everyone who gets booked gets their prints taken and added to a big database. There's another one showing how big my hand is today vs how big they were all those years ago.

So yeah, there you have it. A flash back to this time three years ago. I can't say it made my life any better (the school kicked me out a few months later, for starters) but I can say it makes for a good story. I hope you enjoyed laughing at my idiocy (I do, retrospectively), and if you did, let me know, 'cause I think I may make a habit of these flashbackstories if people like them enough.

Ta for now.
TheModerator.
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